Chapter 17: Chapter 17

2 Year Earlier

After years of reading through TG stories on the internet, Devin decides to try writing one himself. He had already taken to drawing some TF comics, so this seemed like the next logical step.

What he quickly learns is that writing, just like drawing, is not nearly as simple as it seems.

It takes a lot of time, and editing, and constant rereadings of the same sections of text to make sure everything flows naturally.

For Devin, it eventually seems like too much to handle, so he stops. It’s not as if his ideas were really any good anyway. Most of them were just retreads of tropes and ideas that had been done before by better authors. He wasn’t a very original person, was he?

When Devin started drawing TF comics, he gained a better appreciation for the amount of work that the artists put into them, and now the same could be said for the writers of these stories. He had a much better idea of the amount of work that goes into writing any story and making it flow as a cohesive narrative. He should really show more respect to the people who write these things, especially since they write them knowing they won’t receive any profit for it.

He had once been frustrated that the “Of Heroes And Villains” series was never finished, as the third installment never made it past the fourth chapter, but now he thought of that frustration as being immature, as well as entitled. That author had gone out of her way to write two whole novels and post them on the internet, where people can read them free of any charge. She didn’t have to do that, but she did. And Devin should have been grateful, if anything, especially since “Of Heroes And Villains” and “The Ties That Bind” made a solid duology on their own.

If Devin really wanted to, he could probably push through and complete one of these stories himself. Maybe people would like it. Maybe they’d even come back to it, and remember it fondly. Maybe it’d help them through a tough time, just like a lot of these stories have done for him. But Devin still decided against it.

Perhaps he just wasn’t cut out for writing.

***

Elise took a deep breath as she approached Sierra’s house. Even though she had the whole night to rest and prepare herself for this visit, she still felt nervous.

Why was she so tense anyway? This was Sierra she was talking to. Sierra was her friend, her lover. And she had been with her twice before. There shouldn’t have been anything to be afraid of.

With that thought, Elise tried to calm herself down. It partially worked, but a lot of that nervousness still remained within her.

With a sigh, she knocked on Sierra’s door, waiting for her to let her in.

***

To say Devin was nervous was an understatement. He was actually afraid of what Elise would think once she read that chapter. Would she hate him? Would she go on a transphobic rampage? Would she go around and say all transgender people were sick fetishists?

“No, no. Stop it!” He reprimanded himself. “Elise is a good person, stop assuming the worst of her. Be a good boyfriend.”

It was definitely true that Devin had a tendency to overreact, from time to time. And this was probably just another thing he was getting far too worked up about. After all, it was just a story. Elise probably wouldn’t care that much if he just explained it to her.

And besides, if she does end up hating transgender people for it, which she won’t, but if she does, it’s not like it would matter to Devin, right? He wasn’t trans, he was just a guy with a gender bending fetish. Right?

Yeah, that made sense to him. He was just a guy with a gender bending fetish. A fetish so strong that he went out of his way to take female hormones for it. A fetish he had to constantly reassure himself of just to banish those thoughts that may actually be transgender away. It may not seem like it to someone else, but really it made total sense.

When he heard the knock on the front door, he snapped out of his contemplation and raced to open it, ready to let Elise in. And to expect the best of her.

***

It took a while, but soon after Elise had knocked on the door, Devin swung it open and greeted her.

“Hey.” Devin said. “Are you doing well?”

“I think so.” Elise responded.

“Good, uh, why don’t you come in?”

Elise proceeded to walk into the house. Afterward Devin closed the front door and locked it.

“So… anything on your mind?” Devin asked.

Elise nodded her head. “A lot, actually.”

“Really?”

“Well, yeah. It isn’t often that I have so much to… think about.”

“Oh.” Devin gave a light chuckle. “Right, I understand that… do you want to talk about it?”

“What else would I want to do?”

***

Devin and Elise had sat themselves down on two of the couches in the living room. Devin had asked Elise if she wanted breakfast, to which Elise declined, saying she wasn’t hungry.

“So…” Devin started. “What’s going on?”

“I talked to Amanda yesterday.” Elise replied.

“You did? What did you talk about?”

“Oh, you know, about… recent occurrences.”

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Devin suddenly got a very worried look on his face. “You didn’t tell her about-”

Elise’s expression turned into a caring one. “Oh no! Don’t worry. I did not tell her about, well, you know, you.”

Devin took a sigh of relief. “Good. Again, my parents don’t even know about that. And that would’ve been a bad way for them to find out.”

“Are you ever going to tell them?”

Devin hesitated for a bit. “Well, I mean… w-why don’t you just tell me what you and Amanda talked about?”

Elise sighed. “I basically just did. There’s not much else to say. I told her that I might like girls. And then she said that shouldn’t get in the way of anything and to not worry about it.”

“And that was it?”

“Yes.”

Devin contemplated what to say next. “So, do you like girls?”

“I don’t know.” Elise answered. “I… I’m going to be honest, Devin. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?”

“This! Devin, it’s just… so much to handle. You’re so secretive for months and then all this about Sierra just suddenly comes out. By accident too! Were you ever planning on telling me?”

“Of course I was.”

“Really? Because I remember you saying ‘I don’t need to tell anyone everything!’”

“Well, that was more of a heat of the moment type thing.” Devin replied tensely. “And I mean, I don’t have to tell anyone everything. I have a right to privacy, you know.”

“Sierra is a pretty big thing. That’s not something you can keep a secret. Do you even know what the others at school were saying about you? Some of them thought you were on drugs or had some kind of disease or something.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“Yes! But they believed it. Because you never told anyone what was actually going on. Those body changes from the pills you take? The ones you try to hide? Yeah, people noticed. They may not have noticed what the changes were, but they noticed something was happening. And I’m sure your parents noticed too.”

“I- I- Listen, I know I’ve been secretive lately. But I promise that will be over. From now on, no more secrets. Okay?”

“I don’t think I can believe that.”

Devin looked down. “I don’t think I can either.”

“Are you even ready to commit to that?” Elise asked Devin.

“Probably not.” Devin replied. “I probably couldn’t even bring myself to tell my parents about this. I just… I have no idea how they’d react.”

“I understand.” Elise told him.

Devin looked back up at Elise. “How about this? How about Sierra can be our secret for now. We can decide when she comes out. How does that sound?”

Elise face turned to a frown. “I-I’m not sure if this is the best way to go about this. You’re literally referring to yourself in third person!”

Devin sighed. “I know, I know. It’s complicated. I’m not pretending Sierra and I aren’t the same person. Not anymore, at least. But it’s just… I don’t know. It’s hard. But please, can you do this? Can you keep Sierra a secret for now? Please?”

Elise put her hand on Devin’s shoulder. “Okay. I can do that. Sierra can be our little secret.”

With Elise’s hand on his shoulder, Devin was able to calm down and even give Elise a smile. He found it easier to talk to Elise. And they did talk for about another hour over mostly inconsequential matters. It was just like old times, for them at least. A relief after a very tense conversation.

Eventually though, Devin mustered up the courage to ask Elise that same important question again.

“So…” he said. “Do you like girls? Do you like me?”

“I just, I still don’t…” Elise tried to reply, but she found it hard. This time the question had hit her even harder. What could she say? She didn’t even know what the truth was. And she wasn’t even sure if Devin considered himself a girl. What would be the consequences of her answer? What would happen if she said the wrong thing?

But, it was then when Elise realized something. She was happy with Sierra, wasn’t she? She still liked her. She liked being with her, she liked spending time with her. She just liked her. And she couldn’t deny that she found Sierra’s feminine face cute.

Eventually she settled on something. She stopped caring about the future and decided to live in the moment. And she hoped Sierra would do the same.

Elise gave out a smile. “Of course. I like you, Sierra.”

Devin gave a surprised look before Elise embraced him in a kiss.

When Elise felt those lips on hers for another time, all doubt was erased from her mind. She still didn’t know what the future held for them, but what she did know, is that they’d still be together. They were going to go through this together. And they were going to stay together for as long as they could.

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