Romeo, Romeo… Why Are You A Woman!?

Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Splashdown


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The hot summer sun of Turkey’s Aegean coast felt delightful on Romeo Valenti’s olive skin as he basked along the pool. Taking a break at a warm and sunny resort after the European Tour was just what he needed. Especially as he wasn’t that well known in Turkey yet, so could enjoy some anonymity. Sure, he loved the cheers of the crowds and the cute young women and men lined up for autographs from Canada’s latest popstar heart throb, but everyone needed a break from work sometimes.

Now if only his manager would stop complaining in his ear. He had half a mind to hang up if Rachel didn’t relax a little.

“Why are we on the phone anyway? Shouldn’t you be at the resort too?” Romeo asked, interrupting Rachel’s discussions about the negotiations for releasing the band’s next album when they got back to Toronto.

“The wifi is garbage there,” Rachel replied coldly. 

“The wifi’s bad on purpose. You’re supposed to unplug when you’re here. De-stress,” he said. “We’ve been working like crazy since Vienna.”

“Being disconnected from information is stressful for me,” she muttered. “Also, I had to get away from all the flirtatious men at the resort.”

“Why would you want to do that? Most of the guys here are pretty cute,” he replied. “Speaking of romance, though… I should really get going for my date.”

He stretched, pulling on a button up t-shirt and grabbing his towel to start walking to his room. “Oh, yeah. Look at the time. Cansu’ll be here any minute.”

“Your date today was with Cansu? Oh no. I thought you were going out with Gökçe today, I must have written something wrong in my notes,” Rachel said, a mischievous tone in her voice that he knew meant she was grinning from ear to ear.

“You didn’t,” he asked, realising just what she’d done. 

“Oopsy,” she said, not meaning it in the slightest.

He winced, preparing for the worst as two feminine voices called out from the entrance of the lobby.

Turning, the beautiful young women were still standing in the doorway, giving each other a once over, wondering why the other had called out Romeo’s name.

“Have fu~un,” Rachel said before hanging up.

Romeo glared angrily at his phone for a moment, before turning to the two women with a smile.

“Hello Cansu. Hello Gökçe,” he said, pulling all the charm he could manage. “I think I can provide an explanation.”

Both women turned to him with raised eyebrows.

“So, as you both know, I’m in town for barely more than a week. Which really isn’t much time at all, and, well… you’ve both enjoyed the past few days, right?” he asked.

The girls nodded, before realising the other was nodding and giving one another concerned looks.

“You’re both such lovely and beautiful women as well, that I thought it would be quite unfair of me to only offer my love to one of you while I was here,” he said, before stepping forward and placing an arm around both women’s shoulders. “Now that you’re both introduced, though, maybe we can be more efficient with our limited time together and I take the both of you on dates at once?”

He smiled down at both of them. They seemed confused, initially. Then Cansu’s eye twitched. Followed by Gökçe pushing away from him.

“You two timing—!” she hissed, pointing an angry finger at him. “I have half a mind to—”

“We could not do the same time dating thing and pretend this never happ—urf” Romeo started, only to receive a mop to the face from Cansu.

He wondered for a moment where she’d gotten that when he realised Gökçe had pulled out a pitchfork as well. That was even more confusing than the mop. 

“H-hey, girls, girls there’s no need to get violent,” he said, holding his hands up placatingly as they pointed their armaments towards him. “I can apologise, if that’s what you—gah!”

After Cansu swung the mop again, Romeo decided negotiations were over and made a break for it. 

Running out into the town in flip flops maybe wasn’t the best idea he’d ever had, but the girls had rather firmly cut him off from the lobby. They were both yelling insults at him as they chased him. Or, presumably insults. Most of it was in Turkish, and he’d only really learned to say ‘hello’ and ‘thank you’ for the trip.

Rather than trying to use this as a chance at immersive language learning, and instead focused on running away from them. He was glad he’d kept up his morning jogs as the chase stretched into blocks. He’d ended up losing his flip flops on the way, but they’d just been slowing him down.

The girls were starting to catch up with him, and he was getting rather nervous, when he saw an alleyway and ducked into it. The alley quickly led to a courtyard, and also seemed to be a dead end. There was a large fountain in the middle, though.

A fountain with a few ancient looking columns sticking out of it. The one nearest the shore was in a serious state of crumbling, and was now short enough he could hop up onto it. From that higher point he could jump over to the next shortest ruined column. He then jumped to the half sunken archway in the middle.

He panted as he turned around, looking to see the girls at the edge of the pond.

Pond? Wait. It did look like a pond. It was also surrounded by grass. How had he not noticed… looking out to the walls of the courtyard, he realised they were hazy. The buildings around looked like mirages, and seemed to flow in and out of existing or being replaced with a forest. Wherever he was didn’t seem properly connected to the outside world.

The two women noticed as well, before turning to look at the entrance. That still seemed connected to where they were, and to the outside world. The girls looked at each other, nodded, and ran for the entrance. 

Watching them go, he was left unsure what to do. Did he follow them outside and get beaten to a snot, or stay in this strange… whatever it was?

“Maybe it’s fairies? Is that a thing in Turkey?” he mumbled to himself, taking another quick look around.

“It’s the Spring of Salmakis, actually,” a voice said.

“The wha—” he started to say as he turned to the source, only to find himself looking at a winged person of some sort sitting on the nearest column.

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The surprise made him take a step backwards, away from the strange new arrival. Only, there wasn’t anymore arch in the direction he stepped, and he fell backwards, his heart doing a backflip as he did.

Hitting the water, he felt strange while sinking into the surprisingly clear pond. He floated in confusion for a moment, as his body briefly felt awash with pins and needles, like a foot fallen asleep. The feeling passed as quickly as it had started, though, and he pushed his way up to the surface. 

The odd angelic figure was still standing on the column, looking down at him with a slight smile.

“The Spring of Salmakis. An ancient magical spring, the effects of it are called a curse by many,” the figure said, their voice as androgynous as their face.

“Effects?” Romeo called out, before realising his voice sounded off. Kind of… high pitched?

“All who bathe in it find their figures softened and rendered womanly, for they are left but half a man,” the angelic being said, crouching down on the pillar to get a closer look at him. “Mhm, it seems it was fairly generous with you.”

Romeo also looked down at himself, confused, only to find his unbuttoned shirt was leaving a pair of breasts rather exposed. 

“I… I have… boobs,” he said, floating in the water.

His voice definitely sounded higher pitched.

The spring had turned him into a woman? That was absurd. It was outrageous. It was like something out of a… a… an anime? Actually, like something from a specific anime he remembered some of his bandmates liked.

“So… uh, hot water will fix this, right?” he asked, looking back up at the angelic figure.

They stared at him for a moment, before finally replying. “What.”

“Like in the anime you must have gotten the idea from?” Romeo said.

“An… anime? Do they not teach the classics anymore? Ovid discussed this spring? He got several details on the creation wrong, but surely his account is famous enough that you’ve read it?” the figure asked, before leaning forward and gliding down to the water’s edge.

Romeo pulled himself out of the water, and went to use the towel around his shoulders to dry himself off, before realising it was utterly soaked and useless at this point. “I think the name ‘Ovid’ sounds familiar… though… hmm… maybe it’s just because it sounds like ‘covid’?”

The angelic figure looked disappointed at the lack of familiarity. “I… w-well. Either way, no. Hot water does not affect this. What a bizarre question.”

That news sent a slight shiver down Romeo’s back. Even if he wasn’t sure it would help with the warmth much, he decided to try buttoning up his shirt to see if that might help. “So, uh… is it permanent, then?”

“I can tell you how to reverse it later, once I am satisfied with the humility imparted,” the angelic figure replied.

Romeo stared. “Yeesh. I didn’t know angels were so jerki—”

“I’m NOT an ANGEL!” the being shouted, their wings outstretching to either side of them. “I am Hermaphroditus! An EROTE! Born of Aphrodite and Hermes. Deity of the intersex and marriages, protector of unwed brides!”

Romeo blinked. “Oh… Oh, ancient Greek deity. Gotcha… jerkishness makes se—I mean, it’s an honour to meet you, please don’t curse me any further.”

Hermaphroditus didn’t look impressed with his slip up, but didn’t ask Zeus to call down a lightning bolt to kill him or anything, so Romeo counted that as a win. Instead they just glared.

“Can I ask why I need to learn humility?” Romeo asked.

“Your father’s been a jerk to the rest of us, and, as you’re his favourite son right now, so embarrassing you seemed the best way to get back at him,” Hermaphroditus replied, crossing their arms with a huff.

“My… father? I… listen, I don’t even know who my father is. My mum was at a party and apparently someone slipped something into her drink or… something, because she was out of it enough she swore the guy she slept with turned into a literal ange—wait. Wait,” Romeo said, his brain fitting together a new fact with a very old fact. “He’s one of you Erotes?”

“He’s Cupid,” Hermaphroditus muttered, glaring off to one side. “Mister ‘oh look, I’ve got a holiday celebrated worldwide’… pompous jerk.”

Romeo nodded slowly. His dad was Cupid. The Cupid… wait. wasn’t Cupid a baby?

Apparently he had a lot of research about Greek mythology to do.

Also, looking down again, bras. Giving into a little temptation, he poked his chest. The feeling was odd.

Struck by curiosity about what his face looked like now, he turned around and looked at the calm water of the cursed spring. The face looking back at him was… more or less the same. A bit softer. Definitely a woman’s face. A rather handsome woman, if he was being honest. Which made sense, since he was gorgeous and on the pretty side as a man.

Still, he looked different. His voice was definitely different. Plus, the breasts. Those might take some work to hide.

Oh, and the height change. That was pretty significant. Probably. He didn’t really have a good frame of reference besides his shirt being too big now. 

It all added up to one important question.

“How the heck can I keep up my career like this?” he asked his reflection.



Yep, another very gender story from yours truly. With romantic hijinks inbound.

As always, if you want early access to the chapters I write they are posted for my patrons on patreon.

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