Chapter 129: The Dungeon Problem

The first official use of Taskmaster went more perfectly than I ever could have dreamed.

For hours I watch and guide Sam and Zutiria on their quest to carve out as many living rock monsters as they can find. Meri patiently stays by my side, leaving only to make me some more coffee occasionally and to check on the maids.

Thanks to a combination of powerful sword attacks from Sam, spells,  Staggerstaff blows from Zutiria, as well as a hint of my guidance here and there, the two adventurers manage to bring in quite a haul. It’s been a while since somebody brought down the local Roggeroll population, so they were never long without a new fight.

In total, the two of them slew thirty-two of them, leading to a grand total of 19,200G profits for the day. That’s a lot. A very, very fucking good day indeed. Since the proof of kills trophies were so large and heavy this time around, San and Zutiria went through both burlap sacks that they brought with them. They ended up having to use Returners to send back the load early. 

The sudden activation of the stone magic mechanism startles both kitties, despite being taught how the Return Gate works during their initial Guild tour. I had to go out and explain to them that when they hear a load of monster parts transported in, they need to go and take them to the storage room. Peri and Cherry were more than happy to help sort the large, pretty crystals harvested from the Roggerolls once appropriately taught. They even helped prepare them for mailing, saving me a lot of time down the line.

After deciding to throw in the towel from three or so straight hours of rigorous monster hunting, Sam surprises us by asking Zutiria out on that date I suggested. It’s not like it was a big deal and we all gasped or anything like that. It was casual. Every one of us is all fucking each other in some capacity, after all.

Zutiria agreed happily.

The girls used the Returners one after the other to teleport back home, say hi briefly, change out of their adventuring gear, ask for a little bit of money and head back out. I give them 5,000G out of the Guild vault, and they both kiss me on opposite cheeks before stepping out to have a late afternoon together.

Meri seems more than happy with this arrangement, and over the last few hours, she’s been an adorably clingy secretary. I’m eager to continue our time together. At the same time, I finish up a few remaining pieces of paperwork regarding the day’s quests. Mailing forms, quest completion forms, Guild bank deposit statements... the ride truly never ends, does it?

“Should I go check on the maids, Master?” Meri leans into my shoulder and smiles, eager to be helpful in any way she can make herself. You’d think a young girl like her would do absolutely anything to get away from working in a stuffy old office like this. Still, she takes it in stride because of how sweet she is and because her personality is just naturally helpful, to begin with.

“Yes, tell them to stop, for now, I think. Cherry and Peri have been cleaning for hours now without any breaks.”

The Shield Maiden frowns and looks down at the ground. “Last time I was out there, they still weren’t very far... the Guild is a pretty big building, you know?”

“I’m aware. Cherry and Peri aren’t going to be able to handle it on their own, but if we can just get the entrance hall sorted out, we can renovate it, and then upkeep should be that much easier.”

Meri giggles and looks into my eyes shyly. “You’re always thinking about what comes next, aren’t you...?”

“Of course, my dear Meri. My mind is my greatest strength. It would be a crime for it not always to in motion.”

“T-That’s not true! You have a lot more going on for you than just being smart... and we’ve all seen how bad you can get when you overthink!”

“Perhaps. What do you propose I do to distract myself if it gets to be too much for my poor little mind to bear?” I smile at her in delight as I watch her cheeks flush.

“I-I can think of a few ideas... Master knows that I’m his little stress ball w-whenever he needs me to be.” The meek maiden’s lips quiver as she hangs on her words, yet she manages to say them with a small amount of confidence.

“Mmm. Isn’t that a pretty picture? Go check on the kitties-” I lean over to give her a tender kiss on the lips, much to her happiness. Afterward, I then pull away, going back to work on the documentation laid before me. “And on your way back, bring me that book on the shelf there. The red one, Guild Bylaws vol. 7.”

Meri looks on in disbelief at the gigantic book in question. “M-Master, I’m strong, but I’m not SAM strong...”

“You’ll be fine.”

Meri goes and does as she’s said while I briefly continue my writing. I wanted to check a specific part of the Dungeon laws and limitations. The other day I was thinking about our current situation of being unable to explore the forest dungeon, and I remembered something else. Assuming I’m correct, it wouldn’t solve that specific problem, but if a certain Goddess were willing to use some more miracles in the near future, there might be a potential loophole.

Sure enough, Meri brings me the titanic tome. I spend a good twenty minutes tracking down the specific passage I’m looking for. Yeah, it should be possible by all accounts, assuming I don’t mind the risk of some ‘innocent’ Dewhurstians getting potentially roped into this. Not that there are many innocents in this town, to begin with.

I have to ask Luxy about it, though, and Meri is less than thrilled about the idea of potentially being exposed to one of the Goddess’s angels. It’s essential, though, so Meri agrees after I pressure her a little.

“Lux Ultima. I have a request. Will you please hear me out once more?”

Silence.

I sigh and hang my head. “...Please?”

The same ball of light as before appears a few feet away from my desk. Thankfully she learned not to use any angels this time around.

-You told me to leave, you know. Why should I help you after that, huh?- Snotty as always. Not sure why I expected anything different.

“I-I’m sorry!” Meri bows before the manifestation of Luxy’s will. “Please don’t be mad at him! He was only worried about us... he... um...”

-...Mortal, I don’t believe I addressed you.- Luxy says in a stern voice.

“Can you please drop the whole pretending to act like a Goddess thing and just be casual with me like you were before?”

-Pretending?! I-I wasn’t pretending at all! I AM a proud Goddess!-

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Meri bites her lip and looks away from the ball of light like she wants to say something but is too afraid to speak. I grab her by the shoulder and firmly remind her that it’s alright, and she smiles meekly back at me.

My Shield Maiden is probably very uncomfortable right now.

Meri did reveal the other day that she holds the Goddess accountable to a degree for her mother’s death, even if it’s only through inaction.

But luckily, Meri’s smart enough to know I’m about to ask for a favor and that she can’t risk upsetting our temperamental benefactor, unlike a certain blonde somebody.

“Then please, Goddess... hear him out?” She pleads, clasping her hands together as she smiles softly.

-I’m here, aren’t I? Speak.-

I clear my throat and flip to the first page needed to be “According to addendum 134-b of subsection D, article 11-”

-NOPE, don’t fuckin’ care, miss me with that by the books shit and just say what you fucking want.-

“D-Did she just swear...?” Meri whispers, looking at me with shock and confusion. I don’t know how her family raised her. Still, it’s safe to say that her expectations of what the Goddess should behave and act like are at odds with the reality before her very own eyes.

I give Meri’s head a reassuring pat, trying to comfort her from the depressing realization that her religion is mostly bullshit.

“There’s an emergency measure allowing immediate clearing of dungeons if located within a populated town. I’ll have to file an absurd amount of paperwork every time. Still, if a random building in town were to suddenly morph into a dungeon filled with monsters that threaten to escape into the streets, well. It would certainly be well within my rights as an acting Guild Master to deploy my adventurers and do what’s right.”

“Wow, that would solve a lot of problems...!” Meri’s eyes sparkle with enthusiasm. Then shortly afterward, they change into a look of anxious, compassionate hesitation. “But w-what if monsters DO start leaking out onto the streets...?”

“Would you care?” I ask while taking an incredulous tone.

“I-I’m a Shield Maiden... protecting people is my job, and... um...” She twiddles her thumbs while taking time to think about it.

“Meri. Come on.”

“...D-Don’t make me answer that.” She can’t outright say she thinks the world would be better off with fewer Dewhurstians, but I don’t think she believes it would be the worst thing that could happen, either.

Both of us look back at the glowing ball of light representing Luxy, waiting for her response.

-I might be able to work with that.- Luxy says in a surprisingly agreeable tone. -But I can’t just keep snapping my fingers and giving you everything you ask for, even if I DO owe you a lot of divine intervention in your life. There’s a lot of rules to this whole bet thing. Complicated ancient Gods bullshit, you know how it is.-

“Well, if you can help me, then how can you do it in a way that wouldn’t upset the rules too much?” I’m getting tired of hearing about the rules and restrictions of this bet. I’d ask for a complete list of them, but I think it’s safe to assume that that wouldn’t be allowed either.

-Think about it, smart-ass. I can’t tell you when and where I’ll do it, only that I’ll wait until I see the best chance for it to make it tough and challenging. When I help you, it needs to give you opportunities to improve yourself. You can suggest things, sure, but if I just give out everything you ask for, then the powers that be will make it so I’m unable to help you out at all.-

“B-But you ARE the powers that be!” Meri says.

-Yeah, well, I ain’t the only powers that be. Also, uh... sorry about earlier.- Luxy whispers under her breath.

“W-What...?”

-The... you know... down there?-

“...” Meri blushes and begins sweating profusely out of shame.

-It’s ok, it... it happens to everyone.- Luxy coughs under her breath.

“ANYWAY,” I clear my throat to get the conversation back on track. “As rough as it can be working with you, Lux, I would much rather we avoid that outcome.” The thought is a scary one. Even if I’m committed to bringing down the Demon Lord with my Guild, there’s no way I could do it without Luxy’s ongoing support. It’s a thin tightrope I need to walk to pull this off.

-Yeah, I figured.- Luxy sighs an irritated sigh knowing full well that we’re stuck with each other. -I also haven’t done the whole dungeon in a town thing before. That’s more along the lines of something my sister would do. There’s no telling what kind of shit might happen. Dungeons are weird, you know? They spawn treasure, create monsters out of nowhere, and they have big strong bosses. If I just overlay them onto something that’s already there... things might get weird.-

“Can you do it, though?” I lean over on the desk and cup my chin in my hands.

-Yes.-

I look at Meri for approval, and the shy brunette nods her head.

“Then whenever you see a chance, make things as weird as you fucking have to.”

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