Chapter 1: Chapter 1: Psycho Loli With a Minigun

Chapter 1: Psycho Loli With a Minigun

Underneath the vast nightsky of Violence City with it's endless neon billboards and holographic advertisements, stood a woman on a pile of bodies as gunshots, magic bolts, and terrified screams played out all around her.

“AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA DIE YOU FUCKING COCKSUCKS! DIE!” The deranged shortstack woman in a maid outfit screamed as thousands of rounds of 7.62 flooded the cramped slave house.

“Lilly! LILLY! LILLLLLY! STOP SHOOTING YOU CRAZY BITCH WE’RE OVER HERE!” Hamilton screamed as a very large and muscular black man held up a magical barrier to protect them from the hail of bullets that ricocheted off of it in a show of sparks.

Suddenly the electronic whirl of the minigun spun out with the sounds of bullets being fired ceasing shortly after.

"Oops." The petite woman giggled, slinging the heavy weaponry over her shoulder as she hopped out of the wreckage of the white minivan that had been rammed into the side of the building. "Well I think I got them all."

"You think?! YOU THINK?!" Hamilton snapped, standing up from his prone position.

 

Vaz helped him to his feet as he sighed, taking in the carnage of the once pristine warehouse. All around him and the bulky ex-priest were mounds of red gore that had replaced what were once dangerously armed gangsters just moments prior.

"Great, just great Lily! How the hell are we supposed to locate the kidnapped girls with no one left to interrogate?!"

"What's da fucking problem? Just call up a necromancer or something jeez."

"That costs hundreds of thousands of creds, woman?! More than we'd make in a year plus taxes! Fuck I have so much paperwork to fill out!"

Hamilton gripped his thinning black hair, letting out an exasperated gasp in frustration. Weeks of undercover work and planning tossed out the window by a flood of bullets and a crazed battlemaid.

"What else was I supposed to do fuckface! They were gonna kill you!" The woman pouted, brandishing the comically large minigun in both hands as she stomped on the ground.

“I had it in hand! Vaz! Tell her we had it!”

The bald man’s gaze quickly shifted between Hamiliton and Lily. “We did not, as you say, have it.”

"See I tol- wait waht?!" Hamilton turned, a look of exasperation on his face at the betrayal.

“Ha! I’ll be waiting for my apology fuckface.” Lily said, spinning and leaping on a pile of shelves that had been bisected by her rain of bullets.

"Hulp!"

Suddenly the ground gave way, sending the tiny woman almost crashing through the floor if not for Hamilton grabbing her by her backpack last second with Vaz holding onto his belt.

"Welp. I think I found where the girls are." Lily beamed, smiling up at Hamilton as dozens of caged frightened eyeballs stared up at the dangling duo.

–

“Twenty three suspects dead, bystander property damage totalling 80 thousand, 6 thousand round casings of 7.62 that were labeled missing by SECFORCE, fired by, what I’m going to PRETEND is not the Army’s missing West-tek Minigun, and last but not least, stolen artwork belonging to the Viceroy valued at 50 to 60 million credits completely eviscerated by a storm of bullets…. Did I name everything correctly?” Captain Hughes, the head of the police force listed off as he crushed a stress ball into a fine dust in his hands.

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The trio of mercenaries were now in the Central Peacekeeper HQ of Violence City, getting berated by the head of Police who had contacted Hamilton and his team when his men failed to find any concrete leads to the kidnapped victims.

Hamilton cleared his throat.

“Uh, so I know it sounds bad, but! And I personally think this is the important part, you forgot the part where we rescued thirty girls, two babies, and not to mention the copious amounts of drugs and contraband.” Hamilton offered with a nervous smile.

The man lit a cigar, taking a deep drag of it before fixing his gaze on the gruff looking Hamilton, the stoic and now sober blank priest Vaz, and the humming little woman who was dangling her feet off the chair.

"I supposed there is some silver lining amidst all the blood and shit spilled across my shoes." The man grumbled, closing his eyes and shaking his head with a resigned expression before glaring at Hamilton.

"Ah! So does that mean we'll still get paid?"

“Get the fuck out my office.”

--

Now standing on the sidewalk of the police precinct, in downtown Violence, Hamilton fell to his knees. His arms raised to the neon lit billboards and advertisements in the sky above.

"WHY?! WHYYYYYYYYYYY!" The grown man wailed, screaming at the heavens and demanding answer. Alas, the only thing to come back were the humming of his manic assistant, and the slow applause of a couple of cops nearby.

"Bravo! See that's a man who can act." One cop said, shaking his head with a smile.

"Good work with the kidnapping case Hamilton. Thanks for taking out the trash." The other jeered before both walking off. Leaving Hamilton to grieve at the lack of pay and his team alone in the police driveway.

They were broke.

This job had been the latest in a string of failures that Hamilton had hoped would be the end of their bad luck, only for them to not only not be paid, but also be black listed from any VCPD guild jobs.

It was over. They were screwed.

"Oh cheer up Hammy, we'll get another job. Theres always plenty of people who need killing." Lily said, hugging the side of Hamilton's crying face. Vaz approached, placing a rough hand on the sobbing man's shoulder.

"Hamilton. Often times, when the lord closes a door he opens many others. You need not worry, for the path will be unveiled should you posses the will to move on." The soft giant said, looking down at Hamilton with a soft smile plastered on his bald face as he brandished his order's holy symbol.

Instead of feeling better, Hamilton felt worst.

 

"Aaaaargh I'll be stuck with you three forever!" The man lamented as he slammed his fist into the concrete.

 

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