Chapter 32: Chapter 32 – Moving On

//Author Note: I would strongly urge you to read alongside this story. Shared world and setting, with crossovers coming!//

 

“You’re finally going to make up with her, aren’t you?” Anna asks, bringing it up again. “Putting it off isn’t helping anything. Especially with all of us heading to the capital together soon.”

“I’ll talk to her.” The awkwardness with Adeleya has become more of an issue of late. Anna and the others have already noticed it, but it’s just made Adeleya pull away even more. She’s been keeping such a distance from me that I can’t even approach her anymore.

Even when we go out on a mission together, she constantly keeps in conversation with others just to avoid talking with me alone. It hurts, to see her running away, so I’ve given up trying to reach out to her.

“Wait, Anna, how did you get permission to come along with us?”

“Yes, well, I’m not officially coming as a mercenary. I’m just travelling to the capital alongside some mercs that are travelling the same way,” she adjusts her long green cloak, looking down to the ground.

She’s wearing the clothes that she brought from Nyla, and they’re much nicer than what the other elves wear. A long skirt with a separate top, together covering her arms and legs well enough to ensure that she doesn’t tan. Yet, it’s not the dull greys and greens that the other elves expect us to wear.

It’s a bright sunny yellow. The silken folds in the skirt flow with each of her steps, drawing my eyes up to the flowery patterns sewn into her top. Her parents collapse at the sight of her now. I just wish that her mother could accept this happily.

“Have you told your aunt yet?” I ask.

“I have,” Anna says, but her face shows no emotions. Did it go that badly? “It’s going to be a safe trip. We’ll even be bringing Nyla’s niece back with us and she’s not even trained to fight. Theo already told me that I can’t join in if we end up fighting monsters or bandits, I’m just going to be escorted like any other traveller.”

“Ah, sorry. I haven’t been listening very well lately, my head is a bit of a mess. What’s that about Nyla’s niece?”

“Are you sure you haven’t hit your head?” Anna asks, reaching out for my forehead and flushing some magic through me.

“I’m fine,” I say, pulling her hand away. “I’m just distracted. I don’t pay as much attention as I should.”

I shake the dark thoughts from my mind and brush away the little mud that’s found its way onto my cloak. I haven’t trained yet today, otherwise, I’d need a bath before daring to approach Nyla’s shop. The precious materials are easily stained, and not all are easy to clean.

She’s been teaching me how to properly take care of my clothes, and it’s much more of a pain than just running them through the cold waters of a stream. Life is much more complicated out here, past the wolven’s forest.

“What is it that’s between you and Adeleya, anyway? You two used to be like sisters, weren’t you?”

“It’s nothing really. It’s silly.”

Anna wouldn’t understand. She doesn’t talk about romance, she’s not interested in that sort of stuff. It would just be a pain to try and explain everything, especially the fact that it’s all my fault. I’d just rather she not know.

Lothar has been telling me that I shouldn’t be so negative. He’s been much more friendly with me after I confessed to Adeleya, and he listens whenever I need to rant about things. He laughs at me sometimes, but it’s the same as how he laughs at himself. He understands all these feelings that I can’t properly explain.

Anna looks unconvinced with my excuses but doesn’t push the matter any further. I just don’t want her to think badly of me.

There’s a space just inside the door of Nyla’s shop where I can lean my sword and put away my dirty boots. I put on some slippers and head deeper inside.

“You two again?” Nyla asks, poking her head through the door to the backrooms. “I’m afraid that I haven’t had the time to finish your armour modification yet, Anna.”

“I’m not here to rush you,” Anna says bowing her head slightly. “We just came by to ask about your niece.”

“Oh, well there’s not really much I can say about her,” Nyla stares into the distance past the walls closing in around us. “I haven’t seen her since before her fangs grew in. Her mother only writes good things about her, but you can’t say you know someone unless you can spend five minutes complaining about the annoying parts of them.”

Is that a common idea, or is it only something that Nyla has come up with? I know that I can’t complain about Adeleya for five minutes, but what does that mean? That I don’t know her as well as I thought?

For all the feelings I have about her, I can’t say that I understand her all that well.

“I guess that you two are heading to the capital with Theo’s group?” She asks, leaning over her desk. Her ears twitch and her tail slowly sways behind her.

“Of course…” Did she think that I’m not with Theo’s party anymore?

“They’re taking me along with them, too,” Anna quickly adds. “I want to see the capital and gain some experience travelling around the kingdom.”

“That’s nice,” Nyla says, her smile not as wide as usual. “Be careful when you get to the capital. From the letters my sister sends me, it sounds like things are getting much worse there. Stay safe.”

“More bandits?” I ask.

“Criminals, gangs, violent knights, and cults even, all sorts of terrible things,” Nyla says, shaking her head. “I’m glad I came out here away from all of that.”

“Is that why your niece is coming out here?” Anna asks.

“It is,” Nyla chuckles, covering her mouth with her hand. “My sister finally agrees that the monsters out here are less dangerous than the people back in that city. Adeleya nicely offered to escort her back once you are all done with your trip to the capital, and my sister finally accepted the idea.”

“Adeleya…” I shake the feelings loose. If this girl is like Nyla then she could be a good new friend. I can’t keep obsessing over all these negative thoughts and feelings anymore. I have to look at what’s ahead.

“What’s her name?” I ask.

“Olive. I hope you three can get along.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Alice sits us down around her home, the guild is not a safe place for us, not when we’re discussing the shades and the undead. This time, it’s not even my fault.

Crow is perched proudly atop the highest peak of this house, watching for anyone who would try to spy on us. The undead monsters look like the rest of us, we don’t know who could be one of them.

“The capital is dangerous right now,” Alice says, drumming her fingers on the kitchen table. “The crime lords are just as influential as the nobles themselves, and far more likely to have you killed. The perfect environment for a group like this to thrive.”

“We’ll keep our heads down,” Theo says, sitting beside her. “As far we know, they don’t recognise us. We’re just another group of travellers and mercenaries making their way to the city.”

“Hiring researchers won’t make you stand out?” she asks.

“We need to do this,” Nadia insists.

“We’ll approach them quietly,” Lothar cuts in. “We won’t be seen making contact. I’ve heard from a few people that these researchers have issues of their own, they know how to keep a low profile. Even when we leave with them, they’ll be more faceless travellers escorted by a small team of mercs.”

“If everything goes well, that is,” Alice points out.

“If something goes wrong, we adapt,” Theo’s gruff voice brings an end to the topic, but Alice is not done yet.

“Stubborn old bastard. You should be considering retirement, not chasing after conspiracies,” she clutches her hands tight.

“Theo’s still strong,” I say. I’m yet to beat him in a real match, I’ve gotten close when he’s just playing with me, but as soon as he’s serious I can’t find a way to get to him.

“He’s not as strong as you’d think,” Alice says. “Pay closer attention to him, he’s making up for his weaknesses with experience. He’s getting old.”

I still can’t see him as anything other than a tough old bear. They’re no weaker than the younger bears, they’re much more dangerous.

“I still have a few young years left in me yet,” he says, looking between us. “Don’t go thinking I’ll be dropping any time yet.”

“You could focus on lending us your experience with training and investigation, leave the bandits and monster exterminations to the next generation,” Alice glares at him while pressing her hands against the tabletop.

“I can manage both,” he smiles, snorting a short laugh. “Don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten my promise.”

“Quiet about that, that promise is no one else’s business,” She grunts, her cheeks flushing red, rushing on quickly. “Is everyone ready? You’ll be leaving in the morning, so don’t forget anything and please come back in good health.”

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Crow glides on the winds that wash down from the mountains as we head further and further away from familiar lands. The jagged snow-capped mountains look like teeth from this far away, clean and unbloodied.

“What do we do if a monster appears?” Anna asks, holding her shield up as she glares into the shadows of the trees nearest to us.

“Theo will tell us what to do,” I say. “Sometimes we chase them down, sometimes we wait for them to leave, and sometimes we have to run.”

“Don’t leave me behind if we run, okay?” Anna says, sidling closer to me.

“I won’t,” I promise, patting her shoulder. I will not leave anyone behind again.

Adeleya is still ignoring me, and the conversations that we share are all dry and to the point. Everyone is mostly locked in their own thoughts, and it’s not as fun as it used to be.

I clutch the hilt of my sword and walk on, the sun glaring down from overhead.

We walk, we set up camp, sleep, pack up, and we walk again. The days just keep going by, each small village we pass just another in a series of forgettable places. None of them would make for a suitable home.

Dirt roads widen, and the ruts carved into the earth from countless wagons gradually deepen. Stone takes the place of dirt when we reach the first town that can compare to Snowspring.

The deeper into the kingdom we travel the more people share the road with us, and fewer monsters appear nearby. There are still the occasional bandits, according to Theo, but they’ve largely been wiped out by the kingdom’s mercenaries and armies.

As much as I’d expected this trip to be packed with excitement, and the occasional shade attack, the days are instead filled with more walking than talking, and pretty much no fighting at all. No monsters attack, and no bandits are about. The most I can expect of each day is crossing paths with the occasional merchant’s wagon.

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“Are you using strengthening magic?” Anna asks me with a curious note to her voice, and a sweat-stained expression. She’s not holding us back, but she’s the one struggling the most, even with her Titan carrying her bags for her.

“Some.” The walk is exhausting but I can hardly complain.

“Can you use up æther instead of getting tired?”

“No… can people do that?” It sounds awesome, maybe I could learn that magic too.

“No. That would be nice though,” Nadia says, joining us.

“It would…” I say.

This is the length of most of our conversations on the road. Mostly it’s thanks to our shared exhaustion, we barely have enough energy left at the end of the day to prepare food and set up our tents. The morning goes by near as quick and we’re on the road again.

We’re still prepared to fight if we must, but we have to keep up a quick pace. Who knows when the next group of shades will come for Snowspring and Cildr. We have to open the ancient ruins before our enemy can, and we have to be prepared to fight them when they come for us.

It’s like a long race, but we can’t see the people that we’re competing against.

Anna’s titan keeps pace with us, and sometimes I have Crow perch on his head so that he doesn’t have to keep flying. Anna laughed when she noticed rather than getting angry, so I guess that’s a good sign.

More roads, deeper ruts, and wagons loaded heavier.

“Is that the capital?” I ask, staring at the tall walls that surround a city larger than should be possible. Where does all the food come from? The water? Where does everyone’s poop go?

“That’s just another town,” Adeleya says, waving her hand back and forth.

“It’s not ‘just another town.’ This is Pelan, the capital of the Duchy of Pel,” Lothar says, shaking his head at her. “Snowspring is technically ruled over by the duke who runs this place, at least if the local taxman has anything to say on the matter.”

“Still, just another town,” Adeleya insists, shrugging. “So what if some rich noble snob lives there.”

“Please, don’t say that in town,” Lothar pleads, pinching at the side of his head. “You never know who might be a little too cosy with the knights.”

“I’m not an idiot,” she hisses. “Anyway, not like it matters, we’re passing around the place. There’s no point dealing with the guards at the gate, and we don’t need the supplies.”

With only these words, we continue past the most interesting thing we’ve come across so far. Filling the rest of the day with ever more walking as we leave the tall walls behind.

Night comes and we set up camp at the edge of a small, nameless village. A creak runs past us, and there are a few clearings around that glow in the faint moonlight.

Our campfire is burning bright, and dinner is settling in our stomachs, but no one is ready for bed just yet.

Anna is working on Titan, checking on each of his joints using the campfire to illuminate her examinations. I find the flickering of the flames entrancing, and just stare long and hard, as the wood blackens. Crow is watching everything from a branch high above.

“Shouldn’t you do something?” Anna asks. “You said you were going to make up with Adeleya.”

“I…”

I can’t find the words.

There’s never any chance. She doesn’t give me an opportunity to try and talk with her away from everyone else, she’s always running away and leaving me behind, or loudly joining a conversation with the others.

The few times when I could say something or do something, my voice fails me. What do I even say?

‘It hurts that you don’t hug me anymore’?

‘Please look at me’?

None of it sounds right. None of it will make things better.

“I’ll talk to her,” I say, standing up. I reach out for my sword but I can’t find the strength to lift it.

I leave it behind.

Crow helps me in my search for Adeleya. It still hurts to even think of her name, but it isn’t as bad as it was a few weeks ago. I think I get what Lothar was telling me. I’m slowly getting used to this feeling.

I have to fix what I’ve broken.

I want things to be better than this, even if they aren’t what they were before.

She and Lothar both disappeared a while ago, but I can hear them talking just a little away from us. Crow can just barely see them through the trees.

I slowly approach, thoughts and feelings spinning about inside my chest as I try to think through what it is that I need to say.

“Friends…” I whisper. I can’t be her sister. I can’t be her lover. Friendship is the best that we can aim for.

I swallow back the feelings burning through my insides, trying to spew through my mouth. I won’t let them out. Before I can even see her, I can hear their conversation.

“Are you okay with things as they are now?” Lothar asks, more serious than usual.

“Of course it’s not okay!” Adeleya growls. “I do still love her, you know.”

Her words make my heart beat faster, but I remind myself that she’s already rejected me.

“You…”

“Not like that. Not the way she likes me. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about her,” she continues, each word stinging. “At first I was just trying to get the little necromancer attached to me so she wouldn’t try running off or doing anything horrible, but she’s just so honest about everything and it’s… it’s endearing.

“I didn’t even know how to take her confession, I never expected her to… well, like me like that. She’s still a kid. This is just a silly crush, but it would hurt her to put it like that.” Adeleya stares into the flowing waters of the creak. “I don’t know what distance to keep from her anymore.”

“Well the distance you have been keeping isn’t going to make things any better,” Lothar says.

“But pretending that everything is as it was before will her hurt her, too. Won’t it hurt her worse?”

“What do you mean?”

“I need to make it clear to her that I will never feel that way about her. If we go back to what we had… she might get the wrong idea.”

“I get it.” He sighs, “But the way things are now…”

“I know,” She sighs, dipping her head down.

I’m hurting her. Even now she’s thinking about me, trying to do what’s best for me. It hurts, but I’m not the only one hurting.

This is enough.

I’m strong now, I’m not so weak that I’ll let things stay like this with the both of us suffering.

 I step out into the clearing. They look up at me with wide eyes, opening their mouths to find the right words, but I won’t let them speak first.

“Thank you,” I tell Adeleya clearly and firmly.

It hurts.

“Thank you for thinking about me, and thank you for caring about me, but you don’t have to worry anymore. I’m not going to push my feelings on you. I won’t hurt you anymore. I give up. I…

“Thank you, for worrying for me,” I press on. “But I still want to be your friend, even though it hurts sometimes. Please stop trying to think for my sake, my feelings for you are my problem to deal with, so please, just be my friend.”

They’re quiet.

“Syr…,” Adeleya finally says, “Can… is a hug okay?”

I leap into her arms in place of a reply. She’s warm, but it’s not the same anymore. It’s better than the loneliness, but a spark that warmed my heart is gone now and I can’t let it come back.

“I’ll give you two some space,” Lothar says, taking his leave.

“So, friends?” She asks me, her pretty eyes so close to my own, yet now I know there is a wall between us that I cannot cross.

“Friends,” I say, pulling out of the embrace and smiling through my tears.

 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

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