Chapter 294: Chapter 293.

Chapter 293. End of the First Year. (2/3)

As I’d been held up by Zale outside, most of the seats had already been filled. All of the end seats were taken and I didn’t want to get stuck in the middle. These ceremonies were notorious for turning into saunas. With so many people packed into the gym, the air conditioning did jack shit to keep the place cool.

Since there weren’t any end seats, I chose to lean against the wall and watch from there. If I got tired of standing I’d crouch down.

One might think it was more tiring to stand against the wall for hours, but it was actually much better than sitting in the middle of that human sauna. The wall at the very least remained nice and cool, same with the floor.

The pitiful graduates forced to wear graduation caps would definitely be sweating bricks by the end of this. 

“Why don’t you take a seat? There are still a few available.”

I was a bit startled when someone I hadn’t seen in quite a while asked me that. It was Ms. Gene, my AP biology teacher. Obviously she’d be here as a teacher responsible for third-year courses.

About a week after the Valentine’s Day school dance, she tracked me down, forcefully stabbed a syringe into my arm, and extracted some blood samples. She also took some hair and saliva samples too. It was awful. I hadn’t seen her at all since then. I was a bit scared and jumpy around her because of how she treated me as a lab rat. I’d done my best to repress my memory of it too.

“Is something wrong?” Ms. Gene questioned me when I failed to immediately respond.

“N-No… nothing’s wrong.” I glanced to my side at her and noticed dark bags under Ms. Gene’s eyes. Her current appearance reminded me of the times I pulled consecutive all-nighters in university. Though many of those all-nighters were the result of too much anime, manga, light novels, and web novels. It was a rather unhealthy addiction and I definitely had problems.

“If nothing’s wrong, why not take a seat?”

“I’ll die from heatstroke if I jump into that sauna. The wall and floor are nice and cool.”

“Oh, you must have a good amount of experience to recognize it's a trap to make parents who dump their kids’ problems on us teachers suffer.”

“What? It’s intentional?”

“Of course not, it’s a joke.”

“Uh… should you really be dressed in just a lab coat?” I couldn’t help but ask. She’d dressed the same way for my graduation ceremony too.

“Just a lab coat? Excuse me, this is not just a lab coat, it’s my best lab coat, thank you. It’s the lab coat I have reserved specifically for graduation ceremonies.”

“Haha… right…”

“You just thought I’m a weirdo, didn’t you?”

“Of course I did.”

“What about you? You came in just a sweater of all things. For someone who complained about dying of heatstroke, don’t you think that’s quite the contrary?”

“Just a sweater? Excuse me, this is not just a sweater, this is my best sweater, thank you. It’s the sweater I have reserved specifically for graduation ceremonies.”

“Oh, is that so? Well, my apologies then.” I peeked her way again and noticed a faint, amused smile on Ms. Gene’s face. It was an extremely rare sight to see on this particular woman’s face. 

“So, is there a reason why you’re in this sort of disguise?”

My entire body stiffened up.

“D-Disguise? What do you mean?”

“You seem to be pretty good at changing your voice, but I don’t get along with very many people. There’s only one oddball that looks your age, is the same height as you, and gets so witty with me.”

Well, it seemed my cover had been instantly blown.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about. This is the first time we’ve met, you’re probably just mixing me up with someone else, don’t you think?”

“Would you like me to pull on your hair to see whether I’m mistaken or not?”

I did my best to cover it up by denying it, but it seemed my effort was futile. She looked pretty convinced that she was correct.

“Don’t you think it’s inappropriate to suddenly yank at someone’s hair?”

“Well, if I’m mistaken, I can always apologize after the fact.”

She raised her arm up toward my face. I grabbed her wrist and grumbled, “Aren’t you a bit too unreasonable?”

“Grabbing my wrist to stop me, is that admission of your guilt?”

“Yeah, yeah. Guilty as charged. You got me. You happy now?”

“Yes, my curiosity had been satiated. Now, why are you in disguise?”

“I became infatuated with a pretty teacher. I missed her so much but I was too nervous to see her face to face in my usual appearance so I came in disguise hoping she wouldn’t recognize me.”

“Bullshit. What’s the reason?” She took zero damage and didn’t believe my words at all.

“Haaaah. I’m helping someone out with something and there’s someone I don’t want to recognize me. That’s all.”

“That’s it?”

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“Yeah. Why do you suddenly look so disappointed? What were you expecting to hear me say?”

“I thought it’d be something more interesting. Like maybe you were actually some sort of rare specimen that escaped from an underground facility conducting illegal inhuman experimentation and you’re now hiding from some crazy mad scientists who want to track you down to conduct further research on your genetics.”

Why is that so oddly specific? What sort of strange delusions does this weird teacher have?

“Don’t you think you’ve been reading too many weird stories lately?” Wait… actually… isn’t that pretty damn close to Wisteria’s back story! At least, the whole illegal inhuman experimentation part was.

“It was a joke. Was it not funny?” Ms. Gene tilted her head to one side with her usual expressionless face.

“Is illegal human experimentation something people would usually make jokes about?”

“I think it’s quite the popular joke among those majoring in fields related to biology and medicine.”

“Haha… is it now?” I guess I wouldn’t get it since my field of specialty was engineering and math.

“Yes.”

“Would you like to hear some more popular biologist jokes for reference?”

“No thank you. I have a feeling they’d be grotesque in nature.”

“Then how about one that isn’t grotesque?”

“Well… if it’s not grotesque… then sure.”

“How do you make a hormone?”

“How?”

“Don’t pay her.”

My body trembled. What the hell? That actually wasn’t that bad.

“Sorry Ms. Gene, the only cleavage I want to see is at a cellular level.” I shot back at her with my own stupid joke.

Her facial expression didn’t change, but she raised her hand and covered her mouth. She remained silent for a short moment before she asked, “How do you make your girlfriend scream during sex?”

“Is that something a teacher should be asking a student?” I retorted.

“Call and tell her about it.”

I paused for a solid three seconds and thought about it. When it clicked in my head I stiffened up. It was a joke too inappropriate for this sort of occasion. The inappropriate timing was what made me want to laugh the most though.

“What the hell? That was more of a sex joke than a biology joke.”

“Sex is part of biology.”

“Fair enough I guess. What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?”

“I take offense to this. They’re not sagging if that’s what you’re trying to imply with your boob jokes.”

"If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts."

Ms. Gene closed her eyes, looking as if she’d entered a state of deep thought. A minute later she asked confidently, “What does the receptionist at a sperm bank say as clients leave?”

“How would I know that? I’m not even old enough to donate.”

"Thanks for coming.”

“Kohoh. Kohoh.” I eased my desire to laugh by coughing.

“Ms. Gene… what does the sign on an out-of-business brothel say?”

“I’ve never been to one so I wouldn’t know.”

“Beat it. We're closed.”

“What's long, hard, and full of semen?”

My penis. “There’s no way I can answer that here!”

“A submarine. What else could it possibly be other than that?”

I squeezed my forehead with my left hand and conceded, “I give up. No more jokes.” Judgemental eyes from the crowd seated in front of us had gradually honed in on us. It seemed they’d made out bits and pieces of our little back and forth just now.

“Certainly, I suppose you’re right. We did get a bit carried away there with the jokes.” Ms. Gene nodded in agreement when she opened her eyes and noticed the glares directed toward us. There were definitely uptight dissatisfied parents among the attendees who didn’t think our private jokes were appropriate for the occasion.

The two of us fell into silence. After we shut our mouths, the glares directed at us eventually subsided as everyone lost interest.

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