Chapter 16: Chapter XV – Jessica – Back to Normal

It had been almost a week since Jess had first been given their new arm and despite using it everyday since, the situation hadn’t really improved at all. Thus far, they had only been able to feel a bit of connection with the arm, but it was nowhere near becoming a part of them as everyone seemed to be hoping for. They were still trying, of course, but that didn’t stop them from losing faith that they would ever be truly one with this arm, that it could ever be a part of them.

At the moment, Jess was simply sitting in bed, the arm attached to them as they leaned back, medics buzzing all around, running all kinds of tests that Jess still didn’t understand the point of. They didn’t need to run tests to know that things weren’t progressing. At this point, Jess felt perfectly fine, physically, other than the massive pit that seemed to be a constant presence in their stomach at this point. They could have left days ago, but the medics and their mother were insistent upon the fact that further examination needed to take place.

However, they were finally fed up and once they had finished up the test, Jess finally voiced their desire to depart.

“I’m fine, mum…” Jess grumbled.

“No, I mean I just… you need to run more tests still, right?” Silvia asked, looking to the medics, hoping for some support here, but they just shook their heads and sighed.

“Silvia… while they are still struggling to connect with their new arm… physically, Jessica is perfectly healthy and I think that, perhaps, if they were to return to more normal settings, it might do some good for their connection with the arm. Staying cooped up inside of this tent is likely to only make things worse, at this point.”

Silvia looked exasperated, but after looking at Jess and seeing the hollow expression on their face they nodded and returned to the small station they had set up during their time in the tent. As she began packing up, the medics got to work running some final checks and providing Jess with instructions on at-home recovery and the steps that they should be taking when it came to their arm, both with and without the replacement.

Jess did their best to listen intently, but by the time they had removed all of the medical equipment that was attached to Jess, they had forgotten most of what was said. Thankfully, Silvia had been listening and as she walked over to help Jess up and in to the wheelchair, she gave Jess a soft smile.

Jess didn’t respond, but as they exited the medical tent, they did feel a sense of relief. The time spent inside was not the most pleasant, to say the very least, and they were more than happy to finally be out of there.

Most of the ride back, Jess just sat there quietly, but about halfway through, they asked their mother to stop and assist them with their arm. Taking it out of the cloth, Silvia helped Jess reattach it. Jess simply rested the arm on their lap, taking a deep breath and closing their eyes, spending the rest of the ride home trying their best to try and connect with the new appendage, but it was as fruitless as it had ever been.

When the two arrived back in the village, they were met with an unexpected amount of fanfare. There was a large banner hung in the center of the village with “Welcome home, Jessica” in big letters. Everyone seemed to have gathered for their return, but Jess was less than enthusiastic, barely even lifting their head to address those that came up to greet them.

Seemingly noticing that Jess was not in the mood for celebration, Silvia gave a big smile and thanked everyone before quickly wheeling Jess back in to their home. Once inside, Jess was met with the familiar scent of home, but it didn’t bring joy like it usually did. The entire house felt hollow, almost as though a piece of the building’s soul was missing. Jess looked to the stairs leading up and shakily raised out of their chair.

“Are you sure you don’t wish for me to simply bring you up in the wheelchair, darling?” Silvia asked, quickly reaching out for her child.

Jess shook their head. “It’s only a few stairs… I’m pretty sure that I can manage on my own, mum…” they replied, ascending the stairs, leaving their mother at the bottom, sighing.

Silvia quickly made her way in to the kitchen, hoping that perhaps a good meal may be able to bring a bit of comfort to her disconsolate child. At the same time, Jess was making their way to the bathroom, stripping out of the clothes they had been given in the medical tent, and stepping in to shower. As they looked down at their body, they noticed there were some new scars from the encounter with the creature. As they ran their fingers along them, their mind flashed with images of that horrible beast and then quickly they devolved once more to the sight of Bethany, watching her fade away in their arms.

Jess sighed and shook their head, slamming their fist in to the shower wall, tears mixing in with the water pouring down on them. For a long time, they simply stayed there, weeping with water showering down on their body until eventually, there was a knock at the door.

“Jessica… Dinner’s ready… I made your favorite…”

Jess didn’t answer, but after a bit, they realized their mother was still outside the door and they quietly replied, “Thank you, mum… I’ll be out soon…”

“Alright… Don’t take too long… Don’t want the food getting cold…”

“I won’t…”

Silvia lingered for a few more moment before descending back down in to the kitchen. Jess stayed in the shower for only a few more minutes before exiting to their room, finding a more casual outfit of a loose robe and a pair of shorts laid out on the bed. Jess took them and dressed, heading downstairs where their mother was waiting at the dinner table.

Taking a seat, they found a plate of small, cooked, tofu cubes set out in front of them on one plate with a bowl of gold strips to the side of it. A small smile crept on to Jess’s face as they picked up the chopsticks and began to eat the tofu, finding that they were cooked just the way they liked.

“I thought that… for your first night home… we could have a special meal… I’ve had those bits of gold sitting around for some time… I was going to have them with the dinner after you… passed the trial…” Silvia explained, trailing off a bit.

Jess nodded as they swallowed the last of the tofu. “Well… then we’re eating them at the right time… Only difference being… I won’t be searching… Not now…”

Silvia nodded. “But… maybe sometime in the future…?” she asked, hopefully.

Jess waved their chopsticks at her dismissively. “I have no idea how I’ll feel tomorrow or the day after… But I doubt it will change in a few days… If it ever changes… Don’t hold your breath, please…”

“Of course not… I just… want you to be happy… I want things back to normal…” Silvia mused.

Jess’s eye twitched at that word and they looked up to Silvia, hair turning slightly red. “Normal? Mum… we are so far past normal at this point… If you honestly think things can ever be normal again… you are clearly living in a dream…”

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“Well… I know it isn’t going to happen right away, but I’m sure things can return to normal eventually… You’ll learn to connect with your arm… you’ll make new friends…” The moment the words fell from her mouth, Silvia realized her mistake.

“Make… new friends?! Do you think that’s all she was to me?! A friend! I loved her! I still love her! I will never stop loving her and how dare you say she was just a friend!” Jess’s hair was now bright red as they glared at Silvia.

They were about to say something more, but then they noticed that she was pointing at their wooden arm. Jess was confused, but as they looked down, they saw small primal flames licking at the edges of the wood. As soon as they came, they vanished and Jess quickly backed up, their gaze slowly returning to their mother who looked mortified. Before she could apologize to them, Jess rushed up the stairs and in to their room, climbing out of their window and on to the roof, curling up and crying, tears staining the wood beneath.

The next morning, Jess was surprised to find that they were laying in their bed, tucked in snuggly. As they made their way up, they noticed their arm resting on a new fixture on the other side of the room. Jess sighed softly, picking themself out of bed and moving over to the arm to attach it. Once it was secured, they made their way to the bathroom and got their day started. After they finished showering and getting dressed, they made their way down to the kitchen where they saw a bowl of cereal sitting on the table, their mother nowhere to be found.

Sitting down, they sighed, finding that they couldn’t sense their mother’s aura anywhere nearby. Likely, she was in the central village, overseeing whatever matters there were to attend to. Usually, around this time, Jess would be doing something similar, heading out to work on their jobs that they had selected, but they hadn’t picked out anything and the idea of doing so they found almost sickening, so they headed out in to the forest and found a clearing they often went to whenever they wanted to meditate on their own.

If they weren’t going to be taking on any jobs, the best they could do would be to try and connect with their arm, as stupid as they may have found the idea. Over the past weeks, Cutler and the medics had given them all kinds of advice on how one would best connect with a new appendage such as this. They had kept telling Jess that it was even easier since the arm was made of not just mystwood, but the mystwood of the Great Spirit Tree. The sentiment was nice, but now those words only served as a reminder that Jess was struggling with something that was easy.

Despite the discouragement of the voices of those that had been trying to help and the apathy towards fostering such a connection, Jess continued to do the best they could under such conditions. After a few hours, they decided to head back home and make some lunch. Finding they had a rather small appetite at the moment, Jess settled for merely cooking some rice, one of the only things they had managed not to screw up.

While they were cooking their meal, they were surprised to hear someone coming through the door. As Silvia looked in to the kitchen, she mirrored her child’s expression, not used to seeing them in the kitchen at all.

“What are you making?”

Without turning around, Jess quietly answered, “Rice…”

“Did you make sure to season it properly?” Silvia asked.

Jess sighed. “Yes, mum… I know how to make rice…”

“I know… I just… wanna make sure…” she replied sheepishly.

An awkward silence fell over the room until Silvia finally asked, “So… what have you been up to today?”

Jess didn’t speak, merely holding up their wooden arm for their mother to see. She nodded and smiled softly, happy that Jess was at least wearing it. “How has it been going…?”

Jess gave her a thumbs down and Silvia once again nodded. “Well… we can’t expect you to connect right away… These things take time… I know that isn’t what you want to really hear, but… I know you’ll get there, eventually… All at your own pace, you know?” she offered, trying her best to encourage her child without coming off too overbearing.

Jess finished up the rice and ate it in silence, their mother deciding to retire to her room for the time being. Once they finished eating, Jess returned to their own room, simply taking some time to rest, taking their arm off and simply laying in bed. After some time, they got up and decided to try and practice some of their usual combat forms, hoping to restore a bit of normalcy in their life. Eventually, they were called down to dinner. This time, Silvia decided to stay quiet, not wanting to incite another outburst. The two then returned to their rooms and fell asleep shortly after.

Jess continued on in the same pattern for almost three weeks straight. Waking up and heading out in to the forest to attempt to connect with their arm. While they seemed to be getting more natural with controlling it, they were still unable to produce even a puff of primal power with it. They then returned home for lunch, spoke briefly with their mother about their nonexistent progress, and practiced forms in their room. Usually, they would then eat dinner, sometimes separately and then return to their rooms, but tonight was different.

“Mum…” Jess began, looking up from their meal. Silvia was taken a little off guard, not used to Jess being the one starting their nightly conversations. As of late, she had noticed that they seemed to only speak when they had something to speak about.

“Yes, darling?” Silvia finally responded after recovering from her momentary shock.

“I think… I want to resume my path to becoming a searcher…”

Silvia’s eyes widened, staring at Jess in utter disbelief before adjusting herself and attempting to control her surprise. “Alright… Well… You’ve already passed the searcher trial. We certainly aren’t going to revoke that from you. What else is there for you to do?”

Jess looked to their arm and then back to their mother. “I need… to train… I need to become stronger… I’ve… lost something… something I need to regain… And until I’ve done that… I can’t be a searcher…”

Silvia thought for a moment before nodding. “Alright. I don’t quite know what you’re talking about, but I’m willing to help you in any way you might need to get you to where you want to be.”

Jess stood up and Silvia silently swore, believing that she had overstepped, but then was met with Jess wrapping their arms around her. “Thank you, mum…”

Silvia smiled and returned the embrace. “Of course, darling… I love you…”

Jess sniffed and nodded. “I love you too, mum…”

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