Chương 170: Chapter 169: Controllah

I have learnt a valuable today: Do not fight more than one god. Unfortunately, I am fighting a significantly bigger number of gods than just two. The only saving grace is that they aren't trying to kill me. The terrible part is that nearly every method of attack I have was taken away. There are no shadows for me due to the entire floor and roof being illuminated, my daggers were taken by the… what did they call her again… oh yeah, samurai, and I can't use magic due to Aunt May's anti-magic field that still allows for her to use magic. All I've got is a hiding spot on the roof, a maid dress, and a magic eye with a hyper-specific ability with a hyper-specific condition. I'm screwed, aren't I? Well, maybe I could make a plan. I've got a few ideas.

The first idea is that I fight them all. It's a terrible idea, but it's also the fun one. The chance of success isn't zero… but it definitely isn't above one. The problem is that I'd fight armed opponents with only my kicks. I trust in my feet, I stomp a lot. I'd probably get knocked out before I even kick someone, though. Yeah, let's scrap that idea.

The second idea is that I surrender. Do mind-controlled people accept surrender? They should since it'd be a war crime if not. Yeah, I know what war crimes are. They have a copy of the four treaties and the three additional protocols of the Geneva Convention at the Maid School's library. Don't ask why, though. This is Earth, which means it'd count… except this isn't a war, and laws don't apply to gods. Fuck, scrap that idea.

The third idea is that I attack Myka. Common sense dictates that when facing a hoard of mind-controlled peasants, zombies, or both, aim to defeat the source as quickly as possible, as you will lose in a battle of attrition ninety-nine percent of the time. I definitely lose a battle of attrition here since gods naturally don't run out of energy and stuff, so I'd have to attack the mind controller. Yeah, I'm going for that idea.

First thing first, locate the mind controller. Done and dusted. It was pretty easy. You see, I'm still in the dining room, just hanging on the chandelier above the table. Most of the gods are out and about in the house, searching for me. Still on the table is the Devil (I learnt what the demon's name was, and to think I knew him. I read the Maid School's copy of the Bible. Don't ask why they have that.), Mel (She's notably chained to her chair), mom (She avoided the mind control, somehow, but won't help me… geez) and, most importantly, Myka. There's a slight problem, however. Myka left two gods next to her, which is rather annoying. One of them is Aunt May, who could probably crush me with a rock the size of Hamblin, and the other is… uh… a little girl. 

"The Destroyer. She's one hell of an avatar. She'd be my favourite if she had a personality, weren't a loli and had a less destructive Domain." I looked at my shoulder to see who was talking, noticing a tiny Devil on my shoulder. "You know, like the cartoons?"

"What's a cartoon?"

"Your culture is primitive, and your entertainment trash." He said in a condescending tone. "But enough about that. Let me help with your plan."

"I've read the Bible. I know I shouldn't trust you!"

"No shit you shouldn't trust me, but this isn't a case of trust." The Devil's grin grew larger. "This is a case of survival."

"Your grin is primitive, and your morals trash."

"If you shake my hand, I'll let my main body take out Myka."

"No! I still haven't beaten her in Go Fish yet!"

"A shame." The little Devil aimed his tiny arm at the chandelier's chain, and before I could even realise it, he shot out a fireball, making the chandelier fall. It landed with a huge crash, glass shards falling everywhere. Fortunately, I jumped off before it landed. Unfortunately, I landed on the table where the Devil, Mel, mom, and Myka sat. Well, shit.

"Get her!" Myka immediately ordered, causing the tiny Destroyer to lunge at me. I quickly ducked, causing her to fly towards the Devil, who answered with an uppercut, sending the little girl hurtling through the roof. I guess that's one oppo- FUCK!!!

I fell to my knees, having felt like lightning had struck me. I turned to Aunt May, whose fingers were smoking, with some electricity coming off it… I was actually struck by lightning! She shot out another lightning bolt, and to dodge this, I just flopped to the table, hurting my face in the process. Still better than taking a lightning bolt. I saw the bolt shoot across to the Devil, who just deflected it with a sideswipe. 

"My food! Fuck… just my luck." We all paused, looking at the source of distress. I noticed a shadow clone looking down at a puff of smoke that I assume was her sushi… wait, shadow clone? I can work with that.

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"I call for every shadow clone! Flood this building and incapacitate my foes!"

"What are you sayi-" The shadow clone looked at me with a confused expression when suddenly, a bunch of shadow clones started pouring out of her, filling up the place. I've always wanted to see the limit of shadow clones I could summon and if I could summon clones out of others. What a convenient situation.

The shadow clones quickly dogpiled onto Aunt May and the Devil, with a few carefully and cautiously getting Mel free. Myka had escaped and was now standing on the roof. Good, it'd be hard to hit someone while in a sea of shadow clones. Using the Ring of Lurking Darkness, I turned some nearby shadow clones into daggers and started lobbing them at her.

"I need this to go on for longer." She told me, and then she snapped her fingers. The door to the dining room, and in came the rest of Aunt May and mom's family, adding to the chaos. To make things worse, an explosion suddenly happened in the middle of the shadow clone ocean, and when the dust cleared, it revealed an Aunt May with a bright red witch hat and a staff with a sun at its tip. This… does not look good.

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Meanwhile, in the Shadowrealm

"You are Norika, correct?"

"Who's asking?"

"A gauntlet is being made, and you are cordially invited to be an obstacle."

"I won't do it."

"There will be no negotiation."

"I see… How do you plan to get me out of here?"

"Same way I entered."

"What about the copies of the cursed graduate?"

"Preoccupied."

"Then let's go."

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Chapter namesake: Controllah by Gorillaz feat. MC Bin Laden