Chapter 149: Stocking Up On Alchemy Supplies

Zutiria leads me to her new favorite shop, Eager Igor’s Quirky Curios. Just as described, it’s a little tent filled to the brim with all sorts of magical curiosities. However, I was not prepared for the gruesome, unholy sight that awaited me within the store.

My Mage warned me well in advance that Igor was ugly and severely deformed, but... Gods, I can barely look in their general direction for even a moment. I feel so abysmal about the reaction I have, even if I genuinely can’t help it.

Igor is very understanding and surprisingly chill about the whole affair, but I’m just embarrassed for myself. Yes, this odd gender-bent hunchback is hideous. That’s not the problem. The problem is my eyes. 

Even with my glasses dulling my sight, I can’t help myself from absorbing the intricate details of every single imperfection on Igor’s skin. It’s far too much for me to handle, and I don’t think I’m all that squeamish, either. Their boils, their pimples, their welts, their cysts, their... ugh. I’m shivering, just trying to describe it. It all adds up to something far worse than the sum of its parts.

“I’m terribly sorry... you don’t deserve this treatment in the slightest. It’s just that... Has Zutiria told you about my eyes? They enhance my vision, more or less. When I look at you, every detail is magnified by at least ten times over...” I pick my words with great caution so as not to offend.

“Yikes, that sounds pretty damn bad... for real, though, don’t sweat it, dude. You’re a lot nicer than most people are about my appearance when it comes down to it, heh. Plus, you got an actual reason for it.” Igor says in an effort to reassure me.

It’s still awkward, but we make small talk while Zutiria does her shopping. Needless to say, when I hear about the castle of Igor’s former master, I’m excited at the prospect of an unclaimed natural dungeon. If it’s just an abandoned castle, then it doesn’t need to be registered as a proper dungeon, meaning there’d be no hassle with the Association involved. It sounds much higher level than the girls can feasibly complete right about now, though.

As for Igor themself, I feel sympathetic. I’d refer her to Opalina, but Zutiria tells me it wouldn’t be much use since she doesn’t use white magic. We supposedly have a white magic specialist on the way to the Guild sometime soon, but... there are many unknown variables there. We’ll have to see how that works out before I plan on any charity work.

I’m not sure if Zutiria has thought of this idea herself, but Igor is homeless, has no stable job outside of selling stolen magical goods, and is already used to working under a Mage. Once their curses are lifted, it might be good for Zutiria to ask Igor to be her live-in assistant.

Two on-site alchemists are better than one... not to mention Igor is already used to not being paid... no, no. I need to distance myself from that line of thinking. It’s dangerous.

“Somethin’ on your mind, big guy?” Igor asks in an inquisitive tone.

“Ah, no. I was just interested in your situation, is all.”

“In what way? I’m pretty much an open book, so don’t be shy.”

“Er. Gender. I’m sorry, I-”

Igor laughs heartily. “No need to be so formal about it. I’m not offended. Shit’s fucking weird as hell to me, too.”

Changing one’s gender is hardly a big deal when magic is at hand, but Igor’s situation is much different than your standard case since it was against their will. “How long have you been a man?”

“Well, actually I...” They stop talking, and I feel a sense of dread hang in the air. “I don’t know. I stopped counting after a while... uh, five years? Maybe ten? How long did I even serve him...? H-How old am I...?!” Igor begins breathing heavily and falls to the floor.

Shit. I just gave the hunchback an anxiety attack.

I close my eyes and weakly offer my hand to help them up, but Igor says, “I’m... I’m alright. I wouldn’t recommend touching me, anyway. Pretty sure some of my curses are contagious.” They take a long, deep breath to steady themself and I can’t help but frown. “You can keep asking questions if you want. I’m good.”

“I was only interested in knowing if you would like to change back after so many years of adjustment if that was an option.”

“Sure. Once I can afford somewhere to live and have a more stable job.” Igor groans. “I never adjusted to... this. I don’t consider myself a boy or a girl right now, really. I’m a hunchback. Anything other than that is kinda just... irrelevant.”

“I suppose that’s a way of looking at it.” I stifle a small laugh, only to be joined by Igor.

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“In case you were wondering, I wasn’t really, uh... cute. Before it happened, I mean. My old Master mistook me for a boy, after all...”

“Don’t worry about that sort of thing. You have no idea what you’ll look like once you change back, after all. A long time has passed, and you’ll be an adult when it happens.”

“I guess so.” The hunchback sighs. “Just don’t got that much to be optimistic about...”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Zutiria finishes up her shopping right as my conversation with the hunchback dies down. She’s rounded up a hefty supply of alchemical doo-dads. A fancy cauldron, a couple of smaller cauldrons, potion bottles, lots of glassware including vials and flasks, pans to replace the ones she stole from the kitchen and more.

“Are you sure this is everything you want?” I ask while scanning over what all she picked up in detail. I’m no alchemist, but the quality seems legitimate to me. I trust my Mage’s judgment.

‘We need to remain on a budget, do we not, Sir? This pile is already 15,000G. That’s not a small number, and we haven’t been bringing in as much since we’ve been focused on training.’ Zutiria reminds me, much to my displeasure.

“We can return to the Guild for more gold if we have to. Remember, we did spend 100,000G less on the maids than we were planning. I wouldn’t mind spoiling you a bit- not to mention we do need a better alchemical lab for you as it is.”

Zutiria lights up at my suggestion and pulls me down by the bowstring on my collar to give me a loving kiss on the lips. ‘Thank you, Sir, you really know how to make a girl feel special. One moment.’

Igor sighs. “Aw geez, you two are so cute. That must be nice... I wish I had a man who’d spoil me like that, too...”

I make the mistake of taking a glance at the deformed speaker, and I lurch forward. “I’m... terribly sorry... please... don’t raise any potential flags while in your current appearance... my pour stomach can’t... handle the thought...”

“Flags?” Igor asks with curiosity.

“Don’t worry about it...” I sigh. Even if they did undo all their curses, I don’t know if I’d be able to look at Igor’s true form without remembering what used to be. I hope that wouldn’t be considered insensitive of me...

Zutiria inevitably comes back with a lot more intricate glassware, utensils, and tools that I won’t even pretend to know what they do. All in all, my Mage brought the total up to a little under 50,000G, which is just lovely. That’s about the maximum price range I was looking to spend. ‘This is just about the bare minimum I need to transform the storage closet into a very, very low-class lab...’

“Well, I’m glad to hear it. I think we’re about ready to check out, Igor.”

“Of course! Thank you kindly! Biggest sale I’ve made yet, you’re really helping me out here... Do you guys want me to bring it on over to the Guild for you?” Igor asks with exaggerated happiness. “You can pay me when I get there. That way, you don’t gotta go get your money and come all the way back out here. I got a small cart I can load it all up in and stop by- same cart I use when hauling new artifacts out of the former Master’s castle.”

“That would certainly save us some time. Do you mind?” The thought came to me that we could use Returners to transport our purchase back home, but that wouldn’t work. Not with this much delicate glassware... Igor’s offer is hugely appreciated in lieu of this.

“Not at all! You two can head home. I’ve seen where the Guild is before. Won’t take me long to deliver it.”

‘Excellent. Thank you very much. Both of you...’ Zutiria smiles warmly. She flutters her pretty lashes at me and extends her hand for me to take.

The two of us leave Igor to pack up our hefty purchase while sneaking off to the nearest empty alleyway so we can use our Returners in safety. We’re eager to get back to the Guild as fast as we can and get a move on with the rest of the day.

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