Chapter 320: Cycle 57 (2)

Dear Diary,

…

I want to write, but words aren't working.

I don't know what I should do.

I… I'm scared.

The Admin…

The Admin doesn't want Avi to go to the next dungeon with us. Because Avi doesn't fight. And… that makes sense.

This place is built on fighting. Everything revolves around killing and dying. Even stupid side-quests sometimes require ending something's life. I can't imagine the next dungeon will be much different.

And Avi's a pacifist.

I…

I don't like killing. I don't like hurting other creatures, not if I can avoid it. But I'll do it. I've done it before. And I know I will do it again. It's something I can do.

I love Avi. Being with him just feels right, it's the happiest I've ever been.

But when the Admin said he shouldn't go on with us… I couldn't argue.

I wanted to, but he had a point.

Avi, as he is now…

He…

He shouldn't

Be

A player.

…

Aya said Samantha should stay instead of Avi, and at the moment I was super grateful. But it's not right.

Samantha would have fun. Avi won't.

We're on Floor 60. I'm in my own room at the inn. I just need to scream or cry or something, and I can't do it around him. Because he'll ask what's wrong, and I don't know what to tell him yet. I don't know…

I don't know.

When we go on to the next dungeon, I don't know if we'll ever see anyone here again. So if Avi goes with us, that could mean that Samuel and Samurai might never see their sister again. But the thought of never seeing Avi again almost makes me physically sick.

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Lilly said he won't be happy in the next dungeon.

And I know that's true.

But

I don't want to leave him.

I can't.

But is it fair to the Sams? To split them up just because I… Because I'm selfish.

I know it isn't.

They should stay together.

Avi can stay here and take care of the velociraptors.

I

I need to be a rational, reasonable adult about this.

It's fine.

It'll be fine.

I can

I can leave my husband behind for

…I have to ask the Admin if we'll ever see this dungeon or the people in it again.

If we do, then it'll just be for a couple… years. That's ok.

And if we don't, then all the more reason to let Samantha go on instead of Avi.

It's for the best.

They should stay together.

Avi won't be happy in a place where he has to kill, so it's the best choice for everyone.

I just have to tell the Admin.

I can do that. Just open a message box and tell him…

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