Chapter 40: Chapter 40

At the end of Sierra’s neighborhood lay a large, long field. It was flat, full of crops and extended for as far as the eye could see. It almost looked like a farmer’s field, and maybe it was. Sierra couldn’t exactly tell.

Sierra had seen the field many times throughout her life and had oddly fond memories of it. She had never actually been in the field, but it seemed the simple sight of it was enough to remind her of familiarity, comfort, and home.

When Sierra was younger, she often wished to play in the field, and one time, when she was nine, she almost did. She was about to step foot into it before an older man caught her and threatened to tell her parents if she got any closer. Considering that man was dead now, it was kind of a sad memory to think about.

The area between the road and the field made for a good resting place, as it was covered in shade and had an old bench to sit on. After Sierra and Elise finished reading “For a Girl”, this was where they went. Currently they were sitting on that bench, with Sierra’s head resting on Elise’s shoulder.

“I’d say you’re taking on the role of girlfriend pretty well.” Elise giggled.

“What?”

“You’re resting on my shoulder, you know, like the girlfriend does.”

“Oh.” Sierra sat up straight. “I, uh, was just a little dazed.”

“Hey, it’s not a bad thing.” Elise assured her. “I think it’s cute.”

Sierra blushed. “Well… you know, I… um…” She forced a cough. “So… did you really like that story, like for real?”

“I already told you, yes.” Elise replied. “I mean… there were some parts of it that were a bit weird but for the most part I liked it.”

“That’s nice to hear.” Sierra said. “Again, it was one of my favorites when I was fourteen, but I guess it’s kind of soured on me now. It’s interesting to hear what you think of it, especially with it having had such a huge impact on TG fiction.”

Sierra rubbed her forehead. “Actually, ‘For a Girl’ is kind of mainstream.”

“Mainstream?” Elise asked. “What on Earth are you talking about?”

“Maybe not really ‘mainstream’ but apparently the story has been cited in a few reports on transgender people. I found that out after looking it up.” Sierra said. “You know, I think it’s a bit funny. The story itself doesn’t technically have anything to do with transgender people, but whenever it’s discussed in the mainstream, that’s the only lens people see it in. It seems that, no matter what, TG stories are just seen as trans stories, regardless of if they even have a trans character or not. It’s like an identity they can’t escape.”

“And is that a bad thing?” Elise asked.

“I honestly couldn’t even begin to answer that.”

***

“Hey…” Sierra said. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you about that site we’ve been reading on.”

“What is it?” Elise asked.

“It’s, uh… you know how I said quite a few stories on that site had some problematic or ‘yikesy’ stuff that most readers today wouldn’t like?”

“Yeah?”

“Well, it actually goes further than that.” Sierra explained. “There was this controversy some time ago when a foreign troll came onto the site and posted a bunch of low quality stories. They spammed the front page with low-effort garbage and even gave their own stories five star reviews.”

“And that was against the rules?”

“Yep, but they didn’t get banned. Caused a huge controversy on the site. It only got worse when they started posting hate speech. A bunch of people were begging to get that user removed, and the moderator of the site responded in probably the worst way possible.”

“They agreed with the user?”

“Second worst.” Sierra corrected herself. “Basically they said they did not want to infringe on ‘free speech’, and that the site wasn’t a transgender support site. So the user stayed up, the hate speech stayed up, and a bunch of authors left the site in anger.”

“Hmm.” Elise responded. “And is this user still there?”

“No.” Sierra answered. “They did get banned, eventually. But by then it was too late. The damage had already been done.”

“Huh.” Elise said. “You know, I think it might be a generational thing. Older people are very loud about ‘free speech’, and all.”

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“I think the moderator just never thought people would view the site as a resource for trans people. I can’t say for sure, but it definitely feels like that.” Sierra said. “And like, about the site not being a transgender support site, I can understand that technically being true, but when you’re talking about a site with a largely trans userbase, where different users can talk and discuss things with each other, you have to realize how those users will perceive the site.”

“I know I’ve never modded a website.” Sierra said. “But these seem like basic things to consider, right? And even if I’m wrong, the point still stands that not taking down hate speech is just shitty.”

***

“Yeah… I guess that’s the weirdest dream I’ve ever had.” Elise said. “What about you?”

“Well…” Sierra started. “There was this one TG story I read, years ago, about these four college guys on a road trip who transform into this family, with the main character becoming the mother. It had a kind of ‘Twilight Zone’-esque vibe to it. Anyway, for some reason, years after I had even thought of that story, I had this dream where you, me, Amanda, and Ryan were on a road trip and then turned into a family. We were the kids and they were the parents. And I was the only one who remembered our past lives. We had new names too, I don’t remember what they were but they weren’t our names.”

Sierra continued. “We pulled up to this house that I didn’t recognize, and I was like ‘this isn’t our house’, ‘this isn’t us’. No one believed me. Then I found myself in this… jail cell with everyone telling me I was insane and needed help. Last thing I remember is feeling something touch my shoulder. Next thing I know, I’m in the cafeteria, with Ryan telling me I fell asleep during lunch and that the period was almost over. Man, I was in such a daze when I woke up. Even had to check my drivers license to make sure I was still me. I don’t know how or why that dream happened, but it did.”

“I heard you’re not supposed to have dreams during short naps like that.” Elise said. “If you are, it means you’re not getting enough sleep.”

“It was during midterm week, so of course I wasn’t getting enough sleep.”

Elise gave a knowing nod.

Sierra forced out a laugh. “You want to know what the worst part was? Even in this dream, where I transformed into someone else, I was still a guy. It couldn’t even grant me becoming a girl. What a load of shit.”

***

Elise groaned as her phone buzzed wildly. “Well, you know what that means.”

“Is it really that late?” Sierra asked. “What time is it?”

“6:15.”

“I guess that is kind of late.” Sierra said.

“Yeah… I was really pushing it today. My parents are not going to be happy. They’re so overprotective, it’s so annoying.”

“I’m sure they’d ease off if you just talked to them about it.”

“No, you don’t understand, it doesn’t work like that.” Elise said. “Not for girls, as you will soon find out.”

Sierra blushed slightly. “I… guess so.”

“Honestly I’m more worried about Emma than my parents. That annoying little shit is such a loudmouth.”

“Woah!” Sierra exclaimed. “You’re really saying that about your own sister?”

Elise chuckled as she stood up. “That’s another thing you don’t understand. Having a sibling.”

Sierra took Elise’s hand. “You can thank my mother for that. My father wanted another one, but she said that after she gave birth to me, she absolutely did not want to go through labor again.”

Sierra and Elise began the walk back to Sierra’s house. “I don’t want to go through labor ever.” Elise replied. “My mom says I’ll change my mind, but I never want kids.”

“Do you want a hysterectomy?”

“What? No. I don’t have that kind of money. Besides, you know how doctors are with that stuff.”

“Yes, I’m aware.” Sierra said. “I sometimes have a hard time trusting doctors myself. I’m kind of scared of what they’d say if they realized I was taking hormones without a prescription. And worried they’d make me stop.”

“Well…” Elise said. “Even if they don’t agree with it, you still have the hormones. Whether they like it or not, you are becoming yourself.”

Sierra smiled as Elise planted a kiss on her cheek. Elise was amazing. She couldn’t have possibly asked for a better girlfriend.

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