Chapter 64: [61 – remember; sinking realization]

When he awoke, he didn’t know where he was.

Blearily, the dark eyes slowly opened, peering at the dimmed skies. It was the sort of light that didn’t feel like night, but as if day was clouded in a delicate veil, preventing the light from shining through properly.

He turned his head from where he laid on the rocky grounds, greeted with rows and rows of broken buildings, shards of shattered rocks and the familiar stench of death.

“You’re awake.”

An indifferent voice said carelessly as the protagonist spun his head to the side. Perched upon a pile of fragments was a cloaked figure, mysterious raven eyes peering at him.

Raphael blinked. He was perceptive and typically aware of his surroundings — decades of battle had drilled it into him — but this person had gone unnoticed. Quiet and watching, like a shadow blending in with shade but always existing.

He propped himself up by the elbows, stretching his arm into the air before sitting upright. To the robed man’s confusion, his mind was clear and expression calm.

In fact, he even offered a smile.

“You’re the one who helped me, weren’t you?”

There was a hint of dislike in the voice. “You interrupted my sleep. Again.”

Again?

So this was a person he knew, concluded Raphael. Somebody he knew fairly well, if this seemingly uncaring person would save him regardless of the disinterest that clouded their tone.

Raphael’s lip quirked. “And yet you helped me anyway?”

“.....” They paused, and Raphael thought he could almost see the scowl even hidden under the shadows. “It was so you could leave my area sooner.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Raphael’s gaze was piercing, seeming to dig through souls as if the other was laid bare before him. The figure shifted their gaze, adjusting their position into a more comfortable one.

“You’re fine now?” asked the person, moving until a glimpse of a hand was seen.

The protagonist thought vaguely, that the hand was inexplicably pretty. From the glimpse of hard-earned scars that ran along the edges, covered in dirt and grim, likely from the world’s situations, he found it lovely.

A strange thing to think, but he thought it anyway. Perhaps his eyes were drawn because the rest of this person was disguised, that a single whisper of appearance would have a more startling impact.

Not to mention the irritating familiarity that had bugged him since he opened his eyes.

“I’m fine, yeah.”

“Then leave.” The tone left no room for argument.

But of course, that only made him want to argue harder. “I don’t really feel like leaving, though? Not to mention, I think my injury hurts.”

The figure stood up, approaching him carefully at his words and Raphael blinked in surprise before allowing them to do so. His body was raked over by those curious black eyes, and upon seeing no injury, the other frowned.

Raphael could make out the expression a little more now.

“Ridiculous.”

The other smiled lazily. ¨It's obviously under my clothes. Do you want to see?¨

The dark eyes squint at Raphael with evident disgust. “You are like…”

“Like?”

“...a hippo.” finished the cloaked man confidently, and he too, kindly decided to explain the reason. “Cute and round on the outside, viscous and dangerous on the inside.”

Raphael had a strong sense of déjà vu. “Are you calling me fat?”

“I’m calling you curvy.”

“.....”

The protagonist rubbed his temples and felt a familiar headache coming up. At this point, it was undeniable who the identity of this person was. The infuriating manner of speaking, the smooth yet chilling voice, even the way the person carried himself.

Raphael had spent so long observing that suspicious little prince, how could he mistake him?

Only, there was something very different. This world, and his appearance. Everything. But this whole time, Raphael always had an inkling. That the foolish prince was somebody he had known long ago.

“Can you take off your hood?” The question escaped his lips without thinking.

The cold eyes peered at him cautiously, leaning forward.. “No— “ Then they scanned Raphael’s expression, full of curious longing and hopeful confusion. This person really displayed their emotions so clearly. “...Why?”

“I’m a little curious about something, you see.” Calloused fingers move forward, grazing the edges of the hood. “Why am I seeing you in this illusion?”

“What?”

“And why is your existence so strong that it destroys any of my other suffocating memories in this space?’

His hands stopped, wrapping around the cloth before the other could react, swiftly tugging it down. Black tangles of hair fluttered in the breeze as wide raven eyes stare back at him, utterly mesmerizing.

Melancholic, even in their deep obsidian, knowing more death than Raphael could ever understand.

Ren jerked his head back, scowling. “What are you— “

His words fell short, gazing at the hopeless smile stretched upon those thin lips that seemed to stand bright even in the midst of ruins of broken buildings. It was more than simply hopeless, but almost longing and conflicted.

A smile of realization, decided Ren resolutely.

“Ren Suzuki,” started the man, full of indulgent warmth. “It looks like this entire time, it was you I needed to thank.”

Ren stared back, absolutely confused.

But Raphael continued. “In this world I can’t remember, and the world you have yet to know, thank you for saving me. Thank you for everything.”

Ren was flustered now, blinking rapidly as he looked around in a daze. The thanks that were being spoken to him, what was it for? He stepped back, only to have a large hand wrap around his own, unyielding.

Raphael’s smile was completely blinding as he said,

“I promise you, this time, I’ll never forget. I swear to you Ren.”

May this promise become our eternity.

 

— — — xxx — — —

 

After some time, Ren had pulled away roughly, grasping his hand as if he had been scalded. Raphael said nothing, only smiling indulgently. This person, back then and now, had always been awkward with affection.

And Raphael felt, absentmindedly thinking, that he was beginning to put a name on these feelings that had been stirring in his chest for so long.

The protagonist could understand himself well, but he wouldn’t make light of these sorts of emotions. Only when he was certain would he act — and when he decided to act, there was no giving up anymore.

But regardless, this illusion before him wasn’t the one he wanted to show his feelings to.

“I have to go.” said Raphael after a moment, watching as the other blinked in surprise.

In fact, the illusion was eerily realistic, as if portraying the real Ren himself. Raphael watched the small habits of the prince he’d observed for so long.

How he’d look directly in his eyes when speaking, but away into the distance at any other moment. How his fingers enjoyed fiddling with his clothes, and how his frown would twitch at whatever thoughts wandered in his mind.

The Ren before him looked at him oddly. “You’re leaving?”

Something was strange.

“Ren?”

“You’re leaving?” repeated Ren with uncertainty.

The man’s slender, scar-covered hands were trembling now, so slight that Raphael almost didn’t see it. Ren was strong, and when Raphael had referred to the weakness of the prince, it wasn’t in his strength.

It was in his mental state.

Like a wall had carefully been built, yet clumsy was the builder, and cracks were all so easy to form. Despite this, Ren ignored his emotions or any signs of them in his lack of understanding, locking himself away from the world.

He denied what he felt, and ice covered his feelings. A person like that could only shatter when forcefully thrown into the volatile storm of thoughts that they had buried for so long.

Raphael furrowed his brows worriedly. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

“You’re leaving.” repeated Ren, as his eyes turned blank, covered in a permanent fog. “You’re leaving.”

The ground trembled at his words, and the surrounding skies started to fall. They were melting, fading back into oblivion. Raphael gritted his teeth and stabilized his shaking body, slamming his sword into the ground.

Dark wisps of magic — from what world, he didn’t know — clung desperately to the random pieces of collapse that surrounded.

“Ren!”

But the man didn’t hear him.

“Ren…!” Raphael clutched his sword as the ground continued to violently shake, stretching his hand out. “Come on, little fool! I’m not going anywhere!”

Yet the other was deaf to the world, staring blankly at the sky. Those pretty, endless eyes stared numbly at his hands, black, dripping blood seeping from his fingers and seeming to meld into the ground.

“Of course.” muttered the reaper calmly. “Of course you’re leaving.”

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Raphael cursed under his breath.

This wasn’t a simple illusion — no, for the same reason Soren had appeared in the beginning, Ren had appeared now. Their memories were linked, and connected to each other in this messed up space.

Even if Raphael wasn’t certain about whether this was the Ren he knew, this was undoubtedly a fragment of him.

What sort of hellish nightmare was Soren experiencing right now?

He couldn’t imagine it.

If that fool hadn’t stretched out a hand to save Raphael from that corridor of voices, he too may have almost lost his mind in the guilt of dozens of thousands of lost lives.

The world seemed to hang heavily over the grim sight of Ren, tendrils of darkness stretching out to swallow him.

And Ren, his head tilted in the sky as if sacrificing his entire being, allowed it.

A devastatingly beautiful sight.

But before the skies could consume that lonesome figure, Raphael lunged forward, ignoring the scrapes of debris that sliced through his skin, hopelessly grasping onto pieces of rock that were tossed into the chaotic air.

It didn’t matter if he was bleeding or bruised; it didn’t matter if he’d lose himself in this idiotic dreamscape, for the sake of saving Ren.

Nothing mattered if he lost the very thing he had only just found.

And as his ankle got tangled in strays of wire, he yanked it out and stretched his arms out. His body crashed into Ren’s, sending them both tumbling down the chaos. Raphael wrapped his arms around the other, tightly holding on as pain rushed through his back.

This person was different from the prince he had known. Muscles running along the curve of their back, scars littering the glimpses of skin seen from the many battles, but even so, Raphael wanted to save this man.

From the hell that he had created for himself.

Even after they reached a stop, Raphael didn’t let go. Because if he did, this simple person in his arms could disappear, all so easily.

“...Raphael.”

Raphael’s arms wrapped around more tightly.

“Raphael.”

He refused to let go.

A hand tapped his back awkwardly, but it seemed to seep with clumsy warmth. “Raphael Han. It is okay.”

Raphael shook his head, furrowing his brows as he carefully peeked open his eyes. Ren stared back at him calmly, the fog over his eyes no longer as cloudy. They were lying down, Ren secure in Raphael’s embrace as the surrounding illusion continued to collapse.

The tendrils of midnight still crept up Ren's face, but the eyes that stared back showed a soothing calmness.

“In all my lives, I’ve been looking for somebody.” admitted Raphael suddenly, eyes trained on every twitch of expression. “For some reason, I couldn’t remember them. But I think I’m starting to.”

Ren stiffened, but he didn’t look away.

“Ren Suzuki,”

The lonely world of one only he remembered…

“It’s nice to see you again.”

...finally became two.

Ren closed his eyes, and the ghost of a smile flickered on his lips. “Raphael Han, I’ve been looking for somebody too.”

Raphael smiled as Ren continued, “We finally meet again.”

Even if Raphael’s memories hadn’t fully returned, even if Ren couldn’t remember the very thing that drove them apart, it didn’t matter. Not when now, after who knew how long, they’d found each other again.

But happiness was a temporary thing.

“Raphael,” said Ren again, more urgently this time. Raphael’s eyes froze, watching as the black touched the corners of his eyes. “I’ll wait for you again.”

“Little prin— “

But before he could finish his words, Ren’s body had faded into dust right before his eyes, dancing into the skies above in a place he couldn’t reach.

The faint smile haunted his thoughts.

And hands grasped at empty space where once, a strangely warm person had just been. Raphael stared in a daze, as if willing Ren back with his sheer imagination.

And then, as the ground under him began to crumble, he lurched forward.

“Ren…?” At his feet, a void trailed behind him as he ran forward, searching. Slowly at first, before his stumbles became faster, increasing its speed. “Ren!”

After some time, Raphael understood. It was hopeless to keep chasing after something that already had been lost. He stopped in his steps and fell back, allowing the ground to fall at his feet.

When he snapped his head up again, his consciousness having faded at some point during the fall, he blinked, confused. The sunlight streaming through the trees, casting a faint warmth against his face, woke him.

Groggily, he sat up.

“Mornin’ Raphy~ I’ve missed you~” The first greeting he heard was an unpleasant one.

“Raphael, you’re awake!” The second wasn’t so bad.

“Ah, I’m glad that you’ve finally awoken, Raphael.” The third was fine, too.

But none were the greetings he had hoped to hear — although a greeting from that specific person may have not existed regardless of whether that man was here or not.

He squinted at the light and rubbed his throbbing joints. No blood, no bruises — as if whatever had occurred in the space was truly nothing but a delusion. But the memories were real, and what he had seen was not a lie.

“What happened…?” said the protagonist after clearing his throat.

“You were away, for a while.” said Celine, leaning against a tree with crossed arms as she chewed on a bag of berries. “And when I say for a while, I mean a crazy long time.”

“It wasn’t that terrible. El is over-exaggerating.” reassured Vendra. “Damien, Alvara and Brioc returned between 1 - 2 weeks.”

Raphael’s throat felt dry. “Then how long has it been since I left?”

Alvara glanced at Brioc, who grinned irritatingly in return. She sighed and carefully said, “It’s been a month and a half.”

“What?”

There was a rustle in the trees, and a quiet boy swung down, tail curling as his hands shoved into his pockets. He glanced at Celine. “Uriel is still sleeping. Hazel is looking after her, so don’t worry.”

Then, his emerald gaze locked onto Raphael. “How long did it feel like for you?”

“It’s hard to say, but two weeks at the most.”

“Time runs differently in the Forest of Good and Evil. It’s meant to trap you in your memories, twisting time until you can’t escape anymore. From your memories, it’s quite possible that other things happened, ones that you weren’t aware of.”

“I assumed as much. Where’s… where’s Ren?”

Damien paused, and his stare became a little more chilling. “Where do you think?”

Raphael already had predicted the answer, but having confirmation made the reality dawn on him, scorching into his mind.

Staring at the surprised expression of the man, Damien said, “Do you think he will be able to leave the space on his own?”

Both of them knew the answer to that, their natural ability to understand people able to answer such a simple question. It wasn’t an answer they wanted, however.

“Then, we’ll forcefully remove him from the Forest.”

“How do we do that?”

“As long as a person has a significant impact on somebody’s memory, they can technically enter another’s ‘door’. You, Raphael Han, fit those requirements. Or half of them.”

“...half?”

“Do you not know the answer to the other half?”

The gears in Raphael’s head turned, and something clicked. If Raphael could connect to Soren’s life in the apocalypse, then which person had the most significant impact on Soren in this world?

“Call Vincent, immediately.” said Raphael with a sigh as he looked up at the trees, taking a deep breath.

“It’s time for them to have a proper conversation.”

 

— — — xxx — — —

Author's Note:

How are you brilliant people doing? I haven't been around to reply to comments yet since it's been a bit busy, but I have been reading them all (through notifications on my phone hahaha) and they're lovely~

I don't know if the feeling I've been trying to capture was properly presented, but phew, writing emotional scenes is certainly an interesting experience lol

Now, I have an utterly charming and beautiful (thank you very, very much, Kroe) artwork by @yuelqn on instagram, who if you take a look at, you will found many more exquisitely wonderful works as well~ Just look at his beauty ahhhh...!!

That's all for today~ I hope you have the most delicious weekened possible (yes, delicious)!

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