Chapter 39: 39

─ ─ We finished our sandwiches, and then we took our time to enjoy our tea. And afterwards, we went out to the castle town again.

The princess stopped in front of people playing musical instruments on the street, shops selling fragrant goods, and dessert and drink stalls, and asked me to explain what was on offer, to which I responded. It was a very happy time, with lots of chatting.

But while we were doing this, time passed quickly, and the sun was already setting.

“Well, you’ve walked a lot today. Aren’t you tired, Princess?”

“Yes, I think I’ve had a bit too much fun, my legs feel like sticks.”

Smiling with a chuckle, Princess hugged my arms back a little tighter.

I’m afraid that I’ve become accustomed to it. In just one day, it’s starting to feel rather natural. Princess Leia is next to me, looking up at me like this and smiling at me. I think that it has been going on for a long time and will continue as a matter of course… that’s how I feel.

“Well then…”

I was about to say, “Shall we go back to the castle now?”… but I swallowed those words.

…Oh, why? My chest, it hurts so much.

When I was unable to continue, Princess Leia turned to look up at me and smiled gently.

“Gustav-sama, is there a square or something nearby?”

“A square?”

“I just wanted to sit down for a while.”

“Ah, I see. There are public chairs and so on.

As I recall, there is a park near where we are now. Sure enough, after a short walk there was a small park where children could play a little, and we went in and sat down on a bench.

“—”

“—”

There were no children in that small park and no other people. Somehow a quiet moment passed between me and the princess.

..I wonder what it was like the other day. Something, something I have to say…!

I think so, but I can’t come up with anything to talk about. Until a few minutes ago, we had been talking about anything and everything, but now we can’t talk enough.

“Gustav-sama…”

It was Princess Leia who first broke the silence.

“Thank you so much for today. I, for the first time in my life, have been able to walk so freely around the castle town. It was as if I had become a town girl of my own… it really was a very, very enjoyable day.”

“Princess…”

[It was a fun day], you mean… that’s it? But of course. The king’s permission was only granted for one day today, and even though I’m an SS member, it’s highly unusual for a royal castle guard and a princess of the kingdom to go out together. It can’t be helped.

…Unusual, isn’t it? The fact that we can be together like this now… I know. I just happen to be standing near the princess in the position of SS captain for this brief period of time when the Demon King’s army is invading.

I should have known about the original difference in status long ago, but… I’m hopeless. I’m hopeless. I am greatly shaken by a sudden shock, as if I had received a strong body blow unguardedly.

“How was your day, Gustav-sama, did you enjoy it?”

“Ah, yes… Of course I had fun too.”

“Well, well, weren’t you inconvenienced with me next to you?”

“Eh?”

When I unintentionally look towards the princess, she has a very sad or lonely expression on her face.

“No, no, it’s outrageous to say that I was inconvenienced!”

“I’m glad to hear that. I’m glad to hear that… but I’ve relied on you a lot today too. I’m worried that I’ve only added to your burdens, even though Gustav-sama went to the trouble of making this opportunity for me, even losing his own reward.”

“What are you saying, Princess? It’s an opportunity I made for myself because I wanted to do so, you know? Besides, I’m the SS Commander of Princess Leia. You have to be able to rely on me, don’t you?”

“..I guess that’s probably true.”

Princess Leia smiled sadly.

“Gustav-sama, may I ask you one teasing question?”

“Yes?”

“Gustav-sama, would you have gone out with me like today even if you weren’t the SS captain yourself… no, even if I wasn’t in the position of princess of the kingdom?”

“Eh?”

“Would you have accompanied me, as you did today, and enjoyed being jostled by people, feeding each other sandwiches, and taking walks until the sun went down? Blind, with me.”

“..Princess.”

I finally realized when I heard Princess Leia’s anxious tone of voice.

..Isn’t the princess the same as me?

Until now, I had subconsciously… no, it’s a lie. I had been consciously keeping the status difference, and insurmountable barrier, between myself and the Princess. I had consciously put a wall between myself and the Princess.

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[Someday the princess will be out of my reach. It can’t be helped because of the difference in status.]

I told myself that, and I had deluded myself into thinking, that the only reason I could stay by her side was because of my position as SS captain, and that I had no more value to her than that… that I shouldn’t have any.

But when I think about it, the Princess is in the same position as me in that she feels a difference in status. No, rather, she has lived as a princess from birth until now. She must have felt that wall to be much bigger than me. No matter how much friendship and loyalty I was told by people close to me, there must have been many times… when it was built on the basis of the position [of being a princess of the kingdom].

…the first time. First time, that’s what you said, princess. To walk freely in a castle town like this, with someone you know well, together. That’s why she was so happy today and showed a big smile, something she doesn’t usually show.

That should make you feel uneasy. What if such a partner – in other words, what if I was [someone who is only going out with me because I’m a princess]? What if today, while saying with my mouth that I’m having fun, I’m fed up with the fact that she can’t see? It would be sad and… scary to imagine that.

“Gustav-sama…?”

“—”

─ ─ How should I answer that anxious profile…?

[Of course…]

[Sure had fun today.]

[Let’s go out together again.]

With such bland words, will I be able to reassure the princess?

…No, Definitely not. She doesn’t want such words. She is not looking for some kind of reassurance. Then…

I decided to take a deep breath and Spoke.

“…Princess, do you remember what happened after I defeated Barzeph?”

“…What?”

“In the first place, the reason I said I wanted to be the escort with the princess… it was completely my personal desire. I’m the princess’s – no, let’s not. Not the princess. I want to be by the side of the one [ Normal girl] you, that’s why I proposed it.”

“What…”

“I’m not a saint. I’m not a loyal hero who cares about his country. I’m just a normal guy who likes cute, healthy, kind girls… just a guy. I didn’t fight the gargoyles and Barzeph because it was my job. It was because I knew from the bottom of my heart that I didn’t want them to take you away from me. Because I, myself, am happy to be near you, that’s why.”

─ – I speak my inner [true] feelings. I love Princess Leia. That’s why I want to be with her. I want to see her smile. I tell her exactly what I usually think.

I don’t have any motives or calculations when it comes to my feelings of love, do I? I risked my life to fight because I love the princess. I came forward to escort her. I believe that this my true feeling, backed up by the facts, will be conveyed to Princess Leia more deeply and correctly than any words that only stroke the surface.

I say again, firmly and honestly in front of Princess Leia.

“Today, for one day, I really enjoyed myself. So even if you weren’t in the position of princess, I’d want to spend days like today over and over again. Because I… love Princess Leia.”

I say that much, and bam. Princess Leia bent forward, somewhat painfully, holding her chest. And in the corner of her eyes… tears.

“Ehh?”

I lifted my waist in a panic.

“Princess? What’s wrong, are you all right? Are you feeling sick somewhere?”

“No, no. No, I’m not.”

The princess’ cheeks turned bright red, but at the same time she shook her head repeatedly, sadly.

“…I am happy. I’m so happy, Gustav-sama… but I’m so disgusted with myself right now. I can’t forgive myself for asking you a really bullying, unladylike question.”

“…er…”

“Please don’t say anything. Gustav-sama.”

The princess loosely shook her head again.

“[I still want to stay with you] and I just want you to answer me that, but it’s stupid to put the question in a way that you can”t choose otherwise. …Even so, Gustav-sama answered me properly in a way that could not have been more straightforward. You didn’t try to hide your true feelings like I did, you told me everything, and you did it sincerely.”

“Princess…”

“I, I am happy. And at the same time I’m very… sad and painful.”

I couldn’t say anything. I didn’t even know what to say with my mouth open. In the meantime, Princess Leia sniffed and gave me a smile that was clearly forced.

“Sometimes I wish I were a town girl without any ties. Even though I can’t see, I think how happy my life would be if I were surrounded by a kind family, blessed with friends, and if Gustav-sama were there too.”

“…I bet that would be fun.”

“Yes, I’m sure it would. And if it had been… then I could have been free to fall in love.”

The Princess murmured in a whispery little voice, her cheeks flushed red. Perhaps it was not because of the sunset.

...Princess, are you really, really in love with me?

The meaningful words and actions of the Princess towards me that have been directed at me until now. I think that these are not my delusions or convenient interpretations, but are really nothing more than [favouritism towards the opposite sex] towards me, like that…

“──Oi oi oi, the princess of a kingdom and a Guard are having a secret affair in a castle town? It’s the end of the world, isn’t it?”

At that time, we heard a man’s voice we heard somewhere from the side, and me and Princess Leia turned around.

─ ─ Ark the Hero and his group were looking down at us sitting on a bench.

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