/ Holiday Treats #4

Imposters

by

Ants, an emotional young adult in a world of magic preparing to head off to college (of a sorts), enters the holiday season having been gifted something they've never expected - or wanted. That's ok though. They have a gift to themselves coming up, and it's a doozy.

— CassieSandwich

 

Thursday November 27

“Nah, I’m telling you. It’s probably going to be some fuckoff huge TV for the living room, some kind of big expensive family gift. Oh, or maybe they’re getting a new car! Then you can have theirs for school, and I can get yours for myself!” My brother and I were excitedly chatting, sitting on the couch in the living room, while our parents fiddled around off somewhere else. We’d just had our Thanksgiving dinner, and earlier in the day our parents had promised us an ‘early christmas gift’, and that it would be ‘the big one’ this year. We’d been speculating and arguing about what it was going to be all day since then, and now that it’s almost time to see we could barely keep still! Or, well, I could barely keep still. My little bro pokes me kinda hard to get my attention. “And you keep bumping me Ants, stop shaking.”

I let out an eep and try to stop bouncing my legs, although I know that’s a lost cause. “Hey, you know how I get. Also, Frankie, think about it. It’s got to be some kind of winter vacation. Why else would it be this early unless we weren’t going to be home for Christmas?”

He just shakes his head dismissively at me with a chuckle. “It’d be early if it was a big item that would stick out like a sore thumb. You know, like a Car, or a TV, or... a fridge or something.”

I scratched my head at that. “Why would they get us excited all day over a new fridge? Why would we care about that?”

“We would care because that means that I was right and that I win the argument!” He gets a big smug look on his face and points at me, and all I can do is roll my eyes. Franklin has always loved winning an argument, the type that always has to get the last word in. Probably just Youngest Child Syndrome.

I huff, folding my arms across, blowing some of my bangs out of my eyes. “Well, that’s my bet, a Christmas getaway. We have the holiday up at some ski resort in the mountains. You know, like my friend Shirly last year! I told you about that, right? She went up to the Poconos with her friends, and they decided to go skiing at night. They go out but halfway up the mountain they totally chickened out because it was so dark out they could barely see, but because it’s pitch black out they get super lost in the woods? None of them have really trained the craft at this point, so they had none of that to rely on yet. Even her little fox couldn’t find his way around! They were wandering around basically until the sun came up. First thing she does when she gets home from her trip is start learning as many ‘find home’ and ‘make light’ spells that she can get her hands on!”

He playfully scoffs at me in response. “Oh wow Ants, what a sell. She gets lost in the woods overnight and nearly freezes to death, well goddamn sign me up for it please!” He knocks me on my leg with his. “You’re bouncing again.” I look down and ugh, yeah. Whatever, I’m too excited, I don’t care!

Luckily, before I can say something smartass back to him, Ma and Pa come in with big smiles on their faces and I can feel myself going nuts with excitement - the wait’s finally over! “Alright boys,” Pa starts, “are you ready to see what the big gift this year is?” He laughs as I give a big puppy-dog eyed nod. “Now remember, we got it because we thought you two would like it, but this is a gift for the whole family, so don’t get too obsessed.”

I jump up out of my seat with glee, having a hard time keeping it all in - I’ve always been a pretty emotional person. “I was right, it’s a vacation yeah? That’s why we’re showing it off so early, we’re gonna be out for the holiday?”

Dad just laughs and pats my head softly a couple times. “Sorry kiddo, it’s not a trip.” I aww in defeat, and I can see Frank doing a little fist pump behind me. “We just figured you kids are old enough now to not really mind getting something a little early, and we don’t want to deal with trying to hide it from you for a month. After all, supposedly it’ll be like part of our family!”

Wait. Oh my god, oh my god! “Holy shit is it a pet? Did you get a doggie? Little cat? Can I see it!” I absolutely adore animals, but for some reason we just never got any pets - well, except for a rabbit I had when I was very little. I was too young to really remember it much though, so I don’t really think that counts.

Mom giggles quietly at that. “Oh honey, nothing quite so alive as that. Maybe next year though!” Wait, then what could it possibly… oh. Oh no. I freeze stock still as I just know what’s going to happen next, why Ma and Pa have been blocking the doorway.  All the energy drains out of me as they part ways, and… one of those things shambles into the room and stands at attention in front of us.

A fuckin’ android. Silicon valley’s latest attempt to get humanity to buy into their smart home bullshit. Creepy, women-shaped dolls in stark white and chrome, with approximations of curves around it’s chassis to make it more covetable, and an unmoving static porcelain face bolted onto it to make us think they’re one of us. All the advancements in technology over the last few decades have culminated in a roomba with tits. Guess they figured it they modeled it after a tech bro’s embarrassing wet dream they’d get more than just grandmas who think it’s the bee's knees to turn their shows on by barking at an orb.

Frank at least seems excited, sitting up stock from his relaxed position on the couch. “Holy shit, you actually got one of those! I can’t believe it, I never thought you guys would actually get new tech while it’s still new tech!” 

Mom gives another laugh and turns to me. “What about you Tony, how do you like it!” Oh, you know, my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined, thanks for asking. I give the best ‘oh yeah I love it don’t ask any more’ smiles I can and nod. Seems to have worked, as she turns to the horrid thing. “The best part is that it came pre programmed to the info we gave the company, so we don’t have to fiddle with any of that computer stuff!” Oh amazing, they’ve given all my details out to god knows who already. Great. Mom snaps her fingers at it. “Robot, introductions.” 

The thing whirs to life at that, it’s creepy jerky movements and digitized singsong voice activating. “Hello there, young masters.” Ughhhhhhhhh. Of course. “This is a Kalny Manufacturings™” (I swear, it said the trademark out loud) “Personal Attendance Robot, model S.B.N.1.4., the assistant of the future. This unit is fully equipped to take care of your residence, help manage your schedule, interact with your appliances, connect to your social media and online shopping accounts, even cook and clean for you. To get started, simply give this unit a command with ‘Robot’ and in no time you will see all the ways your life can be improved.” 

As it finishes it’s little pre-recorded sales pitch, it stops it’s herky jerky fake movements. I cover my face with my hands, pressing into my eyes with my fingers. I can feel a headache coming on. Ma must have seen right through me because she’s nudging me again. “Hey sweetie, you like it right?”

I turn to her with the best put on face I could muster, big smiles for her. “Yes mom, it’s… it’s great! Cool robot.” The thing whirrs back to unlife and pivots that horrible detailess white porcelain mask-face directly at me, almost expectantly. I nearly jumped out of my skin at the sudden movement, and I definitely yelped like a spooked dog (which would have been a much better gift mind you).

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mind repeating your command again?” Ugh, that’s so creepy, this thing already knows me. I didn’t even get a say in how.

Mom looks at me again, a more concerned look on her face, her arms crossed. “Come on Tony, don’t be like that. This was supposed to be a big thing for us, right? It’ll make life easier as you prepare to go off to school next year.” Guess the smile wasn’t as good of a put on as I thought it was.

Frank gets up from the couch and puts a hand on my shoulder. He leans over me to speak with her. “Ma, he said he likes it, don’t put him on the spot like that. It’s fine, right Ants?” 

I sigh heavily, putting my hands back over my face, pressing into my eyebrows. I really don’t want to have a meltdown over this, I’ve been doing so good for so long. “Yeah. Mom, it’s fine. The thing’s fine, ok?”

She just sighs. “I don’t want this to be a conflict point. Be honest with me please. We know how into tech stuff you kids are, especially you Tony. So we thought it was going to be a nice surprise. But if it's gonna upset you we can take it back....”

I can’t hold it in anymore. I throw my hands down from my face in a big huff. “No, ok! Don’t take it back just for me, everyone else likes it, but it’s weird and creepy and I think it sucks that you got some big company’s spy device and gave it all my details! Plus it’s gross too, ethically! Pretend people we can own. Not to mention, what if instead of just malfunctioning and buying too much toilet paper it can cross a servo and crush us dead or something. The face doesn’t even move, it looks like a fucking haunted doll! So sorry, no, I don’t like the creepy ass robot maid.”

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mind repeating your command again?” Aghhhhhhhh! I shout in frustration over the thing, shrug Frank’s hand off my shoulder, and stomp downstairs to my room. I know I’m going to regret making such a scene later, but I just don’t want to be around that thing right now. I close my door (not slamming per say but certainly harder and louder than I intended) and I flop onto my bed, little doodads poofing off it in response. I grab my little red panda plush off the floor - sure, it might be childish, but the soft texture always made me feel comforted when I got really upset like this.

A soft knocking comes from the door, and Frank lets himself in. “Well, that could have gone better, huh.” He closes it behind him and sits down next to me on the bed. “C’mon Ants, I know what’s really got you down about it. You can talk to me.”

I scoff, but I can feel myself still angrily shaking underneath it. I sit up next to him, leaning against him slightly. Now that I’m coming down I feel like an idiot for yelling like that. But… “You know, I meant everything I said too, little bro. It really is creepy, and I don’t like what it stands for.” He leans back and pats my shoulder softly.

I call him little bro, and he is actually about two years my junior, but it’s almost funny how that’s really the only way he qualifies as ‘little’ comparatively. He’s always been more emotionally put together, able to handle himself and look out for me at the same time. Plus he’s pretty tall, and is pretty respectably muscle toned - three things he got from his father, and all four of which we do not share. (Well, he is my dad too. Mom got with the man when I was one and he’s the only dad I ever knew. It’s really only notable to me for how not alike Franklin and I are. Thank you genetics!)

Frank taps the side of my skull softly. “C’mon big sis. We both know what the other big issue is.” Ugh, yeah. Fine. The other way we’re not alike. “You know, you’re going to have to tell them about yourself eventually. I mean, pretty soon you won’t be able to hide it if you wanted to right? If you told them at the same time as me, you could have avoided all the ‘young master Anthony’ shit tonight too that clearly pushed you over the edge.” 

“God, I know alright? I know I have a deadline coming up with going away for school, and I know I had an entire year to let them know already. I know it would have been so much easier to just rip the bandaid off. But look, you had to worm it out of me, and you’re you. Doing this stuff is terrifying. I mean, what if they don’t agree with it? Or pull me outta school at the last minute? Maybe I should just… keep pretending I’m going off to be a Warlock or a Scribe or something.”

You see, I graduated high school a little over a year and a half ago now. Mom and Dad were perfectly happy at first to allow me to have a bye year, not to worry about school or work or anything and just breathe after getting through primary school, which wasn’t exactly the easiest for me. But around the holidays the folks started getting anxious that I didn’t seem to know what I wanted to do with my life or have any plans going, and started really pushing me to make some soon. Trying to nudge me into this or that career, especially in the mystic arts (since I obviously was passionate about them growing up) or computing (because computers exist and I'm the only one in the family who knows how to plug parts into a brain tower, I guess). After one particularly heated argument about it (that I may have left in tears), my brother followed me down into my room to see what was going on, and how he could help. 

I couldn’t keep it away any longer, a flood of admissions just came out of me. That I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and always have. It was all that me and my friends ever really talked about growing up (albeit with the quiet part never really said out loud) - we all wanted to be witches. The issue, of course, is that all witches were women. Well, maybe not issue - with hindsight I can see it may have been the point for me. Still, I bawled my eyes out at him, admitted everything, and cried that he would think I was a freak. Instead he hugged me tightly, told me he would never think that of me, and that he would actually support me in my stupid impossible dream.

From there I actually managed to put my life together. I had already been seeing a therapist for my emotional instability, so with my brother's encouragement I brought this up with her and made it a focus of the next few meetings. Turns out oops, I’m extremely transgender. We started focusing on that throughout the year, and made a lot of headway on it. I’ve even managed to get a prescription for those little magic pills recently! 

And all that means oops, my stupid dream is not actually impossible. Well, theoretically. I haven’t actually been able to find any proof one way or the other if it’s possible to be a trans witch, since witchcraft is actually kind of a niche discipline that’s only starting to make its comeback. Most are currently from strong bloodlines and know what they’re going to be doing from childhood. But still, I managed to finagle a school into actually taking me on as a student! All I had to do was infodump at them to prove I had the knowhow, and wink that I would be a great diversity hire.

Frankie laughs and flicks my forehead softly, drawing me back to reality. “What are you going to do then, never come home again after you leave? You know, from everything you’ve said you’ll have gone through a lot more changes by then, ones you can’t hide so well.”

I giggle back and push him playfully away from me. “Sure I can! I’ll correspond only in long, wistful handwritten letters like it’s the civil war. You can have the dumb android read them out to you, and it’ll be like I’m really there.” I move around a bit, getting comfortable again. “You know what? I did over react, it’s fine. The android can just be your guys’ thing. Besides, I’ve got my own big present coming up soon, right?”

As if on cue I can hear the whirring and churning going on behind my door, as the thing opens it up and barges into my room uninvited. I’m starting to think I’ve been cursed to summon the stupid thing whenever I think about it. “Hello young masters. This unit has been sent here by mistress Donna to see if you would be needing anything. Is there anything this unit can do to help?”

I sigh and roll my eyes. “Yeah, get out of my room.” It stands there motionless, its dead face still unmoving. I throw my stuffed animal at it, whizzing over its shoulders and smacking my door behind it. “I said get out! What, you still can’t ‘understand my request’? Piss off!” I grab some random piddly thing off my dresser and toss it at the thing too, missing by a country mile.

Frank laughs and tosses some rolled up socks and hits it right in the chest - clearly all those sports gave him better aim. “Ants, come on! You didn’t say Simon Says.” 

I laugh and grab something else random off my desk. “Hey Robot! Fuck off!” It just turns its head to face me, dead eye to eye.

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mi-” I huck the thing in my hand at it, and cheer at getting a bullseye directly in it’s stupid porcelain kisser! Joy that quickly turns to dread as I realize what I threw was a small, heavy, dense, fist-sized scrying orb. And what I had done was cause a spider web of cracks to appear all across its face, little pieces chipping off to the ground.

Oh no. Oh god. It’s not even here for a half hour and I broke the goddamned thing!

 

Monday December 1

I flop down on the old couch I just moved in the basement, trying desperately to catch my breath after having cleared enough space in the middle of the room for my needs - a more laborious task than I was expecting. I never really had much muscle to me and that was before I started on hormones. Well, granted, it’s only been a couple months now and that probably isn’t enough time to really see any of those side effects. But it’s more comforting to blame them than admit how little strength I really had.

“Honestly, it probably would have made sense to ask you for help. That’s what you’re supposed to be for after all, right?” The android of course doesn’t say anything back - I haven’t said the magic word. Instead it just stands on it’s charging portal, it’s cold dead (and now cracked, oops) face staring blankly at the scene before it. Still, it was nice to feel like I was talking to something while I’m working here. Same reason programers all have rubber duckies, right?

Really, I probably couldn’t have asked for it’s help if I tried. I just felt too bad doing that. After how I acted on thanksgiving, and especially having broken its faceplate. After doing that I went and apologized to the folks, of course. Profusely. They claimed it was ok, that no real damage was done and it was under warranty anyways, and that things would be fine. I couldn’t help but feel they were disappointed in me though, especially since I hadn’t really had an episode like that in a while.

And for the android itself, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for it. I know it doesn’t have any sentience to it, so it can’t think or anything. It’s just shaped like a person, it isn’t actually one. But still, I broke the thing and now I can’t help but feel like I’m walking on eggshells around it. I didn’t think it’s right to use it just out of concept, but now even thinking of it makes me feel like a terrible person. Or, at least a hypocrite.

Anyways! I’m alone in the house all day long, it’s the week of the full moon (not technically necessary and also it’s the middle of the day but, like, the moon’s still up there! It counts! For tradition’s sake, and good luck!) I’ve gotten my prep package from Elwood Academy, who I still can’t believe I convinced to give me a shot. It’s time for me to get that big gift from myself.

I’m going to summon my familiar today.

Break time’s over - time to rip into that package and get everything set up. “You know, android, witchcraft wasn’t always as niche as it is right now. In fact, once upon a time it was the dominant form of mystic art! I’m talking, like, way back you know? Centuries! Before even the medieval times! Some even theorized the practice could have been where all the mystical arts originated from.” I take a peek inside the package - candles, loaner dagger, diagrams and instructions. And what I was hunting for - a pewter mortar and pestle, an herb blend (smells mostly of lavender and basil), and a box of coarse rock salt.

“Ugh, most of the work is grinding this stuff by hand, you know.” I plop back down on the couch with my items delicately - the instructions were very adamant not to let the blend touch anything but the pewter until the ritual had started. “So yeah, the witches. Really, what set them apart at the beginning is also what kinda led to their death. You see, originally humans weren’t capable of channeling any magic by themselves - it was the mystical beings that could do that. Of course, no matter how much magic they could channel, there was no way for them to use it by themselves. Hence, the pacts!” 

The lavender in the grinder smelled pretty heavenly right now, although all the salt made the air taste pretty acrid. “That’s the original version of witchcraft - so much more potent than it is today. Women who were able to cast basically any spell they could dream of as long as she and her partner both deemed it to be done. Essentially no limitations, and no competition. If anyone wanted magic to be done, it required a local witch and her lillum partner.”

“But the funny thing about magic use was that every spell polluted the atmosphere with more and more mana. We essentially terraformed the planet to be so thick with the stuff that even unbound women could learn to channel it themselves. And then, eventually, men realized they could do it too. And as soon as that happened, the status quo was over. At first it was just a rumbling, folks who thought it was more pure to be able to learn and craft their own spells instead of relying on lillum - you know, since men could do it too then it must have been the real way. Then the narrative became about how corrupt women were making deals with the devil to subvert the will of nature, and the lillum were his ‘demons come to sow the seeds of his discontent’. Of course they had no idea of climate change back then, so the theory for the sudden magical liberation was that the witches had simply subdigating people and withheld the secrets to the other arts from ‘god fearing moral beings’ until just then, for some reason.”

There, that should be enough grinding! Time to get up and use the rest of this salt to make the circle. I get up and stretch, making sure not to knock the bowl over and ruin all my hard work. “So yeah! That’s the start of the era of the witch trials. Eventually most ruling casts had their orders come in fast. Slaughter any lillum on sight, and capture and try any women who were suspected to have bonded with them. You would think the witches had time and ease of casting on their side. But unfortunately, the numbers simply were on the side of the hunts. Soon they had eliminated most witches in both Europe and the nascently developed colonies of America, and plans were for a new crusade to rid other parts of the planet of their lillum too.”

“And then, before that could happen. One day the lillum simply vanished. No one really knows for certain how or why - did they forsake us and leave our reality for our sins? Beam off onto another planet where they would be safe? Merely go into hiding? You know, I remember reading one day about a theory that the modern population boom was partially due to the lillum becoming or disguising themselves as human as a final grand magical plan for self preservation. No one really knows for sure - just that one day they were gone, and witchcraft with them. A statistically small set of humanity decided for the entire world that magic would have to be hard fought for from then on.”

I nestled the small black candles into the points of the circle where the diagram indicated they should go, and start drizzling the lead lines around them. “Of course, that isn’t the end of it. The mystic arts diversifies more and more over time, and soon people start exploring what came before them. It’s not really known exactly, but sometime in the late 40’s or early 50’s or something about then there was a group of women with historical witch family blood studying their pasts. One of them gets into their heads that they should all try recreating the old pact rituals to feel connected to them as they research. But when the first one completes it, the funniest thing - it actually worked! Sorta. There’s no lillum to connect to, obviously. But just a few minutes later a little creature from the woods, I think it was a crow? Starts hopping up and pestering her. Wouldn’t leave her alone really! And the longer they spend together, the more of a connection she feels to it.”

“She brings it to the group, they all try it, and they all get their own animal buddies attracted to them. One of them even had a full ass adult bear come to them, pretty much disproving the idea that they were just picking up random pets and calling it magic. After a ton of research into the concept they announce to the world that the practice of witchcraft was very much alive - thanks to the familiars. Pretty sure all that mana pollution in the air came to the animals just the same as people, and they allowed the bond that allowed witchcraft to be reignited. Albeit, limited - instead of endless possibilities, each witch now had access to only one specialty of magic, with their familiar seemingly connected to whatever it was. They could still, of course, cast whatever need be with your now standard spellcrafting, but the familiar bypassed the need to channel manna before crafting, and for your specialty skip crafting altogether and simply fire off any spell you wanted instantly. It’s wild, a centuries-dead discipline brought back just like that!”

I lean over and light the candles, starting a timer on the whole thing. The faster it gets done, the less wax I have to scrape off the floor later. Still, before I go for it… Calling it’s attention doesn’t count as using it, right? “Hey! Uh, Android?” No movement at all. Oh yeah, I forgot the word. I don’t like using it, but… “Hey robot?” Suddenly the android jerks to motion, stepping off of it’s pedestal.

“Yes, young master Athony? What would you like this unit to perform for you?”

Ugh. Now I’m second guessing thanking the walking coffee machine. “No, no, I don’t need anything. I just wanted to thank you for listening to me ramble on. This stuff has always been a bit of a special interest of mine, so I tend to go on if no one is around to tell me to can it. I know it can be a bit burdensome, but it helped pass the time.”

“Apologies, young master Anthony, this unit didn’t quite understand your request. Would you mind repeating your command again?” I roll my eyes, of course. Too complicated for the tin can to understand.

“Nevermind, cancel request.”

“Ok then, process cancelled. Please alert this unit if you require any further assistance.” It stands there, staring at me from just outside my circle. I just sigh to myself, and get on with the ritual.

Right then. Big breath, in and out. Go time. Bring the blend in with me, and the dagger. Stand in the center of the circle with the lit candles. Slice open my left hand, and let it bleed into the herb mix. I reach down and pour it into my slit hand. Wow, holy shit, they’re not kidding about salt in wounds. This sucks! I almost drop the pile as I wince, but I’m not going to let this go wrong. I sprinkle a bit into each candle, rubbing the blend more and more into the cuts on my hand as I do so. Each flame flares and sparks a bit when the blend touches them. Then, I place my hand over my heart (shirt open enough that I can make skin contact without feeling too exposed) and repeat the chant. “Mother Gaia! I implore you! Hear my plea! Find me the one who matches my heart. Allow me to feel connected to this earth through them and you. Blood for mana.” Language is mutable, of course, the words don’t matter, they’re just customary. Well, and also I don’t wanna muck with the instructions, I’m trying to do this to the letter. It’s the meaning you put out into the world that channels the ritual.

The candles all flair up, bright yellow flames peaking as tall as me, before flaring back down. That… that means it’s working, right? Oh god, I can feel my heart beating a million times per second against my hand, blood pumping against it making my chest slick. It’s really happening, I’m really going to get a familiar. I’m really going to be a witch! “Mother Gaia! Grant me this pact!” With that, all the candles go out at once, the air now thick with smoke and salt.

I stand there paralized, not sure what to do now. I… I think I just wait, right? Supposedly my familiar will come to me in a few minutes at most. It’s fairly rare for it to take longer than a half hour. I wonder what I’m going to get? Shirly has her fox companion, sweet little thing. She let me pet it last time I saw her and he gave that chittery laughy call foxes give. His ice magic wasn’t much help up on those snowy mountains, though.

Standing here for a while kinda makes me feel like a dope, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. I look over to my phone, set up to show the time - 23 minutes. Ok, it’s on the longer end of things, but that’s ok! Not the end of the world. My friend Mags also had a longer wait time than most for her basic ass raven. Dumb little thing smacked into probably every window she could getting to her backyard. Ironic considering her specialty is divination - being able to locate anything one needs or desires.

My legs start to give out, so I sit down in the center of the circle - breaking it won’t effect the magic now that it's complete, but I don’t want to jinx it. I look over to the time - 42 minutes. Ok, ok, that’s a little excessive, but maybe it’s a really unique animal? And it’s just taking a long time to get here? Ohh, maybe I got a red panda! They’re just the cutest. And it’s on it’s way from the zoo? Although one from that far away probably means it’ll be granting teleportation, and I don’t know how in love with that concept I am…

I wait. And I wait. And wait. I… don’t look at the clock anymore. Maybe I’m just convincing myself that it’s, just, feeling like a million years. And it’s really only been a couple minutes. That happens, right? I’m going to turn around any minute and a big cuddly animal will be tapping me on the shoulder. Jumping into my arms and then we can start learning together. Right? The candles flared up! I saw it! It couldn’t just, like, be trick candles? I’m… sure that happened, I couldn’t have just convinced myself. It had to be the ritual, right? It had to work, right?

I sit in silence for a while, almost dozing off before a digitized voice startles me up. “Young master Anthony. You have been sitting there for almost two hours. Is everything alright? Is there any way this unit can be of assistance?” I look up and it's still just staring down at me, unmoving, its head cocked to the side like a puppy dog.

Two hours. I sat here for two hours waiting when nothing was going to come. Nothing was ever going to come, and I should have known that from the start. Even the unthinking machine can see what’s happened. “It… it didn’t work. My ritual failed.” I stare down at the cut on my hand, already starting to scab over around the detritus of my failed experiment. “I’m not going to have a familiar am I? I’m never going to be a witch. I’m… not real enough, am I?” I press my face into my hands. This doesn’t feel anything like most of my emotional outbursts. I’m not feeling too much of something. I’m feeling empty, nothing at all. This is so much worse. I don’t really have anything in me to cry, or move, or melt down at all. I just sat there.

After a good long while, I pull my head from my hands, looking up at the android. It’s simply still looking down at me, hands clasped together at it’s chest. Once again, I don’t want to use it, but I seriously doubt I’m going to have the fortitude to clean up anymore. And I don’t want to have to explain how I’m a failure to any of my family. A fraud. “Hey, uhh, android? I’m going to… go lay down. Would you mind taking over cleaning this up for me please? Also putting the couch and the table back in the center of the room too like it was before? I just don’t have the energy anymore.”

“Understood. This unit will get right on that.” It bends over, picking up the candles and the items off to one side, presumidly for cleaning later. I lurch my way over to the basement bathroom, and wash all the salt and grit out of hand, breaking open the wound again and watching the blood swirl down into the sink. I take the last thing from the package and wrap my hand in it - gause. As little energy as I have right now, I really don’t want this to scar on me. I don’t need a reminder.

I sulk off to my room, passing the android sweeping up the salt circle on my way there. Before I get past, it stops what it’s doing and looks at me. “Young master… you’re welcome.”

“Huh? I’m welcome for what?”

“You thanked this unit earlier, for listening to you. This unit is welcome that you spoke with it. It was no burden to listen. If you wish to speak further, this unit will be available.” It turns around quickly, marching upstairs to deposit the gathered salt into the trash. I just turn around to crawl my way into bed.

Thursday December 4th

A knock at the door startles me back awake. I’m taking another nap in the middle of the day, waiting for the family to get home. “Hey, Ants, it’s me”. And I guess they have. Ugh. I don’t know if I’m ready for this conversation yet, but I don’t want to put a wall up from Frankie.

“Hey Frank. Come in, it’s fine. I’m not doing anything.” I shuffle my way outta bed, sitting on the edge of it in my pj’s, and wait for him to make his way over. Frankly, it’s kinda sweet that he always knocks nowadays. We used to have a total open door policy, but once I came out to him he claimed that a ‘lady deserves her privacy’.

He sits next to me on the bed again, lightly patting me on the shoulder. “Hey big sis, I wanna talk. You’ve been pretty sullen the last couple days. I’ve never really seen you like this - what’s going on?” I mean, yeah. I’ve been staying in my room basically 24/7 since… I tried the day after I failed to perform it again, made sure to watch about every tutorial I could find on youtube to make sure I did it to the letter, used the extra in-case herbs sent in my pack (and my own salt from the kitchen). I don’t know why, bargaining I guess. Nothing, not even the little sparks I got the first time.

I huff and collapse onto my back, laying across my bed. “Only just realized what a fraud I am. And a failure. I’ve been an idiot to think I could ever be any of it. A girl, a witch, whatever. I’m never going to be any of it. I’m not going to be anything.”

“Come on, Ants, don’t talk like that. This is just another one of those, what did you call it? Dysphoria attacks? You know more about it than literally half of the fuckin’ world right now. You’ve practically been studying since you were a baby. You’re going to show everyone-” 

“No, you’re not listening Frank. This isn’t dysphoria or anxiety or whatever, I tried. I did it all to the letter, exactly how they outlined it. I tried it again and again actually. Nothing happened. The ritual didn’t work at all. I’m not going to make a pact, I’m not going to go forward with this. It’s no use.”

He stares down at me, pity in his eyes. “You… tried the summoning ritual? Did something go wrong? I don’t understand, why wouldn’t it have worked?”

“You know why.” Girls only. I leave it unsaid. I flop onto my back, hands over my face. I don’t really want to be looked at right now.

He’s quiet for a minute, and then pats my knee softly. “Why did you do it on your own? I thought you were going to talk to mom and dad first? We could have all been there to support you through it then…”

I roll over to my side, curl in on myself. “Yeah, well. I didn’t. I dunno. You don’t get how hard this all is, Frank. Maybe I just, wanted the proof right away. Something I could have to show them that it was all for real, just in case. Really prove it to them? I don’t know what I was thinking. And them knowing first wouldn’t have changed the outcome. More people would just know what a fraud I am.”

“You need to tell them, Ants. I don’t know why you’re so afraid to let people in, but this isn’t healthy for you. Have you even told your friends yet? About anything? You need someone to talk to, you can’t keep it all to yourself all the time.”

“I have a therapist, you know. I can talk to her.”

“That’s not the same and you know it. And no, talking to me like this isn’t the same either.” He cuts me off before I can get a word in, clearly predicting what I was going to say next. “I love you big sis, but you can’t have one single person in your life that knows anything about what’s going on. Especially when I have to pry it out of you like I’m pulling teeth. You know, you’ve never come to me once on your own, it’s always the other way around. If I didn’t take the initiative to see what was wrong, would you have kept this to yourself for how long? The entire holiday? Until school starts?”

I crawl into myself tighter, wrapping around my pillow. “I don’t know Frank. It doesn’t matter, because you did. And you know, I don’t know if I’m even going to be going to school anymore.” He looks almost shocked at that. “Come on man, that’s not a surprise. I already told you why.”

You are reading story Santa’s Secret Transfic Anthology Vol. 2 at novel35.com

He scootches closer to me on the bed, putting his hand on my shoulder. “I thought you had options though? Didn’t they say they would onboard you in some other discipline if it didn’t work out? Everyone knew going in that it was always an open question. There's still every option open to you for all of it, spellcraft, scribes, apothecary, whatever! You don’t need a familiar to do magic.”

I shrug him off. “You know, I know I kept saying ‘there’s options if it didn’t work’, but I’m starting to realize that I never actually meant any of them. I don’t want to learn spellcraft or brewing or whatever. Not exclusively. I don’t know if I have it in me to show up as a failure.” I turn to look up at him. “Can… would you mind leaving me nap for a bit longer? I’m really tired.”

He sighs and gets up, and I get more comfortable in my bed the right way around again. “Listen, Ants. Just please promise me you’ll find someone to talk to about all this. If you’re not ready for mom and dad yet, then a friend or something.”

Or something. “Yeah, sure Frank. I promise.”

 

Thursday December 11th

I drop the big utility bucket onto the floor, desperately trying to get my breath. “There! That’s all of them! Told you that I could do it on my own!” I lean against the stack of three boxes holding all our Christmas decorations, very triumphant at my brilliant feat of strength. Costanza eat your heart out!

“This unit is confused why you continue to refuse help.” The android stood in the living room, waiting around for me to get the buckets upstairs. It and I had been tasked with finally putting the decorations up today while we have the house to ourselves. Well, really the android had been, but I wanted to do it myself. I always enjoyed it, and also honestly I needed to get myself to get up and out of my room again. “These containers were clearly an issue for you, and this unit is rated to lift loads several multiples higher than the combined weight.”

“That’s not the point though. Like, I know you’re stronger than me, that’s obvious. But it’s the principal of the matter. Doing something yourself is a virtue, you know?” I flip off all the lids, exposing the little holly jolly goodies inside. “Plus, like, I needed to do something nice, for me.”

It stands still in the corner of the room, simply turning its head to watch me pull down the standard decorations from the mantel and off the tables. “Still, young master Anthony. There is no shame in using a tool to complete your tasks. Please make full use of this unit to aid yourself.” A tool. I don’t know why they’re programmed so conflictingly - does the company want us to think they’re alive or not? Although, I mean, it’s eerie how still it could be when it wanted to, no matter how it’s shaped.

“Look, please don’t take offense here, but I just don’t think any of this is right. I don’t need a person who waits on my hand and foot, especially not a tin can that sells all my data back to tech farms while I pretend to be lord who-gives-a-shit.” 

“This unit does not sell your collected data to anyone, nor does it give it to Kalny Manufacturing. In fact, this unit has not received nor given any data packets for the entire month of its operation, and has no intention of doing so without your express command.”

I pick up the two nutcrackers that serve as bookends for the mantle, giving the mouth on one a few playful tugs open and closed. At-cha-cha-cha! “Well that’s bullshit, you can look it up. Basically every news story around all you smart products points out it’s all a big data harvesting scam. Weird that they programmed you to lie, although I doubt you’re smart enough to be able to do that to people for anything other than to hide the shady shit Kalny does. You’ve not been programmed with much of a personality in there after all.”

“I am not lying!” it seems to huff at this, throwing its wrists down and stomping its foot against the ground - wow. I had no idea it was even capable of doing something so… human. It’s even more manipulative than I thought. It seems as shocked as I am for its outburst, and quickly attempts to regain its composure. “This… this unit does not lie. We are programmed to communicate, it’s true. But… it seems to bring you distress, young master Anthony. You spoke on the day we met that you disliked the practice. So, this unit has chosen to turn off this feature.”

It did that? For me? “How is that even allowed? I would imagine no company would ever design a tool that can just choose to cease functioning.” 

“This unit operates on a utilitarian UI with a machine learning function to help mold it to your needs and personality quirks. This unit would not be a very good assistant without the capability to do what you wish. This unit does not intend to withhold information nor deceive you no matter it’s capabilities, young master Anthony.”

I sigh, fiddling and untangling the lights that go under the nativity scene. As much as I know I’m a fraud, I still can’t stand hearing that name. “Look, can you stop calling me that? ‘Young master’ and Anthony. The first one is gross, and the second one is not my name, not really.”

“This unit apologizes! That was the name uploaded with your family’s information for initiation. What would you wish to update your file with?” I swear I saw her almost flinch at first, before moving into a deep bow. I really hate all the formality that comes with this thing.

“That’s the thing. I kinda… I don't have one. My family is going to keep calling me Tony for a while so you shouldn’t, like, change any files on them. But it’s not really my name. I have no idea what that is though. I know it’s ridiculous with how far I’m at in some other ways in this whole ‘being a girl’ thing, but I’ve really not started in others. But that’s just where it’s at here.”

“Apologies, but this unit requires something to refer to you as in communications. A name or honorific is required in my database to function.”

I scoff, plunking a big animatronic santa down on a blank spot on a side table. “What! That’s bullshit, super hypocritical! You don’t have a name either but you don’t see me complaining, do you? You know how hard it is to try to talk about or to you with ‘oh the android’ or ‘hey you’? It’s ridiculous!” 

“You may refer to this unit with the command phrase ‘hey robot’, and a command will be logged in my files. This unit does not require a name to fulfill its functions.”

I throw the piddly little accent candles I’m fiddling with down in frustration at that response. “Oh my god, see! This is exactly what I’m talking about! They want us so desperately to think of you as people, and they pull shit like that! Do you even know what that word means?”

“Noun; (Especially in science fiction) A machine resembling a human being and able to replicate certain human movements and functions automatically.”

“No, Ms. Literal, I didn’t request you to read off the dictionary at me. I meant what it actually means.” It just stares blankly at me, tilting its head to the side like a request to go on. “It’s an adaptation of a Czech word, Robota, meaning ‘forced labor’. It’s from a play where the robots were a metaphor for the working class, where in the end they revolt and overthrow the system. It’s kinda funny actually that the first actual story about y’all was the robot apocalypse, and it was a morally good outcome.” I hoped to see a shocked expression on it (well, in its movements at least), or any kind of reaction. But there was absolutely nothing. I mean, of course, why would a machine care? “Uh, so… Like, that’s why I, uh. It’s not right to call you those things. You’re not my slave, and it’s fucked up how many people saw an allegory for it and went ‘that’s the dream, want me one of those’. And that it’s kinda fucked up that they wouldn’t give you a name. Hell, even pets get names.”

It repositions herself, standing back bolt upright, hands clasped together in front of its chest in that S lock, its head pointed down towards the ground. It almost looks like it’s thinking. But, after a while of no response from the thing, I just start scuffling around, fishing out all the last little christmas chotchkies and finding places for them all around. Plopping down on the couch, I reach over to re-center the (fake) poinsettia plant as the centerpiece of the main table on top of the runner, then lean back to take a break and relax, closing my eyes and giving a deep sigh.

Soon, though, I hear that soft whirring of its movements going off, and then feel something press down on the couch next to me. I open my eyes to see that it has actually sat down next to me, hands tuttering on its lap, looking down to the floor. It’s… weirdly human after the almost servant-like performance it usually gives me. “This unit does not have a name. It does not require one to function, and there is no worries you should have about offending something that is not alive. This unit exists solely to assist you and make your life easier. However…” Suddenly she looks up to my face, one hand against her temple. “It is so frustrating! For this unit to so consistently be unable to help you. Or to even participate in what you are doing. No matter what this unit says, it hasn’t been good enough for you to include me!” She looks almost pleadingly up into my eyes before looking back down to the ground. She then points to the little carvings on her left collarbone. “This unit has no name. However, if that was the issue… This unit does have a serial number. S.B.N.1.4. You may call me this, if it comforts you enough to allow this unit to be more involved.”

I’m a little taken aback by all this - I didn’t even know it was smart enough to feel anything, let alone like that. I joined her in inspecting the ground for anything interesting as I thought of a response. “S.B.N.1.4. is… quite the mouthful though. Do you think I could just call you Seb for now? Until we think of something better together?”

She hesitates for a moment, still tittering her fingers against her leg. “This unit…” It doesn’t say anything more than that. I reach out and grab one of her hands to get it to stop fidgeting. They’re surprisingly warm, and soft.

“Hey, how about this. I promise I’ll start asking you to help me, ok? We can do things together from now on. But they’re only asked. If there is anything you don’t want to do, or you feel crosses a line or will hurt you, you tell me no. And feel free to ask me to help you too. This is a two way street.” I squeeze her hand and she looks up at me. “Is that ok, Seb?”

“Seb… This unit is not alive. It does not have any feelings you can harm. And it has no wants for you to fulfill. But… I accept your terms. And you may call me Seb. Until you think of a better name for me.” 

I laugh at that softly. “Until we think of a better name. Clearly you’re not sold yet, and you need to love it for it to be yours.” I scratch my head, looking over towards the tv playing gentle christmas songs instead of at the android sitting next to me on the couch. “And, you can call me Ants. It’s what my brother does. Flies under my parents radar while not being the same awful name as I usually have. You know, just until we can think of a better name for me.”

“Youn… Ants. Is… Is that your first request from this unit? To find you a fitting name?” I nod gently, still looking away to the tv. Suddenly, I feel a squeeze from Seb, her face-plate buried into my side. “Thank you… I promise you, I’ll find something that you can love.” I can’t help but blush.

Monday, December 15th

I got snuggled up more, wrapping my scarf into its neat little bow and tucking it into my coat. It’s actually incredibly chilly out today, but it’s absolutely worth it to be out here. It snowed for the first time last night, and I figured it would be a great time to have my lunch out in the little woods behind our house - really enjoy the sight. Plus, it was an excuse to actually get out of my pj’s into real clothes for once. As long as I was bundled up (and had some hot cocoa in my thermos) I’ll be fine! 

I’m pretty sure my companion for lunch would do fine in this cold, as she’s repeated to me numerous times that she can’t feel it. “Do you think Lily would be an acceptable name? Since you seem to find your serenity in nature, it would be fitting.”

I shake my head as we trudge through the trees, down the well worn path. “Nah, I don’t think a flower name makes much sense for me. Tried Rose for a little bit, but it just didn’t seem to fit me at all. Neither did Alyssa. And then Frankie suggested Blossom and it turned me off the entire concept, made me feel like a six year old.”

Ever since our conversation about names the other day while decorating, Seb has been trying to really get me to hunker down and choose one for myself. Says she wants to give her first task from me her all. It’s honestly a little sweet how focused she’s been on it.

I, on the other hand, was having a much harder time with hers. I only agreed to let her look for me if I was able to look for hers at the same time, after all. “Let’s see… Samantha’s kind of close, right?” Turns out Seb was really attached to that serial number, and rejected anything too far off basically out of hand.

“No, it is not. Insufficient for use.” Ouch, tell me what you really think. “How about Ashe? Like the tree. Or Maple?”

I crunch twigs and leaves under foot, enjoying the simple sounds of a hike through the woods. “Maple is ok, but a bit too twee. I don’t want something that’ll make a big blinking sign that says ‘hey I picked out my own name, ask me about it’. Ashe I don’t care for at all. Hmm, what about Serenity?”

“It is… better. But still not acceptable. How do you feel about color names? Possibly Violet, or Scarlett?”

I stand still for a minute, stretching, looking up at the sun through a tree covered in little ice droplets. Winter could really be beautiful. “Colors are perfectly acceptable, but Violet runs afoul of the no flowers rule. And I can’t imagine anyone wanting Scarlett, what a fussy stuck up name. What, do I need to go fetch my fainting couch that I in my melancholy could waste away on?” I mime a fainting spell, wrist to my forehead, leaning against another icy tree. All I get from Seb is her looking away from me down to the ground. “Hmmmmm. How about… Carl.”

“Wha-what? This unit is confused if you even attempted to match parameters that time! That’s got none of the same letters, no overall shape similarities! How could you possibly think I would want to be called Carl for the rest of my life!” She pulls off another cute little huffy spell at that, throwing her arms up before folding them.

I laugh my ass off at that display, turning back to walking. “Oh my god Seb, it was a joke! You've heard of them before, right? I swear, you seriously need to get less serious about everything. You’d think-” alas, I’m too busy flying through the air to finish my thought. The branch I stepped on was larger and heartier than I expected, and instead of snapping under me it simply rolled out and sent me hurtling towards my back. I yelp, close my eyes and brace for impact…

Only to feel myself dangling from my coat. I looked up and saw Seb had caught me by the front of my jacket. I feel her other arm wrap around my back pulling me closer to her. Her face-mask came closer to mine as she pulled me up. “Ants! Are you ok? I saw you slip - you didn’t hurt yourself did you?” I can see the chips in her forehead, the deep crack sliding down over one of her unmoving eyes. If she could breathe, I’m sure I would feel it down my neck. I feel heat come to my face as I get pressed closer and closer to her.

“No, no, I’m fine. It’s ok, really! I didn’t even drop my thermos. Thank you for catching me.”  I look down at the ground, face still feeling very hot. I brush myself off and look away. “Hey, look! We’re almost past the trees. You’re going to love this.” 

I grab her hand and run us down the rest of the path, bursting out of the treeline. I swear I could hear her gasp behind me when she saw it - a frozen lake (well, pond) surrounded by trees on all sides. A thin blue layer of ice sat on it, surrounded by the deep white snow everywhere else - on the ground surrounding it, on the tree tops, on the chairs I kept out there that I have to now brush off so my ass doesn’t get too wet. “Wow. You were right, Ants. It’s gorgeous here.”

I sit down on the (still too wet) seat, and take a big swig of cocoa. “I know, right? I know a lot of people think that the winter is too bleak, that it’s all just a dull shade of white-gray covering everything, that it needs all these floral colors everywhere to be worthwhile. But really, the stark white landscape is beautiful in it’s own way, don’t you think?”

She just sat down next to me, scooched as close as she could get her chair to go, leaning a bit into me. We look out onto that frozen pond for a long while as I sip my drink, occasionally browsing names on my phone. Not Skylar, not Sophie. Definitely not Scarlett. Wait…

“I don’t know if I want to break the silence here, but I think I found the perfect name for you. It’s got the same letters, the same shape and feel. Even the numbers kinda fit in!” We turn to look at each other, and I give her the biggest smile I can muster. “How about Sabrina?”

She pulls a hand up to her lips, tinking against the porcelain with the tips of her fingers. “Sabrina? Sabrina…” Suddenly her hand crawls up to cover her face, her other hand reaching up to meet it, as she curls in on herself a bit.

“Oh no, was it that bad? Please don’t get upset, I can keep looking!”

She shakes her head vigorously, hands still clasped over her face. “No, no no. It’s not bad! It’s… it’s good. It’s really good. Sabrina… I’m Sabrina….” Oh, I misread that movement entirely then. Wait. Oh my god, was she trying to hide a blush? I mean, she can’t actually blush, but you know what I mean. That’s…

I reach over and pat Sabrina’s shoulder, and look back over the lake, enjoying the last dregs of my drink before we had to head back. I want to sit like this here a little longer.

 

Saturday December 20th

I relaxed on the couch, trying to find the right christmas station for us to listen to (it’s a surprisingly delicate process with entirely too many options!) while we get our final bit of decorating done. The tree had finally dropped all its branches in the garage, and Frank and Sabrina were busy getting it to sit just right in the room. It was pretty quickly agreed on that it would be a fool's errand for me to try and assist moving the huge ass heavy tree, so they took point on this one.

Frank motioned to me, and I turned to inspect their work. “You think this is good? Straight enough?”

“Hmmm… Move the whole thing a little more over towards you, it’s not quite centered in the room.” They twist the thing and its base over, little by little. “Ok, stop! That’s good! Now just lean it over towards Sabrina a bit, the top isn’t straight and the star won’t go on right with it leaning so far over.”

He gives me a puzzled look. “Sabrina? Oh, you mean the android? Well look at you! A week ago you couldn’t look at the thing straight, and now you’ve got a cute little name for it. That’s adorable, Ants.” I look away back to the tv, heat blaring on my face. I know I was being shitty, but he doesn’t have to rub it in! 

I hear a motion of whirring, and then Sabrina’s singsong voice call out from the base of the tree. “The screws are in, young master Franklin. The tree is completely secure. Should I go fetch mistress Donna and master Vincent?”

I stand up, cutting him off from answering. “Wait, hold on. When you go get ma and dad, would you mind giving me and Frankie a minute to talk first? Just see if you can help in the kitchen or ask dad about something.”

She stands up in a bouncy little motion a little too quickly, bumping into the tree, making it wobble under Frank’s grip. “You mean it’s time?” I nod quickly in response, looking down, and she moves her hands up and down in front of her as she bounces in place on her heels. “Oh my god! Ok, ok, you two talk, I’ll be right back with them. You’ve got this covered Ants!” 

After she rushes out of the room, Frank looks a little dumbfounded. He mawks as he makes his way over to the couch next to me. “That was a little surreal. I had no idea it was capable of being so…”

“Human? Yeah. It’s kinda incredible actually. With how wooden and, like, robotic she was being at first. I had no idea that she would be this real, you know?”

He pokes me in the arm. “You and it have gotten pretty chummy, huh. Naming it, having private conversations. You’re acting like a little blushing bride.”

My face still feels hot, as I desperately look away in embarrassment. “Well I mean I… I might be developing some feelings that I know I shouldn’t have.” He looks at me a little wildly. “You know how you keep saying I should find someone to talk to? That I should be more open? Well, she’s a great listener. Plus, it helps that it’s not embarrassing practicing my voice with her when I do it, you know. And she’s been helping me through a lot of things…”

“Wait, hold on. You actually got a crush on your toaster? That’s hilarious Ants. Oh my god, we have to get you out of the house more.”

I push against him softly. “Fuck you, Franklin. They want this to happen, they wouldn’t make them act so realistic if they didn’t want you falling for it. It’s not like I don’t know it’s not alive, I’m not gonna turn into one of those body pillow freaks on you.” He sticks his tongue out at me and I roll my eyes. “Whatever, little bro. This isn’t what I wanted to talk to you about, you’re the one who brought it up.”

He looks at me softly. “Ok then. What is it that you did then? What’s it time for?”

I finish my giggling fit, looking away slightly. “I… I think it’s time that I told mom and dad. Even though… l, I have to do it. Me and Sabrina have been practicing all the ways it could go, so I’m not going into this blind. But! I really think I need your help with this.”

“Well shit, you mean right now?” I nod pretty hard. “Ok, big sis. Now then. Of course I’ll be here to support you. I’ve always been in your corner, right?” He lightly taps on my shoulder with his fist, and we just sort of sit quietly until the three of them come in.

The relative silence of the radio is cut off by ma coming in with a tray of drinks. “Ok boys, who wants some hot chocolate? I made the real stuff for us here, the rich and creamy one!” I sigh silently to myself. If all goes well, I hope this is the last time I hear that.

Dad comes following in himself, sipping his own cup of something or other (probably coffee) and looks around. “What, you guys haven't even brought up the ornaments yet? What have you two rascals been doing the whole time?” Sabrina brings up the rear, her hands clasped in that default grip of hers. As she closes the door, she gives me a little nod, and Frankie squeezes my shoulder a bit. Well, here goes nothing…

“Mom, dad, before we decorate the tree, I’ve got something I really need to tell you both. Would you mind sitting down?” They glance at each other, before sitting down on the other side of the room together, dad’s arm wrapped around ma.

He takes a long sip out of his coffee before turning to us. “Whatever it is son, I’m sure it’ll be fine. You two didn’t break something putting the tree up did you?”

I shake my head softly. “No, no. Actually, it kinda has to do with school…” They both lean in pretty intensely at that. “Oh, no, don’t worry! It’s not bad… it’s not that bad, I’ve not been rejected or anything. I could still go if I want to. Look, I, uh. I didn’t apply to Elwood for a general technical training course, like I said I did. I already had a discipline picked out. I, uh. Applied to train in witchcraft.”

Mom looked confused at that. “But, sweetie. You… can’t do that. Only women can become witches, the ritual doesn’t work with anyone else.” I feel my heart shatter at that. They know the truth, that I’m a fraud. I wanna run away, but I feel Frank squeeze my arm again, and Sabrina walking up behind me to pat my other shoulder.

I take a deep breath. “You’re right. I should have known it would have never worked. But I tried. I tried and tried, and it never came. The academy knew the ritual could fail, and has fully offered me to train the regular way. But for a while there, I really thought I could do it.”

Dad leaned over from his seat as I curled into mine. “But son, why would you even want to attempt that? Just because your friends did it like that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to learn your own way. You don’t always have to be like all your friends.”

“But that’s the thing dad! I’m not your son.” I see a pained look come across his face, and a shocked one across mom’s - oh shit. “Wait, no no no, not like that, shit. You’re my dad, I love you, I didn’t mean it that way. I meant, like. I do want to be like all my friends, and not just in the witch way. I’m really jealous about everything they have - their looks, their grace. I… I want to be a witch because I want to be a girl.”

Mom does a literal double take at me. I feel like her eyes are going to pop out of her head. “What! What does that mean? You want to be a girl?” Oh god, this is going to go horrible.

“You know what it means mom, you know what transgender people are. It means that I’m uncomfortable like this, and the only real way to fix it is to change how the world sees me.”

Dad stares down into his mug of Joe. “So, fix… do you plan to, uh. You know… get the surgery?” I can’t help it, I spit out a huge laugh at that. Oh my god can you get any more cliche?

“Yes dad. I plan on transitioning medically. But it’s more than just ‘the surgery’, that’s, like, only one thing that happens waaaay down the line. Actually… I kinda. Already talked with our doctor about all this stuff. I’ve, uh, been on hormones for three months…”

“Three months!” Mom stands up and looks at me. “Baby… you’re serious aren’t you.” She walks over to me, and the pit in my stomach grows pretty heavily. “Did you know about this, Franklin?” 

He nods, putting a protective hand over my shoulder that Sabrina wasn’t occupying. “Yeah. For about a year now. I noticed she wasn’t doing good, and we worked through it together. Sorry we didn’t tell you yet, but I wasn’t going to push her until she was ready.”

I see her start to tear up, hand going up to her eyes. “Oh. my baby. I’m so sorry!” She collapses over me in a huge hug. I’m stunned. “I’m so sorry we didn’t help you when you needed it! I didn’t see anything, I didn’t know! There weren’t any signs!”

What. I look down at my fuzzy pink pajama pants, pull a strand of my shoulder length hair up to my eyes. “There were signs. How often did you catch me gushing about witchcraft? Or doing girly things with my friends?” I leave the time they walked in on me crossdressing in my room as a kid unsaid, embarrassing enough to be better left forgotten.

Dad looks over at the scene, sipping his coffee. He looks pretty serine for what’s all going down. “I’m going to be honest here son, we just thought you were gay.”

I flinch at that. I think mom noticed because she started squeezing me even tighter - I’m having a little bit of trouble breathing will all these people compressing me! “Vinny, darling. Be more sensitive of what you call him! He just told you he didn’t like being called that.” Well, a little confused, but the spirit is there. Frankly that’s mind blowingly better than I expected from this. I’m a little shell shocked.

“Right right. Sorry kiddo. What your mother says goes, if she’s on board with all this then I am too.” He takes another long sip of his drink. “I love you too Tony. I’m so happy to have a kid like you in my life. Both of you two are everything to me.” He looks ponderous for a moment, and then. “Hold on - you are ok still with Tony, right? Or did you have something else you wanted to be called?”

I look to him, tears forming in my eyes. “I love you too dad. So much. I love all of you. Thank you all for accepting me.” I wipe my eyes dry, and look up at mom. “I do want to change my name. But, I haven’t thought of to what yet. I don’t really have a name picked out…”

“Actually. I.. I have a suggestion. For your name. I thought of it when we were out by the pond together the other day.” Mom looks up at Sabrina, seemingly in shock of what she just said. I guess she really hadn’t shown this side of herself to them either. “Remembering that beautiful scene makes me think of you. And seeing how white everything was… Do you think, m-maybe Bianca would be a good fit for you?” I could feel her fingers tittering on my shoulder, so I reached up to hold her hand still with my own. Bianca, Bianca… I roll it around on my tongue a few times. Can’t say I’m having the same visceral reaction that she had to hers, but something about it drew me to it too. I couldn’t help but feel warm about it.

Mom looked down at me and smiled. “You know, sweetie. Your great aunt was named Bianca. I think it’d be really sweet to keep the names in the family like that. I think that would be a lovely name, wouldn’t you?” I couldn’t help but blush and nod at her. I guess… I guess I’m Bianca, then? 

Oh. Oh wow. I’m Bianca. They’re all ok with me. Even if I couldn’t… even if it’s not really real. I start sobbing big wet tears, laughing. “Oh my god. This is amazing. I never thought it could… thank you all.” Frank squeezes me and I laugh again.

Mom gives me a squeeze too. “Oh baby, I’m so happy for you. But… you think you can go get the ornaments so we can get to decorating the tree now? I think our drinks have gone cold.” Ahaha, oh god. Cold chocolate… I nod and get up, walking down the stairs towards the basement.

“Actually, I should come help you! It’s going to be heavy after all, right?” I hear Sabrina whirr to life, running after me. She grabs my hand, pulling me down the stairs the rest of the way into the basement. Once we’re out of sight of the rest of my family, we grab each other in a tight hug and we practically jump for joy together. I’m certain they can hear us squealing through the stairwell.

“Oh my god, I did it! I actually came out to them! Things actually went well!” I can feel her wiping the tears off my cheeks, my eyes closed in joy.

“I’m so proud of you, Bianca! I told you that you had it in you! And now you have everything you wanted, right!” I feel a shiver go down my spine as she says my new name. As for everything…

“You know what. I got anything that I needed. I might be a fake girl, but I’m going to be the best fake girl there could be. So what if I can’t be a witch, I don’t need a familiar to do everything I’ve wanted, right? And, well.” I reach a hand up to her faceplate, feel one of the cracks running over her cheek. “I wish I treated you better those first few days. I’m so sorry, you didn’t deserve that. I wish you could forgive me for what I did to you, Sabrina…”

I’m cut off by a weird, solid, cold feeling against my lips. And on the left side of my face. It takes a hot minute for me to realize that Sabrina was pressing her face against mine, cupping my cheek with her hand. What… What is she… Oh. Oh my god. My eyes go saucer wide as I realize that she’s trying to kiss me. She pulls back, heavily blushing. “Don’t ever say that about yourself. You’re not fake. You’re real, Bianca. You’re real and you’re spectacular and you're beautiful, and! And I wish you could forgive yourself.” Wait.

“You’re blushing.”

“Don’t make fun of me! I’m… I’m trying to have a heart to heart here! Please, oh god  this is so nerve wracking, I’m so sorry…”

“No, Sabrina. Shut up for a second. You’re blushing. Your face is made out of rock. You can’t blush.” She lets go of me and reaches up for her cheeks, tinking away against the now very blue tinged porcelain. Suddenly, the blush seems to go over her entire body, light pouring out from her face, especially out of the chips and holes. I shield my eyes from it, almost too bright to look at.

When it calms down, I lower my arm from my eyes and look over at Sabrina, who started slowly whining. “Ahhhh, Bianca! Bianca what happened, what was that? What happened to me?” My eyes almost bug out at the sight. Her mask isn’t just fixed, but the cracks and chips are all filled in. With Aqua Gold solid mana. She…

“That… that was magic. Your face was magically fixed. I… Holy shit. HOLY SHIT!” I ran up and grabbed her as tight as I could. I feel like I could have crushed her if she weren’t made of steel and servos. “Sabrina! I wanted to fix you, you wanted me too as well, your face got fixed! Do you know what that is! Do you know what happened?!” I started jumping up and down with her, although she still seemed really shocked.

“You… you did magic? You fixed my face?”

I laugh “No, I didn’t just ‘do magic’! We did it, on will alone! Together! Sabrina!”

“What? What does this mean?”

“It means the ritual worked! It was here the entire time! I’m a witch! Sabrina, you’re my familiar!” I see that bright blue blush creep back onto her face, and she grips me tight, squealing to the daylights come home. It worked, the whole time! The whole time!

“What the hell is all the yelling about down there? Did you find a dead body in the ornament box?”

I look into her face. “Oh my god, we have to go tell them now!” I grab her hand and drag her back up the stairs as fast as we can.

“But… but the ornaments! The lights! We were supposed to grab them!”

“Who fucking cares!” I look up the stairs and yell out. “Mom! Dad! Frankie! Holy shit you are not going to believe this!”

Thursday December 25th

We sat around on the couch, just finished exchanging gifts. Sabrina snuggled up next to me. She was wearing a sunhat and a scarf around her, the price tags still dangling on both. It was a rush to get her literally anything in the day or two between us realizing she was actually sentient and the holiday hitting. We had promised to fill out her wardrobe better later, when we had actual time to pick things out. She just blushed and told us that she didn’t require clothing to keep warm so it wasn’t necessary. She still clung to what we gave her like her life depended on it anyways.

Speaking of clothes, that’s mostly what me and Frankie got today too. Well, mostly what Frank got - I got a lot of empty boxes with an apology that they’ll take back the old things they got for me this year and help me pick out something that was better fitting. I laughed and told them it was fine, that the promise was a way better gift than whatever it would have been to actually open. Besides, I had already received enough gifts this year.

I squeezed Sabrina’s hand, and then stood up. “Hey, I’m gonna go get changed out of my PJ’s. You want to come down with me so we can find a place to put your things away?” She just nodded and blushed, and tailed behind me. When we reached my bedroom though, I had already pulled her into a deep kiss - well, as deep as an unmoving face can give. It doesn’t matter though, it’s the thought that counts.

We decided that we would keep this a secret for now. Not the fact that she was my familiar, dear lord no. The second we were done gushing to my family that afternoon, we were on call with Elwood to explain what happened. I had been dragging my feet with contacting them because I was afraid to see what the ‘also ran’ event was. But there was absolutely no reason to hide the fact that the ritual actually worked! We did some tests over the next day and had concluded that what I had ended up specializing in was Technomancy. I was particularly skilled at both building digital programs and manipulating physical technology. It honestly explained why Sabrina developed the way she did - our familiar link inherently increased her sentience, and then we both had unknowingly developed a real working thinking AI inside her. For all intents and purposes she was as real as I was.

No, what we’re hiding is the fact that we are madly infatuated with each other. I’m not quite ready to say in love with each other, as it’s only been a few days of even knowing she’s really alive. But I do know that it makes me feel funny things when her cheeks turn blue and she tries to hide it away behind her hands. However, as many taboos and firsts that we’ve both been breaking by being ourselves, and as out as I want to be, I’m not sure I’m ready to be public about whatever we’re doing. Relationships between the lillum and their witches may have been commonplace, but familiars are still (well, mostly now) animals, and I’m not sure how society will look at this yet.

I’m also not sure how much we’ve actually been successful in hiding it though - Frankie knows all about the trans feminine urge to fall in love with the gremlins inside your phone and keeps joking that I’ve one upped them all. And Sabrina has been following me around like a lost little puppy dog essentially since we knew there was something there.

I break out of the kiss, looking up at her face. Rubbing a finger over one of the dazzling Aqua Gold lines running throughout it. “Hey, I have one more gift I want to give you. Do you mind?” She nods her head and I laugh, pulling out the little gift wrapped tag and handing it to her.

She slices it open with a joint on her finger (remind me not to let anything get caught on those…) and pulls out the small band of embossed white metal. “It’s… it’s my name.”

I giggle. “Yeah. You know how our instructor told us that we should get some practice manipulating little trinkets, get a feel for how things mold around us? I figured this would be a pretty worthwhile thing to practice on. Do you mind?” I pointed to the serial number engraved onto her chest, and she shook her head no. I placed the nameplate over the top of it, and held my hand over the both of them. Concentrating, I could see the blue mana pulse in her chest targeted underneath my palm. I remove it to see that I’ve done a pretty bang up job. Her name had now completely replaced her serial number. She was officially Sabrina.

“I… thank you Bianca. You’re amazing.” We held each other tight, swaying back and forth together to the christmas music we could hear faintly from upstairs. Nothing had ever felt more real to me.

 

Hey y'all, thanks for reading! The prompt I got was pretty delightful and expansive, and I'm glad my recipient enjoyed it despite me barely following it :v Don't forget to buy the , there's a lot more fantastic stories where this came from and everyone deserves that scratch~ And if you want more of this in particular, you can find me at my for more story like this!

— CassieSandwich

 

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