Chapter 47: Chapter 47

Elise awoke to the obnoxious beeping of an alarm on her phone. She quietly groaned as she reached over to her nightstand to turn it off.

Slightly begrudgingly, she sat up in her bed and checked the time, 6:03 AM. At least she hadn’t overslept. That would’ve been awful. She had a big day today, going to Hershey Park. She couldn’t be late.

Sierra had a big day today.

Elise turned over in her bed, catching the sight of an empty sleeping bag in the middle of her floor. Sierra must’ve slept in her room. Shame she couldn’t see it, Sierra was probably really cute when asleep.

Now where did she run off to?

Elise got out of bed and walked into the hallways of her house. She assumed Sierra would be in the basement, so she made her way there.

Elise couldn’t help but feel worried about her

Sierra hated herself so much. It was painful to see. She clearly wanted to be a girl, but she just couldn’t allow herself to admit it. She thought it made her disgusting, and undesirable.

Elise often had to push Sierra to come closer to acceptance. Giving her a necklace, making her go to the women’s bathroom, and buying bras and panties together with her were all things she would never do on her own. She had to have someone else egg her on to do these things, so she could be relieved of all the guilt that came from the enjoyment she got.

Sierra being happy was so lovely to see. Those moments where she was herself were some of the best she and Elise ever spent together. But they always ended as fast as they started.

Sierra needed more support in her life. Amanda would hopefully, no, she would definitely give her just that.

***

Sierra was staring outside the screen door on the couch in Elise’s basement. Figures she would wake up early. The sleeping bag on the hard ground didn’t exactly make for the most comfortable sleeping arrangement, and as such she woke up at around 4AM. Ever since then she’s been in this basement, thinking over everything, never giving her mind a break.

There wasn’t much else she could do. Her phone was charging for the long day ahead of her and she hadn’t brought her laptop or switch. She was bored, but also extremely worried at the same time.

She heard someone descend the staircase and walk toward her. She didn’t even need to turn her head to see who it was.

Sierra felt Elise wrap her arms around her and lean her head on her shoulder. Sierra, in turn, leaned her head on her’s. The affectionate contact immediately made her feel better, and almost pushed all her worries away.

Almost.

Not a word was spoken between them for a while. In that moment it was like there was nothing else in the world except them together in that room. It was very calming.

But it couldn’t last.

Eventually, Sierra began to talk.

“Elise.” She said. “I think I might be transgender.”

That was the first time Sierra had ever said those words out loud with full intent. Transgender was no longer the “dirty word” it used to be for her for so long.

Elise kissed the back of Sierra’s neck and wrapped her arms tighter around her. “I know.”

Sierra’s eyes grew distant, focusing on nothing currently around her. “I don’t think I could ever explain everything. There’s so much to say.”

“What matters the most?” Elise asked.

Sierra paused, taking time to gather her thoughts.

“My life.” She answered. “A bad response, probably, but I can explain.”

Elise waited patiently.

“Back when I was really young, I always used to stare at women’s clothes at stores my parents would take me to.” Sierra said. “I don’t think they noticed, but I distinctly remember it. I saw all those… skirts, dresses, and blouses and just got very curious. Even their casual, more laid back clothes looked appealing. I… wanted to wear them. I wanted to try them on. I was always jealous of girls at school being able to wear all those clothes. But I never said that I was jealous. I never said that I wanted to wear them, because I was a boy, and boys weren’t supposed to wear that stuff.”

Sierra let out a pained huff. “It’s funny. Even though I knew that boys weren’t supposed to wear girls’ clothes, and weren’t supposed to want to wear girls’ clothes, I still thought all the other boys were jealous too. I don’t know what kind of logic my mind was on back then.” She shook her head. “That doesn’t matter anyway, because eventually I found out that no, boys do not want to wear girls’ clothes. They don’t want to be girls. I don’t know when that realization came to me. It wasn’t something that hit me all at once, it was more like a slow burning revelation.”

She continued. “Then puberty started. You might think, oh, if you were serious about being a girl, then you would be in constant pain by all the changes and demanding they stop. Starve yourself so they stop. And you know, I did consider starving myself, a few times, but that was it. I wasn’t yelling, or screaming, or in constant fear at what was happening to me. No, I became numb, dissociated, clouded by a constant grey fog that made life unbearable, whatever metaphor you want to use. It was horrible. I wanted to die almost every day. I hated my body so much I wanted to tear it apart so I could be free. I was going through life with so much pent up raw emotion, I needed an outlet. That’s when I found gender bending stuff. And well, you know the rest.”

A lone tear formed in Sierra’s eye and trickled down her face.

“Sometimes I think the bigots are right.” Sierra said. “A lot of the time, actually. Maybe I really am just a fetishist. Maybe I really am just a creep, or a pervert, or whatever else people may call me. Maybe they’re all right…”

Elise kissed Sierra deeply. “They’re not.”

Sierra smiled wistfully. “You say that but my brain doesn’t agree.”

Elise kissed Sierra again. “I will show you they’re not.”

Elise got up off the couch before Sierra could say anything back, ascending the staircase to the above floors.

***

Sierra never made any attempt to follow Elise. She just stayed put there in the basement, continuing to stare outside the screen door. It wouldn’t have been of any use to follow her anyway. She knew exactly what Elise was going to try and do.

There was no surprise when she came back down with a dress and a wig.

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Sierra sighed. Putting the main character into a dress and showing them how beautiful they are as a woman was another huge TG cliché. Really, at this point she should be keeping a list of how many TG clichés she’s lived through. Half that list could probably be crossed off by now.

Elise held out the dress, and showed it to Sierra. It was a deep sapphire blue, beautiful and immediately catching to the eye. Elise hadn’t worn a dress like it to homecoming or prom, and thus this was the first time Sierra was seeing it.

“I was going to wear this, but it clashed with my eyes.” Elise said. “It should match yours though.”

Elise laid down the dress and sat on the couch. Sierra slightly backed away from her when she picked up her purse. Taking notice, Elise said “I’m not going to force you to do this, if you want me to stop, just say no.”

Sierra watched silently as her girlfriend pulled out some kind of makeup utensils she couldn’t quite identify.

“I’m going to ask you to close your eyes. If you don’t want me to do this, then don’t. But if you close your eyes for more than a few seconds, I’m going to start putting makeup on you.”

The next few seconds saw Sierra rapidly opening and closing her eyes in a manner that screamed indecisiveness. She was unsure, afraid. A huge step was about to be taken, the first time she’d ever have makeup on her face, the first time she’d ever wear a dress. Was she ready for it?

As someone who was regularly envious of women, Sierra had fantasized a ton about wearing dresses and makeup throughout her life. She always wondered what it would look like, what it would feel like, and if she could truly be beautiful. Whenever she saw those girls at homecoming or prom dance around in those extravagant and mesmerizing dresses of theirs, she got a vague sense of hope that one day, she could do the same.

And now that opportunity was right in front of her.

She hesitated. She couldn’t exactly say why, she assumed it was just out of a general vague, undefined fear that usually came with doing new things. But another component was likely the dread she felt that she wouldn’t look beautiful, that she wouldn’t be satisfied. That none of the hate that plagued her mind would leave just by seeing herself in a dress. After all, wouldn’t she only be affirming the detractors who were saying womanhood was nothing but looks for her?

Regardless, Sierra closed her eyes.

Within a few seconds, she began feeling something being put on her face.

The movements were defined and swift, she could clearly tell Elise had a lot of experience doing this. Could she really bring out the beauty in her?

Sierra sat there, worried, curious, and excited all at the same time. Ever in great anticipation of what was to come.

At one point, she felt something being done to her eyelashes. At another, she felt something being put on her eyelids. There was also a point in which she was instructed to open her mouth, and she was greeted with the feeling of something being applied to her lips. Lip stick, she was sure.

Eventually, Sierra was told to stand up, and open her eyes. When she did, she saw that the mirror in the room had been covered. It was apparent Elise wanted this reveal to be a surprise.

She was then asked to take her shirt and pants off, to make room for the dress. Sierra hesitated once more, not just out of fear, but out of the discomfort that Elise would see her almost naked. From within, there was a part of her mind yelling at her to stop going forward with all this.

Sierra’s eyes stared deeply into Elise’s. She saw the look on Elise’s face as not being impatient or demanding, but instead much more caring and loving. She knew she wasn’t being forced to do this, and that Elise would understand if she wanted to stop, or was uncomfortable. Taking off her shirt and pants was entirely within her control. It would be her choice.

And it was a choice she ended up making.

Once she was only in a bra and panties, she felt exposed, and so very vulnerable. Elise was seeing so much of her body, it almost made her want to put her clothes back on. She especially winced at the fact that Elise was now seeing the clear bulge her penis created in her undergarments.

In spite of this, she kept her clothes off, and watched as Elise took the eye-catching blue dress and held it out in her hands. Eventually, as she saw Elise approach her with the dress, her discomfort faded. She didn’t even back away when the dress was right in front of her. She stayed put, knowing that she could trust Elise and was safe around her.

Sierra continued to obey every order Elise gave her with no second thoughts. Elise directed her around, helping her tie up the dress to make sure it fit right and then putting a wig on her.

Sierra was told to close her eyes and she obliged. Elise then led her in front of the mirror and took the covering off.

This was it. Sierra was about to see what she looked like in this outfit. All this buildup was about to lead to its end. A gigantic whirlwind of emotions overtook her mind. It was so overwhelming that she had to stop herself from jumping up and down in sensory overload.

Sierra knew her reaction upon seeing herself was either going to strong admiration, or bitter indifference, and nothing in between.

Elise walked away from the mirror.

“Look, now.” She said with loving instruction.

At that command, Sierra opened her eyes.

What she saw in her reflection made a switch flip inside her mind.

In an instant, all of her negative thoughts were pushed away. The self loathing, the doubting, the dark fear telling her the bigots were right, even the frustration at having to live through yet another TG cliché to get herself in order, all gone in a snap.

The only thing left was pure ecstasy.

This face, this body she saw in the mirror was something not even her dreams would let her have. It was beautiful, so much so that she couldn’t even say or do anything at first but stare. It was just too shocking, too unbelievable for her to fully connect that this girl she saw was her.

But it was her! That face with makeup so expertly applied to hide any hint of a 5 o’clock shadow, the one with the long, thick, black lashes, the one with the full, kissable red lips. It was her. The body with the blue dress that clung on naturally to her, emphasizing her breasts and curves in such an elegant fashion while matching with her blue eyes. It was her. The long, waterfall of dark black hair making up her wig, concealing her short brown-blonde hair in a way that still made it look natural. It was her. All her.

She was beautiful. She was a girl. She was Sierra.

Eventually, her body did end up having a reaction at the incredible sight.

Her eyes shined with joy, and her face curled into the most genuine, joyful smile a face could ever muster.

And off to the side of the mirror, out of view, Elise was smiling too.

She had never seen Sierra so happy.

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