Chapter 85: 85

What Raymond handed to her were invitations.

“Let’s not go out today. I’d like to look into a few more things instead.”

Carynne checked the envelopes. They were all from either nobles or from lowlife men who were crazy about gambling. Carynne set aside the bundle of letters and picked up a history book again. She disliked inane conversation.

“It’s convenient to have a fiancé at a time like this. Let’s just write back with the excuse that you’re jealous, Sir Raymond, that’s why I’m not going. Can we do that?”

“Do as you please. Carynne, I’m going to try trusting you.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Yes, it’s a promise. If your mother, Catherine, had the same symptoms as you, then it seems natural to infer that your maternal grandmother might have experienced the same thing.”

“Will you try to love me, too?”

“……”

Raymond was rendered speechless for a moment.

“You’re not going to do it?”

“Um, Carynne.”

It looked like Raymond was a little flustered. Then, as though he didn’t know what to answer, he hesitated and stroked his chin. Even though not a single millimeter of a stubble could be found on his skin, this action made him look like a scholar stroking his beard as he was lost in deep thought.

“On second thought, what is love? What is love for you? What is love for Reverend Dullan?”

“I’m curious about that as well.”

“In fact, maybe it’s a curse… or something else. And honestly, I want to deny your way of thinking—that this entire world is a novel.”

“What’s wrong with thinking like that?”

Carynne’s father had been in awe when he heard that this was a romance novel. That’s what Lord Hare thought.

Right now, Carynne felt a tad nervous. She wondered about the difference between them even here. The only thing that Lord Hare and Raymond had in common was how they had decent faces.

Raymond hesitated for a second, then he replied.

“It’s a bit immature.”

Do you want me to hit you? That immature thought is ruining my life.

When Carynne’s expression crumpled as she thought this, Raymond wrapped an arm around her shoulders to soothe her.

“It’s not that I’m condemning you or anything. But it’s just… that, yeah. I think we have the same line of logic. It’s so absurd that I don’t want to believe it. This world is so absurd that war has broken out. And the fact that you keep dying over and over again—if the only reason this is happening is due to love between a man and a woman, then all I could think is how terrible of a story it is.”

“I suppose.”

“Yes.”

Hearing this was not new to Carynne. She knew because, many times before, he expressed his anger against the injustices of the world.

Some people may romanticize the notion that a person’s life and death could be influenced greatly by a temporary emotion and by lust, but if the period in which these emotions could influence a person’s fate turns into an endless eternity, then it’d become nothing but terrible.

So, Carynne just continued to ask a simple question. Philosophizing was so tiresome.

“Then, do you love me?”

“I’m trying every day.”

“So you don’t?”

“That… Don’t set it in stone like that. It’s just… I’m trying every day, but I don’t know the criteria here, and I don’t know until what point I should go. You don’t know either.”

Carynne flopped down on a sofa. Fine, okay. Let’s fall in love! But despite doing that and agreeing on it with a contract, how would they know? What was Dullan’s criteria? And how long should this love be maintained?

She gritted her teeth.

“May I sit next to you?”

“Sure.”

Raymond sat on the sofa as well. The room fell into a bout of silence, and the two soon felt awkward.

“Hypothetically speaking, if what you’re saying is true, to be honest… I don’t believe that love plays a big part here.”

“Why?”

“As I said last time, only the face is important for me.”

“Yes… That’s the case.”

Looking once at Carynne’s face, Raymond covered his own eyes with a hand and let out a sigh.

“I don’t believe that my love—my feelings—are worth so much.”

“Why do you think so?”

“If that’s truly how it is, then the world is much too bleak.”

“Is that so?”

But that really is the case with you.

Carynne recalled the past when she had sympathized with Raymond. He went to war, and there, he continued to kill people.

“Yes. That’s why if that truly is the case, that’s what I think. If it’s because of my love that you keep dying again and again, then I will love you. Emotions cannot take precedence over death.”

“Thank you for trying.”

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“I’m telling the truth. And, um, yes. It’s true that I thought you’re beautiful from the moment I laid my eyes on you. In all my life, I’ve never seen anyone as beautiful as you. When I saw you smiling, it felt as if your surroundings started to shine as well.”

Raymond’s words were comforting. If you want love, then I will love you. If that’s what’s required of me. But then, neither of them knew how much love it should be. Dullan was the judge. And even while Carynne and Raymond were speaking seriously, the problem here was that they each had a cynical side to them.

“Then isn’t that enough?”

“But what else do you think is needed?”

“Feelings…”

Ah, she was getting jabbed by this as well. Carynne shut herself up. Raymond’s pointed gaze stung. Feelings, huh? For no reason, Carynne turned to look at the hydrangeas.

Should she knock those over?

Would they succeed? Carynne gulped. She wasn’t sure. Raymond already said that he loved her. Of course, they confessed to each other almost every single day, but considering how the confession should fit Dullan’s criteria, neither of them seemed to be hitting the mark.

It’s difficult to quantify emotions. If it’s just about sleeping with him, then should she do it?

With a delinquent gaze, Carynne looked at Raymond’s body up and down.

“Carynne.”

There’s a lot of buttons there, so it’s going to be difficult to take off his clothes. Because she had such thoughts running through her mind, she belatedly responded to Raymond’s call.

“Yes.”

Fortunately, it looked like Raymond didn’t notice what she was thinking. However, he had a serious expression now, and because of this, Carynne straightened out her thoughts.

Raymond pulled out one invitation and showed it to Carynne.

“The others can perhaps be ignored, but this one’s a little hard to refuse. The sender is too high on the ladder.”

“Who is it?”

“His Highness, Crown Prince Gueuze.”

* * *

“I’m very excited about how you’ll be going as well, Miss Carynne.”

“I’m excited about it too, Mother!”

Countess Elva’s daughter, Lady Lianne, rushed to Carynne and hugged her. Then, Carynne lifted Lianne up and sat the girl on her lap.

“Do you like it that much, Lianne? Carynne, you too, right? This is an opportunity that isn’t easy to come by. People wouldn’t normally be able to see him before their debut into society.”

Countess Elva was to accompany Carynne. As she looked at her daughter, who was practically glued to Carynne’s skirt, her eyes twinkled.

Carynne set down her teacup and tickled the child. Lady Lianne laughed and was now out of breath. Carynne and the child played for a while as Countess Elva looked over this way with a happy gaze. Soon, Carynne asked cautiously.

“I’m still young, and I’m worried that I might be a nuisance. Is it truly alright for me to come?”

Carynne had been invited along with Elva. To be more precise, she was invited together with Elva to a gathering that required the countess’ attendance.

The event that Elva and Lianne were going to was a social gathering for a group of young nobles, who were about the age of ten years old, along with their parents. In various ways, be it age or social standing, Carynne was out of place. It was even stranger for her to attend without a direct invitation from the royal family. Truthfully, the fact itself that she was called was not natural.

“I think I’m tired too, like Carynne. Boys are so annoying.”

“Lianne!”

“I really hate them. D’Artagnan is smarter.”

D’Artagnan was the countess’ pet dog. Carynne stroked and comforted Lianne, who was complaining of the pain of socializing from a young age. At this age, girls were more mature than boys. Though no matter how much you try to discipline them, children are children. Even if they were taught restraint and etiquette, there was a limit to that.

“Lianne, don’t cling too much to Carynne. You’re being discourteous.”

“It’s fine, Madam.”

“Okaaay. I’m sorry for being rude, Carynne.”

Even so, Lady Lianne did not whine any more than that and just returned to her own seat calmly, sipping her tea.

Carynne slightly raised her teacup as she thought about a future that would not come. Don’t think deeply. You’ve already made up your mind.

“Crown Prince Gueze’s son, Prince Lewis¹. Will he be attending this week’s gathering?”

While covering her face, Lianne replied.

“Prince Lewis is handsome.”

“This child, goodness… The face isn’t all that important. And you have to behave really well in front of him, okay?”

Hearing Countess’ Elva’s chiding, Lianne pouted.

“I behave well though.”

“Behave even better.”

“I have to, so I will. I’m going to marry His Highness and be part of the Royal Family.”

While laughing and handing her daughter another snack, Countess Elva gave a realistic response that didn’t match the child’s innocent proclamation.

“Marriage is not the most certain answer, Lianne.”

¹ Lewis’ official title is ‘Crown Prince’s Firstborn Son’, but for the sake of brevity, he’ll just be referred to as ‘Prince Lewis’.

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