Chapter 21: Chapter 14

 

- Shari -

 

I ingrain into Liqu that if possible she shall ask me before killing people.
Reviewing what happened I realize that she knows something I need to learn.

 

"By the way how did you manage not to get startled when he punched you? When that beast attacked me in the forest, I couldn’t control the dissolving and ended up killing it." (Shari)

 

That is pretty important to me, as I don’t want to accidentally cripple someone because of a little scare.

 

"Ah yes, I found that one. Looked like you made a good hunt. But why did you leave and waste it like this?" (Liqu)

"Because unlike you I am no natural-born or rather created predator and I don’t intend to start being one." (Shari)

"But you had such a good start! As if you’re a natural. Luckily I could take it with me. The whole treating you was so taxing. So it was really appreciated. Thank you!" (Liqu)

 

• God, I’m starting to get again that imaginary headache I always get if I talk too long with her.

 

"The question I’ve asked?" (Shari)

"Yes, yes, controlling the enzyme it was? It’s a little tricky. You can use it at will for your nourishment or it can activate when you feel threatened, to prevent any threats from entering your body and getting to your core. The latter happens unconsciously and you could avoid it if you maintain heavy awareness to prevent the activation." (Liqu)

"So I have no other choice as to mentally strain myself all the time? I don’t think I can maintain such a state!" (Shari)

"Oh no, you mustn’t. There is a little trick to it." (Liqu)

"Really, then tell me!" (Shari)

"It is easy! The activation happens when you feel threatened. At the moment you feel just too threatened by everything. The trick is to call to your mind, that just your core matters and touch everywhere else is fine. You are afraid to get hurt even if that’s impossible, so you activate defensive measures at every possible penetration. If you just keep a valid margin around your core that you can’t allow to get crossed and concentrate on this space, then touch at any other place is fine." (Liqu)

 

Quite much to process, yet she can explain those things well.
A comfort zone it is.
What bugs me is that to achieve the wished results, I am again forced to leave a bit of my humanity behind and think more like a slime.

 

• That's not favored by me.

 

After giving formal thanks I leave my room again to look after the shambles the ordeal left, to be precise my parents.
I find them sitting on their bed.

 

"Well, that got kind of messy. But do you understand how utterly stupid that action was? She is still dangerous and killing comes naturally for her and you just threw your fist inside this monster!" (Shari)

"Yes, I know! I’ve lost it for a moment." (Jona)

"If she would have been an ordinary monster you would be dead by now!" (Shari)

"Yet, she isn’t." (Hannah)

"She is capable of reason and that is at least something." (Shari)

"Still, you want to leave with her? Are sure about this?" (Jona)

"I said it before. It’s not like I like her, but I am absolutely sure, that I can trust her. She is so obsessed with me that I could ask for nearly anything and so I have a little help. And in my situation, I think any advantage helps." (Shari)

"But still, a monster?" (Jona)

 

I sigh with a lowered head before I look again straight at my father.

 

"Look at me carefully and ask yourself: How am I supposed to see her when I am like this? It’s not that I have no prejudices, but if I call her a monster I am insulting myself as well." (Shari)

 

It seems I am forced to be a bit more open-minded if I want to adjust to my new condition.

 

"Forgive me, I didn’t think about your feels when I speak like that." (Jona)

"No problem. It’s something I have to deal with myself and I don’t believe that others will be trying to be considerate. So I should get used to it better sooner than later." (Shari)

"My poor little girl!" (Hannah)

 

Mother strokes me briefly along the neck down my back.
Although I wear a shirt, which got quite soaked now, when she touched my neck she came into direct contact with the matter.
I utilize the tip Liqu gave me.
Nonetheless, there is some concern regarding the possible risks.
So I am a bit startled.

 

"Th-thank you mum, but this is dangerous! What if I lose control over whatever melts flesh as we all could see already?" (Shari)

"Can’t keep me from caring for my daughter when she needs me." (Hannah)

 

• That’s mother.
   
• No compromises on things that matter to her.

 

"Thanks, I love you!" (Shari)

 

I sit down on the bed, not really minding if the pants are doing the covering job properly.
It feels as if I now can ease up a bit.
I strained myself, and kept my feelings controlled to deal with the possibility that my parents might hate me.
But they don’t and this helps very much.
Everything was so exhausting and I'm so done and angry and in the end just somehow sad.

And all of this comes now at me.

 

Then a slime drop falls on the ground, then two, three.

 

"Shari are you alright?" (Hannah)

"No! No I’m not alright and I will never be alright again!" (Shari)

 

• What reason is there to act as if?

 

"Why… Why had it to be me?
The world is so unfair and I can’t even vent my frustration as I want. I couldn’t even blame the one properly who is at fault!
For what? That she was lonely? That she doesn’t understand humans enough? That she follows not the same moral code as humans?
That she is just so damned stupid? That she didn’t kill me as any normal monster would?!
I could just as well scream at the heavens that all this came together only to hit me!
That is just unfair in itself! And I don’t know how to bear it!" (Shari)

 

• As if the world is just playing a joke on my costs!

 

"Before this, my greatest concern was if I would get married or just live alone as I did always here in this village. And now I can count myself lucky if no overeager people with weapons are killing me, believing to do a good deed!" (Shari)

 

I yell and cry at the same time not minding the tears that drip down on my pants and the floor, staining them.
And then something unbelievable happens:

Mum embraces me!

 

"It’s okay; everything’s going to be alright. I’m still there for you." (Hannah)

"And what if not?" (Shari)

"You were always strong, independent, and smart! There is no way that you wouldn’t find a solution to any problem, no matter how difficult!" (Hannah)

"Mum…" (Shari)

"And you have that biting sarcasm that allows you to challenge even the world." (Hannah)

"Glrb!" (Shari)

 

She might be right.
If my mum as a human can accept me then there might still be some hope for me.
 

• I can make it!

 

"And dad tries to imitate a statue standing next to us." (Shari)

"It’s not like there is much to add for me." (Jona)

 

Huh, I think he patted my back!

But now it seems that the lack of resistance of the liquid is embarrassing him for his action.

 

"Thanks, dad." (Shari)

 

It is nice to know that someone loves you.

 

             

 

After a long emotional talk followed by themes not regarding recent developments, I leave again back to my room.
It starts to get late and I want to go through the things I need for my departure.
Liqu is sitting in the corner I assigned her last time.

 

However, something’s off.

Usually, she would be overjoyed rush at me or gabble some nonsense or at least make any move on me.
Yet this time, she is awfully quiet and looks down on the ground.
I am not used to this change of behavior and it is quite concerning.

 

"Something’s wrong?" (Shari)

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"Hello! I'm talking to you!" (Shari)

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"I…" (Shari)

"I am not stupid." (Liqu)

"Huh?" (Shari)

"I am not stupid because I don’t know things! I didn’t know many things, but I learned, I am still learning!" (Liqu)

 

I don’t really get her point.
What is she referring to?

Wait! Did she eavesdrop on me and my parents?
Well, I wasn’t actually quiet or tried to conceal it, but this might explain her behavior.

 

"It’s not like I didn’t understand anything. Maybe a bit, but the general idea was there." (Liqu)

"What are you trying to say?" (Shari)

"I knew you wouldn’t like what I was doing. I knew that you might not accept it! Not accept me! Hate me! But I ignored all these thoughts!" (Liqu)

"And why you did it then?" (Shari)

"Because I am selfish. I did want it to work somehow, anyhow! I was ready to give so much of me just for the glimpse, of a possibility, that might be! For the chance to not stay lonely!" (Liqu)

 

Hard to respond as someone who just delved into the love of her family and taken it eagerly in.
The most scary for me was the perspective that no one will ever act normal to me.
I was never extremely sociable or drawn to public events, but the possibility to be forever alone was something that terrified me so much that I was sure I couldn’t bear it.

And this possibility was her reality.

 

 "And why this whole changing thing? You could just have me restrained like you did if talking was all you want!" (Shari)

"Didn’t want it in the first place, but you would have been fleeing without." (Liqu)

"Still, why this?" (Shari)

"Perspective, I think. Maybe a bit destroying the borders and a drop of dependency." (Liqu)

"So you planned it out fully aware of what you did?" (Shari)

"Half-aware. I have just a faint idea of the importance to you. Probably more than I thought. But, my desires came first. Couldn’t hold them. Couldn’t forget them. Didn’t want to give up on them! I had something to cling unto, to keep me aware, besides awareness. For that bit of change, I would have done everything, instead just to bear with it. As far I know there was nothing like me in this world and this in itself is pain. Even if I fared better than the others in praxis." (Liqu)

"So you decided to put me in the same misery?" (Shari)

"Then it wouldn’t have been one, as we wouldn’t be lonely, you would have me and I a reason." (Liqu)

"Nonetheless, you understood that I wouldn’t like you after what you did and probably never will?" (Shari)

"That is okay!" (Liqu)

"Than what do you want?" (Shari)

"You!" (Liqu)

"I don’t understand." (Shari)

"It is enough that you exist, enough that I can stay close without fight or flight, enough to can talk with someone. To have you is enough." (Liqu)

"So, you’ve got what you want, simply because I am not trying to run anymore? Was it worth it for you?" (Shari)

"Yes! Alone the first talk after you changed and could move was more than I ever had before. It was greater than anything I could imagine." (Liqu)

 

She is crying the whole time.

A strange mix of desperation, sadness…       and joy!

 

"That means you didn’t want me as your partner or consort?" (Shari)

"Huh?" (Liqu)

"Figures, you don’t even know this concept. A pair that loves each other, lives together and does things for each other. You hadn’t intended that?" (Shari)

"Oh, I want to stay with you! But I don’t need anything. It is enough if I can hold you dear. To have a reason to exist is bliss and I won’t let go of that, of you!" (Liqu)

 

She is smiling while the slime droplets are flooding down her face.

Pure joy!

A lovely picture, if not for the situation and the part of her being a monster.
Just got at myself here.

I come close and tower myself in front of her.

 

"You know, I am angry at you! Furious!" (Shari)

 

Her look shows understanding, though also fright at what has to come.

 

"Because of all you did! Because you do not truly understand what you did! Because of your mad talk that I have to change to adjust now, as true it might be! Because of the way you still draw close to me, besides all reasons that oppose this very idea! And foremost for that I can comprehend your stupid reasons, you stupid slime!!!" (Shari)

 

She blankly stares at me failing to process what I just said.

 

• No wonder, I failed too!

 

"Goddamnit, you won!" (Shari)

"Won?" (Liqu)

"I will keep you, but you have to follow each one of my words and no protests!" (Shari)

"Eh, ah… hick… hick, glirb… Waaahhhh!" (Liqu)

 

If before her tears flowed steady, now a concerning gushing waterfall is emerging.

 

"Okay, I already said you won! You can stop the wailing!" (Shari)

 

How shall I deal with someone this unstable?

 

 

"And cut these hugs!!!" (Shari)

 

               

 

 

After spending the night beside my bed, minding the experience of last night, what was tolerable due to the lack of negative input this body does experience, I wake up for my departure.
Still far too early, but I can kill some time by packing my stuff.

If there is one positive point, then that my current body doesn't feel any kind of muscle strain after I get up.

This was a rather chronic problem I had to deal with since my occupation included quite a bit of bending down to rip out plants.
Now it is not the slightest bit hard to get up and going.
Yet that is directly less great if you consider that the reason is that my condition involves a general lack of any muscles which could pain.
Besides this state of affairs, it was also a little off-putting to not only find Liqu directly on my opposite but also to discover the fact that she apparently sleeps as a blob.

Wait! How do I look when I sleep?

I don't think I do this, as I am used to the shape of a human body and nothing was unusual when I woke up.
Liqu on the other side gives when she shapes back a completely new definition to morning-stretching.
Body extension might be more precise to describe it.

She literally spreads to each side of the room.

To summarize: Waking up was weird but bearable.

Although it’s not fair to my mother, I changed my clothes and now wear a black shirt along with black pants, since the old ones were very soaked and I now can still take advantage of having access to my wardrobe.
I’ve chosen black because it isn’t so prone to change color when soaked by the slime.
I will also wear gloves, thick boots, and a raincoat, despite the shining sun.
I made Liqu wear brown pants, a white shirt, and boots, as I couldn’t allow having her residue to leave a trail.
Naturally, she as well wears now a raincoat.
My wardrobe was never so big, so all we have for change are the clothes I prepared yesterday.

Liqu is going to carry half of it in her sac since she has to do her part.
I also have a map, which I need to be careful not to touch directly, and my knife.
Because I did not think the knife stored together with the other things would be a good idea, I reluctantly decided to store it in my body, naturally far away from the core.
There was also the idea that while I couldn’t punch anyone for self-defense, I need to have some way to do something when I get pressed.

Mum provided some rations.
But as they are vegetarian, the impact should be small.
Nonetheless, the gesture is appreciated.
I noticed that my parents seemed very tired.
Maybe it was because the last time they slept our house got raided by armed men, yet I would rather blame Liqu.

Sleeping next to a genuine monster is difficult.

 

• First-hand experiences!

 

Also, they have a lot on their mind.
So I hope that they can find just a little peace now.
I know they love me and that they believed my crazy story was wonderful, but I wouldn't expect them to feel comfortable in the long run.

I turn to leave, but at this moment my mother grabs my hand.

 

"Shari! Just know, even if it will be dangerous you can always come back to us! We are still your parents, so don’t think that we wouldn’t welcome you whenever you need us. Nothing will ever change that you are my daughter and I couldn’t see you as something different no matter the circumstances." (Hannah)

 

My mum gives me an intimate hug and when she separates from me, I notice I have her mirror in the glove of the hand she briefly took.
I am close to my tears, but my mother just smiles at me and I can catch myself.

After that, I give my farewells and mum embraces me again, while fighting some tears.
Dad is again acting somewhat hard, yet somehow I manage to catch his gentle nature through this facade he maintains while setting me off.

 

And so I begin my journey together with a slime who has to be considered unstable at best.

 

• Literally!

 

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