Chapter 7: Chapter 7 – Nostalgic Day

After the dinner I was pretty ready for another therapy appointment, but when I got my checkup on the third I found out that Dr. Samantha was not available for a session that day.

“O-oh…” I sighed

“You can give her a call if you’d like, try and set up a private appointment?” the doc said while filing information on my vitals

“Maybe… I’ll see” I already knew I wasn’t exactly going to do that, she was so busy as it was so I didn’t want to be a nuisance, I could just see her next month

“So then, is there anything else on your mind Mr. Davis?”

“H-huh?” It felt weird to be called Mr. Davis again, though I suppose I never did tell Doc that I was going by Robyn now, “oh uh… well… I noticed some additional changes?”

“More changes? In March?” he raised a thick bushy brow at me

“Yeah… I believe it was on the fifteenth, I saw a few more changes to my body” I was blushing pretty intensely, already knowing what the next question would be

“What were these changes exactly?”

“...My uh…. Figure? H-has become more feminine…” fidgeting nervously and playing with my hair I really hoped he wouldn’t ask anymore question

“I see… well, your vitals are all still looking good so at the very least it doesn’t seem to be affecting you negatively in any way” he scribbled down some illegible doctor's notes, “tell you what though, since none of the others in this experiment have reported anything like that I’ll talk about this with some of the other doctors and we should have theories for you at your next appointment”

I nodded in response, it was a little weird that I wasn’t worried at all about this set of changes…

“Well then, if that’s all?” doc stood up and I stood up with him, “same time next month Mr. Davis?” he reached out a hand that I awkwardly shook

“Yeah… a-and… it’s uh… well… maybe… Ms. Davis…” it still felt so awkward for me to say

“Ah, my mistake then, I’ll see you next month Ms. Davis” he smiled at me and I left without saying another word.

 

I was still pretty emotionally drained from the dinner so I didn’t do much for the next week or so but I was finding myself getting kind of excited to see my friends again. As embarrassing as it might be I was sort of… happy that I’d be dressing more feminine this time. It was on the evening of the tenth that I found myself staring into the mirror yet again, something I had been doing relatively regularly this week trying to rationalize my thoughts.

I’m Robyn… I’m Dillan… I’m both… I’m me. The confusion was maybe a bit expected, not many people have had the experience of suddenly being in a woman’s body and being this conflicted about it. During my affirmations I slowly looked down and realized a new problem that I hadn’t even thought about before… my legs.

See the serum removed all of my facial hair, not even scruff had remained, but my legs? My leg hair was completely unchanged from how it was pre-serum. I had never really paid any attention to it but I felt sort of self conscious, even though over the years I’d seen plenty of times where my sister didn’t shave her legs and didn’t have any issues with it.

But I was planning on wearing a skirt tomorrow, would people suspect that I’m a dude if I had hairy legs? Would people comment on it? Would my friends notice? Of course before I knew it I was pulling out my razor and shaving cream. Since the experiment started I had no need for it at all so it had just been gathering dust in my cabinet.

Even though I had never shaved my legs before, surely the principle is the same as shaving your face right? I slid out of my shorts so they wouldn’t get wet from the water and sat in the bathtub. 

Suffice to say it didn’t… fully go as planned, I got a few cuts on my legs and definitely missed some patches of hair but I was pretty happy with it overall. Once I got dried off and got up into bed I couldn’t help but continue to rub my soft legs over and over, it felt… super nice.

 

I found myself thinking back to another memory from when I was a kid, the first time my sister had shaved her legs.

“Ughhh, it sucks so muuuch” Brittany whined, sitting upside down on the couch next to me

“I don’t think it’s that bad…” I was sat next to her, my eyes covered by my bangs entirely with my knees held up against my chest

“Easy for you to say, you don’t have to shave anything, boys can just let it all grow out” she huffed with a pouting look on her face

“I wish I could shave my leg hair…” I looked at my legs through the curtain of bangs, “but I’d get made fun of”

“I don’t think anyone would even notice dude” she looked up at me while craning her neck, “you’re always wearing pants and long sleeve shirts and jackets, you cover everything up”

“I… I suppose….” a slight gulp went down my throat, “do you think mom would let me shave my legs?”

“Eeehhh… probably not” Brittany returned to her former position and let her head hang off the side of the couch.

I was so jealous of her, why did she get to have nice soft legs while I was stuck with hairy twigs? In a huff I stormed off to my room and locked myself inside for the rest of the day…

 

Slowly my thoughts drifted away from my memories, my eyes getting heavy and tired. Sure enough I soon fell into a peaceful sleep with my hand still on my own thigh.

The next day came pretty quickly and I woke up pretty early to get ready for the day with the boys. It was a little weird how not weird it felt to bathe myself by this point, I hardly even blushed at my own body by now and even further I could actually wash my more… sensitive bits with only a little bit of an issue.

Once I was out of the shower I spent some time dressing and looking myself over. I was wearing a matching set of white bra and panties with a black mid thigh length pleated skirt and a white blouse. Was this too girly to wear? Should I try to go for a more androgynous look? Then again I didn’t exactly have a lot of gender neutral clothing at this point outside of my boy clothes. 

I spent so long debating with myself that I nearly leapt out of my skin when I heard a loud knocking on the door. In a moment of baffling bravery I instantly sped over to the door and only hesitated for a single moment before swinging the door wide open and closing my eyes tight to avoid whatever looks I might be getting.

“Hey Robyn” L’s sweet voice was enough to make me open one eye and look at the guys standing in front of my open doorway

“H-hey guys…” and of course now the pressure of opening the door had caught up to me completely, the anxiety of it nearly knocking my knees out entirely

“You ready to head out?” Kevin asked, keeping his eyes focused on my face… Did he notice that I saw him looking me up and down last time he was here?

“Yup!” The anxiety nearly had me yelling, but they either didn’t notice or didn’t want to point it out.

 

Now that it was April the weather was finally starting to get nice again, so I didn’t even grab a sweatshirt. I just held my phone in my hand, slid on a pair of cute brown small boots, and followed the guys out.

Kevin had a pretty ordinary sedan, L took a seat in the back while I took the passenger seat.

“So what’s the plan?” I asked while buckling up, just now really realizing that I never even asked before now

“I was just thinking we would go and get some food and then drive around like we used to back in high school” Kevin answered, already starting the car and pulling out

“Heh, been awhile since we did that huh?” I responded while reminding myself to keep my legs closer together than I’m used to considering that I’m wearing a skirt.

 

We live in a pretty suburban area, so there are just miles of empty country roads once you get out of the city. Back in high school the three of us used to just drive and drive without a destination in mind, shooting the shit and occasionally stopping if we spotted anything interesting.

“I like your outfit by the way Robyn” L chimed in from the back, “it’s super cute”

I of course immediately became super flustered, glowing my trademark Robyn red in the cheeks and awkwardly playing with my hair, “Y-you think so? Th-thanks”

“Certainly looks more comfortable than your old clothes you wore last time we hung out” Kevin added

“Yeah definitely” I giggled, “I didn’t have to ruin a belt to keep this outfit up”

“I’m glad you’re using the chance to experiment a bit, I’m a little jealous of you” L was staring wistfully out the window

“I-I wouldn’t call it experimenting… i-it’s just e-easier this way for the next year…” experimenting? Did he know that I was experimenting? Did he know Dr. Samantha? My mind started to race and panic quickly

The car stayed pretty quiet for a few moments, no one bothering to ask any questions about that statement.

 

Before anyone could add anything else to the conversation we pulled into park in front of a local diner we used to frequent back in the day, snapping me out of my anxious daze.

“Wow, really going for a nostalgic day huh?” I giggled, unbuckling

“We’ve all been so busy with work after high school that we haven’t had many chances to do stuff like this in awhile” Kevin stared at the diner windows, clearly reminiscing back, “but since you don’t have a job this year we were able to find a day that worked”

It had been nearly seven years since we came here last, the three of us all came together on graduation day. 

Once inside we were quickly seated at a booth, Kevin sat on one side by himself while L sat on the other side first and I sat down next to him. We ordered our food and got our drinks before returning to our conversations.

“So, do you think it’ll feel weird when you turn back to normal?” Kevin asked quietly, leaning in a bit just to make sure no one else heard the question

“Uh… I hadn’t really thought about it honestly?” idly I rubbed my thighs together, it had been so long since I had anything between there that surely it would feel weird when it came back, right?

“You could always try to get another year of it” L added, swirling his straw in his glass without looking at either of us

“W-why would I want that?” 

L shrugged, “I don’t know, in case you wanted to stay like that?”

“Having to have a yearly dose seems so strange to me, why wouldn’t they make the doses smaller and more spaced out?” Kevin placed his head in his hand

“Actually they previously did testing on shorter durations, I think this is the last test round before they push the permanent version?” I highly doubt they’d have the patience and funding for another super long study, it makes sense to delve into the permanent version next

“Th-there’s going to be a… permanent version?” L perked up pretty quickly

“Mhm, that’s the ultimate goal actually” I cocked my head at him, “what’s got you so interested?”

“I’m just… surprised is all” he turned away from me, leaving Kevin and I a bit confused.

 

Shortly after our food arrived, I always ordered a pretty big breakfast, and we all ate quickly for the first few minutes without saying a word before slowing down to talk more.

“Have you seen Isabella lately Robyn?” Kevin asked between bites of his burger

“Mhm, she actually helped me out with shopping awhile back” I looked down at my outfit, remembering it as one that she had picked for me

“That’s good, so she’s cool with everything then?”

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“Yup! She was pretty excited to be helping me out” I smiled

“Good to hear that it hasn’t been too awkward with her, you still have a crush on her right?” Kevin’s severe openness about it brought the bright blush back to my cheeks

“Have a little bit more tact then that dude” L giggled

“I-it’s fine… I definitely still do” I involuntarily squirmed just a bit in my seat, “she still makes me super nervous…”

“Yeah” Kevin chuckled, “I know the feeling”

“I don’t, though at this point that should be a given” L sighed

“What do you mean?” I asked

“I don’t really think I experience attraction, or at least if I do I haven’t found anyone who is attractive to me in a sexual or romantic way” he shrugged, eating a few more bites of his chicken tenders

“Nothing wrong with that,” Kevin shrugged, “if it’s not for you, it’s not for you, right? So long as you’re happy” to which I nodded in agreement

“I suppose so, Mark always gives me a hard time about it…” L slid down in the booth seat slightly.

 

We were pretty much all done eating but we stayed seated for a little while longer, resting and talking some more with a few drink refills.

“Right, you two still work together?” Kevin leaned back in his seat as well

L nodded with a deep sigh, “it’s especially not been super pleasant lately, he keeps teasing me because he thinks I’m going to sign up for the experiment that Robyn is in”

“Have you told him to cut it out?” I followed suit with leaning back

“Nah, it’s not that big of a deal, it’s not like… bullying or anything, it’s just some light ribbing” 

“Frankly I’m surprised he hasn’t been fired yet” Kevin chuckled to himself

“We don’t have the staff for that” L sighed again, “sometimes I am a little a jealous that Robyn doesn’t have to work this year”

I giggled a bit awkwardly, “Well I doubt you’d want to look like this for a year” I motioned to my body, “there's positives and negatives”

“Seems like only positives to me…” I could just barely hear him mumble under his breath.

 

After that we split our bill and left a tip before heading back to the car. In our long drives we never really had much of a plan for where we were going or even a direction that we wanted to go at all, we just let fate decide. 

Before we reached the car though, on our way out the door I saw an older man eye me up and down as he passed me. I wasn’t completely sure but I could have sworn I heard a light whistle from him too.

Thoroughly grossed out now I got into the car very quickly and locked my door immediately after shutting it. Thankfully neither of the guys noticed it, I have no idea how I would even go about explaining the feeling. It was never something I understood before, back when I was a guy I never really empathized with the feeling that women had from being ogled like that. 

I could only imagine how much creepier and scarier it would have been if I was alone, or even if it was a full catcall. The thought of it made me shiver a bit, thankfully by the time that thought had left my mind we were already driving out of the parking lot.

“I’m curious about something Kevin, humor me” L asked once we were starting on the country road

“Shoot”

“Say you were in Robyn’s position, pre-experiment… would you have done it?” when I looked back at him he was fidgeting his fingers

“You mean would I have signed on to be a girl for a year?” he seemed to ponder about it for a few seconds, “nah probably not, at least not for a whole year”

“Oh?” L’s voice was a little crestfallen

“If it was like… a week? A month? Maybe, and I mean maybe, two months tops? Sure, even if it came with a pay cut” he sighed, “I just don’t think I could go a whole year in a woman’s body”

“So it’s the duration that’s the problem, I see” L always seemed like he was studying and gathering information

“I’m assuming you would have taken the serum?” I looked behind me and asked him

“Y-yeah… I think so, for th-that kind of money? It’d be a no brainer for me” he wasn’t looking back at me, rather he was looking at his phone and typing at a near superhuman speed.

 

I turned back around and looked idly out the window, our area was fairly flat so you could see pretty far around you on all sides, there wasn’t a single other car in sight.

“I do have to ask,” Kevin spoke, “Why did you quit your job last year?”

“Eh it was just stupid… it wasn’t paying well enough and the hours sucked and…” my sentenced tapered off

“And?”

“I don’t know… I was just in a really bad funk? Nothing was really making me happy anymore, I was spending every hour that I wasn’t at work being bedridden, I think I just needed to change things up for a bit” it’s starting to feel like that was a lifetime ago now

Kevin chuckled slightly, “well you certainly did change things up”

I giggled along, “Yeah, I think maybe a bit too much sometimes”

“For real though, I’m glad that you’re feeling better” he smiled, still keeping his eyes on the road

“Th-thanks” I smiled back, blushing a bit.

 

We drove around for probably about another hour or two, catching up and talking about anything that came to mind. It was really weird how… normal it was starting to feel to be talking with my friends in spite of my body and voice. 

Once we got back into town L’s place was closest, so we drove into his apartment’s parking lot. He started to stretch out in the back seat.

“That was great, I really missed doing stuff like this” he smiled at the both of us

“Yeah, we should try to do it again sometime” Kevin added

“Definitely!” I agreed

We said our goodbyes to L before driving off back towards my apartment. 

“Sounds like Mark is still being an asshole” was the first thing I could think of to say in the somewhat quiet car

“No surprises there, he really pissed me off last time we were at your place” Kevin sighed, “We really shouldn’t let him anywhere near alcohol while you’re around for the next year”

“Yeah… definitely agree with you there” I looked down at myself, “especially now that I’m dressing more… well, more like a girl”

“Yeah, I imagine he’d say some more stupid shit”

I didn’t really know what to say, it felt sort of strange to think about one of my friends trying to flirt with me, even if it’s in a drunken way. I don’t think I was ever unattractive but I certainly wouldn’t have considered myself very attractive before this experiment.

“We should try and hang out again next month, I don’t know if L will be available but you and I could hang out” for some reason when he said that I felt my blush come back strong

“U-uh… y-yeah, that sounds good to me!” I turned my head to face out the window just so he wouldn’t see the blush

“Awesome, I’ll message you sometime next month once I know a good day that we can hang out” Thankfully he was always super focused on the road, so he didn’t notice my face

 

Why did that feel so weird? It’s just hanging out with a friend, why does that make me so nervous? It feels just like it did before with the ‘cute’ comment.

As if right on cue, we pulled in at my apartment complex right then.

“I’ll see you later” I got out of the car very quickly and waved at him before he could say another word

He looked a bit confused, clearly seeing that my face was red now since I was still standing pretty close to the car. But he didn’t try to say anything, he just smiled and waved back before driving away, dammit he probably thinks I’m weird.

With nothing else to do I slowly made my way up towards my apartment, trying to get my mind off of all of that.

 

The first thing I did after entering my apartment was take my bra off, something that had become a great joy in my daily routine when I left the house. There was something so freeing about finally taking it off at the end of a long day.

I slowly stripped out of everything but my panties and walked into the bathroom, looking at myself again. The words of Dr. Samantha was present in my mind - do what I think Robyn would do. That was when an idea hit me, something that I had always wanted to do but was always too afraid to do.

I quietly got ready for bed and grabbed my phone, laying down and pulling my huge blankets over my soft body, the soft fabric rubbing against my legs felt amazing.

It took awhile to figure out exactly how to phrase it, how to make it clear what I wanted to do while also not coming as… too excited. I must have reread my message at least a dozen times before taking a deep breath and sending it to Isabella.

 

Hey Isabella! I had fun on our last shopping trip together, think you can help me out with another trip this month? I was thinking maybe I might want to experiment with some makeup.

 

Just like usual I practically threw my phone away once I saw the message had been sent, not wanting to stress over a response before bedtime. I thought some more about this ‘gender experimenting’, dressing feminine? Wearing makeup? Surely when I come out of this experiment I’ll be more certain than ever that I’m Dillan, a man… though… if I’ve always wanted to wear girly clothes and makeup… wouldn’t that make me Robyn? Wouldn’t that make me…

Ugh I still have no idea who I am…

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