Chapter 34: Chapter 34

After using the women’s bathroom, entering the women’s clothing section felt like a leisure walk. Of course, it wasn’t like this was the first time that Sierra had been in the women’s section, but it was the fact that she hardly felt any stress at all that surprised her. It really seemed like she was just walking in the mall, shopping for female clothing, and spending time with her girlfriend. It didn’t feel like anything was at stake.

Perhaps this was a sign that she was finally starting to perceive herself as a woman. Maybe one day she’d even start seeing herself as a woman full time. It seemed like such an unreachable goal, but she’d already made so much progress.

Sierra was eternally thankful for her girlfriend. Elise had been so accepting and understanding through all of this. She didn’t even get mad at the TG stories. It was so much easier to take all these hard steps when she was by her side.

Sierra owed that girl her life. She’d never be able to repay her.

***

“Panties?” Sierra asked.

“Yep.” Elise nodded. “Just think it’d be best for you to get some female underwear right now.”

“I don’t know… this seems like a little much.”

“This whole trip was a little much.” Elise explained. “And yet, here you are.”

“Well yeah, but-”

“Sierra.” Elise interrupted. “Consider this. You just went to the women’s bathroom. And you’ve already agreed to get professionally fitted for a bra. Really, what more are a few pairs of panties?”

“I guess…”

“You don’t have to get them if you don’t want to but I really think it’s what's best for you.”

“I mean… why do you think it’s what’s best for me?”

“Because at some point you’re going to have to learn about women’s underwear, whether you want to or not. Not every woman wears panties but most of us are made to at some point in our lives.”

“Okay…” Sierra conceded.

Elise smiled then patted Sierra on the back.

Sierra took a deep breath. Panties? She could hardly believe it. For some reason, even though she already went into the women’s bathroom, this felt like a huge step. One that she wasn’t sure she was ready to take.

A lot of TG stories had a heavy fixation with panties. “For a Girl” and “Of Heroes And Villains” especially so. “For a Girl” often went out of its way to describe what panties meant in the context of being a woman as a whole. And a large portion of the first half of “Of Heroes And Villains” is dedicated to the shame Shade feels for wanting to wear panties and other female clothes.

Whatever the case may be, most TG stories seem to see panties as some sort of ultimate mark of femininity. Something very shameful for men to wear. And of course, it’s not like they got that impression from nowhere.

Panties, and by extension all forms of female underwear, are sexualized in a way that male underwear just isn’t. It’s really easy for the average person to see male underwear as normal, and maybe even boring, while seeing female underwear as more exotic and sexy.

For Sierra, this kind of messaging caused her to feel ashamed to desire wearing any female clothing at all. Every time she caught herself wondering what wearing panties would feel like, she thought of herself as a pervert and a fetishist. Even today she still felt a little gross just looking at panties.

She felt almost exactly like Shade had in the beginning of “Of Heroes And Villains”. Being afraid of the incredibly tempting soft fabrics of female underwear. Wanting to wear it instead of the plain male counterparts. And feeling like a disgusting creep for it.

She could remember all those nights she spent wondering what the hell was wrong with her. Wondering why she couldn’t just get rid of these feelings and be normal.

As much as she hated it, those feelings were a part of her. She couldn’t get rid of them.

At least in these past few days she had become better at dealing with them. The feelings of wanting to wear women’s underwear were not nearly as distressing as they once were.

After all, at the end of the day they were just panties. It was a bit silly that underwear of all things was causing her this much mental anguish.

***

“How many pairs of panties do you think we can afford?” Sierra asked.

“I’m gonna guess like three.” Elise answered. “Or maybe four.”

“We should probably play it safe. Stick with three.”

Elise’s face grew into a sly smile. “What, you can’t handle four?”

“Elise…” Sierra said with a disapproving tone.

“I was just kidding.” Elise said back. “Ever heard of humor? So uptight.”

“It’s not that, it’s just… ah, nevermind. Let’s just pick out these damn panties.”

Sierra began flipping through the panty rack in the clothing section, an action Elise soon followed. Truthfully Sierra wasn’t exactly looking for something to buy, she was just making it look like she was. She hoped she wasn’t being too obvious.

Sierra did, however, eventually come across one pair of panties that caught her eye. And it was only a few seconds after seeing them that some deep part of her mind forced her to smile.

“Hey Elise.”

“What?”

“Have you ever noticed that forcing the main character into pink panties is such an old and tired TG cliché?”

“What are you getting at-” Elise stopped talking when Sierra held out the pink panties in front of her.

After seeing them, Elise simply shook her head and laughed. “Wow Sierra, I thought I was the one pushing you. Now you want to wear those?”

“Well, I mean… I was just saying that… if we’re already at the mall, and buying panties, we might as well take part in another cliché.”

“Oh look, now you’re finding any excuse you can to wear pink panties. So adorable.” Elise cooed.

Sierra’s face went red. “Okay fine. I guess I just want one set of panties to be pink.” She admitted. “I don’t know why, I just do.”

“Hey, anything you want is completely okay with me.” Elise said. “You should never feel ashamed for wanting to wear something. Ever.”

Sierra sighed. “I wish my mind agreed.”

***

Sierra and Elise walked away from the panty rack with four pairs of panties in their bag, a fact Sierra smirked at. She guessed she could handle four, after all.

Sierra could hardly believe what was happening. Pink panties? She was about to buy pink panties willingly? No, that couldn’t be right. Pink wasn’t even her favorite color. And she struggled a ton with deciding to wear panties at all. Why was that such a hard decision but picking out pink panties wasn’t? What was going on inside her head?

It probably wasn’t worth wondering about. Sierra had long since figured out that the human brain is an inconsistent, contradictory mess, especially for her. It just wasn’t worth sorting through.

While there was still a part of her mind calling her a pervert and a fetishist, it was largely overshadowed by the rest of her mind treating this as nothing more than an ordinary event. There was nothing special about buying pink panties.

That train of thought calmed her. Sierra was just buying some clothes with her girlfriend. What was there of note in it? It was just another shopping trip. And she was having fun.

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The other three pairs of panties were the more plain colors of grey, black, and white. It was just the pink panties that were more adventurous.

If Sierra really wanted to, she could have gotten even more adventurous and bought even more exotic panties. But not today though. She didn’t feel quite up to that, and especially with a limited budget to work with, it seemed like an impossibility.

Of course, it was worth noting that their mall trip was far from over, as they still needed to get some bras.

And Sierra needed to get professionally fitted for one too.

Oh dear.

***

The bra section was only a short walk away from the panty section. Sierra gulped as she walked towards it.

This was going to be the biggest step of the day.

The time for the professional fitting was coming closer and closer. And Sierra could do nothing to stop it. Why was she so afraid, anyway? She was able to purchase pink panties just fine. And now she was afraid again?

Maybe it was because Sierra would have to go topless in front of someone she didn’t know, showing off body parts that she wasn’t even comfortable with by herself.

Basically, she was about to strip half naked for a complete stranger. Any normal person would be afraid. Unfortunately, knowing that didn’t make Sierra any less afraid.

Elise, sensing Sierra’s body language, gave her hand a squeeze, and even kissed her cheek to comfort her.

It partially worked.

***

It took some time, but eventually Sierra and Elise were able to track down a professional fitter. After finding her, Elise explained that Sierra needed to get fitted for a bra.

“Is that okay?” The fitter asked Sierra.

A long pause followed. Sierra was almost paralyzed with fear. She knew that if she talked, the fitter would hear her deep, male voice and then immediately know she wasn’t a “real woman”.

At the same time however, Sierra had to respond. She absolutely couldn’t waste anyone’s time, or embarrass Elise. She wouldn’t be able to live with herself if she did that.

“Yeah, that’s okay.” Sierra said.

Though she tried to hide it, the fitter’s eyes widened once she heard Sierra’s voice. She didn’t say anything, but Sierra could tell she now knew what was going on.

“Alright then, come with me.”

***

The fitter led Sierra into a private room with a mirror for just the two of them.

“Okay, I’m going to need you to take off your shirt.” The fitter said.

Sierra hesitated for a moment, but slowly she took off her shirt and placed it on the ground, revealing her sports bra.

The fitter got out a measuring tape and when Sierra felt it touch her skin she closed her eyes.

“I’m so sorry.” Sierra said.

“For what? Closing your eyes?” The fitter asked. “You’re not near the first person to do that.”

“Oh…” Sierra said as she felt the fitter wrap the measuring tape all around her chest.

Needless to say, Sierra was very uncomfortable during the entire experience. There was a complete stranger in the room, looking at and measuring her breasts. It was embarrassing. And soon that person would see her breasts without the bra on. There was no way she could- no, now was not the time for those kinds of thoughts. She could do this. “Courage.” Sierra thought to herself.

“Okay, I’m gonna need you to take your bra off.”

With her eyes still closed, Sierra took a deep breath. This was it. The moment she had been dreading had finally come. But she had to get through this. After getting this far, she couldn’t let anyone down.

Very slowly, Sierra felt around her bra with both of her hands and fiddled with the clasps until it unhooked and fell onto the floor. At least, it was going to fall on the floor.

“Sorry.” The fitter said as she caught Sierra’s bra midfall. “Wouldn’t want this to get dirty, right?”

“Mmm.”

The fitter then proceeded to wrap the measuring tape all around Sierra’s breasts. It felt weird and uncomfortable but Sierra tried to keep her mind off it and instead focus it on more pleasant things. Like making out with Elise. That thought always made her happy.

“34A.” The fitter said after a while.

“What?”

“34A, it’s your bra size.”

“Is that big?”

“Not really.” The fitter answered. “For you it should be a normal size.”

“Oh…” Sierra finally opened her eyes, then looked down and remembered she was topless. “Umm… can I put my bra back on?” She asked.

“Of course.” The fitter handed her bra back, to which Sierra quickly put it on.

“Okay then… uh, thank you.” Sierra said.

“Oh, you’re welcome.” The fitter said. “But we’re not done yet.”

“We’re not?”

“Not if you want some fitting bras.”

“Umm… okay.”

“Hey, if you could get through that, then you can get through this. We’re just going to be trying on some bras to see which ones fit.”

“Uh… yeah.” Sierra said. “I can do that.”

The fitter smiled. “I know you can. I mean, the fitting wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Sierra looked back at her reflection and to her surprise managed a smile. “No, I guess it wasn’t.”

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