Chapter 36: Chapter 35: We All Have Our Scars

Scarlet hummed to herself as she sat underneath the moonlight in the private garden outside of Charles’ family’s house.

She had a piece of cloth in the shape of a blade she was working with in her lap, the item glowing from the magic energy she was focusing on it, though as her hands worked, her mind was somewhere else.

The mana potion method that Charles’ grandpa had used to gain mana was interesting, though it had its flaws. A shot of the wine could regenerate 10,000 units of mana at once, but because of the negative effects it had on the body, and the limit of one’s stomach capacity, it required several supporting skills in order to use it for more than a mouthful every couple of hours, rendering its relative mana regeneration rate lower.

Even at the absurd, lever destroying rate that Bryce had been drinking it, it was worth about 20 mana per second, on top of his other equipment. Resulting in 30 years being needed to reach Tier 8.

But having an external item, not necessarily always in hand, gathering mana for you was an idea.

Scarlet was hitting a wall with her own mana regeneration as while her [Arcane Mana Resistance] and her magic clothes could theoretically allow her to absorb 120 units of mana a second, the air around her couldn’t provide her with more than 60. This was also becoming a problem for the equipment she made for the others.

The holy mana regeneration stones were limited by the amount of mana they could absorb from the air around them, and then they would be weakened by the conversion from arcane to holy mana. Even if you wore 100 of them, that wouldn’t change a thing. Even the best Scarlet had made over the last 4 years only had a 10% efficiency rating, and while some may rightfully say that 6 mana per second is an absurd amount, it still wasn’t enough for their goals.

With 6 per second, they could definitely reach Tier 6, like Mehal, by the time they are 15, and Tier 7 by the time they are 35, but Tier 8 will definitely require something with a bit more umph. 

If they wanted to reach Tier 9, they would need more still. Even with Scarlet’s mana regeneration rates, it was looking like she would need over 60 years to achieve her goals.

That was simply too long.

But what if instead of constantly absorbing the mana from around you, you set up an item to gather it from another location, and just periodically retrieve that mana? That method had a much better scalability to it.

[Class Skill: [Magic Edge] has reached level 50/50 | +2 Mana, +1 Wisdom, +3 Magic | Mastery has been achieved | +10 in all stats]

“Alright, just need to train [Warrior’s Spirit] and I’ll be done for this Tier’s Class Skills.” Scarlet said to herself, putting the weapon away before changing up her training again.

Most of a ‘Magic Warrior’’s Class Skills were just variations on skills she already had. Though the fuel efficiency and strength was a step above the General Skill variant. But at the same time, they were more restrictive.

[Magic Edge] was just a stronger [Magic Weapon Arts], that could easily produce a very sharp and hard edge of mana along a blade, but unlike [Elemental Weapon Arts] the shape of the mana and the attribute of the mana wasn’t as flexible.

Well, ‘Magic Warrior’ was still only a Tier 2 Class. Pretty basic. She was sure she would get something more interesting later on down the line. Regardless of the path she took.

Class Changing was a tree, rather than a singular line to be followed, and at every junction you were given opens.

For the next Tier, Scarlet would have to choose between a dozen different Classes, most revolving around singular types of magic or methods of fighting. They were things like Fire Warrior, or Spirit Monk, which Scarlet wasn’t too interested in.

Though besides her pre-picked path of Spell Blade, there were two options that called to her a little.

The first was Shadow Warrior. A hybrid of fighter and illusionist. Its skills would likely involve hiding one's attacks inside of illusions in order to make them harder to dodge and block. It struck her as a useful skill set, even if it would be lacking in the damage department. The effects could also probably be produced by magic weapons, and they weren’t the kind of effects that needed to be stacked. Making your sword doubly invisible was kind of redundant. The Shadow Warrior’s future Classes would also be assassin focused, which wasn’t the direction that Scarlet wanted to take, as they tended to have lower stats.

The second Class that caught her attention was the Magic Hunter Class. It was another hybrid Class, though one that used ranged equipment and magic tracking and traps in order to better fight monsters on their own terms. Its methods weren’t too different from the methods Scarlet had implemented for hunting high level monsters up until this point. But that was kind of the thing, if you had the time to set up traps, you will be able to find something to do as a trap with just General Skill magic and whatever materials you have brought with you. If you couldn’t set up an ambush, those skills were basically useless, so even if it would eventually be able to go down the Valkyrie path as well, Scarlet still wanted to go with the Spell Blade path.

It wasn’t that Spell Blade had skills of its own that were so amazing that Scarlet couldn’t pass them up, they were a basic melee high DPS set of skills, revolving around a sword that could both cast magic and dispel enemy magic auras. But the raw stats of the Spell Blade Class were much higher than those of the other two Class. It was also the one that would lead into the Magic Knight Class, which would provide some good defensive abilities.

This was an ironman run, so basic survivability was a must. The second most important thing, after the scouting skills provided by Branwen.

“Scarlet?” Scarlet looked up to see Caesia coming towards her from the castle. “I thought I’d find you here, since it is the most serene place at the castle. Though the garden certainly looks different at nighttime.”

“Most places do.” Scarlet said with a smile of greeting. While deep down she understood that her friends and family needed sleep, unlike her, she really did enjoy the company. “So, what can I do for you?”

“I… just wanted to ask you something.” Caesia said awkwardly as she straightened her dress and sat down at the table with Scarlet.

“Sure. Feel free to ask me anything.” Scarlet said, welcoming the conversation.

“...Scarlet, what do you think of Charles?”

“...Ah…” Scarlet stailed as she recognized a loaded question, and thought she understood what was really being asked. “You’re talking about in the possible romantic sense, aren’t you?” Caesia didn’t say anything but embarrassingly nodded her head. “Oh boy…”

“You… You don’t need to say anything if you don’t…”

“No, no. It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting it. That’s all.” Scarlet said before taking a deep breath. “I mean. It isn’t like Charles isn’t great. He’s motivated and compassionate. But even so, I can’t see myself ever having romantic feelings.”

“Huh? Why not? What’s wrong with Charles?” Caesia asked, completely shocked by Scarlet’s response.

“Nothing is wrong with him. He’s basically a fairytale prince in the making. The thing that there is something wrong with is me.” Scarlet said with a shake of the head.

“What do you mean?” Caesia asked, not understanding what Scarlet meant.

“...Caesia, why do you think my mother isn’t seeing anyone?” Scarlet asked, seemingly out of nowhere. “It isn’t like she’s too old, or that people don’t want a widow. She’s beautiful, talented, and has a good personality. She has more suitors than I am probably aware of. Some of them are what commoners would consider perfect husband material, but she never considers any of them. She doesn’t give them a chance. And do you know why?”

Caesia just shook her head.

“It’s because, after everything we went through, the word marriage means the same thing as slavery to us, and sex is just another way to say rape.” Scarlet said with a sad expression.

“But… But that isn’t right!” Caesia said, upset by Scarlet’s mindset.

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“Of course it isn’t. We logically know that, but humans are illogical creatures. Even if we know that we are safe, our souls still remember the feeling of fear and helplessness.” Scarlet said with a bit of a self-defacing laugh.

“But don’t you want it?” Caesia asked with almost a pleading tone of voice. “Don’t you dream of having a husband who loves you? Don’t you wish to someday have children of your own to hold close?”

Caesia had been a romantic since she was the smallest of children. Since the day she witnessed Charles’ aunt getting married to a prince in a beautiful dress. She’d only been 4 at the time, but ever since, she had longed for the day that it would be her turn to walk down the aisle, hand-in-hand with her Prince Charming.

“...To be honest, no. The idea of having a husband frightens and confuses me. As for having children… I don’t know. My biological clock hasn’t reached the point where it is telling me that I want to have children of my own. But if it does, I could probably adopt a child. There is no shortage of unwanted children in the world. And if I really want to, I can make myself pregnant through magic. Forcing two eggs to merge together wouldn’t be that difficult. ...I wonder, what kind of hereditary bonuses would such a child have? Would they only get one set, since there is no father, or would they get two copies of their inheritance from me? ...I suppose doing that would make me a real asexual.”

“But what if you fall in love?” Caesia asked her.

“...I don’t even know if I can, and even if I did, the simple fact is, I can’t touch people. Can’t really have much of a romantic relationship without that.” Scarlet said with a shrug. “It doesn’t seem to matter how much time passes or how strong I get. I just can’t let people get close to me. I just… I just can’t.”

“...Don’t say that. Don’t say ‘can’t’!” Caesia shouted, looking at Scarlet with determined eyes. Then, she held out her hand to Scarlet, shocking her a little. “If there is one thing that I’ve learned, it is that if you can’t do something right now, that doesn’t mean you should just give up! You might not be able to do something right now, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn how to do it with a little training!”

“...Huh?” 

Caesia’s face then softened a bit. “We can start out small. Just holding hands or something until you get comfortable.”

...Hold hands? ...Wait, did Caesia ask about Scarlet’s interest in Charles because she… Oh… OH! “Caesia, I’m flattered, really, but…”

“Please Scarlet. I really want to help you with this.” Caesia said, looking straight into Scarlet’s eyes.

“...” Scarlet had no idea what to do. She hadn’t prepared herself for any of this. She wanted to turn Caesia down, but the girl wasn’t making it easy on her. So in the end she just sighed and nodded. “Al...Alright. I’ll give it a try.”

Scarlet bit her lip a little as she took Caesia’s hand, a small shiver going up her spine at the feel of another’s skin on hers.

God she hated immersion therapy. There was also a good deal of evidence that it wasn’t very effective either, as if you weren’t prepared when you went in, you just keep adding more reinforcement to old fears, rather than elevating them. 

Honestly, denial was a much better coping mechanism! She was happy staying in denial! She really was! She wanted to go back into her room and hide in her closet until the feeling went away!

“Scarlet, It’s okay. Just hold with me.” Caesia said softly, dragging Scarlet out of her own downward mental spiral somewhat.

She needed to breathe. She needed to regulate her body.

Control one’s body, control one's mind. Control one’s mind, control one’s body.

She started with short stuttery breaths. The kind that one usually made when panicked or hyperventilating. While these looked bad, they were actually the body's instinctive reset button, and helped to regulate the heart rate well, setting it into a more natural rhythm when things turned bad.

Then, once her heart rate was back under control, she changed her breathing patterns again in order to relieve the stress building up in her shoulders. She rolled her jaw a little in order to get rid of the tension there as well, and moved her fingers in a slow pattern. Things to remove noise from her mind and give it a distraction.

“Are you doing okay?” Caesia asked her.

“Yeah.. I’m… I’m… Oh…” Scarlet still had goosebumps and the physical need to run away was growing inside of her. “Mind telling me a bit about yourself? I could… use a distraction.”

“Oh. Alright.” Caesia said with a nod of her head. “Well, I was born a part of the Silvana family. I have 6 older brothers and 7 older sisters, as well as 2 younger siblings.”

“S...So many.” Scarlet said in shock.

“Not really. Most of them are half siblings. Male nobles die often in battle, so it isn’t uncommon for multiple women to be married to the same man, and for all of them to have several children in order to secure the bloodline. Charles being an only child is actually really uncommon. Since my uncles died in battle, my father had to fulfill their married contracts.” Caesia explained. “But even if my father had several children, the family didn’t have money in order to support training us all. The magic items used to prevent mana build up in small children are expensive, and being the 14th child, I was made to go without.”

“So, you weren’t able to train before you turned 5?”

“...No. I was made to train anyways.” Caesia said with a shake of the head. “Noble families sometimes don’t reveal the existence of their children before they turn 5. This is because a Noble house that can’t afford the magic items used in training their surplus children don’t want to be held responsible for when their children die from Mana Intoxication. I might have even had more siblings that I never knew about, who didn’t make it.”

Scarlet winced, her breathing pausing for a second as she tried to deny that such a thing would happen. Though she felt like Caesia was telling the truth. 

“Train and maybe die, or be discarded and die. Those are the options I was given. Not that I was old enough to understand them. My mother gave me a few lessons on training [Mana Control], but she didn’t waste much time on me, since she was more concerned with my older brother, who might one day take over the family. I was lucky that I was able to learn it a little before I would have died.” Caesia said, an admission of how close she had been to death.

“I’m sorry you have to go through something like that.” Scarlet said softly.

“The Silvana family has been like that for generations. Just ask my uncle.” Caesia said. “Duke Bryce spotted me when I was undergoing my awakening ceremony, and realized what my rashes were from. He was the one who introduced me to Charles and arranged for me to become his future retainer, despite the fact that I was a girl. You can’t imagine how glad I was, since as a retainer candidate, I can stay in the house of my future lord.”

It never really occurred to Scarlet, but most of their friends did seem to be around Charles’ house quite often, to the point of having their own personal rooms. And with the exception of Raphaela’s mother, she’d never seen any of their parents before, nor did any of the others talk about their families.

“Is… Are all of you like that?”

“Besides Raphaela. She's here because her parents are always out at sea.” Caesia admitted. “The Dalhurst House has been our family for years, and Charles was our salvation. I would… I would do anything for him.”

Scarlet felt a small tremble go up her arm. One that didn’t originate from her, and looked to see tears in Caesia’s eyes, from having dug up her own trauma. 

Slowly, Scarlet brought her second hand up to hold Caesia’s hand in both of hers. “It’s alright. Everything is better now, isn’t it?” Scarlet said calmly. Her own shaking died down as the wish to comfort Caesia overwhelmed it.

“...Yeah. Everything is.” Caesia replied with a smile of her own.

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