Chapter 253: Cycle 47 (7)

Dear Diary,

I might have to officially change to only writing every other day, or else I’ll keep feeling bad about missing days.

But then, I don’t want to only write every other day. What if something super exciting happens, and I want to write about it, but it’s an off day? Then by the next day I’ll have forgotten about it! Maybe instead of thinking “I need to write every day” I should think “I’ll write whenever I feel like it”.

That sounds more reasonable, yeah.

Anyways, Samantha got here today! That’s pretty much the most interesting thing to have happened in the past… four days. Yep.

She said she had fun on her solo run. I think she’s trying to separate herself from the twins a bit. They spent so long as a hive mind that when they became separate people again they didn’t know how to function. Samuel and Samurai spend most of their time together, and they kinda expect Samantha to join them. I can see how she could have easily lost her sense of self, and needs to figure out who she is.

I kinda wonder what it would be like to be in a hive mind, but it scares me, too. I mean, sharing your thoughts is always dangerous, but being forced to always share all of them? With no way to stop? It sounds freaky.

But then, I didn’t have a twin. I don’t think I had any siblings, so maybe I just don’t understand something. Or something.

I don’t remember having a sibling. But I might be wrong. I haven’t really… thought about it in a while, but there are a lot of details I don’t remember any more. Like, I remember I had a job that involved putting things on shelves. And it had something to do with the color red. But that’s about it. Was it a big store? A little store? Did I work full time or part time? Was I going to college? Who were my friends, what did I do for fun?

I don’t remember. It’s fuzzy. And the more time I spend here, having fun with everyone in the dungeon, the fuzzier things from before the dungeon get.

I don’t know if that’s a bad thing, though. I mean, we’re never going back. That much is clear. I’ll probably never have to stock shelves ever again. Yay? So does it matter if I don’t remember?

I know Lily thinks we should try to remember on principle. They’re our memories, and we should keep them. And I kinda agree with that. But then Avi and Kimi insist that forgetting is a good thing, and we shouldn’t look back. I guess… I guess that’s the difference between someone who had a happy childhood and someone who didn’t. I like my memories. Lily likes hers. We don’t want to lose them.

But Avi and Kimi can’t forget fast enough. I don’t know exactly what they want to forget, although I can guess for both. I can’t blame them for being ok with erasing everything.

I think soonish I’ll have forgotten everything, and it won’t even be worth thinking about. I hope I don’t worry too much about life before the dungeon.

So, to future me: Don’t worry. Life was always pretty ok. Keep being happy.

Goodnight, Dungeon!

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