Chapter 137: Vote or Die

The publically humiliated Shield Maiden did not get her do-over, but she came out of her shell after a few minutes of wallowing in her shame.

That’s ok, I’m patient, and she probably needs it. After they realize nothing much else is going to happen, the crowd disperses, some of them heading to the town square just like us.

Meri’s good mood is all but spent, and she now weakly holds my hand, hardly saying much of anything even after we make it to the town square.

Turns out we arrived at a pretty good time. By the looks of things, the mayoral debate is going to be starting soon. Where days ago once stood Abner’s closed casket coffin now stands an elevated platform with five raised podiums, one of which is a little shorter than the rest. I suppose this means only five people in the entire city care enough about politics actually to volunteer for the job?

Behind the podium is a small white tent where I assume the candidates are no doubt waiting for their debut. 

There are a few hundred people here of various races. Much bigger turnout than the funeral, even if I’m not sure it’s any more interesting than it.

Surprisingly I don’t see many familiar faces amongst the crowd, aside from a couple of Dwarves that I remember from the Shatterbrew shop. I’m probably just being paranoid, but this worries me... oh wait, no. Pimpington’s squad of sluts is present near the front row. And he’s nowhere to be seen. Wonderful.

Right as Meri and I begin shuffling off to find some seats, the tent’s front flap opens up, and Niall steps out. Thanks to my eyes, I immediately see him, whereas he has to scan the surroundings to locate me. Inevitably, he does.

“Hey, hey! Look who it is. You came after all!” The annoying former adventurer splits through the crowd without caring for how many people are in his way. “Scuse me, watch it, fatso, vote for Niall!” He says in a desperate frenzy.

Gods, I wish he wouldn’t draw so much attention to us. I was already getting some glares before he did this, and now it’s just that much worse.

“Glad you could make it, kiddo! I-” Niall stops before turning to Meri after seeing her distant expression. “The hell’s up with your girlfriend? She ok?”

“Meri is not home right now,” Meri states plainly.

Niall looks at me, and I shrug. “You heard her.”

“Well... when she gets home, tell her to vote for Niall! A vote for me is a vote for a slightly less dark tomorrow!”

“Nice campaign slogan.”

“Well, I don’t wanna overpromise, do I?” He taps me on the shoulder with his fist, and I feel a small something dig into me. When he pulls it away, I catch a glance.

“You actually still have that old thing?” My eyes focus on the rustic, magic-looking ring slotted onto his ring finger. “I would’ve thought you sold it ages ago...”

Niall raises his ring finger and shows it off. “Nah, c’mon. I don’t need booze THAT badly...” His typically seedy smile is replaced with a warm yet sadly disheveled grin.

Meri snaps out of her depressive episode briefly as she catches sight of the ring. “Oh. Were you married, Mr. Hawkins? It’s a gorgeous ring...” She tilts her head in admiration.

“It’s not a wedding ring.” He laughs and shakes his head. “But it was given to me by someone special, yeah. It’s all I have left of her.”

I suddenly feel a bit bad for insinuating that he would’ve sold it for drinking money. “My apologies, Niall.” Those are some words I never thought I would say, admittedly, but...

The older man looks at me, confused, before laughing. “Not like I ever told you what it was. It’s just a trinket an old gal pal gave me during our adventuring days. Before I wound up in Dewhurst, I mean. It’s not one of those fancy Auto Loader shits, but it summons a weapon for me. Just wearing it for a little bit of good luck, you know?”

“Sure. How’s the competition looking?” I look towards the tent to see if I can catch a glimpse of any of the other candidates.

“You’ll see.” Niall shrugs apathetically. “I should probably be getting back. It’s almost time for this crazy-ass thing to start. Make sure you two listen real close when it’s time for my speech, alright?” His apathy is replaced by his typical smile, and he waves on his way back to the tent.

“Do you think you’ll be voting for him?” Meri asks as soon as we sit down in the back row. Predictably no one wants to sit anywhere near me, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thankful for that.

“Probably. Really depends on who else is running, but I maintain my position that it ultimately doesn’t matter very much who wins this whole thing.”

“I-I suppose you’re right...” Meri meekly agrees, revealing to me the shocking revelation that she’s probably not very political.

After a few more minutes of waiting amongst the anxious crowd, a man steps out of the white tent and heads towards the middle of the raised platform. I’m not sure how he got here before we did, but it’s Raepface again. He holds a microphone in his hand, which to my understanding, is an arcane tech device that amplifies the power of his speaking voice. Using it, he quiets the crowd down.

The intimidating, large thug with RAEP tattooed in big, bold letters across his forehead begins speaking, “My father did the best he could with this shitty ass town, and now it’s someone else's turn. I’d run myself, but I just lost my dad, and I’m kind of in a weird place right now with my life, only just having been acquitted of numerous crimes and released from the Royal dungeons back at Imperalis. I swear, you tattoo RAEP on yourself, and everyone suddenly thinks you’re a serial rapist.” He shrugs. “But that’s not relevant to today’s debates. But if it were, I would ask the new mayor for clemency for any future slanderous charges.”

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The crowd claps at his reasonable request, while Meri looks at me with great confusion. She points at Raepface, and I have no choice but to sign and confirm that yes, he did, in fact, just indirectly admit to his crimes and his intention to continue doing so.

“Anyway, let's not waste any more time on what the moderator of this debate did or did not allegedly do. Let’s bring out the candidates!” Raepface throws out his arms to much applause, and five men all leave the white tent to make their way onto the platform.

Milly the Catboy.

Butcher Bludman.

Niall Hawkins.

Sir Pimpington.

And... that Elf I saw the other who looks like he’s having an overdose, I guess. Is he ok? He’s looking even worse today somehow if that’s possible.

Each candidate takes their place on the podium, and Raepface introduces them, revealing that the Elf’s name is ‘The Crystal Sage’. Right.

“Let’s start off easy,” Raepface walks towards Milly, whose pink ears twitch in excitement even despite how hard the Butcher at the next podium is glaring at him. “I’m going to ask you all the same thing, what platform are you running on? Let’s start with my dear friend, Milly.”

He hands the microphone to Milly, and both Meri and I watch intently.

“Lord Osbourne Gloomcrest has ignored our town for ages, nyaa! Yet still, we have to pay taxes to the fat cats at Dawnstead, allowing them to continue living rich, privileged lives while Dewhurst just keeps getting shittier and shittier! Stop hoarding gold, spend that shit! If I become Mayor, then I’ll either lower taxes or make sure that our taxes are actually used to improve this shitstain town, nyaa!!” The pink-haired Catfolk delivers his passionate speech and slams his furry pink fist down into the podium so hard that it hurts his little paw. As the crowd cheers for him, he shakes the pain off and begins to cry.

“He’s so passionate!” Meri smiles and claps. “He’s got a lot of good ideas, too.”

“The nail that sticks out gets hammered down.” I remind her. It’s good to see Milly doing his thing, though.

“You don’t think he has a chance...?” The cute brunette frowns.

“Not unless the Duke is deposed, there’s no way he’d allow a candidate who wants to increase the Lord’s activity in Dewhurst to become mayor.”

“Oh. Politics are hard...” Meri sighs and rubs her forehead.

Raepface hands the microphone to Bludman, who takes it with emotionless glee. His beady eyes do not leave the direction of Milly, and it seems like he’s giving his speech to the Catfolk boy instead of to the crowd. “Meat. We live in a world of meat. Meatworld...” He pauses to licks his lips. “Everything can be cut, but some things don’t want to be cut. Disgraceful. In a Dewhurst ruled by a proper Meat Mayor, there will be no rules to what can or cannot be cut. Of this, I assure you. The streets will run with meat juice, and all will swim in joyous rapture within oceans of red, together in glorious meat harmony. Thank you for your consideration.”

Thankfully the crowd’s response to this meat manifesto is almost as cold and dead as the Butcher himself, and hardly a clap is given save for a few courtesy ones.

“W-Wow... You guys weren’t exaggerating about him...” Meri stares wide-eyed at the Butcher soaked in blood. “I thought Sam was just like... um... p-playing it up, but he’s... somehow worse than I was imagining...?”

“Right?” I sigh and pat Meri on the head, trying to help focus her. We still have the pimp and the drug addict to get through. If she taps out mentally, now she’ll not be able to hold up against the onslaught of stupidity that is undoubtedly on its way.

Next, the microphone is handed to Niall, and he wipes a few drops of sweat off his forehead with the cuff of his dirty coat sleeve. I’m interested to hear where this goes, admittedly. Even if I’ll always hold a measure of resentment towards him for our personal history, I don’t think Niall is explicitly a terrible person. Just an irresponsible and stupid one who makes bad choices.

He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes, and reopens them with a determination I’ve never before seen him wear.

“Dewhurst used to be a pretty damn swell place.” Niall starts, speaking in a clear and commanding voice. “And it didn’t change just because of the Guild economic crash. It changed because of me.”

The crowd murmurs in response before Niall nods at a random member of the audience. “And it changed because of you. And you. And you.” He keeps nodding at various Dewhurstians. “This town grew lazy because it relied on the Adventurer’s Guild and the economic benefits it brought. I wasn’t around for all of Dewhurst’s heyday, but I was around for enough of it to know that the difference between then and now is night and day. How the fuck do we get back to that point, you might be wondering? It’s simple. Stop blaming the stupid kid who wanted to take over his grandpa’s business, and start blaming yourselves. If we all just focus a little on self-reflection, we can come to terms with how this town needs to pull itself out of the gutter and improve its local economy on its own. Sure, we need a Guild. Most Karnallian towns of this size do... but the real change starts with us. This isn’t a problem that can be solved by submitting a quest. Vote for Niall Hawkins, and I’ll prioritize revitalizing local businesses, improving trade, and yes, improving the local Guild to help it stimulate the economy without becoming reliant on it once more.”

Niall drops the microphone, and the crowd enters a period of silence. No one seems sure how to react at first, except for me. I instantly stand up and stare Niall right in the eyes from across the crowd. He smiles and blushes a bit embarrassedly, and I begin clapping for him.

Despite her recent brush with public humiliation, Meri too stands and joins me with the clapping. It isn’t long before the rest of the Dewhurstians in the town square begin to clap, even his political rivals up on the podium.

Niall isn’t going to win, but he has my vote. That goes without saying.

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