Chapter 61: Vol 2 Chapter 7: Despair Once More

When I woke up, it was already late in the evening. I could hear the rain pouring outside.

Aw crap, I actually overslept, didn’t I?

Oh well, they’re old enough to be on their own.

I went downstairs, intending to go to the tavern to get some dinner.

Only for me to realize that the rain outside wasn’t just an ordinary rain.

It was a storm.

The wind was roaring, so much so that the whole building was creaking from the force. I could see a couple of leaks here and there—rainwater seeping in through the not-so-well-maintained roof.

Now that I thought about it, it’s pretty odd that a rainstorm like this could occur in the middle of winter. Then again, this region had been pretty warm, with not a single snow falling down, unlike back in the Marjoram Province. Not to mention that it was already pretty close to spring.

The tavern downstairs was mostly empty, with just a couple travelers seeping hot coffee silently on their own tables. I went to the bartender, and asked for the same hot fish soup that I got for lunch, as well as the same cup of coffee like the others.

As I brought the cup to my lips however, I realized something.

The boat! They’re in it and there’s a storm outside!

I nearly bolted out of the room and ran outside. Thankfully, I managed to regain my composure and stopped myself.

“Sir, how long does a storm like this usually last around here?” I asked the bartender.

“Hmm? Well, it lasts from the entire night, boy,” he replied. “But don’t worry. This building is pretty tough, even if it doesn’t look like it.” He gave a little conspiratory wink.

Damn, a whole night? Can they survive that long?

There’s nothing I can do, is there? It’s not like I can stop a storm with my magic. I can only pray that that old man is skilled enough with his little fishing boat to get through this storm safe and sound. 

In the end, the thought made my dinner taste far less pleasant than lunch, and I didn’t manage to return to sleep until even later in the night, as I kept thinking back to those kids.

Heh, guess I really have grown a soft spot for them.

I never cared about anyone else in my old life, especially complete strangers like them. But now…

------

I woke up the second time the next morning. And, just like the bartender said, the storm had stopped in its entirety.

I promptly headed out to the port, hoping to see the ship back. If they were wise, they should’ve decided to cut their losses and return early, since after a storm like that, their ship would probably be in dire need of repairs.

There it is!

I recognized the ship right away once I entered the small port. I rushed there right away.

As I got closer, I found just how terribly damaged the ship looked. There were holes all over the sail and half of the deckhouse was exposed to the elements, as if something heavy had crashed into it, pulverizing the entire left side of the structure. I saw ropes being tied to the mast that weren’t there before. Upon closer inspection, I realized that the whole thing was on the verge of snapping into two, with the tied ropes being the only thing that kept it together.

Shit, it’s that bad, huh?

When I boarded, there were only two people aboard—the captain and his son. The son had his entire upper body exposed—his leather armor being replaced by bandages. The father on the hand was covering his head with his arms, shaking uncontrollably as if he was having a terrible fever. The two of them were sitting side by side on the ship’s deck.

Wait, where are those three?

“O-oh, it’s you…” The father was the first to notice me. “Aah, it’s terrible! It’s so terrible! What did we deserve to suffer this calamity?”

The son then stood up, still as intimidating as ever, even in his wounded state. I noticed the shade of red on those white bandages, telling me that those wounds he received were still fresh.

“W-what happened?” I asked, a clear tinge of terror tainting my voice. “W-where are all the others?”

“A monster,” he replied. “A Sea Lion. It attacked us during the storm.”

“A Sea Lion? Wait, that’s… that’s a B-rank monster, isn’t it?”

I remembered what I’d read in the monster encyclopedia for the region. Sea lions were basically that, lions that lived on the seas. It could swim swiftly like a fish, yet attack like a ferocious lion. It’s an amphibious creature, capable of fighting both on land and at sea.

“Only the two of us survived, and just barely. The rest of the crew, as well as those three—they didn’t make it.”

…

What?

What did he just say?

“They fought bravely. They insisted on fighting even though they knew they were completely outmatched. Only thanks to them that we managed to return at all.”

I looked at him. And then the father. And then back at him again. Before I looked around the empty deck and the half-destroyed deckhouse in a frantic manner.

“One by one they were dragged into the sea by the monster, as well as the rest of the crew. So there is nothing left of them to bury.”

"H-hey…" I croaked, my throat turning dry all of a sudden. "T-this isn't funny, you know."

"These things… they happen to adventurers all the time. You can't be sure that everything will always go as you expect to. In this line of work, death is always lurking in the next corner."

I flew. I punched him straight on the face.

"DON'T SCREW WITH ME, YOU BASTARD!"

He didn't even dodge. He took it like it was nothing, barely even flinching from the blow.

"YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT THEM! YOU’RE A C-RANK, ARE YOU NOT? THEN WHY ARE YOU ALIVE AND THEY’RE DEAD?"

I sent another fist, only for him to catch it mid-air.

"You're naive, kid," he replied, putting down my shaking hand with force. "That's what they signed up for the moment they became an adventurer. Grow up and see that being an adventurer is nothing like in your fantasy books."

There was not a single look of sympathy in those cold eyes of his.

“If there’s anyone to blame, it’s them. They took the quest. They should’ve known the risk. When a storm happens, there’s always a chance that a strong monster would appear, wandering off from the deep sea. That’s the risk any adventurer must take whenever they do an escort quest to the seas like this.”

"Shut up…"

"If they were true adventurers, then they would be able to face death without flinching, no matter how young they might be."

"Shut. Up."

"And they did. They fought proudly to the end."

"SHUT UP, YOU BASTARD! WHAT DO YOU EVEN KNOW ABOUT THEM?"

“Or perhaps you would rather be blamed instead. You were the one who convinced me on taking them along after all.”

I couldn’t stop myself any longer. I blasted him with my Wind spell right on the abdomen, sending him flying backwards, crashing onto the edge of the ship.

“Aaaaaaahhhhhhh!”

I screamed, before I fell down to my knees.

Not again! Not. Again! I punched the wooden floor with both my fists. Tears streamed down my face, making more and more wet spots on said floor.

I must have remained like that for many minutes, punching the floor over and over again until my fists started to bleed. My head didn’t escape injury either as I slammed it down to the floor multiple times as well.

The pain didn’t bother me in the slightest. The pain in my chest was much, much greater.

My mind couldn't take it.Or perhaps it was the concussion I was giving myself.

Whatever it was, it made me lose my consciousness soon after.

---------

"Yay, I did it, Senpai! I can cast Fireball without chanting now!"

"Yes, yes, great job, Lily! I know you can do it!"

...

"I did it! I finally landed a hit!"

"Heh, don't get cocky, Byron! I'm not even using 5% of my full strength, you know!"

…

"Hey, Felt. What's going on? You're staring, you know~"

"S-Senpai? H-how long have you been there?"

"Hehe. You have a crush on Lily, don't you? Just admit it! You can't hide anything from your Senpai, you know!"

"I-is it that obvious? P-please don't tell her!"

"Don't worry! Your secret's safe with me!"

…

You can't save anyone, Big Brother. You're a failure after all.

"Aaahhh!"

I jumped, panting with sweat all over my face.

It was a dream. I was dreaming.

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H-Hanako…

It was her. I saw her right before I woke up.

My little sister in my previous life.

Her cold, disgusted look… her cruel frown… it was all her.

"Ha… ahahahaha!" I started to laugh.

She was right. I am a failure. Not just once, or twice, but thrice as well.

Only after I calmed down that I realized I was no longer in the ship. It was somebody's room, inside somebody's house, and I had been sleeping on their bed.

"Oh you poor child… you poor child!"

An old woman suddenly barged into the room in a rush, slamming the door open in the process. She was most likely in her fifties, with grey hair here and there accompanying the black and light wrinkles decorating her face. She wore a black dress with an apron, a common attire for housewives in this world. She had a terribly pained expression on her face, especially when she looked at me.

"You haven't lost your mind, have you? I heard the laughter and I thought—"

"I'm fine, Ma'am." I forced a smile. "I… just had a nightmare, that's all."

"You poor thing! So young yet you have to lose your friends like that…"

She then explained that she was the wife of the good captain and that he had brought me here after I passed out. As she did,  I noticed that both my hands were bandaged. And my forehead as well.

"Oh, Volk was the one who did that by the way," she said with a smile. "Ah, that boy has such a good heart in him."

"Don’t lie to me!" 

Before I could stop myself, I yelled those words right at the old lady's face.

"He… he doesn't… he doesn't care at all about…"

"Oh, poor child! Poor child!" She leaned forward and gave me a hug. "My son Volk… he suffers as well, even if he might not show it." She then released me and returned back to her seat beside the bed. "That boy… he used to have a little brother. Andy was his name. He would just be around your age… if he's still alive…"

The look of sadness on her face… she wasn't lying.

"He succumbed to illness, you see." She looked up to me—her eyes started to water. "Or rather, he was poisoned by a monster when he got caught in a monster attack at sea when he sailed away with his father. The local priest could heal his wound, but he wasn't skilled enough to draw the poison out of him. We were ready to sell everything we had if we could restore him, but we were too late. The poison claimed him in just a single night. He died in a terrible fever, convulsing in pain until he lost his consciousness entirely. Oh my poor son! He had to see his own little brother die in his arms at such a young age! Why must Providence make him suffer so?"

I looked away. I couldn't say anything.

"Since then, he changed entirely. He became far more stoic. He trained himself day and night just so he could slay monsters. To him, every single one of them is responsible for Andy's death."

"T-then, why didn't he—"

"Because he had promised Andy on his deathbed that he would never shed tears again. So he hardened his heart, and took the world for what it is—a cruel and merciless place."

... She's right.

This world is indeed that—a cruel and merciless place where the strong preys on the weak.

A fantasy world is really just a world like that. We only see it as an exciting place because we can be the hero there—powerful and unbeatable by no other.

And those three… they're just another addition to the long list of victims it had claimed.

Just like Father and Mother.

----------

I left the house soon after. The captain and his son weren't around, as they had gone to the Guild to report the incident.

The old lady asked me where the trio came from, and I answered. The village was in the region, so they could thankfully afford to send a letter of the bad news there.

Nonetheless, I told her that I would pay for the expenses. I also gave her ten silver coins to be delivered inside the letter, as consolation for their families.

Heh, what a joke. Three kids just lost their lives and I could only muster that much. Is that how cheap the price of a human life is in this world?

I was considering going there myself to deliver the letter personally, but I decided against it immediately. I was still a coward, and I couldn’t imagine facing the grief and anger of their fathers and mothers. What would I say to them? Even if I groveled on the ground begging for their forgiveness, it still would nowhere near be enough.

I left the small town soon after, once again with a heavy heart. I simply let my feet take me, as there was now a dark cloud inside my head that wasn’t going away anytime soon.

The old lady told me not to blame myself. But how couldn’t I? I was the one who convinced Volk to take them along. He was already against it from the start.

I suddenly remembered what Sherry said to me many years ago. “You don’t have to take all the burden yourself, Hugo. I’ll share it with you. You’ll protect me and I’ll protect you, alright?”

Would those three say the same thing now? Would their spirits watch over me with annoyance as I blamed myself for everything? Would they prefer me to return to my usual self? Or would they be happy instead, seeing the one who sent them to their deaths suffer like this?

But now, I realized something.

It would be better for me to not be involved with anyone’s affairs ever again.

I seemed to be dragging misfortune with me, and sharing it with anyone that got close to me.

I don’t need anyone after all. I’m already strong enough on my own.

Strong enough indeed.

-----------

The road to Ronia took me another eighteen days to traverse. And I barely remembered the trip there, as I was trudging along like a zombie, not thinking about anything. I walked without thinking, killed monsters without thinking, cooked them without thinking, and slept outside without thinking.

I got no money to get an inn, so I had to camp outside. I gave pretty much everything I got with those twenty silver coins.

In retrospect, I now learned that I could live just fine without doing quests for the Guild. I knew which monsters and wild animals were good enough to be food and I also knew which herbs and mushrooms I could pick.

But, it isn’t really truly living, was it? Being a human isn’t just about surviving until the day you die. You have to have more than that to be happy.

I didn’t care though. I felt as if I’d given up entirely to be happy.

A trash like me doesn’t deserve to be happy anyways.

In that state of mind, I reached the city just before the mountain passage.

------

It was a walled city, situated right beside the twin cliffs that led to the passage that would take you through the mountain range. Oh, by the way, the mountain range was named Blooming Rose, since apparently it was shaped like so if you looked at it on the map. I suppose I could see it, though I felt it’s quite a bit forced to be honest. The mountain range went all the way from the south, dividing the Holy Empire into two halves, and then it circled around the capital, separating said region from the rest of the Empire. Said region was named the Central Region, and apparently, it’s the richest region in the entire empire, or perhaps even the entire continent.

If I were to go there, I would head northwest in the opposite direction, abandoning the mountain passage entirely.

As I entered, I saw a line of stagecoaches and merchant wagons waiting for the guards at the gate to give permission to entry. Like any walled city, it had a large gate that you had to enter if you were going into the city. Unlike the gate at Mira though, this one was a portcullis made out of steel. And of course, the wall itself was just made out of ordinary stone, unlike Mira’s obsidian wall.

I showed my Adventurer Card to the guard, and he let me through immediately. Didn’t even ask for my business or anything.

The city was a busy one, but if I were to compare it to Frastelleren, I suppose it was still less busy than it. According to the book I had bought, the town mainly profited from trade and the mining done in the mountains nearby. Makes sense. It’s a gate to the eastern part of the Empire after all.

Oh right, I need to get some money.

I asked for direction from one of the city guards. He quickly pointed me to where the Guild was. He was young and all smiles, and he seemed to be better suited as a tourist guide than a guard.

“Oh! I almost forgot! Don’t take the east road straight away. Circle around to the central road instead! East road will take you through the slums! It’s dangerous there!” He warned me as I was about to leave.

I did it anyway. If a bunch of guys tried to kidnap or mug me, I’m strong enough to take them on just fine. Or so I thought. Even though more than two weeks had passed since their death, my mind was still in a haze. In retrospect, there was really no good reason for me to take this route.

As expected, the slums were a depressing place, with small, rundown houses messily built with no sense of art or architecture, almost as if they were mushrooms that just popped out of their own, in stark contrast of the rest of the town which were laid down nicely that it was pleasant to the eye.

And of course, seeing how it was the slums, the paved roads were in terrible condition, with many cracked or outright missing stones. I could imagine how difficult it would be for a carriage to traverse it, which was why not a single one of them could be seen taking this route. And that’s ignoring the fact that they could get robbed in the process as well.

As I walked through it, I could see people laying down on the sides of the street, watching me as I passed through them. They were all dressed in what could only be described as rags—dirty clothes with holes all over them. They also had unkempt hair and dead-looking stares that would creep me up, if not for my cloudy mind.

Then, I saw her.

It was a girl, around fifteen or so, being surrounded by a bunch of grown adults wearing rags, with most of them being men. She was blonde; hair tied into two thick braids that went down halfway her torso. She was wearing a black dress that looked like a nun’s outfit, only without the veil. The skirt went down to her knees, followed by a pair of boots and stockings. Combined with the staff she wielded in her hands, it was all too obvious that she must be a cleric of some sort.

...She’s in trouble, isn’t she?

Well, not my problem.

I continued my walk, heading away from where she was.

But in the end, my curiosity won over, and I couldn’t help but to keep glancing at her.

...Oh fine, I’ll help her out.

I’ll just knock those bunch away with my wind spell. It wouldn’t take even a second.

???

Tch, how dare he?! That accursed Dragon decided to interfere!

I was this close in making this imbecile drown completely in despair yet he sends his own pawn to help him!

What are your plan, you false creature?! Do you want to use him to keep your illusionary world?! Your masters are dead! Gone! You're just a foolish, insignificant—

...No, this is fine. There will be more. More chances to make him suffer. More chances to break him.

And then, he will come to me. Willingly. He will be a puppet that wears his own strings.

Only for me to betray him in the end, of course. I cannot have a soul that isn't my own in this world.

For now, I shall wait. And see whether I can play around with my other pawns.

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