Chapter 88: 88

“Hey, Donna. Do you remember my mother? What do you think she’ll say if she sees me now?”

“Of course I remember the Madam. She was so beautiful. And I’m sure that she’ll say that Milady looks good. Right now, you look just like the Madam when I met her when I was a child.”

Do you know anything else? Carynne stared at Donna.

“What kind of person was she?”

“I was young back then, so… And I wasn’t working at the mansion just yet.”

“Ah.”

Donna was only one year older than Carynne.

Feeling that it was a waste, Carynne clicked her tongue. No, she shouldn’t raise her expectations. There were more people in high society who knew about her mother anyway.

As she tried to recall the face of Crown Prince Gueuze, Carynne slipped on her shoes.

“But I do remember the Madam going to the village often.”

“Really?”

“She was like an angel. She was very involved with helping the poor, and she was also interested in teaching.”

I did that, too, but it wasn’t quite the answer I was looking for.

Carynne reflected on her past. There was a time when she was under the false impression that good deeds would be the answer. She rebuilt her father’s estate from the ground up, basically robbing herself of her fortune to save those stricken by poverty.

But in the end, that wasn’t the answer either. While she was caring for the children in the slums in the past, she was murdered by a passing vagrant.

What kind of hardships did Catherine undergo? Still, she thought that the world couldn’t possibly have been as tough on Catherine as much as it had been to Carynne. If Catherine had helped the poor, it still wasn’t the answer that could bring death, but purely just her hobby.

“Mother has always been sincere, I see.”

“Yes. Actually, I applied to the mansion as a maid because I was so moved by how beautiful the Madam was. I was happy just seeing her sometimes. And she was so kind.”

“I suppose.”

If you really were kind, why didn’t you give me the answer? Why were you like that only to your own daughter, to Carynne? You had been kind to everyone else despite them being mere ink. The truth is still hidden from me, it’s all so dark and confusing. Why, Mother.

Carynne closed her eyes.

No, let’s not think about it.

“My family and I were able to pay off most of our debts with the money that the Madam gave us. She really was beautiful inside and out.”

But it’s impossible for her to have been beautiful as she died. Carynne recalled what Missus Deere said. Catherine was beautiful, but when she died, she fell ill and died while looking unbearably ugly. Maybe she’d die the same death. Maybe that’s part of the curse, too.

“At least when I die, I wish I can still be pretty.”

“Pardon?”

“Mm, um… Well, I do.”

With somewhat of a cynical smile, Carynne laughed. She could no longer remember her face other than the one she had now. She only had a vague impression that she looked ordinary in the past. Somewhat like Donna. But she couldn’t remember exactly. Her name, too. She had no other identity now other than 「 Carynne 」.

“Don’t say that, Milady.”

“Did you see my mother during her final days?”

“No, I didn’t…”

Donna replied dejectedly. Carynne felt it’s a shame that Donna was about the same age as her. If Missus Deere was the one next to her now, the woman would have been able to tell her more about her mother. She let herself be swept by her annoyance that time. Maybe she killed the woman too soon.

“Regardless, I’m sure that my mother went to heaven. Thank you, Donna. For thinking kindly of my mother.”

If my mother had lived for one hundred years as well, I’m sure she did everything there was that she could do. And yet, in the end, it was a success—she died. How exactly did Mother die? What did she think about during her final moments? Did she go back to her own world? Not in this place, but somewhere far, far away.

Towards Carynne, who felt jealous by herself as she contemplated, Donna gently urged.

“You’ll live for a long, long time, Milady.”

“Thanks.”

“With Sir Raymond, too.”

You think?

Carynne laughed sardonically. If that’s how it’ll go, then she would have done it already before.

Could she find the answer this time?

Carynne waited. She heard footsteps approaching. It’s time for Raymond to come. Then, she heard a knock on the door. She looked at her reflection once more, checking her dress before telling the maid to open the door.

Yet again, it’s time to go out.

“Let’s go, it’s time to leave.”

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It’s time to meet one of her mother’s suitors from the past, this country’s crown prince… Would he be able to give better answers?

Carynne hoped that would be the case.

“Well, in any case, I’m not going to expect too much. I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. Seeing as how my mother didn’t end up with him, I’m sure he won’t give me the right answer. I’ll just go with this mentality. Nothing has happened so far, so I’m sure nothing will happen in the future.”

“You think so?”

While they were on their way to the carriage, Raymond answered Carynne as she was chattering to herself. After seeing Carynne off, he’d be out to kill people again.

She’s saying that she wasn’t going to look forward to it, but her eyes were nonetheless sparkling with excitement. She hoped that her anticipation wouldn’t end up shattering in the end. Raymond thought that she was acting not so different from a child who’d been handed a toy.

“Please go in.”

There was no foothold again this time, but Carynne didn’t have to step on another person. Lifting Carynne to the carriage, Raymond repeated his word of warning.

“Once again, please don’t get close to Crown Prince Gueuze. Always surround yourself with the noblewomen. Don’t wander alone for no reason, it’s dangerous.”

“Am I being sent out to war right now?”

Raymond repeated the same warning again and asked Carynne to promise she’d do it. But when she heard it, she just tapped her shoes slightly as she glared at Raymond from above.

It didn’t seem like he was treating her like a child. But still, Raymond continued speaking without even lifting an eyebrow. Compared to him, she really was acting like a child.

“And I’ve left my will to my lawyer. When it’s time to release my obituary, find him right away.”

“Good grief, Sir Raymond. You absolutely won’t die!”

That would be nice though, actually.

However, Raymond just stopped talking and grinned at the young woman who was so certain that he wouldn’t die. He hoped so, too. After all, he was the male lead who was born to love her. There should be nothing for him to fear because the future was already set in stone.

‘Oh, but how nice would it be if life was that easy.’

Raymond felt dismayed by it. If what she’s saying was true, why were there hardships in his life? Why were there hardships in her life? He’s absolutely not going to die, she said? But Raymond would never go out to war without leaving behind a will.

Thus far, he had experienced countless brushes with death. If he had gone east instead of west. If he had drunk the water in that particular well. If he had not killed the prisoners.

Raymond had to go through a myriad of choices to end up still being alive right now, and yet that’s being considered as a mere accessory to his characterization. If this was a novel made to revolve around her, why did these things have to happen? Why were people still dying on the streets? Why was war still being waged?

The notion that this world was a novel was nothing but arrogance and deceit. It was a childish delusion for her to believe that this world was made for herself.

“Sir Raymond, you’ll be back in three days.”

“Alright.”

“It’s the truth.”

“Yes.”

Nevertheless, whenever he looked into her eyes, seeing the confidence she carried, whenever he gazed upon her expression, seeing how firmly she believed that he would not die, he found himself wanting to believe.

He wanted to think that there would be no sad things in the world, that he would be able to do everything for her. Even if it’s all crazy nonsense.

“You can’t.”

“Yes?”

“I know you want to pat my head, but it took six hours just to style my hair, so you can’t.”

“…Yes.”

Raymond lowered his hand awkwardly. Carynne laughed. She reached forward to hold his collar as she leaned down.

“I’ll pat you instead.”

“…Yes.”

It wasn’t as long as six hours, but he also worried about his own hair for one hour. Carynne didn’t seem to know that not just women put that much effort into their own hair, but also men. Still, she was under the illusion that she had lived for one hundred years, so perhaps as the older one between them, he generously allowed himself to be patted by her.

Carynne stroked Raymond’s hair and smiled proudly. She seemed to like the hair that he styled himself.

“Even so, be careful on your way.”

He wanted to believe.

He wanted to believe her delusion.

However, it was impossible to believe.

Saying nothing in return, Raymond kissed the back of Carynne’s hand.

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