Chapter 174: Vol. 3 Chapter 4: Farewell and Sleep

It was mid-morning. Foreign knights from Myra gathered at the front of the palace, them already on their mounts and carriages. At the front and back of the convoy were the Wisterian knights that would be escorting them until they leave the territory. Today was the day that the envoys of Myra be leaving Wisteria.

The foreign princess, Lillie, dined with the Wisterian royal family before gathering at the palace's front doors. Now it was time to say their farewells.

“Thank you for the hospitality, I have enjoyed my stay. I hope to visit once again.”

Lillie bowed her head to the two monarchs.

The king nodded. “Of course, you are free to visit any time. Although it is saddening that not everything came out peacefully.”

“Yes… I will be sure to convey to my home palace what happened to one of your nobles. We must prevent this from happening to ours.”

“Please do.”

Lillie shifted her gaze to the beautiful girl with ever so unique physical traits, Estelia. She gazed back at Lillie with her bright and innocent eyes, which alone made her smile. Lillie found her extremely adorable. And the way she was so timid about her actions, and how gentle she was, gave her the urge to squeeze Estelia’s cheeks and tease her — like how one talks with a baby.

Indeed, Estelia to her was like a baby. So fragile and so adorable. She almost wanted to keep her as her little sister. But that wouldn’t happen until she marry Estelia’s brother.

But to think the Wisterian family was hiding such grandeur of a gem. Even in her homeland, there was no useful information about princess Estelia at all. Almost like she was a ghost. Some knights and some officials were not even aware of her existence.

Lillie had once spoken with the officials and knights that came with her, there she saw how flabbergasted the men were upon seeing such a beautiful young woman. They were unprepared. Even Lillie felt the same, but had only composed herself.

Eleden has shared things about his sister with Lillie, and he did mention she was beautiful. But even that word was an understatement, it almost made Lillie jealous. She imagined that Estelia would be at least as beautiful as her older sister, but how wrong she was.

Not only her appearance, her movements, her actions, her voice, her soft manner of speaking, the way she carried herself — it was almost perfection, so endearing.

And she had heard Estelia was kind as well that the local knights favored her so much.

If Estelia were in Myra, and always show herself to the public, numerous ladies would be both envious and jealous of her. But perhaps that was one of the reasons she was hidden like a valued treasure.

If she were in Myra, Lillie could imagine Estelia being called the “Treasured Saint of the Golden Light.”

“Estelia, it was nice talking with you in the short time we had.”

After the festival, the two of them had opportunities to speak casually, like a pair of friends. Lillie quite enjoyed it, Estelia was pretty accommodating.

“I too enjoyed it, Lillie. I hope we meet again soon. Take care, and stay safe.”

Estelia smiled, her cheeks slightly raising, giving a little puff. Lillie resisted the urge to squeeze Estelia tight, it would be unsightly. And they were not yet that close to be doing that.

Lillie shifted her gaze to Estevan.

He was a light-hearted fellow, and he gave off a casual air that lessens your stiffness. He was very approachable in fact, she might have a higher level of friendly relationship with him than Estelia.

“Estevan, you were a very enjoyable company. Thank you.”

Estevan brightly smiled. “I’m glad you feel that way. I hope to meet you again soon. Perhaps, I might even try visiting Myra in the future.”

“Oh that will be delightful! Feel free to contact me anytime.”

“Great! So… take care out there. Farewell.”

“Farewell.”

Then lastly, Lillie faced Eleden. Her heart warmed as she walked closer.

“The days never felt so short when I’m with you, Eleden my love.”

Eleden slowly reached out for her hand and smiled. “It pains me to part. But I know we’ll be reuniting soon.”

She chuckled. “Indeed, but I will need to speak with my family at length. But I am confident they wouldn’t reject our love for each other.”

Eleden’s parents had no problem with their relationship at all. There was this little sense of liberation here in Wisteria, unlike in Myra. Here, they seemed to be more open.

The men of status in her homeland should have no problem if she and Eleden would marry. There were no drawbacks to it. Although the political side of things might make their plan of marriage longer. But they had expected all that.

“I’ll miss you, Eleden.”

“I will also miss you, Lillie. I will miss you so much.”

Eleden kissed her on the forehead, and she smiled sweetly with a blush. There was just something so special, so warm when the one you love kiss you so gently there. Lillie found it so pleasant and soothing. She resisted the tears that threatened to come out.

Lillie stepped back and once again said goodbye to everyone.

She entered inside her personal carriage, then followed by her knight, Jaiden. Incidentally, the carriage they used this time appeared less luxurious than the one they used coming here, the inside was alright though. The royal carriage they first used was positioned at the center of the convoy.

It was a change suggested by, who would guess, princess Estelia. She brought up the topic during dinner, saying that it would be safer as those who wish Lillie harm would be baited to attack the royal carriage first. If not, they would still need to find out which carriage Lillie was in — putting the enemy into momentary confusion and deliberation.

It was a sound reason, so they used her idea, and had to set aside a little pride just to increase safety.

Lillie looked through the window as her carriage began moving, her gaze directed at Eleden until he was no longer in sight. She felt a little empty.

She took a deep breath and then looked at Jaiden sitting across her.

“Did you enjoy your time here?”

Jaiden looked down for a moment as he searched for the words he wanted to say. “It was alright.”

Lillie felt a little disappointed by his response. She wanted him to at least say ‘it was great’, but she guessed the reason why that was. “I’m sorry, you were stuck to your duty most of the time.”

“It is to be expected of my station, there’s no need to apologize.”

“When we arrive home, I’ll let you have a couple of rest days, do whatever you want.”

“... Very well.”

Lillie smiled, delighted that he took the offer. “So, what do you think of them? Wisteria’s royal family, they’re very kind, right? As expected of my future family.”

There was a little twitch on Jaiden’s brow. “... Yes, I suppose. The monarch couple is actually friendlier than I had expected. Prince Estevan was a decent person. As for the princess, to be honest, she’s an enigma for me.”

“Oh? Are you interested in her?” Lillie smiled, her eyes narrowed, as if she was implying something.

“It’s not like that.”

“Come on, don’t start lying now. I get it, she is pretty charming.”

“Yes she is, but that’s not the point. I couldn’t understand her… I wanted to but… we never had the chance to speak again. It’s as if she was avoiding me.”

Lillie recoiled a bit and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “You spoke? And what did you say?”

“I just relayed my thoughts.”

Lillie palmed her face. “I told you many times, hold your tongue sometimes, learn restraints. Relaying all your honest thoughts will drive people away.”

Lillie could imagine him creeping out Estelia.

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“... M-My apologies.”

He apologized here now, but how would he even recover from that now that Estelia was keeping her distance from him?

“When there’s an opportunity, I will help you with her.”

“Princess, you’re jumping to conclusions. Stop it.”

Lillie turned her head away. “Nope.”

***

I closed the door of the room in time for sleep. I wanted to sleep, but I just don’t want to. You know, like when you are really sleepy, but you’re just not in the mood to close your eyes. Or just can’t sleep.

Ah, insomnia. Was that it?

Hello, darkness my old friend. Been a while.

“Haaaaah…” I heaved a deep sigh.

Finally, Lillie has left. Can’t really act with an envoy still present, thus I had to wait for a few days after the festival ended. As for the festival, it ended up being stale in the end — but that was just me. I was no longer in the mood to enjoy that time.

Such a fucking waste.

The more time progressed, the more things I have to worry about. It just felt weird you know, it’s like the whole world was looking at me and finding ways to fuck me up. It’s fucked! Everything’s fucked up, fuck!

Really ruined a lot of things in the short time I’ve been here in this fucking world. How hard was it to just leave me alone? I didn’t do shit here to deserve this.

Fucking bullshit.

I laid down on my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I wanted to sleep. I want to close my eyes with peace of mind. But it’s hard to drift off.

“Calm down, calm down. Breathe…”

I said to myself, closing my eyes and taking in several deep breaths.

Guess I’ll do my old method of calming down.

Except there was no phone, no mp3 player, no computer, or anything to listen to music from. That made things more difficult to cope with the stress. In the past, how easily I could listen to music to at least have a peace of mind. I just lay down on my bed and pull out my phone and headphones.

I could close my eyes and listen to soft and relaxing music, and I’ll drift off to sleep. But here, there was none of that. There wasn’t even a recording of any music. And it’s hard, harder than I thought it would be.

Furthermore, I have no friends. They’re not here.

I recalled the time when that friend of mine, the one who killed me, took me to a magic show. That was around after I took down a deserter. I was not feeling very nice that time, and he seemed to take notice and asked me to watch a magic show with him.

A smile grew on my lips.

That was such… such an amazing time. Simple yet so comfortable. How nostalgic. And it’s saddening. I could still remember how I clap at the cool magic tricks while eating popcorn. Heh, it was his treat, so everything was nice.

It was a nice time that removed some unpleasant things from my mind.

How I miss him.

How I miss them. My old team.

I shouldn’t dwell on such thoughts, but it’s hard to hold them back. The moment they’re no longer with you, the harder to deny the feelings.

I hugged my pillow, so soft. But it was not enough.

I got up from my bed and walked over to my cabinet, pulling out a wooden case. My liathre.

I took the stringed instrument out and then sat down on the side of the bed. I placed the instrument on my lap and touched the strings. Holding a musical instrument at least calmed a little of my nerves.

Let’s see, I guess I’ll go for something fun.

I began plucking the strings, my head bobbing a little. Nice, giving some energy. Not really in the mood to vocally sing, but this was already fine with me.

As for the song, the lyrics go a little like this:

~But you didn't have to cut me off.

Make out like it never happened.

And that we were nothing.

And I don't even need your love.

But you treat me like a stranger.

And that feels so rough.~

Pretty iconic song, I should say.

The artist made a banger and never came back.

I guess if someone asked who’s the artist, I’ll just respond, he’s just somebody that I used to know…

That’s corny… I’m sorry for that I just… I’m just trying to lighten things up, I need it. But… haaaah, not working.

I stopped playing and thought of another song. After picking one, I began plucking the strings. Sounds echoed.

“~I-I w-walked across an empty land…~” my plucking froze for a moment when I tried to sing.

My throat felt dry, and my voice was raspy right there. I cleared my throat and started again.

“~....I knew the pathway like the back of my hand…~”

I sang softly. A rough start, but was getting there. I closed my eyes as I did so, to get lost in the moment, just so I can get a peace of mind.

“~Oh simple thing, where have you gone…? I'm getting old, and I need something to rely on…. So, tell me when you're gonna let me in…. I'm getting tired, and I need somewhere to begin…~”

I sang, paying no mind to anything else.

It did bring me peace.

But what time did I manage to sleep… it will remain a mystery.

Tearing_Sanctuary

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