Chapter 208: Ch.45 – Pains (1/5)

 

 

 

My mind went on autopilot, and I began to chase her down. It’s been a long time since I ran, like in the old days before my coma. It was strange, though. My feet felt as light as feathers as I rushed down the sidewalk. In the distance, Okabe-san turned to a corner, likely heading towards the train station.

People in our school took notice of me running the opposite way. I brushed passed a few girls as I ensured that this time… Okabe-san wasn’t going to get away. I wouldn’t stand there and let her run away like last time.

“I shouldn’t… have said anything.”

 

 

I scorned my behavior under my breath.

I made a vital mistake, singling her out like that. But I was surprised by the level of violence I was staring at. Okabe-san isn’t the nicest of people, and that's been addressed countless times. But I knew that she didn’t deserve whatever happened to her. The look on her face was slowly chipping away at my heart. And the idea of me not catching her made me run faster. As I briskly made my way to the train station, I thought about our first meeting.

It was my first day of school, and without Sophia-chan, I would have been out of my element. The lessons began, and it felt as though I was dropped in the middle of the ocean. I was expected to swim at the same speed as everyone else.

It didn’t help that I was a year older than the people in my class. I was uncomfortable being in high school with the mindset of a middle school girl. A few people introduced themselves to me, but the person who made an impression was her…

Okabe Kasumi.

She was honestly curious about me and asked a lot of questions. At the time, I didn't think much of it. But as I thought about her situation with her family and what's left of her friends…

It was apparent that Okabe-san reached out to me because… I felt alone…

There might have been a chance that she could form a connection with another lonely person. That may be the two of us could have connected because everyone else in the class already disliked her, and I… didn't know her well enough.

The teachers had already given up on her. Sophia-chan, the one person at the time who used to be her friend, turned on her too. They had a falling out before I came, and the damage was done. Okabe Kasumi was utterly alone, suffering… alone.

I’m sure she took the chance to reach out to me, but that idea shattered when Sophia-chan budded into our conversation.

From that point on… I'm sure I have marked an enemy like anyone else. It would explain why she'd attack me soon after with Mae-chan’s problems before I could attack her and hurt her first.

 

I jogged as my mind came back to the cold day. When I turned the corner, I saw Okabe-san gripped on her backpack with her hands. Her head was down, and she was walking toward the train station. My feet began to slow down, too, as I went from a fast sprint to a slow walk toward her.

“Okabe-san!”

I cried out to her. She spun around and faced me. Okabe-san looked terrified as our eyes met. Tears were running down her cheek. And that bruise on her eyes was complimented as the whites in her eyes were dark pink. Hastily she turned into an alleyway, trying to avoid me. I sped back up and turned the corner.

When I rushed down the alleyway she took, I came face to face with her. Okabe-san’s lips twisted, and she crossed her arms, attempting to appear as strong as a lion. But I could tell that she was… tired.

“Leave me alone already, Nakagawa-san.”

Like ice, her cold worlds stopped me in place. Her defenses were up as I approached. Cautiously, she backed up, doing her best to stay away from me.

“Okabe-san, I just want to see if you’re okay.”

I said as I approached.

“Fuck off! I-I just want to be alone.”

 

 

I reached out one hand as I advanced her. She retreated like it was poison to her. As if my touch would cause all the pain she's suffering from magnifying. She was… scared of my compassion because she didn't believe it existed.

“Okabe-san… I'm just worried about you. D-Did, your mom do that to you?”

Her eyes grew wide, and she stopped her feet in frustration.

“I said leave me alone!”

She screamed, causing me to retract my hand to my side. It wasn’t the usual rage she was known for. I could hear the cracks in her voice and the desperation in her tone. It was like what one would hear from a wounded animal, still primally trying to protect itself from the predators around.

“Okabe-san…”

I approached again, and before I could react, she brought her fist back and hit me across the face.

“Ngg.”

I fell to the side in a slight daze. The world shifted with me as I fell to the ground. Everything went bright for a second, and I could hear a slight ringing as I tried to come back to my senses. The seething hot pain on my cheek took me off guard, and I couldn't see anything. I realized my glasses were on the cement, cracked and bent. I looked up at the ivy-haired girl. Even though she was a bit hazy, I saw that she was shaking with a worried expression.

 

“I-I told you to leave me alone!”

Okabe-san’s voice began to crack as she… attempted to explain her actions. I’m sure she didn’t even think about doing that to me. It was a knee-jerk reaction. Someone approached her, and she reacted. It… was sad to understand that.

“I told you not to touch me! I wasn’t fucking kidding with you, N-Nakagawa…."

The initial shock wore off as I held my glasses. The lends were broken, and I wouldn't be able to use them. I slowly stood up and rubbed my cheek. I tried to put my glasses back on for a bit, but they were beyond repair… I knew this, but the shaking made me do… strange things.

“Okabe-san…”

The warmth of my face mirrored the pain in my heart as I whispered her name. I could taste the iron of blood in my mouth. I lifted my head and faced her as best as I could as my eyes adjusted a bit to her. I was able to see her face at this distance, but everything else around me was blurry.

I asked as I clenched my fist.

“I don’t know how else to help you… and Nagumi-chan. Clearly, you're hurt and… I don't know what to do, Okabe-san...”

The pain on my cheek didn’t cause me to tear up. The overwhelming sense of helplessness did. My chest felt like it was being twisted in horrible directions. Like someone took all the wires in me and mangled them up. The surge of pain throbbing at my chest was powerful… and it hurt.

Okabe-san’s emotional pains weren’t something I could share and empathize with. She is suffering in a place that was foreign to me, and I couldn’t imagine my parental figure doing something so horrible. Or anyone’s mother for that matter… but Okabe-san was a testament that there are just terrible people in the world. I… wanted to help her, but I was unsure how.

Before I realized it, my legs were shaking. My mind was racing with thoughts of… how to fix this.

Her life… was just as destroyed and distorted, and my standard method of helping… wouldn't work for her.

"I… I want to help, but I don't know how, Okabe-san.”

I confessed.

She stared at me blankly as my eyes were being rubbed on my sleeve. The shame of not knowing what to do was overwhelming. It felt like I was being judged by an unknown force, telling me that I was… doing everything wrong. Maybe coming after she was a mistake. Probably cornering her like this wasn't the right way to approach this.

“I never asked for your help…."

Okabe-san said weakly. I lifted my head and met her gaze. There were tears in her eyes despite how she sounded, and her cheeks flushed from shame. She crossed her arms and turned to the side.

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“I-I messed up… and there’s no fixing it, Nakagawa-san.”

She brushed her bangs away from her face as tears rolled down her cheeks. As if her body began to collapse, she crouched down and held herself.

“This is my fault! I shouldn’t have said anything. I-I caused all of this.”

I stepped closer, a tad hesitant this time, though. Okabe-san's hiccups echoed in the alleyway, and she was… ruined like this. I got down to her level and didn't dare touch her.

“Whatever happened… it’s not your fault, Okabe-san.”

I assured her, but like a rock, she wouldn’t budge. It was as if a force was pressing her away from me Okabe-san couldn’t break free from it.

“No… it is my fault. I messed up, and I had this coming.”

Through her hiccups, she muttered the unbelievable. It was as if she genuinely believed that she deserved to be attacked. She held herself tighter as if that was the only way she could console herself. It made me wonder how often she's suffered this cycle of being abused… then blamed herself for that abuse.

“Listen… I know it’s hard to believe… but I want to help you, Okabe-san.”

I tried my best to get through to her. Break down those massive walls that she’s made as a defense mechanism… They were high, so high that I couldn't see where to enter from. Okabe-san shook her head.

I've already been hit once, but I was well aware that I approached her incorrectly. I had no intentions to touch her. That would be the worst thing I could do at this time because of how vulnerable she was. But Okabe Kasumi… needed help. She needed to be… comforted somehow.

“Okabe-san… let’s take you to the nurse's office.”

I suggested.

“No!”

She glared at me as if I had just pulled a knife on her. Okabe-san sprang up and pushed herself to the wall. With her eyes closed and full of tears, she forced herself into a corner as I stood up.

“Okabe-san… Linda, I-I mean Taylor-sensei is there today. She’ll listen to you.”

I offered her, but she shook that green hair from side to side.

“Don’t you get it?! I don’t want to deal with any adults. They’re all liars and never believe me! T-They won’t believe me, and it will hurt more next time.”

In a rage, she stepped toward me.

“Will you piss off and just leave me alone, Nakagawa-san?!”

I held my chest as she approached me this time. I expected her to strike me again, so I closed my eyes and lowered my head, trying my best not to appear threatening to her.

"Taylor-sensei is different than other adults, though, Okabe-san. D-Don’t you remember what she did for you?”

I spoke about the time when she let her go pick up Nagumi-chan. That day, Okabe-san begged an adult for help… and she got the help she needed. Linda was different. She was willing to help people because she cared.

I opened my eyes slightly and glanced at her. Okabe-san stopped her approach and put her arms to her side. She lowered her head, but her fist was still clenched, showing her rage.

“Okabe-san… Y-You, don't realize how much you've helped her. In a way… Taylor-sensei owes you.”

I gritted my teeth, preparing for another strike to come my way, but I pushed on.

“Y-You were the one who helped her the most. W-Without you… Taylor-sensei wouldn’t have been able to be on stage.”

“S-Shut up!”

She cut me off, her words as sharp as a knife. I brought up my head and looked her in the eyes. They were fierce and scary… but if I was going to get through to her, I knew that I had to fight. Okabe-san wasn’t gentle like my other friends. I… had to show her that I only wanted what was best for her.

“I visited Linda-san the other day… and she was so happy that you helped her. I… I don’t believe that she’d turn you away if you told her the truth, Okabe-san. Y-You have to believe me.”

We both had tears in our eyes as we squared up to one another. I stiffed my back and faced her. I was still afraid of another hit from her, but I did my best to stay strong. My eyes still watched her hands, aware that I might be attacked again.

“E-Even Sophia-chan was thanking you. It must be hard, and I'm not saying I understand your feelings. But… But I wouldn't have chased you down just to lie to you.”

She breathed heavily as she looked at me. Her fist clenched tighter, and after a moment of staring daggers into me… her fist opened and Okabe-san… began to cry to the heavens.

After a brief moment, she opened her fist and began crying to the heavens.

 

 

“I-I don’t understand! I don’t get it! I-I don’t understand!”

In tears, she… cried out all of her confusion. I could only imagine how it would feel to never trust others…

“Nagumi! I-I want to hold Nagumi!”

Her strong walls finally came crashing down as she called out to the only person she would hold in times like this. The destroyed older sister crying out for her younger sister. In a world where everyone was harsh and cold, she wanted to be comforted by the person she loved.

The one person that she could trust with her life. I stood there, worried she'd lash out at me again if I got too close. As she cried into her arms… a sense of determination set in me.

“Kasumi…”

I whispered her given name as I approached. She wasn’t calming down and even beginning to hit her face with her fist. Amid this confusion, I knew that she… just needed stability.

“Kasumi…”

I slowly put my hand on her shoulder to share her pain. Suddenly, she latched onto my hip and pressed her face into my chest. Her body's weight fell on me, and I had to force myself up before being brought to the ground. Then suddenly, she latched onto my hip and put her face on my stomach.

“I-I don’t get it! It’s… It’s not fair, Nakagawa-san! I don’t want to be hurt anymore! I don’t want to be hurt anymore! I hate being hit. I hate it. I hate it.”

She held me tight, and that's when I felt her shaking, trembling like a frightened child. Because that's what she was… a frightened child who didn't deserve the pain she was going through. I placed my hand over her shoulder and did my best to comfort her.

“Kasumi…”

I quietly whispered her name as I held her in my arms. It was cold, but I couldn't imagine how alone Okabe-san felt. Nobody was there to warm her up but her little sister. So, I needed to do my best to show her that… more people wanted to help her.

After a bit, she finally calmed down. Her hiccups were still there, and she crossed her arms and looked away from me.

“Hey… let’s go to school together. Y-You have to get that looked at by the nurse.”

She huffed but reluctantly accepted my offer. The two of us walked out of the alleyway and slowly made our way back to school. Obviously, we were late, but her health and mental well-being came first. For the duration of the walk, she looked away from me. Clearly, she was ashamed and didn't know what to say.

“I…”

Okabe-san pulled on my hand, causing me to turn around right before we got to the school's gates. I looked back at her, that bruise on her eye was turning a darker purple, and I could see the pain settling in. In a muffled voice, she pushed out something I never thought I'd hear from... her.

“I… I’m sorry for hitting you. I-I didn’t mean it.”

I didn’t press it further because Okabe-san shouldn’t feel guilty for anything. Her emotions are high because of her traumatic event. Her mind must feel like it's on a ride of different emotions and feelings. Instead of bringing it back up, I nodded and squeezed her hand. She stopped fighting me and just accepted where we were going.

“Taylor-sensei will help...”

I assured her… even though I was worried too.

 

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