Chapter 5: Unmasked

The days that followed that night were difficult.

On one hand, the manifestation of my power was an incredible experience. The act of simply saying the words and becoming transformed into a real, honest-to-goodness hero was the single greatest moment of my life. And it didn’t get any less amazing when I did it again. And the fact that I would be able to fight in earnest, not as some half-baked vigilante, but as a real actual-factual hero with a reputation? That was amazing.

But… there was the cost that came with it as well. I was still uncertain of this power and how it fully worked. What did it mean that I was able to call upon the power of this brooch? Sera Senshi were universally female. Full stop. Whether the lore of the manga and anime was actually true was something still to be determined, but it was still very clear that there had never been a male Senshi before.

Tuxedo Mask didn’t really count. And while the Sailor Stars pretended to be male, they were very much women. And Uranus… well, Sailor Uranus was supposed to be both male and female? I didn’t really understand it. All I knew was that regular men like me couldn’t be sailor scouts.

And yet, I still had said the magic words and became a brand new Sailor Moon anyway.

When the original Sailor Moon had handed me the brooch, with all that kindness in her eyes, what had she known that I didn’t? Why didn’t she laugh at me when I said that I wanted to be a Senshi like her? Why had I even said that out loud?

Well… to be fair, because it was true. Maybe I hadn’t been able to admit it to myself, but I idolized the Sera Senshi. While everyone else wanted to be Superman or Batman or Green Lantern or the Flash… I wanted to be Sailor Moon.

And now, for better or worse, I was.

I sagged back onto my bed, still toying with the brooch in my hands. It didn’t even feel real as I held it. It was metallic, but still light, like plastic. When she had first handed it to me, I worried that it was a toy and she had been playing a joke on me.

But then I just said those words, “Moon prism power, make up,” and… and…

I felt myself blushing at the memory of my reflection.

I was beautiful. I looked absolutely beautiful.

Frowning, I got up off my bed and stepped into the bathroom. Peering into the spotted mirror, I was shocked by the differences between me as I was now and the sailor scout I could become. My hair color, my eye color and some smaller things, like the shape of my nose or the way I smiled… that was still the same. But… as for everything else, it was completely different. And the more I looked into that mirror, the worse I felt about those differences.

I couldn’t quite figure out why it twisted up my stomach so much. I wasn’t ugly, or anything. Hell, given the kind of vigilante antics I was doing on a nightly basis, I was pretty damn fit. My girlfriend certainly appreciated my appearance and my body. But… the more I saw my reflection, the more I longed to see her again. That girl with the long hair and that radiant face.

I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the knock on my door. I felt my heart nearly wrenched out of my chest as I realized who was likely on the other side. My roommate wouldn’t bother knocking, as he had a key. And, truthfully, I didn’t have any other friends.

I swallowed hard as I tried to massage my face into a neutral blankness. I opened the door to my girlfriend, still smiling wide as she stood outside my door. “Hey!” she said cheerfully, “So… you ready to go on patrol tonight?”

I peered up and down the hallway, grateful for no bystanders to hear her say that. “You want to maybe keep it down a little bit?” I asked a little ruefully. “I mean, geeze Carla, it’s not like I want the entire campus to know what we’re doing.”

“I know, I know…” she said, nodding as she stepped inside and I closed the door behind her. “Just… holy freaking shit… it’s SAILOR MOON! IN GOTHAM! HERE!” she tried to keep the words down, but it became a sort of strangled, squealing hiss as it left her throat.

I nodded, making a point to turn on my stereo to some light music, to cover our conversation. Dorm walls could be unpleasantly thin sometimes. “Yeah… it’s… wow…”

Carla sat on my bed, kicking her feet eagerly, like a kid. “I… never would have guessed… like… It’s Gotham, you know? Our capes are always the gloomy, gothic types.”

“I mean… there’s Batgirl?” I offered with a shrug. “She’s… uh… kind of less mopey.”

Carla waved the point aside. “Sure… but, holy crap we have Miss ‘fighting evil by moonlight, winning love by daylight’ here!” She stood up suddenly. “We should see if we can find her again!”

I had to steady my breath. I had replaced my brooch back under my hoodie, but it still felt uncomfortably heavy and prominent around my neck. “Uh… Gotham is a big city, Carla. She probably isn’t going to necessarily be anywhere in particular.”

Carla broke out into a mischievous grin. “I actually have an idea… I think I know who she really is…”

I had to fight back a grimace, and I felt the hoodie I was wearing become uncomfortably hot, even as I was blasting the AC. “Seriously?”

She nodded. “She showed up just after you and the other Gotham U students got back from the Japan trip, right? She said that she was picked by the original Sailor Moon, right? You were in Tokyo, and there was supposed to be this big monster attack while you were there…” 

I froze. I felt my breath catch in my chest, and the world felt a little uneasy under my feet as she continued to speak. It wasn’t that Carla was stupid or anything, but I hadn’t expected this flash of insight from her.

“Sailor Moon would have definitely shown up then. So… that means it’s got to be one of the girls from the trip! She picked one of the students to be the new Moon and they came back here to Gotham!”

I felt sick to my stomach. “Uh… that seems like a bit of a stretch. It could be a coincidence.”

“I mean… maybe,” she said, nodding, “But it’s a really strong theory. Besides, there’s no harm in checking it out, right? Can you make a list of all the girls who were on the trip with you? Were any of them missing on the trip? Acting suspicious?”

I crossed my arms uncomfortably. “Um… leaving aside that you’re talking about stalking our classmates and invading their privacy… what are you even going to do if you do meet her? Get an autograph? Ask to be a Sailor Scout?”

She looked a little hurt by my words, and I realized that I had been a little sharper than I had meant to be. It was out of nerves, but I had no way of telling her that.

I forced out a sigh, wrapping her in my arms. “I’m… I’m sorry… I just...I’ve been going through some stuff.”

Carla nodded. “I know… That fight was pretty rough… And I know you don’t like it when you lose. But if Sailor Moon hadn’t shown up…” She trailed off, her face tight. “But I just want you to know that no matter what, you’re still my hero.” She leaned her head on my chest.

Which, unfortunately, landed on the brooch hidden on a chain around my neck. I felt the blood drain from my face. I jerked away, my brain immediately kicking into high gear to find an excuse.

“What… what do you have under your shirt?” Carla asked, clearly confused.

“Nothing,” I said, feeling my sweat bead on my forehead, “Nothing…”

She raised an eyebrow, “Honey… what do you have?”

No convenient lies came to mind quickly enough.

I held up a hand. “Just… uh… give me a second…”

I weighed the options. Telling her the truth was the most straightforward option. But it raised a number of questions that I simply did not have any answers to. Besides, there quite frankly was no lie that was going to be good enough to answer the questions she had. 

I played out the scenario in my brain:

What do you have under your shirt?

A necklace? It was obviously jewelry.

Can I see it?

What could I say to that except for, Yes? Saying “No” was only going to bring on more suspicion.

Oh, you have a perfect replica of the Sailor Moon transformation brooch… hidden under your shirt. That’s… strange. Can I hold it?

Again, “no” was going to bring more suspicion. And if she held it in her hands she would know. 

There was no concealing or denying the power it held.

I had to tell her the truth.

I couldn’t keep this lie up anymore. And, besides, I needed someone to talk to about all this or I was going to explode. In spite of the complexities it brought up, there really wasn’t anyone else I could tell.

“I… I was going to tell you…” I said quietly, “I really was… but I… uh… I didn’t know how you would react and I really don’t want to make our relationship tense again. Especially after our last big fight.”

Carla crossed her arms, not saying a word. Our relationship hadn’t quite healed and this surprise seemed to have set her off.

I sighed pulling the golden brooch out from under my shirt, allowing it to sparkle in the lights of the dorm. Carla’s eyes widened in amazement for a split second before I clutched the brooch in my hands and said the magic words.

“Moon prism power! Make up!”

The experience of transforming was no less wonderful this time. Now that I had the time to more fully take it in, it really was like this experience of being submerged in warm, bubbling water. It was like being wrapped in a warm blanket. Energy just poured into my body from all around me, filling me to the brim. Even after the transformation, that warmth still burned quietly within me. I still felt that sense of security, safety and confidence that it had brought to the surface. It was more than a physical transformation, but a spiritual one. The anime really didn’t do it justice.

After that long, yet instant moment of transformation had passed, I now stood in front of Carla as the fully real Sailor Moon.

Carla gaped in shock. Her jaw literally hung open in awe at what she was seeing. She stepped forward, still staring at me in complete disbelief at what she was saying. “Wha…” she stuttered, her mouth not quite under her control. “No… no way…” She ran her hands over my costume.

This unfortunately caused her to brush over my chest, the sensation of which nearly caused me to bump my head into the ceiling with how high I jumped. I had made a very real promise to myself not to really feel myself up in this state (again), for a wide variety of reasons, but holy shit boobs were fucking sensitive!

Carla stumbled backwards as I reacted, her shock increased. She slowly collapsed onto the floor, unable to get her legs to support her. She didn’t even seem to notice, but just stared and gawped. She made vague noises of shock as I hugged my chest and tried to shy away from her eye contact.

This was not the kind of reaction that I hoped for, but it was what I had feared and expected.

“Holy fuck…” she whispered, breathing hard, “It’s…. It’s real? You… you’re really… you’re Sailor Moon?!”

I nodded. “Yeah,” I said quietly, trying not to draw attention to my new voice.

“Fuck…” she said, struggling to get to her feet. I offered a gloved hand and she took it, to reclaim her footing. “Holy shit… how?!”

“I… uh… took on a youma in Tokyo,” I said, still not meeting her eyes, “and… uh… I put up a good fight, but it was just too strong. But then Sailor Moon showed up. The real one. And… she healed me and nuked the thing like she was swatting a fly.” I chuckled. “She’s… holy shit she’s amazing. Like… not just beautiful, but powerful. I seriously think she could take Superman in a fair fight.”

Carla stared at me for another moment before speaking. “But why… why did she give you the powers?”

I sighed, sitting down on my bed. It really felt strangely different while I was wearing the skirt. “I said I wanted to be a real hero like her… I was tired of being powerless and unable to change the world. And… she just plucked the brooch off her chest and handed it to me. She gave me my chance. I thought she was making fun of me… that it wouldn’t work… but I said the words and… it did.”

It was the truth. But not the whole truth. I didn’t want to open up about the confusing feelings I had about my gender to complicate the issue. How could I get Carla to understand when I didn’t even understand?

Carla shook her head. “That’s… that’s not supposed to be possible. You can’t be a Sailor Scout if you’re a boy, right?” She frowned, looking at my chest. “Are… are you really… are those…” She pointed at them, unable to finish the sentence.

I nodded. “Uh… yeah… I’m all woman right now.” I hadn’t tested it extensively or anything, but I definitely was female in form. I was absolutely a woman now.

She gaped at me in shock. “But… you change back, right?”

I nodded again. Somehow, in spite of how much I was now under the microscope, the prospect of changing back felt even more uncomfortable right now. Even as Carla was staring at me in pure shock, I felt more comfortable this way than in my old form. “Yeah…”

Carla sat down next to me. The silence settled between us for a few minutes before she spoke again.

“Uh… so… what’s it like?”

I looked at her suspiciously. “Uh… I think you’re the expert in being a woman, between the two of us, Carla.”

She shook her head. “No, not being a woman… though…” She eyed me for a moment, clearly unable to articulate what she was going to say. “I mean, what’s it like being Sailor Moon? Like… what did transforming feel like? You change your clothes and your body when you transform, right?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Uh… the transformation is… nice. Warm. It makes me feel powerful,” I put a hand to my heart. “I just feel this core of my power burning within me.”

She peered at the brooch on my chest. “Does… does that have the Silver Millennium Crystal inside?”

I shook my head. “Nuh uh… I checked. I don’t think she would have trusted me with the source of all of their powers. I think it’s just her old brooch that she doesn’t need anymore.”

“Wasn’t it broken?” asked Carla, peering at it as it shimmered on my chest.

“Maybe she got it fixed?” I said, looking down at it, “I mean… she doesn’t really need it since she has the Cosmic Heart Compact… or the Holy Grail I guess… fixing her first transformation trinket wouldn’t be that hard…” I frowned at that. Why would she have had it on her like that? Had… had she been looking for someone to replace her and made it just for them? And she had chosen me?!

“So…” Carla just stared at the wall across from us, gesturing fruitlessly as her words seemed to fail her.

“Are… are you going to break up with me?” I asked, quietly, wringing my hands.

“What?! No!” she insisted, “Holy shit, honey… no! I just…” She shook her head. “It’s a lot to take in. I don’t know what to think. My boyfriend is Sailor Moon, for chrissakes.”

The word “boyfriend” twisted in my stomach. I couldn’t understand why. Regardless of my shape, I was still her boyfriend… right?

“But…” she continued, taking my gloved hands in her own, “I still love you, honey. No matter what you look like.”

I smiled, feeling tears welling in my eyes. “Thank you, Carla… really…” I wrapped my arms around her, and we embraced each other for a moment.

“So… what happens now?” she asked, breathing into my ear.

“Uh… maybe we grab some dinner and then go out on patrol?” I offered, chuckling nervously.

She nodded, and we pulled apart slightly to look each other in the eyes. “Okay… uh… I love you, sweetheart. We’ll make this work, okay?”

“I love you too,” I said nervously. I leaned forward and kissed her.

Carla jerked back in shock and alarm from the contact, pushing me back. “Holy shit…” she hissed.

I blinked in shock. “What?”

“I…” she breathed, “Uh… wow… I just… kissed Sailor Moon…”

I grinned suggestively as I waggled my eyebrows. “Wanna do it again?”

“Ugh, no! Gross!” she said, frowning deeply as she tossed a pillow at me, “I’m not gay!”

“Oh… Right…” I said, feeling some strange sense of disappointment. Why would she be? I was her boyfriend… why would I want her to be a lesbian?

“Look, if you want to make out, then you need to change back,” she said reproachfully. “I mean… be realistic here… I’m not interested in playing out some kind of weird fetish. You’re still a man inside and that’s the person I want to kiss.”

“Right…” I said distantly, feeling hollow inside rather than manly, “Okay… we can… do that later.”    

I released the transformation, feeling significantly colder and sadder as the powers departed. Carla approached me again, kissed me on the lips and wordlessly took my hand to lead me out of my dorm. Feeling drained of any kind of will to oppose her, I followed.

I couldn’t tell what was bothering me as we migrated to the university cafeteria. This was everything that I had ever wanted, but somehow, it still didn’t quite feel right. Carla had learned my second secret identity but still stuck with me against all odds. I had real and extremely useful superpowers now. I had just taken down one of the villains that even Batman himself had struggled with.

So why wasn’t I happy?! Why do I feel this emptiness inside?!

Because superpowers don’t fix everything, I told myself. In spite of all I had, I haven’t addressed something deep inside myself.

But what?! That was the mystery I couldn’t untangle.

“You’re quiet,” said Carla, squeezing my hand as she slid her own into it. “I mean, more than usual. You okay?”

“It’s… a lot,” I said, after a long pause, “I mean… it still doesn’t feel real yet. Like, I know I can do all this stuff, but it still feels like someone else did it, you know? Or that I just did it all by accident.”

“Hm,” she said, handing her dinner card to the front desk lunch lady and getting waved on. I followed suit. “I mean, that sounds like pretty standard imposter syndrome.”

I crossed my arms defensively. “I guess… but… I’ve been wanting this for so long. Having power, I mean.” I added that a tad hastily, “And I don’t know what to do now that I have it.”

“I mean… just keep doing what you did that night?” said Carla, accepting the evening’s entree onto her tray. “You seemed pretty confident during the fight.”

“I mean… it felt natural enough,” I said, blushing a little at the memory, “but standing here as I am now… it’s just sort of overwhelming.” I accepted the entree with some hesitation as I never really liked the food the cafeteria offered. You could only sauce dry, overcooked chicken in so many ways. And I wasn’t certain about the consistency of the soggy broccoli and gluey cheese they offered as a side. I accepted the meager perk of my tuition and grabbed a muffin and water as me and Carla made our way out of the serving area and into the mass of seating.

“Well… I mean, it’s obvious why you’d be feeling that way,” said Carla, looking around the cafeteria for a seat. “It’s kind of freaky isn’t it?”

“What?” I asked, pointing out a reasonably empty spot in the corner where we could talk more openly. 

She nodded and we headed over. As we sat down, Carla gestured with her fork. “Like… you become a woman when you transform. A completely different person. That’s kind of messed up.”

I winced internally. “I mean… it’s different, but it’s not that different.”

 

She gave me a look of surprise. “For real? Because… I’m not going to lie… if someone offered me the powers of Superman or something, but I had to look like him to use them… I’d probably say no.”

“Well, you already have powers,” I said, frowning. 

“I mean, okay, fair,” she said, nodding, “but it’s a really creepy idea that you’d be wearing someone else’s body. I mean, I’d be losing my shit if I suddenly grew a penis or something. Like… what’s it like when you look in the mirror? Or when you look down and see your own breasts?”

I blushed and stared at my food. I couldn’t answer her. I couldn’t tell her about these feelings.

“Yeah… that’s gotta be really fucked up,” she said, nodding. “Back when I was in high school drama club, we had a play, but there weren’t enough boys to play the parts. So I drew the short straw and had to pretend to be a boy. Tie back my hair, tie down my boobs and paint on a little beard. It was silly… but looking in the mirror was really creepy and uncomfortable when I had to look like a boy.  I could imagine that same feeling of discomfort when you see Sailor Moon in the mirror instead of the real you.”

I indeed felt physically ill as I tried to focus on my meal. She was both so incredibly wrong and yet completely right. “I’d prefer not to talk about it,” I said, my voice tight.

“That’s fine,” said Carla, nodding. “But I just wanted you to know that I understand…”

But she didn’t, I realized. What she was describing felt more akin to what I was experiencing as a man, sitting here with her. Rubbing at my thick jaw, with bristly facial hair and feeling the general bulk of my frame felt infinitely worse than what I looked like as Sailor Moon.

What the actual fuck was wrong with me? Did I actually prefer being female?

I did.

I couldn’t find any answer aside from “yes.” No matter how much I tried to slide away from it or dismiss it, when faced with the question, I couldn’t deny it.

I preferred being female.

And I had no way of escaping that feeling anymore now that it was nailed down. Something was wrong with me and I had nobody I could talk to about how to fix it.

All that remained was to keep trying to fix the world around me and hope that some kind of solution came from it to fix me, too. 

That hope was all that moved me forward.

__________________________

One of the more immediate things I noticed from being Sailor Moon was the attention.

In my previous guise as Cross, I was inescapably an amateur vigilante with no real power of my own. The outfit and the martial arts made that fairly clear. But now I was not only wearing a real costume, but I was displaying real superpowers, too.

Of course I was beginning every single fight by announcing myself as “Sailor Moon, Guardian of Justice and Love” so clearly I was self-promoting on top of everything else. Like I always said, being a hero required good marketing. And with my panache, grace and visible optimism, people couldn’t help but take notice.

I made a point to stay for any civilian who wanted to socialize, too (provided I wasn’t chasing down another criminal). I was apparently blowing up on social media as an up-and-comer and everyone wanted a selfie with me or an autograph or the like. It was a strange sensation to be so friendly and sociable when I’d never really done it before. I found myself laughing and smiling and people were somehow drawn to me more easily.

I wasn’t just a hero that fought crime, I was a hero that inspired people.

A particularly delightful interaction came from a teenage girl who had bought a brand new Sailor Moon comic omnibus solely for me to sign and so she could sell it for the money, but she’d gotten so sucked into the story that now couldn’t bear to pawn it off after I signed it. She was just so amazed at what “I” had accomplished. Granted, it wasn’t me, but I told her that I would pass her admiration on to the original Sailor Moon.

Crystalline had begun to get attention as well, even if we weren’t particularly on the same level of skill or power. She wasn’t quite as personable or charismatic as I was, but she smiled and waved all the same. Just being Sailor Moon’s “sidekick” was a really big deal in our patrol area around campus. I wasn’t thrilled with people minimizing Carla’s contribution like that and made a point to insist that she and I were equal partners. Nevertheless, people knew both our names.

Our big PR moment happened in an unusual place.

We had just cleared out the residents of a fire at a low-income apartment complex south of the university. Carla had used her powers to create glass slides to get people to safety and I used my moon-jump powers to leap up and get people down safely. We salvaged what possessions we could, but much of their stuff was lost to the flames.

I was a little annoyed that I wasn’t chosen to be Sailor Mercury at this point. The ability to douse the flames would have been extremely useful. I supposed there were some things you just couldn’t fix with magic tiaras and moon lasers.

But as soon as we confirmed that everyone was safe and that there was nothing further we could do, I was surprised to find as we were leaving, a trio of girls approaching us.

“Hi,” said the leader, a red-haired girl in glasses and wearing a yellow jacket, waving cheerfully at us as if she had known us for years. “Got a minute to talk?”

Me and Crystalline exchanged glances. She shrugged in that general way that said, “Do what you want,” and I decided that what I wanted was to do the Sailor Moon name proud.

“Sure,” I said, nodding, “what’s up?”

“First off, big fan…” she continued with a grin, “my name is Carrie Kelley. These are my friends Julia Remarque,” a dark-haired and sullen girl in a dark coat nodded silently, “and Vicki Vale,” a chestnut-haired girl in a pea-green coat waved with a smile.

“Nice to meet you,” I said with a nod, “I’m Sailor Moon, and this is my partner, Crystalline.”

Crystalline waved shyly, “Hey.”

You are reading story Secret Identity at novel35.com

“So… we host a weekly cape podcast, Grim Gotham…” said Carrie nervously, “we try to cover all of the big superhero and villain happenings in the city. Obviously most of the time, we’re focused on the Bat-Fam, but the two of you have been really active so we wanted to ask some questions and do an interview with you for our show, if that’s okay.”

“Sure,” I said, nodding.

Carrie beamed as she pulled out an audio recorder. “Okay… so… it’s okay if I record?”

I nodded. I’d been interviewed before when we saved the town back in high school. I’d been trying to be the gloomy “bad boy” of our old team and while it was on-brand for me at the time, being the brighter and sunnier Sailor Moon for Gotham media felt more… honest, somehow.

“O-okay… so… uh… three, two, one and-“ she nodded to herself and began to speak, a little more confidently now that she was on the record. “Hey there internet, it’s ya girl Carrie here, I’m out here on the mean streets of Gotham with the girls Julie…”

“Bonjour,” chirped the dark-harried girl.

“And Vicki,” Carrie continued.

“Howdy!” said Vicki cheerfully.

“And for this segment we have some very extra-special guests… we present to our audience the brand-spanking-new heroes of Gotham…” she gestured to me, indicating we should introduce ourselves.

I shrugged. “I am the beautiful warrior in a sailor suit, the champion of Love and Justice, Sailor Moon!” I said, hamming it up a little. Again, the pose was mandatory, even if it was on audio.

Crystalline frowned at me a little and leaned forward to speak. “Uh… I’m Crystalline.”

There were some good-natured chuckles from the rest of the girls, but I saw that Carla was visibly blushing as I was upstaging her a little. Which was ironic, given that she was part of the university’s drama program. 

I tried to disarm the conversation a little.

“Sorry about that… not trying to put Crys on the spot… I swear…,” I said as earnestly as I could. “Just… I got a reputation to uphold, you know? Gotta go out there and live up to the Sailor Moon name and everything.”

“Sure, sure,” said Carrie, smiling, “and you girls are obviously making names for yourselves. All of the cape bloggers and hero fans have been clambering for info on the two of you, and we aim to give them what they’ve been asking for.”

“So…” chimed in Vicki, professionally, almost like a reporter, “right from the start, can you summarize your powers?”

I gestured to Carla who cleared her throat. “Uh… I can control glass.”

“Mold it, shape it, levitate it,” I clarified, trying to build her up a little, “Crys is a genuine threat, especially in an urban environment. She once turned an entire crew of bank-robbers into glass sculptures with the wave of her hand.”

Carla smiled, blushing under her mask. “It was only a few of them… and we did get the drop on them.

“Right, sure,” said Vicki patiently, “and you?”

“Uh… I can do magic?” I said, a little nervously, “I know it’s a little broad, but it’s genuinely straight up magic. Energy control and projection, healing, enhanced mobility… same powers as the original Sailor Moon, basically.”

“So, just so we are clear,” asked Julia, eyebrow raised, “you aren’t really Sailor Moon? Like… the actual hero from the nineties?”

“The original hero passed her mantle onto me,” I said, sighing, “I’m a legacy hero.”

“Gotcha,” said Carrie, eagerly. “So… uh…” she peeked at a notebook in her hand, “The real, actual Oo-say-gee gave you your powers?”

“Usagi,” I said politely, “Oo-sah-gee Tsu-kee-noh. I mean, that’s not her actual name. It would be kind of dumb to publish your secret identity for the world. But yeah, the real girl passed the torch to me.”

“Cool,” said Carrie, “now, I’ve done a little bit of Googling, and I had to admit that I was surprised to learn that Sailor Moon was actually a real hero. I mean, I kind of assumed she was on the same reality scale as the Ninja Turtles, you know? How much did you know about her before you were passed the mantle?”

“I was a massive fan, actually,” I said, blushing a little, “it was the most amazing thing in the world to see her in person.”

“Was it a worthiness thing?” asked Julie, frowning, “like with Green Lantern or King Arthur or something?”

“Are you a reincarnation of the old lunar royalty, like they were in the show?” asked Vicki.

“I can’t exactly go into specifics,” I said, firmly, trying not to let people draw information that might point to my identity. If Carla had begun to figure it out, others might follow suit. “But I’ll say that I proved myself to her.”

“Fair enough,” said Carrie. “And Crystalline? I swear we haven’t forgotten about you… you’ve been doing this a little longer than Sailor Moon right?”

“… Yes,” she said, after a moment of thought.

“And you had another partner before this?” Carrie continued.

“…Yes,” she said after another pause.

“I haven’t been able to track down much info about him,” said Carrie, frowning at her notes. “Just a vague description of a guy in a coat with fighting sticks.”

Carla looked a little nervous at this line of questioning, so I leaned in to bail her out.

“His name was Cross,” I said, finding it strangely easy to talk about myself in the third person, “He was an amateur hero, powerless, who tagged along with Crys before I showed up. I met him in the fight with Clayface, and if I’m honest, the guy was in over his head here in Gotham.”

Vicki seemed to catch onto something. “So… Crystalline ditched him for you?”

“I mean… wouldn’t you?” I said with a chuckle, “the guy was kind of a dork.”

The girls laughed a little with me, but Carla silently frowned.

“So… girls, I’m sorry to ask this, really… but it’s one of those questions people will not stop asking and I just wanted to head it off at the pass,” said Carrie apologetically. “You say that you two are partners, and well… uh…” she trailed off.

“Are you two screwing?” chimed in Julie, bluntly.

I laughed a little, nervously exchanging glances with Carla. She leaned into the recorder with a scowl on her face and firmly enunciated. “I am not gay.”

“Look,” I said, a little more diplomatically. “I know romance always ends up being the point of speculation with capes that work together in teams. I know that Batwoman gets some questions about what her relationship with Batman is and I know there’s a VERY sizable Batman and Robin slashfic community.”

Maybe it was my imagination, but I could have sworn Carrie blushed a little as I said that. Perhaps I had struck a nerve?

“But the point is that, while I’m not condemning anybody gay, straight or otherwise, it’s not the kind of relationship we’re in,” I said as conclusively as I could.

Carrie nodded. “Right, right. Sorry again. I think the big question that I wanted to ask is what does it mean to you to be a woman and a hero? I know that Batwoman and Batgirl are running around Gotham, but you are carrying the mantle of a distinctly female hero. You aren’t living in the shadow of a man, but are an icon for girls everywhere. I’ve been seeing comparisons between you and Wonder Woman and I can see why the legacy of Sailor Moon exists in the same space.”

I considered the question for a moment, eyes wide. I was actually being compared to Wonder Woman of all people!?  In the corner of my eye, I saw Carla giving me a look that bordered on disgust.

“Here’s the thing,” I said, slowly trying to put my words together, “I will definitely say that there are some gendered expectations in the hero world. Especially for heroes like Supergirl or Batgirl or other heroes stuck in the shadow of masculine counterparts, there’s this expectation of them needing to measure up and meet the standards of their predecessor, while still being classically feminine. Obviously, heroes like Wonder Woman and Sailor Moon are less bound by that baggage.”

I held out my hands. “It’s a rigged system that puts so much more pressure and expectation on us. But I think me and Crys want to express that you don’t need to live in a man’s shadow and you don’t need to play that game. That was the whole point of the Sailor Moon story... that you can be vulnerable and sensitive and caring and kind and all that stuff, while still being powerful. It’s not about fighting with your fists but with your heart instead. That’s what it means to be both a woman and a hero, to me.”

The three of them stared at me in awe for a full minute. Carrie fumbled with her notebook and looked for the next question to ask.

“Um… there’s no denying the fact that you’re really a breath of fresh air in Gotham. You’re definitely not the gloomy or spooky type. Crystalline, your outfit is noticeably visible and Sailor Moon you are…” she gestured to me helplessly, “well, you’re Sailor Moon. How do you keep your positive vibe in the face of such a… well, complicated city?”

“I think…” I said, frowning, “that I try to carry the same hope that the previous Sailor Moon did. She faced literal demons and aliens and all kinds of horrors, but it was because of her hope and her willingness to bring light into darkness that she was able to overcome so much. She believed in that hope, and I do too. I believe this city can be better and that’s what I hope to bring with my work here.”

Carrie nodded. “Crystalline? Anything to add?”

“Uh… no, I think s-she covered it,” she said, still giving me a pointed look.

“Okay!” said Carrie cheerfully, “anything you girls want to close out on?” She looked to her partners. They still were staring at me, dumbfounded.

“Anything else from you two?” she asked us.

“No,” said Carla, a little tersely.

“Uh… I would just like to thank you for reaching out,” I said, bowing to them a little, “I think that what you do is important, because it’s always worth remembering that heroes are people. I’m glad you’re taking the time to humanize us. We do important work, but have our own lives outside of this. We can affect change, but not just because of our powers. Because we have chosen to sacrifice our safety to make a difference one day at a time. I encourage your listeners to do the same. Make the world around you better, one day at a time.”

Carrie thanked us for our contribution, shared her website and encouraged us to check out her podcast when the episode was released. I promised her that I would, and thanked them all again before we stepped away.

As me and Carla headed back to campus, taking the back routes to avoid detection, I could tell that she was upset about something.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I kind of took over for that interview,” I said, a little guiltily. “It’s just… I have a lot to live up to.”

She shook her head. “It’s not that… it’s just a little… uh… annoying that you were pretending to be this big feminist icon and speak on the behalf of female heroes. She compared you to Wonder Woman?!  You’re not even a real woman!”

I felt like she had stabbed me in the chest with a molten hot spear and twisted it. I froze in place, feeling sick and hurt as I looked at her.

“It’s a little upsetting that you’re being asked to speak for girl heroes when you aren’t one,” she said, her arms crossed over her chest. “It’s gross and you had no right to do that.”

“Sorry,” I said, changing back as we got back into view of the university. Again, the cold sense of emptiness followed me as I stepped back into my old form, but with the added misery of Carla’s words shredding the inside of my head as they bounced around my skull.

“It’s okay,” said Carla, putting a hand on my shoulder, “you did okay… just remember who you are on the inside.”

I winced. I was only becoming more unsure on who I was inside. No matter how much I tried to keep it together, I was finding myself more comfortable as Sailor Moon than I did as the real me.

Changing back was only getting harder and harder.

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