Chapter 92: 100% Compatibility

I sink back into my rickety seat after successfully calling Luxy out over her recurring rudeness. Continuing with the line of questioning we were discussing, I ask, “How many girls even are there that fit into your strict criteria?”

“More than enough,” The Goddess laughs and points to herself, “Thanks to me! I’ve told you I sculpted your heart myself, didn’t I? Well, I hope you know I meant that literally. You’ve got an infinite capacity to love and be loved back. I mean, just look at yourself! Talk, dark, smart, moody, brooding, and you got a whole lot of baggage, too. Girls love that shit, so you got more 100% match-ups than any other soul in Karnalle!” The way she talks about me reminds me of a braggadocious bard waxing on about their latest song.

“...You’re going to have to clarify that because I’m not sure I follow.”

Luxy lazily sighs at the thought of having to explain herself over again. “I made sure you were hot and that you had a decent personality. What else do you need to know?”

I guess standards are relatively low across the board if that’s all it takes to ensure I have ‘more 100% match-ups than any other soul in Karnalle’. “...Alright, never mind. I think I get the picture. Are you planning on getting me a healer, then?”

“I dunno. Are you planning on asking me nicely for one?” Luxy leans over the table with her hands on her hips, smiling like a brat. “C’mon, I think I’ve earned a prayer or two. Tell me how grateful you are for all the help I’ve given you!”

“Don’t count on it.” Her crude attempt at earning praise falls flat as I laugh in her face, causing her to puff out her cheeks once more in a childish fit of grumpiness. Then, worrisomely, she makes a cheeky face complete with a devilish smile.

“You want a healer, huh? Ok, then. I’ll get you a healer, alright... I’ll get you the best damn healer I can find...!” Luxy’s focus shifts down onto the tablet of light sitting on her lap. Using the tip of her finger, the Goddess scribbles many strange symbols. This seems to narrow down the number of girls displayed on the device.

She magically scrolls through the different portraits until coming across someone that catches her interest. Despite the tablet being somewhat transparent, I can’t see the girl in question all too well. What I can see, however, is that this girl is the only one with a red frame around her portrait. Luxy taps on it as if the picture were a button, causing the display to zoom in on this girl.

Now that the picture is amplified, I can pick up a few details about her through the transparent screen. It’s not of much help. All I can make out is white skin and long, pink hair. The bratty Goddess then starts scrolling downwards once again, reading what looks to be a dossier of sorts located under the girl’s headshot.

“Luxy, perhaps you should let me read that so I know if this girl is what I’m looking for or not-”

“Nah, don’t worry, I got you. She’s super hot, and her tits are fucking huuuuuuge.”

“Yes, well, looks aren’t everything...” Pushing aside my imagination, I shake my head.

Luxy looks at me skeptically. “Almost as big as your Doctor.”

“Dear Gods-” I do a second take at the mental image before snapping out of it. Damn it. She’s distracting me with the promise of tits, and it’s working. Something tells me if I let Luxy do as she wants, then this girl she’s picked out will be nothing but trouble.

Luxy taps on an icon below the dossier, causing a strange voice to ring out of the tablet itself, asking, -WARNING. ARE YOU SURE?-

“Ok, hold on just a moment and let me see the damn tablet-” I try to raise my voice at her, but the Goddess is having none of it and promptly ignores me.

“Ugh, stupid fucking thing. I already clicked yes! Every damn time...” She grumbles, and my panic increases.

“...Clicked?” I ask, my face sinking deeper into my palm.

“Just a God thing that you mortals aren’t ready for yet. Maybe in a few hundred years, you’ll find out for yourself but take it from me. Clicking is pretty dope.”

“Can you perhaps UN-click, or something? Is that an option, Luxy?”

The same voice plays once more, announcing the finality of the situation. -CONFIRMED.-

“There, all done! Your healer is now officially on her way. The app will formally set off a chain of events in motion that’ll send her on the path to becoming an adventurer. Naturally, it’ll also make sure she ends up in Dewhurst. Says this one will take a week or two, not bad timing at all.”

There was a lot to digest in what Luxy just said. For now, I ask more about the healer herself. “Did you just purposefully pick a troublesome individual solely because I refused to offer you a prayer of gratitude? Are you truly such a petty Goddess, Luxy?”

“Yes,” She crosses her arms, smiling. “Yes, I am.”

“Astonishing...” I caress my throbbing temples while exhaling with incredible frustration. “When you say the ‘app’ will send off a chain of events to change her life, what exactly does that mean? You don’t mean that you press a button and ruin a girl’s life just to ensure she lands directly on my dick, do you?”

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Luxy laughs and dismisses the tablet of light with a snap of her fingers, causing it to disappear just as quickly as it appeared. “Nah. It just looks for problems to exacerbate that are already there. Let’s take the chubby- um... Meri, for example. Her Guild Master back in Perlshaw was already irritated at her, so it kinda just cranked it up and made him wanna send her to Dewhurst as a joke. He’s kind of an asshole like that.”

Well, if nothing else, I can sleep easier knowing that my lover’s lives weren’t ruined just because this Goddess decided to play matchmaker and send them a one-way ticket to Dewhurst.

Perhaps more questions need answering, but I am just about at my wit’s end. I need to hurry up and ask for the stamina blessing before my poor brain ceases to function. “That was an enlightening experience, Luxy, but if you’ll recall, I had one other favor to ask for.”

“Yeah, yeah, let’s just get it over with, and I’ll let you know if I can do it or not...”

“You gave me both a magic dick and a harem, yet you’ve neglected to include a magical font of stamina for me to draw from. Please fix this glaring oversight, less I break every bone in my body long before the Demon Lord ever has a chance to do so himself.”

Luxy stares at me in silence for more than a few minutes before finally laughing. “Over the millennia, I’ve heard countless prayers. I’ve granted blessings and boons to the worthy and performed miracles for the sick and dying, but never in all my years as a Goddess has anyone so casually asked if I could help them fuck better.”

“Are you saying you can’t?”

“Of course I can make you fuck better!” Luxy states proudly. “I’ll give you a warning, though... infinite stamina doesn’t mean what you think it means. Your body will be able to keep up, but your mind might be a whole different story...”

“I appreciate the warning, but I’m going to ask for it regardless.”

“Give me the rest of the ambrosia, then.”

I had almost forgotten about serving up beverages to Luxy because of how long we talked about the interface she uses to find lovers for me. “You can have the rest of it after you teleport me home, there’s not much left anyway, and I legitimately don’t know how much longer I can take it here.”

“What, are you growing tired of my company already?” She smirks.

Answering honestly would likely just set her off even more, so I dial my response down. “There’s a lot of information to process, and my mind is working overdrive to keep me sane. I’m sure I haven’t asked all the questions I should have, but I don’t think I can handle any more answers right now...”

“Yeah, that’s pretty normal when you meet your first God. I’ll give you the stamina you want, but you really should give me a prayer of gratitude first. Who knows what might happen if you don’t?”

“Luxy, please...”

She narrows her eyes and raises her hand, snapping her fingers once again. “Be careful what you wish for... I might have messed things up a little down there.” The corner of Luxy’s lip raises, creating a naughty grin. “Feel any different?”

“I felt a small tingle down there, but otherwise, no.”

“Hmmm, you should probably check,” Luxy says while trying to hold back a small laugh. Her smile grows more nefarious by the second. “Just pretend I’m not here. Besides, It’s not like I haven’t seen it, anyway.”

The Goddess’s warnings continue to mount, and with every passing word, my suspicion grows. Under the table, I unbuckle my belt to heed her advice. When I get a full view of my dick, my face goes white as a sheet. “No... no... please... you fucking didn’t, you-”

“Oh my, is something wrong?” The blonde, divine brat asks mockingly. “It’s not my fault if there was a mishap. I gave you two chances to pray to me, after all. I can only do so much work without a proper thank you!” She giggles, causing my anger to boil even more.

My penis looks exactly as it should, which is entirely the problem. This ‘mishap’ of Luxy’s has removed Zutiria’s Rune of Safe Passage, meaning I’ll have to sit through a second magical tattooing session to put it back.

“...You want me to show you just how grateful I am to you, huh? Well, how about I test this new blessing out right now?!” I shout, jumping onto the table and lunging towards Luxy. Anger and embarrassment fuel me as my dick flops out of my pants. Admittedly, I don’t know what I’m trying to accomplish here other than freaking her out, but it only amuses the damnable brat. “You’re gonna fucking wish I had that rune when I get my hands on you, you little-”

“Have fun with your new blessing,” Luxy taunts, sticking her tongue out. Before I reach her, her dove delivers the nearly empty bottle of ambrosia, and she snaps her fingers one last time. This envelops me in a bright, magical light that transports me from heavenly paradise back to the rundown office where I belong.

I fall against my desk and pull myself up with a sigh and hold my head in my hand. While I only had two drinks, I’m still feeling quite buzzed, and I wasn’t lying when I said I had a lot to think about. I’m definitely going to need to take the rest of the day off...

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