Chapter 1: The start

  Emotions…Reactions that human beings experience in certain circumstances. Emotions are stretched out into 3 components of a psychological, expressive, behavioral response and just a bunch of bullshit going inside of my head with absolutely no meaning. Emotions can include sadness, happiness, disgust, fear, surprise, and last and foremost anger. What technically defines human emotions and what controls them? What’s the difference between emotions and feelings? Emotions are neurological reactions that are done subconsciously and rather immediately to an emotional stimuli or situation. 

 

You wake up in the morning, KOH POWING your alarm in the morning. Whilst you open your groggy state of eyes; you go drink some water, get dressed up including brushing your teeth, grab your jingling keys and drive to work. On the way to work you fill up some gas for your car and recognize your father going inside the gas station, you immediately start reacting with your eyes wide open, your brain subsciously is constantly rendering his features through patterns little by little to recognize him and once you do, you run up to him and hug him. Until you realize it was all in your head, it was just a stranger who looked similar to your father who's been dead for 3 years. Feelings are all done consciously by your own thinking. Feelings are something you can control and con others with, especially yourself after some point of time. 

 

In a world where everyone fakes their feelings, con others and deviously manipulate themselves and other people. Therefore, Person A believes no one can tell through their white and black lies while Person B can see exactly through the lies and plays along with it since Person B does not want to make the situation awkward. Everyone naturally is selfish and greedy. It’s just how we are. Is it morally correct to be this way? Who knows. 

 

As my asscheeks hit the soft cushion of the window seat of the bus, I lay back wondering where did this all go wrong? Is life ever as simple as it seems or an individualized convoluted abstract mess of reality I created inside my own jumbled messed up thoughts. I can’t remember when my thoughts started to turn so dark and gloomy without a hope in sight;mimicking the epitome of pessimism. The outpost lights directly shine into my eyes every so often as I gaze at the unfulfilling depressing night sky filled with smog without a star in sight. Will the twinkling stars ever appear to give me a beautiful last reminisce of how the sky used to be? The sky used to shine brightly as it did to me as a child;pure, innocent, and sparkling with hopes and dreams just to be crushed by the smog of society and the turning wheels of being an adult and factories.

 

Ahh the innocence of being a child where nothing can ever go wrong and if it does you always have someone to lean on to carry you through the hardships of life. Children create and imagine the wildest of stories, believe in the fairest of them all, and the cre-

 

“Cough, cough, excuse me.” someone questioned. Out of the peripheral vision to my left, a fair skinned girl with straight caramel hair that travels all the way to her curvaceous hips, her fair skin looks completely unblemished except for the mole underneath her right eye that stands out poking at your mentality to notice how much it contrasts perfectly with her bluish tinted green eyes. I don’t know if it’s me, however the more I focus onto eyes the more I'm confused on if her eye color is blue or green. Not that it matters at the end of the day, as she’s looking straight at me.

 

“Everything good?” Turning towards her, I glunched. My scratchy raspy voice contrasted to her cherubic soft voice.

 

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“No, obviously everything isn’t good if I'm trying to get your attention. Anyways, that’s beside the point.” She stops and ponders before continuing again. “Why do you seem off?”

 

“Off is a too broad term, I don’t get your point.” Great, someone else to put to their two cents in which I absolutely give zero fucks about. 

 

“Well, I did word it in a hazy way, what I'm trying to convey to you is you seem as if the world is going to end and there’s the look in your eyes and posture specifically just screaming out to me, INSANITY.” She stares into my eyes before proceeding further. “Insanity to the point, I got frightened as soon as I saw the look of your eyes outside the bus from the window.”

 

Insanity huh, it’s been a while since someone has seen through me, though instead of insanity they used the word cynical. I’m……

 

Tired of going to worlds

 

I’m tired and exhausted. World after world, Demon king to protagonist, living in solitude fighting monsters for others year after year. Never receiving rest nor sincere gratitude for saving their world they couldn't protect themselves. The 1st time I reincarnated inside another world with magic, monsters, fantasies, and my memories I thought as any other would in that moment. I screamed, yelled, and cried tears of joy thinking my life is special, thinking this is all I've ever wanted and dreamed for. But in those novels you read it's full of plot armor and deus ex machina. What do you do as an average guy who’s reincarnated inside another world with absolutely nothing special about you and the Gods tells you to kill the demon king. Seems like a dream come true doesn’t it. I mean who hasn't read a transmigration or reincarnated novel wishing for it to happen to them. But for me the Gods gave me no information, and no special skills. The only skill you have as soon as you're dropped off inside the world is [Endless Lives].

 

Self explanatory isn’t it. You never truly die but you experience death over and over and over. It never ends until you complete the quest. So you bleed, get tortured, have your eyes ripped off, get multiated dismembered, have lava poured over your body, thrown into pits and being strapped to a table to have monsters eat you from in the inside; All of this since your known in the world for being immortal so how else can these demons win against you.

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