Chapter 361: Acceptance

It was late at night in the only restaurant in Tianmen Pass that was still open for business. Despite the fact that resources were shrinking, Mr. Hu still insisted on a feast for Ye Qingxuan to welcome him for visiting. The boss cooked the dishes personally, and after serving the food and the best wine in his cellar, he left quietly.

All the different dishes were an eye-opener for Ye Qingxuan. This was the first time he felt that it might not be such a bad thing to stay in the East. Mr. Hu knew that Ye Qingxuan was not comfortable in the presence of people that he did not know very well, so he was the only one that stayed behind to keep him company. The atmosphere seemed a bit quiet because there were only the two of them, but Mr. Hu was very good at carrying conversations so it did not feel lonely and awkward.

“Actually, even when I was in Aurora, I heard of the things that you did in the West.” Mr. Hu drank the warm wine and sighed softly. “You are really impressive, little Ye. You have become more powerful than I imagined, Hand of God, Your Excellency.”

Ye Qingxuan smiled and shook his head. “In front of Mr. Hu, how could I possibly dare to call myself ‘Hand of God’? Please treat me as if I was still the same student that was taught by you at Romulus. Your praise and compliments make me feel strangely ashamed.”

“Hahaha, puff out your chest.” Mr. Hu seemed to be slightly drunk and slapped his back with considerable force. “You are already an important person now, little Ye. It’s just that, I didn’t expect that you would really come.”

Ye Qingxuan countered, “Why not?”

Mr. Hu shook his head and did not reply. Instead, he asked, “Is it for Bai Xi?”

“Of course, it’s for Bai Xi. Is there anything else more valuable than her in the entire East?” With that, Ye Qingxuan fell into a long silence before smiling guiltily. “I hope she won’t mind that I came so late.”

“Perhaps you are too early and not too late.” Mr. Hu shook his head. “Perhaps there won’t be so much trouble when everything has settled down here. It won’t take too long. Just a few more months.”

“I can’t wait that long.” Ye Qingxuan’s finger rubbed against the mouth of the cup. He looked at the tiny ripples in the liquid caused by the movement, and he narrowed his eyes. “Actually, sometimes I think to myself, what if I had not allowed her to leave me back then and I had killed Bai Heng instead? Would everything have turned out differently? She wouldn’t have to be so lonely and had to wait for me for such a long time. The thought of how horrible it is for her to be alone in the East fills me with hatred for myself and for my weakness back then. This is a mistake that I made and I must rectify it myself. No matter how heavy the price may be, I will not let her wait even a minute or second longer.”

Mr. Hu was stunned. He stretched out his hand refilled his cup with wine. After drinking three cups of wine straight, he breathed out deeply. He seemed to have finally organized his thoughts, and there was a strange look in his eyes. “I say, little Ye, Do you still see her as just a child?”

“Is there any part of her that is not like a child?” Ye Qingxuan laughed bitterly. “Back then, when she was still in Avalon, I would always worry that she would get into trouble whenever she was out on her own. Sometimes I would get upset with her, but after seeing the look on her face, I really couldn’t stay upset for long.”

Mr. Hu looked at him and for some reason, there was a complicated look in his eyes. After a long time, he sighed and put down his cup of wine. “I guess that’s a look that she only shows to you?” Mr. Hu lamented softly, “Pardon me for going straight to the point, little Ye, but Bai Xi is not as weak and helpless as you think. In fact, I’m sure you have already sensed the other side of her long ago?”

Ye Qingxuan did not respond. In fact, Mr. Hu was right. Back when he first saw Bai Xi, he was already aware of this. On that night when Old Phil urged him to open the door, he saw the real Bai Xi. There was a look in her eyes that was lonely yet stubborn. She did not care about anything and she did not trust anyone. Not even Ye Qingxuan, in the beginning.

It was a one-sided gesture on Ye Qingxuan’s part to treat her as a weak and helpless little girl, who would not be able to survive without him. Bai Xi had chosen to play along with him, so she voluntarily concealed all her claws and teeth. But that did not mean that she would be helpless the moment she left him.

When he saw the complicated look on Ye Qingxuan’s face, Mr. Hu could not help but shake his head. “You don’t have to worry about her safety. She may seem like an innocent and harmless little girl, but I assure you that no one dares to bully her. Those who dared to try to bully her or play games with her have all found themselves floating in the sewers of the capital.”

“You mean…”

“Yes, that’s right.” Mr. Hu nodded and narrowed his eyes. “Have you seen how a cat toys around with rats? Yes, it’s exactly the same. Bit by bit, she forces her enemies into a corner. She uses her words, the look in her eyes, and even the gifts meant for other people, and eventually eliminates every line of defense. Finally, she will slowly drown her enemy in their own despair and hopelessness.”

After a brief moment of silence, Mr. Hu looked up and drank the entire cup of wine. He sighed softly. “At the very beginning, there were some loopholes in her plans, but eventually, she has become so adept that it’s become frightening. To us, what might be a terrible conflict and struggle that concerned life and death would merely be a learning opportunity for her. It was all just a game. Bai Heng gave her this opportunity and even gave her a successful example to look up to. Every time I see her, I feel like I am seeing the emperor of a decade ago. With her intelligence and wit, no matter what she chooses, there can be hundreds or thousands of possibilities with her. It’s a pity that she has chosen the most terrifying one…”

Amidst the ensuing silence, Ye Qingxuan raised his hand and rubbed his forehead. It looked like he was about to begin a scolding. “This was something that I was most worried about.”

As expected, she has gone bad…

At this moment, Ye Qingxuan was filled with regrets. D*mn that Bai Heng. He should have burned that Bai Heng into ashes back then in the barrack!

“Perhaps, this is also the reason why Her Majesty has treated her as her only ‘friend’.” Mr. Hu pinched the empty cup and shook his head slightly. “Although the Emperor’s friendships are often short and fragile, I think that, deep down, Her Majesty probably sees Bai Xi as someone that is on the same level as her. This is an honor that even her enemy, Bai Heng, had yet to enjoy.”

With that, the look on Mr. Hu’s face turned bitter. “The scariest part is that Bai Heng may have already expected this. He knew that even if he was the one who personally delivered Bai Xi to Her Majesty, Her Majesty would still do her best to teach her and pass on her knowledge. She wants Bai Xi to become the person that she couldn’t be.”

“It feels like… I no longer what’s happening anymore.” There was a bitter look on Ye Qingxuan’s face.

This world was changing too rapidly and mysteriously. He lowered his head to pour himself another drink. He did not mind getting drunk. There was a look of pain on his face. “Sir, this Bai Xi that you speak of, is she really the same person as the one I know?”

Mr. Hu laughed uproariously as if he was gloating. “Everyone has a side of themselves that is not known to others. Little Ye, everyone has it. You can’t possibly treat her like a puppet that can no longer breathe the moment she leaves your side. There are things that she likes, and she knows how she wants to live her life. You have to learn to accept that.”

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“Accept what?” Ye Qingxuan rolled his eyes.

Why should I accept something that is wrong? I should rectify it! Ye Qingxuan was already thinking about what he should do to pull Bai Xi back. If he had known, he would not have allowed her to be so naughty and playful back then. But when he recalled those memories, there was a sense of helplessness in his heart. Most likely, my efforts will probably go to waste?

“Don’t be foolish. One can’t always have things go their way, right? Or do you see her as a clay sculpture to be molded by you? She is a living and breathing person, Ye Qingxuan, just like you. Don’t always think about how you want to change her into the person you want her to be.” Mr. Hu picked up his chopsticks and knocked them against his head. The chopsticks were slim and slender, yet they were black-colored when they were knocked against his head. “Accept the side of her that she doesn’t want you to see. Accept everything about her, if you truly love her.”

Ye Qingxuan was taken aback. After a long period of silence, he laughed bitterly and raised his cup of wine. “You are right. I have taken things for granted. Back in Romulus, Mr. Hu taught me how to become a musician. Who would have thought that when we met again, you would teach me something new?”

“I’m just spouting nonsense.” Mr. Hu shook his head with a guilty look on his face. “It’s an old bad habit of mine. I like to read some books then act like an expert based on my very superficial understanding of their contents. If you expect more from me, then you are going to be disappointed. The fact that I am still not married at this age and neither do I have any children…”

“Is it because you did not meet anyone you are fond of?”

Mr. Hu kept quiet. He lowered his head and drank some wine. After some time, he sighed. “In my early years, I met one… She treated me well, and I loved and respected her.”

Ye Qingxuan frowned. “Then why didn’t you get married?”

“Back then, I was… too naïve. I became very egoistic after a few small achievements. I kept thinking that a man must accomplish great things while neglecting to think about how painful and sad it was for her to keep waiting for me. After that…” He laughed bitterly, “After that, she left. She could not afford to wait for me any longer. She was of the bloodline of dragon. If she was not married by 20, she would have become an unwanted spinster. I let her down, so I never had the cheek to look for her. Fortunately, she found someone who cared for her much more than I did, so she has been happy all these years.”

Ye Qingxuan kept quiet and after some time, apologized, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

“It’s okay. It’s just a mistake that I made in the past.” Mr. Hu shook his head nonchalantly and stared at Ye Qingxuan before suddenly asking, “Little Ye, did you have any dreams when you were young?”

“Ah?” Ye Qingxuan was surprised by Mr. Hu’s question. He thought hard about it, then he began to look guilty. “Oh, I have had many. I wanted to become an artist. Please don’t laugh, I am serious.”

Mr. Hu was laughing uproariously and waving his hands. “No, no. I just feel very assured. Compared to me, your dream is already a very mature one.”

Ye Qingxuan shook his helplessly. “What about you, Mr. Hu?”

“Me? Hmm…” Mr. Hu scratched his head a little awkwardly. There was an embarrassed smile on his face. “Alright, I have had many too… I wanted to become a hero.”

“A hero?”

“I don’t remember everything very clearly now. I only remember that back then, I would declare the things that I would do for the sake of heaven and earth, for the sake of the people, for the sake of the sacred school, and for the sake of world peace… Ah, now that I think about it, it’s embarrassing.” Mr. Hu lowered his head and drank his wine to conceal his awkwardness. In the end, he sighed. “Unfortunately, I didn’t manage to achieve any of them. In the end, I didn’t manage to become a hero.”

“I thought about becoming a hero too, but I gave up in the end.” Ye Qingxuan consoled him, “But come to think of it, in times like these, to be able to be yourself instead of a hero is quite a blessing too.”

Mr. Hu laughed hoarsely. He looked like he was already drunk as he began talking to himself, “Yeah, after all, this is an era that has no place for heroes… It’s such a wonderful thing to just be ourselves.”

…

At the end of the day, both the guest and the host enjoyed themselves thoroughly. Although both of them were very drunk, as musicians, they were still able to make sure that they could walk steadily. After walking Ye Qingxuan all the way to the place he stayed at, Mr, Hu bade him farewell and promised to see Ye Qingxuan off on the next day. Ye Qingxuan recalled how he was the one who saw Mr. Hu off back then in the Sacred City. He could not help but marvel at how fate worked in mysterious ways.

However, after they had said farewell for some time, Mr. Hu suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He turned and looked back at Ye Qingxuan. There was a complicated look on his face. Ye Qingxuan heard his voice, which was laced with drunken stupor, “Little Ye, in your opinion, when someone has made a mistake that cannot be undone, what should he do?”

“Mr. Hu, this is so sudden. I don’t think I know the answer to your question.” Ye Qingxuan laughed bitterly and helplessly. “But since the mistake cannot be undone, then one will just have to suffer and bear the guilt for the rest of his life?”

“Shouldn’t he try to redeem himself?”

“Since there is no other way to undo the mistake, why bother looking for excuses to escape from the guilt? In my opinion, the mistake has already been made. If one is only obsessed with escaping from the guilt, that seems a little irresponsible.”

With that, Ye Qingxuan shook his head awkwardly. “Please excuse me, I was too arrogant. But I feel that it’s only a matter of living the rest of one’s life with the pain and guilt. Surely it’s not so bad that one has to resort to all ways and means to escape from it?”

Mr. Hu was stunned for a while before bursting into laughter. It was as if he had finally gotten the answer to a question that troubled him for a very long time. He finally felt a sense of relief.

As he faced Ye Qingxuan, who was looking dazed, he clasped his hands and bowed slightly to the young man before turning to leave. Underneath the bright moonlight, his clothes flew in the wind, as if there was an unspeakable sense of relief and freedom. It was as if he had received redemption.