Chapter 198: Ch.42 – Circle (1/3)

 

After dinner, I said goodbye to Mary-san and made my way to my room. My cooking date with Risa-san was fun, and it made me giggle when I thought about it. I found myself chuckling as I took out my study books and set them on my desk.

“What a weekend.”

 

 

I said, letting out a sigh. It's only been two days, and so much has happened already. Takade-san and Saya-san live close to me, so I assumed we would be riding the train together tomorrow. As I set my math book down, my chest began to ache. I…

I wanted to say something to my family. I wanted to chat with Mom, Hana-chan, and Mari-san. It just didn't feel right, even though it wouldn't have been the best of times to contact them.

“Hm…”

I sat there with a pen in hand, looking at my homework. Occasionally, I would sigh as I couldn’t focus on my work. The numbers were just there, sitting on the page, waiting for me to answer their riddles. But my mind… didn’t want to stop thinking about… home.

“I… I think…”

The words were on the tip of my tongue. Nobody was here. I could be honest with myself as I looked about the warm room. The place was cozy compared to when I first arrived, but it was clear the feelings I was experiencing were wrapping around my heart, causing it to ache.

“I’m… homesick, aren’t I?”

Something I had never experienced before. I haven't been away from mom for this long before. Even at my age, I still wanted to see her regularly despite what was happening between us. However, mom hadn't contacted me or even asked Mary-san about me. For all I know… mom is happier without me speaking with her.

I looked at my paper that needed to be finished by tomorrow. I set aside the right amount of time to get this done, and here I was, spending it thinking about this. How I wish I could stand up, walk out of my room and see Hana-chan playing her games in her room. Or walk down the steps and see Mari-san on her couch, watching her strange western dramas. Even have the chance to walk into the kitchen and see mom cooking while texting on her phone.

If I could go back and change things… maybe I would have kept that secret and tried my best not to say anything.

But deep down, I knew that would have been impossible for me. Without understanding the level of my feelings, I had no outlet to release my emotions. One thing about this home with Mary-san… I am allowed to think like this because I can separate myself from my situation.

As an observer, I could look back at home and see all its problems. But also as an observer, I could also see all the good things that came with it.

Mari-san and mom's relationship changed how I looked at that kind of relationship. Hana-chan gave me a sense of responsibility as I had to take care of her at times. My family was shaping the way I grew, and as I looked back at it… I was missing it.

"What… should I do?"

As I wait for mom and Mari-san to work out their problems… I felt like a sitting duck, waiting for everything to happen. I… wasn’t good at waiting for things to change. So, I grabbed my phone off my nightstand and… called someone I wanted to chat with.

My heart was pounding harshly, like someone was slamming a sledgehammer on it, causing it to pump violently. My head felt light as it rang… and rang… and rang… when…

"Hello, this is Nakagawa Ayumi. I couldn't make it to the phone right now, please leave me a message, and I'll get back to you."

I waited for the tone when suddenly, the message continued.

“Ayumi, have you seen my shirt?”

Mari-san’s voice echoed in the background.

“Mari! I told you I was recording!”

Finally, that tone broke through, and it was silent. I sat there for a moment, feeling the guilt of a world I knew I had shattered. Mom sounded so happy as she playfully berated her lover. I bet she listened to this message and decided that "this" mistake would be the perfect message ender.

“Ah…”

I opened my mouth, but the words didn't come out. I… was thrown off by that and didn't know what to say.

 

“Ah…  mom."

I was like a baby unable to speak as I made odd sounds. I closed my eyes and tried to say what I wanted to.

"I miss you…."

 

 

I whispered before canceling the call and sitting my phone on the table. My voice felt like it came from someone outside of my body. I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say… so I allowed my heart to speak. I… I missed mom and wanted her to know.

I didn't know if she saw me calling and didn't answer or if she actually just missed my call. And to be honest, I didn't want to know the truth. I’d much rather her tell me she missed my call… than know that she actively watched my call for her fall on deaf ears.

I sighed deeply, causing all the tension in my body to escape. The warmness of the room touched me, but my chest my heart felt like it was cold and sad. I… wished I got through to mom but was too afraid to attempt to call her again.

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Suddenly, my phone lit up. I was surprised as I picked it up. However, the caller wasn’t my mom…

It was So-chan.

“Hello?”

I answered.

“I screwed up!”

Sophia-san screamed at me, causing me to back up in my chair. I stood up and put my hand on my chest.

“What happened?”

“I shouldn’t have told her how I felt! I should have just…."

She was rambling, and I couldn't get through to her. I kept saying her name, but Sophia-san was distraught as she went on incoherently through tears. She had to be calmed down if I was going to understand what to do.

So, I calmed my mind, peaked my voice slightly, and tenderly… serenaded my voice to her.

"Conway Sophia-chan. I can't help you if you don't calm down…."

Through the tears and babbling, she finally stopped talking. Her labored breathing persisted. She sniffed for a bit as the tension on the phone settled down. I found myself sitting on the bed, calming myself down.

“So, what happened, So-chan?”

“I… I told Linda how I felt. I-I was firm and wanted her to know that whatever romantic feelings… I had for her were gone.”

She explained through hiccups.

"Then afterward… she left and hasn't spoken to me since. At first, I brushed it off… but…."

She sighed.

“As I thought about it… more… I-I just wanted us to be normal sisters. But that’s impossible and… I should have just lied to her so we could be together. I… I miss her, Madoka-chan. I miss my Onee-chan.”

So-chan and I had in common that we both… wished our family was normal. We both were obviously homesick, and our choices hurt us and those around us. I… felt like my connection with the shark I've grown to know strengthened as I realized.

“It’s… not your fault.”

"Hm?"

I whispered to Sophia tenderly. Despite if she believed it or not, it's not her fault that she wouldn't lie to her sister about her feelings. So-chan was honest, passionate… and genuine. Because of that, she stuck to her guns and did just what she promised she do.

"You… did everything right, So-chan. Think about it. Your sister isn't in that abusive relationship with Spencer anymore. She has her schooling to become a registered nurse. Taylor-sensei is young and has a lot of time to… do anything she wants, thanks to you."

I took a deep breath and expressed how I felt.

“You… are an amazing person, So-chan. And Linda-san might not realize how much you’ve actually sacrificed. Don’t ever… call yourself a horrible person again.”

Her idle hiccups stopped as she began to calm down. It took a bit, but eventually, she spoke up.

"I don't feel like an amazing person… I feel like a leech, sucking the life of such a lovely person."

I heard banging coming from the other end of the phone. So-chan was likely taking out her rage on whatever she could. From sadness to anger and whatever else emotion would flood into her, she needed to get it out.

“Linda won’t message you?”

"No, she blocked my number. She won't even respond to my house calls, let alone Eleanor's calls."

Sophia-chan sighed deeply.

“I… hate what I did to her. B-But I never wanted it to end like this. It’s so unfinished… so childish.”

 

I sighed along with her. Linda decided to cut all ties the moment she realized that her fantasy was breaking.

If I wanted to help them come to terms with their feelings… I knew what I had to do.

“Sophia-chan… where does your sister live?”

 

 

 

 

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