Chapter 30: Be my Hogarth

“Max, whatever you’re thinking of doing, don’t,” Libby said quietly as she began to back away. “Acting on blind instinct is how you’ve caused so many problems to begin with, okay?”

“Hmm. I don’t know, Libby,” said Max. “I’m thinking about doing a lot of things, right now. I’m feeling some real wild urges. Maybe it is blind instinct, huh?”

Max ran his eyes slowly over their surroundings, clucking his tongue in disapproval as he did so. “I have to say, in all honesty: this is sort of disappointing. Food everywhere, clothes everywhere, windows shut, and curtains drawn…I imagined you as a lot of things, but never a shut-in.”

Libby herself made for an interesting visual. She appeared to be a young woman in either her late teens, or early twenties. Pale, wearing a pair of cutoff shorts and a wrinkled t-shirt. Her hair was long and dark brown with long bangs that obscured her hazel eyes.

“Just take it easy. Be calm and be cool,” she said gently.

“Stop doing that!” Max snapped angrily. “Don’t talk to me like I’m an upset dog. I don’t like being patronized.”

“Whatever you say, Max. You’re in charge here,” she soothed.

“You’re not listening to me,” Max said. “Do you listen to anyone? Or is that just part of being a liber-whatever-the fuck? Thinking you’ve got all the answers?”

“How’d you find me? This place is an entire city! You should have been lost for weeks.”

“Is that supposed to be funny? Libby, you said this place started with one room that became one building that became one block. Obviously, it’s going to be the tallest one, dead center of everything. All the buildings follow a cylindrical pattern, like a snail’s shell, by the way.”

“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Libby said.

“Sit still, Libby,” Max warned. “No sudden moves. We’re having this conversation.”

“You can’t come into my home and tell me what to do,” Libby said, as anger began bleeding into her voice.

“Yes, I can. I’m doing it right now.”

“Fuck you!” Libby yelled. With a sudden, swift motion, she lifted her PC tower and hurled it directly at Max’s face. As he dodged it, she raced for her bedroom and slammed the door shut and managed to lock it, just as he came crashing into it.

“LIBBY!” he yelled furiously, as he slammed himself against the sturdy oak. “Libby, open the fucking door! Libby? Libby OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!”

“Leave here, Max! I don’t want to speak with you!” Libby shouted. “Just take a damn hint!”

“Too late! Libby if you don’t open up, I’m just going to chop my way inside. Don’t make me do Heeeeere’s Johnny! It’s beneath our dignity as adults!”

“I’m not letting you kill me, Max!” Libby said. “It’s not happening! Just leave me alone!”

“I can’t! I won’t! Open the door! I mean it, Libby! Open the goddamn door!”

“GO AWAY MAX!” she screamed.

“FUCK YOU! I’m not going anywhere!” he insisted.

“Max—”

“NO!” He yelled. The door to her room slammed open from the force of his kick. Max entered the room and stared at her ominously. Libby backed away in fear as he stepped closer and closer.

“Putting me through all of this shit,” he growled. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Max, please, don’t—

“Come here, Libby. Come here, come here, come here.”

“Max, NOOO—

He grabbed her roughly.

And drew her into a hug.

“Jesus, Libby, are you okay?” he asked, worriedly. “Are you alright?”

“What?” she asked in confusion. “You come smashing into my home like a psycho and then you ask me that?”

“Fuck, Libby, what was I supposed to do?” he asked her. “You said you wanted to kill yourself.”

“Wha—

“And then I find you hanging out with Keith? I bet he gave you all kinds of tips on how to do it. That fucking jerk.”

“Uhh—”

“Libby. You said I was the bad guy. You said it would have been all my fault. I freaked out, okay? I admit I freaked out. When your best friend starts saying a bunch of heavy shit and then says she wants to end it all? God! That's a lot!"

Max placed his hands on Libby's shoulders and looked at her with pleading eyes. "Can we talk? Can we please talk?”

Libby pushed him away. He didn’t resist and let himself fall into a seated position on the floor while she towered above him.

“I’m not killing myself, stupid! And fuck Keith, who’d ever listen to that bastard’s advice? I’m fine, Max.”

“You’re not fine, you said—

“I know what I said! And you can stop pretending you care! I know you don’t feel anything about anything.”

“Liiiib,” Max said uncomfortably. “I do. I mean, I don’t, but I do. Not for a lot of things. Not for a lot of people. But you’re different. You’ve been with me from the start. You listen to me. You give me advice, and you…care about things. I can’t do that. It’s too hard. But you do.”

“What’s your point, Max?” she asked quietly.

“Well, you came from me, didn’t you? You’re a part of me. If…I don’t know, if you can care, then maybe, so can…I?”

Libby sat down across from Max and tucked her knees under her chin. They both sat staring at each other for a few long minutes, both of them expressionless and equally confused. When the silence became truly unbearable, Max was the first to break it.

“You were right about me. I don’t care about any of them, and I enjoy hurting them. It’s fun. It shouldn’t be, but it is. I know that logically speaking, finding fulfillment in causing pain to other people is absolutely twisted, but here we are.”

“And you’re okay with that?” Libby asked him.

“Ordinarily, I would be. But when you say that I shouldn’t be, and then get genuinely upset over my actions, I feel…less than optimal.”

“You feel shame?”

“Yesssss. I feel that. And I don’t like it. No, I hate it. So, that leaves me with two options. Either I get rid of you…”

Libby held her breath.

“…or I change my behavior.”

"And your choice is...?"

“Libby,” Max said reluctantly. “Libby, I don’t want to be rid of you. But honest to God, if such a being even exists, I can’t change my nature. I can’t be someone I’m not. Whoever that so-called divinity was who locked me in the axe, he knew a killer when he saw one. He called me a tool for whoever uses me. And he was right.”

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“Max,” Libby said. “You don’t have to be a tool. It’s like that cartoon you like so much, The Iron Man—

“The Iron Giant,” he corrected.

“Oh, right. Sorry. They've made so many of those Marvel movies, it’s easy to trip over the titles. Yes, The Iron Giant. Remember the lesson the giant learned at the end of the film?”

“When the army fucks with you, blow them up?”

“No. No, Max. The lesson that Hogarth taught him, remember? The giant learned that he didn’t have to be a gun. He didn’t have to be a useful tool for whoever wanted to wield him. He could make his own choices and do as much good in the world as he liked.”

“Oh,” Max said quietly.

He stared at the floor for a few minutes. Libby said nothing, letting him collect his thoughts.

When he looked up, his expression had changed. He seemed nervous, but hopeful.

“Libby?” he asked her, his face twitching slightly beneath her scrutiny.

“Yes, Max?”

“Will you be my Hogarth?”

__

They now sat at Libby’s kitchen table, drinking tea.

“Max, this is…this is quite the responsibility you’re asking of me.”

“You’re the smartest person I know!” he insisted. “I haven’t got any morality. Don’t know if I can grow any either. I just can’t focus on the little details like that. But you? You’re all about the little details!"

Max took a large sip of his tea before continuing. "Listen, we’ll be the ultimate team! You'll read the situations and give instructions and I'll do my axe thing! Just point me at who needs killing and who needs saving! We can do this, Libby! We can do some actual good in the world!"

He smiled excitedly at the idea and said in an eager voice, "We could be actual heroes!”

Libby had to admit…this wasn’t a bad offer. For so long, she’d been forced to bear mute witness to Max’s actions. She’d chided him, insulted him, questioned him, and often wished desperately that he would choose another path. His deeds had brought her to a place of absolute despair.

But now here he was, as contrite as he was capable of being. He wanted to change. He knew he needed to change. And in his moment of realization and need, he'd turned to her.

What kind of a person would she be if she refused to help? At the very least, she'd be saving a lot of innocent lives.

She nodded to herself; her decision had been made.

“Max, you have to listen to what I say,” Libby said with emphasis.

“When I tell you to stop, you need to stop! And this partnership isn’t going to be all about me bossing you around! It’s going to be about you gradually learning to make the right choices for yourself. I don’t want to be your puppet master, okay? I want to help you become a better, happier person.”

“You will! I know you will!” Max exclaimed. “And I’m going to help you too! No more being left all alone to think such morbid thoughts! No more of this nasty shut-in lifestyle to keep you feeling gloomy and sad!”

“Huh? Max, I’m not a shut-in. This place is illusory. It’s just a reflection of what others—

“You’re a frickin’ hikikomori, Libby. Don't deny it!"

He waved his hand around the messy apartment to emphasize his point.

"This is no way for a young girl to live. You need to get out into the world, feel the ground beneath your feet, smell the pine of the forest and stuff! It'll be life affirming! I refuse to leave you by yourself anymore. See? I’m making good moral choices already!”

“Max, I like how I live. I don’t want to—

“Not happening, kid! Max and Libby versus the world! Max and Libby partners in Justice! Max and Libby, wandering heeeeeeroes!”

“Max, I really don’t see the point of—okay, let go! Let go! Max, that’s a window not an exit, that’s a window, not an exit, Max, Jesus CHRIST, MAX! MAAAAX!”

Max grabbed Libby and lifted her easily into his arms, then took a running leap towards her shuttered window. Libby had just enough time to scream in mindless panic as they smashed through it and plummeted at terminal speed towards the street below.

__

Libby slowly opened her eyes. She felt…strange.

Cold.

She’d never felt cold before.

She didn’t like it.

“Max,” she asked in confusion.

“Heeeeey, partner!” Max said cheerfully.

He held out a hand which she took, and carefully pulled her to her feet. “Welcome to the real world! Or is it? Maybe life is more like an elaborate hologram or something? I don’t know, I suck at philosophy. Either way, welcome to the outside!”

“The outside?” Libby asked slowly.

Then realization began to dawn on her. “I’m outside? I’m outside? I’m in the physical world? I’m breathing in bacteria and virus infested air? I’m standing on the unclean soil of the earth? The same soil that millions of lifeforms piss and defecate on? Bleed, and breed, and spit on? Die and rot on? That soil?”

“Uh huh!”

“Max? Max, what have you done? Max, what have you doneto me?!”

“I grew you a body of your own!” Max said with a huge smile. “Now, we’re really in this together! Congratulations, Libby! Today, your life truly begins!”

Libby said nothing. After all, what could she say? Words wouldn’t fix this. Only action could.

She picked up a heavy stone. It was a hefty one indeed, requiring both of her arms to lift.

“Hey, Max. Come here for a second, okay?”

“Why?” he asked suspiciously.

“Don’t ask questions, silly! We’re partners now, remember? True partners! Now, bow your head to me. Bend deeply at the waist as you do so and leave the back of your skull nice and exposed. Pleeeease?”

“Uh, Libby? This doesn’t feel safe…”

“It’s a trust exercise!” she said with a bright, brittle smile.

It wasn’t a trust exercise.

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