Chapter 78: Ch.21 Our Future (5/5) Volume 3 END

 

 

 

 

After our chat mom became emotionally tired. So, I took her back to her room and let her rest.

"So, you had a chat with her about your trauma, Madoka-san? Does that mean...you know about what happened?"

"Yeah...about my accident and how it changed me..."

I nodded as I exited their room. It was 6 PM and getting late...but there was one more thing I needed to do...and I decided that this is how I wanted to move forward.

“Mari…”

I sat outside the door of their room now. As I turned back to her I met her lush forest gem eyes.

“Yes, Madoka-san?”

“I know it’s a little late, but could you take a walk with me?”

My feet trembled at what I was thinking, but I had to push forward...

“Oh…sure. Of course, I’ll come.”

She stepped out of the room now as we began walking.

“Ah…where are we going, Madoka-san?”

I ignored her as we began walking in the main lobby. There I took a quick glance at the piece of paper Saya-san gave me. Wordlessly I exited the establishment with the person I love in tow. The night was cold but the air was sweet. For around two minutes we walked in silence as we made our way up a pathway. By this point, Mari was certainly becoming concerned as she kept speaking my name from her tender lips.

“Madoka-san?”

That’s when I silently turned to her and reached out my hand. She looked at it a tad confused for good reason but eventually...she got the message and took hold. Now hand in hand we made our way through this thick brush. The coldness of the night cleaved around us but I didn’t let that bother me…I was burning up too much for it to get to me.

“Where are we…?”

We journeyed for around five or so minutes until we reached a clearing. In the sky was the clearest and brightest crescent moon I’ve ever seen. Just the sight of the stars was enough to pull at my heart. Living in Hiroshima it's rare to see stars like this. So, this was a sight to behold.

“Wow..."

She gasped at the scenery. I did the same, I didn't realize that it was so beautiful and that almost threw me to the ground. Saya-san was right, this was well worth the strange walk here.

"What are we doing here, Madoka-san?”

“I’m…pretending Mari.”

“Pretending?”

“Mari, can you do me a favor?”

“…What is it, Madoka-s...M-Madoka?”

“Could you not talk until I tell you to?”

She didn’t reply but instead nodded likely respecting my wishes.

I turned to her and faced her with the warmest smile I could, doing my best to cast away the cold chill of the night. I opened my mouth…only for the words not to come out…so, I closed my lips as if to reset my mind. After a moment of tears flooding from my eyes, I gained the courage to continue.

“Could we pretend that…for this…brief moment that there...are only two people on this world? That there is no Nakagawa's...or Koda's?"

I choked...

"That way...none of my actions would have consequences right now?”

I held my chest as Mari looked at me with her eyes wide. Those cute, big eyes that even in the darkness tonight lit up my heart.

 

“...I’m in love with you, Mari...”

“I-I’m in love with you too, M-Madoka...”

 

 

Her eyes began to water as she angled down, away from me. As the silence became deafening, I closed my eyes as instant regret pulled to me. It crawled at my stomach and attempted to ruin me. But this was my choice...I decided that I would do this...in order to move forward from my past.

“…I asked you not to talk...Mari.”

“…Sorry, Madoka.”

I began to laugh...as I cried. Mari-san did the same as she started crying too.

“…Pff…You’re such a dumbass…and I love that about you. I love it so much.”

 

 

There we stood in place in this beautiful clearing... crying away from one another. Mari wailed in agony...and so did I. I believed we both knew what tonight was and we had to accept that.

“So, c-could I ask you a favor…a small favor f-from the person I love, Mari?”

“…A-Anything! Anything, Madoka.”

“Could you please pretend with me for an hour that these two years didn’t go by without me... and that… and that tonight w-was our confession to one another? So, for just one hour we can express ourselves without bias. No lies...just...just open feelings?”

I stammered over my words, but Mari didn't care as she nodded, feverishly.

“Y-Yes, I’m okay with that, Madoka! I...I understand.”

Tears rained from the side of our eyes as she slowly approached me.

“That for this last hour…Madoka, your girlfriend brought you to this wonderful spot to share a romantic evening together? T-That t-there is no Koda Hana....Or Nakagawa Ayumi...just two people who found each other in a world of their own...and they love each other dearly and will tell each other everything?"

 

“…Yes. And then after this hour…I will be your stepmother…”

“...And I will be your stepdaughter…”

 

Again, I held my head down…what I didn’t want to happen did. I began crying in the palm of my hands. The cold chill of the night cast off my body. I wasn’t warm anymore, all of that was slowly suffering into the elements. But then a calming touch wrapped around me…it engulfed me with her warmth. Cherished only me...right now.

 

 

It was my girlfriend….Mari…

The woman I loved for the last two years who captivated my heart. The one I confessed to tonight and she accepted it...So, I continued pretending...

“M-Mari…I…I’m so happy you feel the same…for me? P…P…Please…take….ah...care...ah...arrrggg...”

I couldn’t finish it as my neck closed. I...couldn't be strong enough to say it...

“I will take care of you…from now…on…M-Madoka.”

 

We lied to each other.

As if our love would be there for much longer. In each other’s arms, we embraced our feelings. Tonight, was the closest we’d ever be together. For this fictional hour, there was no family…it was just two strangers who fell in love and finally confessed our feelings to one another. No consequence, just pure and honest love for one another.

 

“Mari…”

“Madoka...”

I turned to her…this was as far as I was willing to go. I touched my cold lips on hers.

 

 

Its warmth wasn’t blissful…it wasn’t a spark of fireworks that I imagined it would be when I kissed the one I love. No…it was more than that. My body suffered from bouts of euphoria that caused my heart to pump aggressively. As I move my lips with hers our passions erupted. A mixture of cold wind along with fire hot air mixed as we showed our passion. She tasted like lemons... Mari-san tasted like... sweet lemons. And that made my heart sting all the more.

My body leaned on the grass as I continued kissing the one I loved. Mari lied on top of me as we brushed up against the field. In the night our lips merged together. A mixture of sweet lipstick and salty tears ravished us. The one I loved locked her slim fingers with mine as she showed me everything now.

 

 

My tongue pushed in her mouth as I wanted to feel everything that I would never again. She held me down with her hands and pushed me further to the ground. Tonight, we merged for the first time…as one. In between kisses, we cried each other's names.

 

“I love you, Mari.”

“I love you too, Madoka. I-I-I love you so much...”

 

 

For the first time in these last few months...I felt whole. I didn't feel as though I was lacking anything anymore. Mari...Mari my girlfriend completed me. Her warmth made me feel safe. Her emotions filled me with a scene of being alive. She truly was...everything I wanted. My feelings weren't fake...I truly, truly loved Mari. With wasn't like a fairytale though where everything will be happily ever after. We both knew this and...we had to accept that.

 

Now we sat up as I wrapped my arms around her stomach.

"I heard about everything you did for me, Mari!"

Relentlessly, I attempted to kiss her marshmallow cheeks as I confessed my feelings.

 

 

“I know everything, Mari! Why you are with my mom despite you loving me…why you destroyed Mihara-san’s gift in the hospital because you were jealous of her. But...But how you tried to course me into being with Mihara-san...to make me happy. Even if it ruined you inside. You…you honestly love me beyond measure, Mari.”

She just nodded as tears fell down her cheek. She attempted to talk but she kept choking on her words. I found it adorable so I kept assaulting her. Finally, she spoke after what felt like minutes.

 

“When you confessed to me that night I was teaching you English…I was shocked, Madoka.”

 

 

“You were just as scared when you did. I knew the last thing I wanted to do was to reject you. Being alone in the house most days…no father, working hard every night…Of course, you’d develop those kinds of feelings, I thought.”

She sighed…

“So, I told you to wait…think it over. There’s no rush, I wasn’t going anywhere. We had time…W-We had...time. I-I-I honestly thought we had all the time in the world...”

That’s when she gripped me tighter and began kissing my forehead as she cried. It was tender, it was deliciously sweet and made me cry because this sweetness was never going to be after this moment in time.

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“And as time went on that wasn’t an empty promise anymore. You could read me like an open book, unlike others… You reminded me of my husband and I seriously loved you for that. You were snarky, funny, we shared our love for dramas and fashion too. We both sat up all night watching Born Free together, talking about Magenta, other stupid things…”

She kissed me faster in rapid succession, I loved every minute of this.

 

“And then one night as we relaxed on the bed finishing up the last season of Born Free. Born Free became our favorite show. We loved it and wanted to only watch it with each other…But then, it just came to me…I said…"

"I love you too...Madoka.”

 

 

"How natural it was...that I grew to fall in love with you."

She began to cry again. Mari, my love was crying over her feelings for me. The weight of all that she held during these months we spent together was finally flooding out and it was enormous. Her love for me...was unmeasurable.

 

“And all you said…with that snarky tone of yours…was, "Of course, you do, Mari.”

 

I snickered.

“…Well, of course, you do, Mari.”

I teased.

“Shut up…just...just shut up, M-Madoka.”

She began kissing me again but this time on the lips. Our hour was fading and she knew that. This time to express her feelings was rapidly flowing away so to admit to everything before the hour was over was near impossible. Instead, she opted to express her love physically. That was the fastest and I agreed. There were probably thousands of things she did for me without me knowing...and I accepted that.

“Now it all made sense…”

She leaned on my head on her lap. How I wanted her to pet me like before. I yearned for all kinds of touches as this hour was fading quickly into the cool night.

 

 

I closed my eyes…concluding what happened in my past in my mind…

After my father passed away mom would work multiple jobs to make ends meet. I decided to help her by doing my best to work hard, earn a scholarship and get into a school that would provide a great job. Uncle Ryuji gave her a chance at the Editorial Bureau where she met Mari. One night Mari took her home because she was drunk, and I met her. As time went on, I told her about Mihara-san and her struggles, my problems, and such too. But eventually I…confessed to her. But Mari-san didn’t turn me away…no she told me something important. She said for me to take my time and grow…

She promised me that she wasn’t going anywhere…

And eventually, she wanted to stay with me as much as I to her…

I was most scared of mom finding out though. I looked up to her and the last thing I wanted was her disapproval of something I cared for. Mari-san respected that, and we developed this secret relationship of knowing each other’s feelings but never reacting to them.

One day after mom worked late, she picked me up, and like the spoiled child I was I complained…causing her to get angry and lose focus…that’s when we got into that accident and I began to change. I hid away, scared of constant thoughts of losing my mom like dad, loud noises…things that weren’t me. And mom blamed herself for it.

But it was Mari that pulled me out from it. She slowly brought me out into the world again because she loved me…but the ultimate test was when we planned to go to the amusement park together…

Mari called it…our first date….

There would be no way I’d miss out on my first date…

But now I knew what happened that day….

I was taken away from this world for two years…

During my sleep mom attempted suicide and Mari-san…for my sake stayed with mom. She became her lover and helped her through that hardship. She invited her to meet Hana-chan and they became a family. Mari-san sacrificed our promise to save the only woman I loved. The idol I looked up to…she preserved that image at the price of us.

And I…

I still love her because of it…

But soon this hour would be gone…

And reality will be back as we promised.

 

“Maybe in another lifetime…our love would be recuperated, Madoka?”

“…I don’t believe in that stuff, Mari.”

“…Me either...”

 

 

I held her again and gave her another kiss on the lips. I won’t dare go further than this. This was just a moment to feel what could never be. And it hurt…it hurt so much that I felt my heart being stabbed with every peck. Mari did the same as she held my back. We kissed constantly as the night raced on. Her beauty reflected off the night sky. Nothing was being hidden anymore. Our honest feelings that had always been hard to push out were laid bare for the other to see. But we wouldn’t dare cross that line of intimacy. This hour was nothing but pure love…not lust. An absolute way to show our feelings to one another without judgment. This wasn't romance, it was just raw acceptance. As I lied on top of her now touching her chest...I confessed one last time.

“I don’t think I will ever officially get over you, Mari. My feelings for you might grow so faint but I won’t experience it anymore…but it will always be deep in my heart...that I love you.”

“…Yeah, I feel the same Madoka...”

She looked me in the eyes.

“I will confess to Ayumi about my prior feelings for you soon…I need to start anew…no more lies between us…because despite how I feel tonight…I do love Nakagawa Ayumi. And I never want her to be hurt again. That is the truth.”

“…That makes me so happy. It…really does, Mari.”

I touched my heart…knowing full well that my mom was safe with the person I love.

“Yes, we have to be strong. To never destroy this wonderful family we have, Mari. I love mom…I love Hana…and I’m not willing to hurt them to love you.”

“…Yeah, me either.”

Now I gazed at her eyes that were full of tears along with mine.

“This was the happiest hour of my life…Mari.”

“Yeah…I agree Madoka.”

As I stood up, marking the hour pass we stood next to one another. The moonlight field was calm and cold, the world would start to move on...and so should we. The past is just that...the past. It didn't matter anymore…But it’ll be hard getting over these feelings and I knew it. There will be days that I want to share the same touches for her as my mom but I know…that I can’t…

And I accept that…

Just because I love someone doesn’t mean I need to be with them.

Sometimes the act of giving them up is love in its own right…

I will forever love Koda Mari-san…

But I never want to be with her because I love my family all the more.

 

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As we walked out into the lobby we held each other’s hand. Mari-san let go but I was quick enough to catch hold again.

“Eh? Madoka?”

“Mother’s hold their daughter’s hands all the time…grow up, Mari.”

I teased.

She smiled back at me.

“…Yeah. Sorry, Madoka.”

“Stupid Mari.”

When we got to the room I finally let go. With a smile and a tilt of my head, I said the fated words…

 

“Goodbye, Mari.”

“Goodbye, Madoka…my sleeping princess.”

We both smiled one last time as Mari and Madoka...

“I’ll see you in the morning…Mari-san.”

“Have a good night…Madoka-san.”

 

 

Severing the last chain that strangled me from the past.

 

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As I entered the room now Hana-chan was fast asleep. I didn’t spend much time with her today as most of it was trying to settle these raging feelings in me. They were calmer now but still bashed at my body every now and then. So, I got undressed and lied in the same futon as her.

“Oh? Onee-san?”

“…Arrgg…”

I wanted to say "hello sleepy" head or something clever, but I started crying the instant I opened my mouth.

“Onee-san…”

“…Hana-chan…I…”

The soul in me was crushed now. My heart was already in ruins from before. Only this empty husk of a crying girl was holding onto this thin body.

“Oh…Onee-san…”

“I…I was in love with Koda Mari-san.”

Her eyes widen as I searched hers.

“…Onee-san?”

I buried my head into her chest.

“I told her tonight…and she acknowledged me…and then I told her that…I-I-I love our family more....and...and...”

“Oh my god, Onee-san…I get it.”

She held me tight.

“It’s okay! I love this family more…I just wanted her to know my feelings and she does. I’m so sorry Hana-chan! Don’t hate me...please don't hate me.”

“I could never hate you Onee-san! I get it! I…I get it!”

“It’s okay now…I’m her stepdaughter and she’s my stepmother…I wouldn’t want it any other way! But I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I'm so...sorry!”

“Onee-san…you’re so sweet.”

She began crying too as she held me in her arms.

“You’re so sweet. I love you so much.”

“We will always be a family now. I promise I won’t…ever have these kinds of feelings again. The past is the past…I love my family more than just Koda Mari.”

 

She held my head and before I knew it…all the emotions of these last two days caused my body to suddenly fall into slumber…Never again will I feel the touches of Koda Mari like I did this night. That side of me is slowly going to have to go…

Because I love my family more than that.

I refuse to be the spoiled girl that got what she wanted in the past…

I’m changing…no matter how much it hurts.

 

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VOLUME 3 END

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