Emotions are one thing, understanding them another. But perhaps, on this night, things might change. A short story about a familiar coming to some realizations about, well, everything.
The bed creaked, moans of pleasure and stifled curses audible even through the walls. Luna put her paws over her head as she tucked herself in closer in her spot on the sofa, a tight ball of fur, trying to drown out what was going on, and ignore it completely.
She couldn’t, though, no matter how hard she tried, how much she wished. No matter the pain that it seemed to make her feel, even if she didn’t know why, laced in with the feedback of pleasure from her witch. It was always like this, every time. And she felt ashamed that she felt that way every time, unable to express anything about it.
Luna didn’t hold Mirelle to blame at all. She was beautiful after all, still young, and she had needs, especially at this time of the year, when the moon was full and magic was at its strongest, the entire world celebrating something that it didn’t believe in, for one night treating it as if it was real. The one night where Mirelle could truly be herself, and no one would question it.
She felt it before she heard it, the flow of power, the gasp of surprise, everything becoming more intense for the two in the bedroom. A growl and a purr added into the mix, little wisps of magic dancing around the lounge. That no one else could see, of course, except for those like her.
It made it both harder and easier.
Coaxing one wisp closer to her, she used it to bring one of the cushions to her, and jammed her head between it and the sofa. It didn’t help much, but there was a strange comfort to it being there.
= ^ . . ^ =
Luna woke to the sound of the door being opened, and someone walking out. Uncurling, she made her way to the edge of the sofa and up onto the arm, unashamedly staring. She was a cat, after all, and cats were known for being curious. She had to admit that the lady was kinda cute, and definitely Mirelle’s type. Athletic figure, a loose hoodie and tight pants. And a pair of ash-silver fluffy wolf ears poking out of her similar coloured hair. It would have made for a rather subtle Halloween costume, if it wasn’t for the fact that they were very much real. That explained why she hadn’t freaked out when Mirelle had shifted, given that she had a similar nature.
“Oh, hey there, little one.” The woman made a beeline for the couch, Luna staying where she was, and giving her a quiet questioning meow. She wasn’t some timid creature after all.
The lady gave her a smile and patted her on the head, Luna quite happily accepting, giving a contended purr in response. Pats were nice, after all.
“She’s a good lady. Take good care of her, aye, pretty kitty,” the lady then said, before making her way to the door and silently letting herself out. It was still dark outside, the night young. Luna gave her another meow, but she was gone, the door clicking softly behind her.
It didn’t take Mirelle long to emerge from the bedroom, her blond hair a dishevelled mess, fluffy black cat ears still managing to poke out through them, twitching as they tried to dislodge some of the stray hair. She looked more tired than Luna had expected, a sadness to her face, a smear of lipstick on her lips. A rather nice purple shade. She wasn’t dressed in much either, just a loose tee, two sizes too large, that brushed against the top of her thighs, black cat tail lazily hanging behind her. Mirelle grabbed herself a glass of fresh water, and slumped down on the sofa beside her, downing half of it in one go.
‘She seems nice,’ Luna said, turning to face her witch.
“She was...” Mirelle left her sentence hanging as she finished off the rest of the glass.
‘She’s similar to you?’ Luna tilted her head slightly to one side.
“No, not really.” Mirelle sighed, and stared at her now empty glass, her tail wrapping itself over her leg. It was always cute when she did that, though usually she only did so when she was processing things.
‘Will you see her again?’
“No.”
‘And here I thought that she might be the one.’ Luna spoke it softly, gently, but she still saw the flinch of Mirelle’s face, felt a little of her pain. It stung.
Mirelle got up and wandered her way over to the fridge, pulling out a partially drunk bottle of wine, before she put it back and pulled out the bottle of milk instead, filling up her glass with that before putting the bottle back and making her way back to the sofa. “This is your fault, you know,” she stated, before she downed half of that as well, a little white line left on her glistening upper lip, Luna failing to resist the temptation to lick it away before Mirelle did so herself.
She went back to playing with the glass in her, turning it around as she watched the milk slosh at the sides. “I thought that I’d found the one once,” Mirelle eventually said, her voice low, sad. “She was cute, a pleasure to be around, and we were so close. I helped her find her true self, but in the process she forgot about herself. And she forgot about me.”
Luna hopped off the arm of the chair and rubbed herself against Mirelle’s leg, trying her best to comfort her.
‘What happened to her?’ she asked, looking up at her, at her gentle face, her sad eyes.
“I... don't want to talk about it.” Mirelle stared down at her glass, avoiding Luna’s eyes. “It's still raw, even after all these years, the reminders...” She gave a big sigh, and finished off the rest of the milk. “I just need to be alone for a bit, I think.”
Giving Luna a pat, Mirelle put her glass on the coffee table and made her way back to her room, Luna watching her sadly, at a loss as to what she should do. She hurt. She hurt so much. But she didn’t know why, or what to do about it.
= ^ . . ^ =
The night was clear, the air sharp, stars twinkling in the sky as the full moon bathed the land in its pale reflections, and it was far more alive outside than it had any right to be. Because it was that night, because people wanted an excuse to dress up and drink, and because, perhaps, the magic was making subtle pushes in that direction. Luna made her way down the street, walking on the footpath but very much ignored, as much a part of the night as everyone else. Kids in a myriad of costumes banging on doors, asking for candy, rowdy adults with bottles in their hands standing around bonfires or stumbling down the streets. And then there were those ones that had actually made an effort, their costumes enjoyable, perhaps even believable, most walking towards one destination or another. There were plenty of private parties, and the Fae Illurance that was being held in the middle of town as it was every year, which was where she was heading. She always went to watch, something of a ritual now, but usually she went alone. Once upon a time, Mirelle would have gone with her, but over the last few years, it had just been her. She was sad about that, but it was Mirelle’s night too, and Luna couldn’t begrudge her how she spent it.
It got busier the closer she got, Luna having to be a lot more cautious as to where she walked. She could do without being stood on. Eventually, deciding she’d had enough, she took to the fences. She had the balance and finesse after all, quickly walking along one and then hopping to the next, her sleek form and glossy black fur glinting in the moonlight. It was a better view from here too, though she did have to go back to ground level to cross the streets.
The group was an interesting one, her attention drawn to them, Luna stopping to watch them at the corner of one of the streets. More guys than girls, some in costume, some not. And too much beer between them. A zombie, a skeleton, two vampires, and a witch. Firelight reflected off them as they stood around it, enjoying its warmth, talking happily amongst themselves. Well, almost all of them. One of the unimaginative guys and the zombie girl were off to one side, almost out of sight, sharing a stealth kiss. And the guy, no, girl witch, who was looking in their direction, trying their best to hide a pained expression.
Understanding flowed through her, Luna giving a little hiss of pain. Ouch, that was so unfair. Tonight, of all nights, when the girl had finally taken the plunge, and for that to happen. She was at the start of a tough journey, she’d need all the support that she could get. Not to have it stripped from her. Luna shook her head, her whiskers tingling. The comments of some of the other guys in the group weren't helping either. Snide, disrespectful, phobic comments. Apparently for this group, alcohol didn’t bring out any kindness. There was some shame there too, that she’d dressed up like this, and that it had gone this way. Rejection stung more than any blade.
She couldn’t help it, the pain stabbing at her, mixing in with what she was already carrying, anger flaring red and hot. She didn’t think, just acted, the wisps of magic brushing her sides as she used her magic. A flicker of flame that somehow danced out of the fire, singeing the t-shirt of one of the guys, who yelped in surprise, spilling his beer all over another one. Who then tripped over the cooler that was now behind him, landing in a damp patch of grass where some ice had been tipped and melted. And the hose that obviously hadn’t been properly turned off, surging to life and spraying the stealth kissing pair in a saturating mist.
Luna didn’t really feel any better, dropping her head and walking away, down the street. It wouldn’t make it any better for the girl, nothing would really. Not with those around her tonight at least.
‘Did it help?’
Luna started, looking up to find an ash-grey wolf standing in front of her, looking at her with its crystal blue eyes.
‘No,’ she muttered in reply, staring back down at the grass.
‘You know that we’re not meant to do things like that, but you are the most subtle that I’ve seen.’
Luna couldn’t tell if she was being told off or complimented. The wolf had a nice voice, though. Powerful, but kind of sweet, and delicate too.
‘They deserved it, with the way they were treating her,’ she eventually mumbled back, still staring at the ground, neither of them moving.
She could feel the wolf looking over her, at where she had come from.
‘Perhaps. But who are we to judge?’
Luna didn’t have anything to say.
‘Why are you so angry?’
Luna looked back up at the wolf, and glared, said anger firing back up red hot. ‘No one deserves to be treated like that, especially her. Not now, of all times.’
‘Is that all of it? There’s nothing else going on?’
‘Who are you to ask?’ Luna hissed at the wolf. It wasn’t that she didn’t like her, she just was someone that she didn’t know. Another witch’s familiar.
‘Would you like to talk about it? While we watch the Fae Illurance perhaps? We won’t see much from here.’
Someone she didn’t know. But her voice was kind, soothing. Caring. She was like her, and perhaps she could use the company. ‘I guess,’ she finally relented.
= ^ . . ^ =
The view from the balcony was nice, overlooking the main street, just high enough that they could see everyone without being seen themselves. The wolf had somehow managed to get up here as well, without any effort or being seen. Magic, of course. But even still, it surprised her, especially given her size, but Luna wasn’t complaining. Large gas fires dotted the length of the street, bathing the sea of people in their orange glow and providing some warmth. Warmth a-plenty that she was currently getting from the wolf, as she lay there curled up and snuggled up against her. She’d just done it on instinct, and the wolf hadn’t complained at all. It was nice. Comforting. Since when had she been so desiring of touch?
There were a lot of good costumes down there, Luna distracting herself as she watched the people.
A time for people to dress up and indulge. A time for people to experiment a little. And for some, a time to openly be themselves. In many different ways. The parade hadn’t started yet, but she was looking forward to it. She just wished that Mirelle was here to watch it with her.
A flash. A glimpse of something, Luna’s tail twitching. She’d participated before, hadn’t she. More than once.
‘What happened?’
Luna looked up at the wolf, her ash-grey fur reflecting silver in the light of the streets. She was actually quite a beautiful creature.
‘What is your name?’ she asked instead of answering. If she was going to talk about it, she wanted to know who she was.
‘Naomi. Yours?’
That wasn’t at all what she had been expecting. It was very... well, human, she guessed. She stared back down at the street some more before she eventually answered. ‘Luna.’
‘That’s a nice name. It suits you.’
Luna blushed, letting her focus get lost in the dancing flames of one of the gas fires. They were mesmerising, chaotic, wild and free. Dangerous too. She’d managed to get herself burnt once, on one of those. It had never really healed properly.
‘My witch brought a lover home.’
‘Does she not often do that?’ No accusations, just curiosity and kindness.
‘Once every month or two?’ It was regular, but Luna wasn’t the best at keeping track of days. It looked like she really was going to tell Naomi.
‘Never the same?’
‘Never the same. But it’s always special ones on nights like this.’
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‘Was it good?’
Luna growled back at that one, not dignifying it with an answer. Of course it had been. That’s what it was always like for familiars. She’d never felt it any other way in this form.
Naomi gave out a light chuckle. ‘Sorry. That probably wasn’t the smartest question.’
‘No, it wasn’t,’ Luna huffed.
‘Were you jealous?’
Luna blinked in surprise, turning her head and staring at the wolf, her whiskers being tickled by her companions' hair. ‘No...’ she started, and then stopped. Was she? Perhaps she was. She always felt it when Mirelle brought another girl home, and took her to her bed. Some part of her wanted that to be her, but that was an impossibility. She was a familiar, after all. But she had lain before. She had an understanding of what it was like.
She cringed, paws over her head as she tried to concentrate, to bring her stray thoughts back into place. ‘Maybe,’ she then admitted, before she had the chance to change her mind.
‘Is that part of why you raged earlier, do you think? Bottling emotions away isn’t healthy.’
No. There had been a lot more to it than that. A sense of familiarity. A shared pain.
‘Maybe.’ That was the easiest answer to give.
‘You love her, don’t you, your witch?’
‘Don’t all?’ She was a little confused at that one. Of course she did. With all her heart. She cared for Mirelle more than anything. She meant everything to her. It was part of being a familiar, after all.
‘No. I don’t. I barely tolerate my witch at the best of times.’
Luna just stared at Naomi. That was hard to grasp, to believe.
She’d always loved her after all. From the moment that she’d met her. Back when she’d...
Her head hurt something wicked. Too many thoughts vying for attention, memories that flickered and flittered, a jumbled mess that she couldn’t make any sense of. The music from Fae Illurance that had been playing quietly in the background was now far too loud and unbearable, the night both too hot and too cold. Nothing was right. She felt off kilter. She felt lost. Even if Mirelle didn’t need her, right now, she needed her witch.
‘I have to go.’ She pulled herself away from Naomi, standing up and instantly missing the feeling of the other. It had been nice. Too nice, perhaps.
Naomi gave her a soft look, her eyes deep and reflecting the lights of the stars. ‘Be careful, Luna.’
Luna just nodded as she took a few steps, and then leapt onto the top of the railing that surrounded the balcony, landing perfectly in spite of the way she was feeling.
‘By the way,’ Luna stopped at the sound of Naomi’s voice, something about it calling her attention, ‘most witches do not manifest animalistic features. It’s almost exclusively the domain of familiars.’
‘They don't?’ That just made her more confused. Mirelle had always manifested them when the ambient magic was strong, or when at the height of her emotions. But she hadn’t always, had she. Not when they’d first met.
‘No. It's actually something quite special.’
‘Oh.’ She stared, trying to process that, when it clicked. ‘You were her, the one who she slept with tonight?’ The ears, her voice, that feeling about her, it all fit. Yet she was a familiar, and familiars were all animals in form.
Were they?
Had she always been this way?
She couldn’t wear a dress like this.
‘Even through it all, she was so sad and lonely.’ Naomi shifted, changing before Luna’s eyes, till the lady from earlier in the night was standing before her. The cute hoodie, tight pants, the ash-silver wolf ears. She was still just as beautiful. Naomi stood, leaning against the railing and looking down at the revellers.
“I was just a substitute for what she really wanted. Needed.” She gave Luna a sad look. “What is it that you went through, that caused you to seal so much away?”
Pain. Grief. Rejection. But not from her. Never from her. It had just been too much.
Luna shook her head, failing to dislodge the mess that was in there. She looked down at the crowd, then back to Naomi. ‘I hope that, perhaps, we might meet again,’ she said, before she jumped down.
She hadn’t always been Luna, had she. She had always wanted to be, though.
There was the brief grunt from a man dressed as a zombie as she used him as an intermediary platform, her landing a little too heavy. Then she jumped again, landing on the ground, all but running her way through the crowd, her vision a little hazy.
She’d been through it all too, hadn’t she? The pain, the suffering. The journey. It had started even before she’d known the truth of it all. Just some wishes and fantasies.
For the first time, she no longer wanted to be here, watching it. At least, not alone. She didn’t want to be alone. She needed her. Desperately. She skirted around legs, past stalls and under parked cars. At least there was no traffic here, the area cordoned off.
The last time she’d been in one, she’d barely even looked at where they’d been travelling. She’d felt shame and loss. And judgement, even though it had been Halloween. For being her. For who she’d chosen as her friends. It had caused a rift, and had forced her to make a choice.
She tore down the streets like hell was after her, paying little heed to the shouts of the children, barely pausing when she crossed the roads. She just wanted to be back home.
They’d met when they were young, together for a little bit, and then separating. Then getting back together again. She’d always liked her, wanted to be with her, but peer pressure and bullying were hard to deal with. Because they’d both been different from everyone else. Their tastes, presentation, beliefs. The things that lurked in the background.
It wasn’t far to go now, her body aching something fierce from the effort. She hadn’t run this fast in a long time. Probably not since track at school. Luna slowed down a little, taking more care. Even though this area was quieter, away from the centre of town, there were still people out celebrating the night. Or just having fun.
Mirelle had always been there beside her, through it all, helping her. They’d spent so much time together after they’d graduated.
Gotten close.
Luna skidded to a halt as she finally made it to their address, and then pelted down the windy path that led to their home, the temperature suddenly dropping, leaves crunching underfoot. The house was dark with the exception of the glow leaking past the curtains of the lounge. She took the front steps two at a time, panting as she reached the door, placing her hand on the door handle, turning it, and pushing it open.
They’d both been so excited when they’d performed the ritual, the magic flowing around them in mesmerising patterns.
But then there had been tears. So many tears.
“Luna?” Mirelle blinked, surprise splashed all over her face as she sat up. She’d been sitting in Luna’s spot on the sofa, still dressed only in the oversized tee.
“Mirelle...” Luna tried to speak, to say more, but she couldn’t, rooted to the floor as emotions surged up within her, tears welling up in her eyes. Mirelle looked so radiant, so beautiful. And lonely.
“You.. do you...?” Mirelle’s ears tilted, hope on her face as she stared back.
Hope that she didn’t want to fade. Hope that Luna wanted to make more than real. Luna forced herself to move, closing the remaining distance in a heartbeat and throwing herself into Mirelle’s arms, both of them falling into the sofa in a tangled mess.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she cried as she buried her face in Mirelle’s neck, wrapping her arms around her tightly, as Mirelle replied in like, her tail wrapping around her leg. She wanted to stay like this. In her embrace.
She felt a hand shift up to her head, giving it a pat. And then another. And a few more. That was nice. She liked that too. She always had.
“You changed forms, and are very naked...”
What of it? Couldn’t all familiars do that? It just meant that she could hug her better. And kiss her. Be hers. Luna snuggled in more, tears still flowing.
“Does that mean...”
“...that I remember now?” Luna finished off for her as she lifted herself up, staring down at Mirelle, her witch. At her beautiful lavender eyes that were returning the gaze, moist lips that had almost broken into a smile. No, she was much more to her than that, if she’d have her back.
She’d all but run away, even if she hadn’t meant to. Even if she hadn’t known why. Perhaps all the emotions at once had been too much. She wasn’t going to let that happen again though. She couldn’t. For herself. And for Mirelle.
“I’m sorry,” Luna repeated, her tears staining Mirelle’s face. “It wasn’t what...”
A finger touched her lips, shushing her. “Don’t tear yourself up over it. You always did that too much.” She had, and then Mirelle had taken over for her, carrying the pain instead.
Luna licked the finger, giggling a little as Mirelle pulled it back. That they had done a lot since the ritual. She quickly went serious again as she looked down at Mirelle, at how beautiful she was. More so now than she’d ever been. The cat features... they really suited her.
“Am I...” Luna hesitated, needing to know, but unsure if she should ask. So much had happened over the years since the ritual. So many people. Yet Mirelle still carried that sadness. And only the two of them had remained. “Am I still the one?” she finally managed as she looked off to the side.
“Luna.”
She felt a hand on her face, bringing her gaze back to her witch.
“You never stopped being the one.” The smile on her face was so radiant. So beautiful. And then it fell away as Mirelle looked away. “And yet...”
It was Luna’s turn to place a finger on Mirelle’s lips, leaving it there for but a moment before she delicately ran it across her lower lip and then lifted it away. She leaned back in close as she wrapped her own tail around Mirelle’s, Mirelle’s breath hot on her face, her scent oh so sweet. She could feel things stir within her, things that she’d forgotten about for so long.
“Can we kiss?”
“Oh, honey. That, and so much more,” Mirelle stated as their lips touched, and then got even closer.
It was everything that she’d remembered, and so much more, Luna purring as she lost herself to the sensation, and then to everything that followed.
Lost, but not gone. Never again. She was truly with Mirelle again. With her ‘the one’. And she couldn’t be happier.