Chapter 2: Queer Coded (1/2)

I waited for the computer to reboot one more time before nearly tearing my hair out in frustration and deciding to give up, the same troubleshooting errors cropping up again and again. It was just the most annoying thing in the world when the reset didn’t fucking work for some reason. I decided I’d go to the vending machine and get something to drink, maybe a little caffeine buzz could help clear my mind. Most people went for coffee, but it made me a little too jittery. Something mild like a cola was more my jam.

At the vending machine, I waved to my co-worker, Vanessa. She’d moved from a different department a few months ago and had been nothing but a pain in my ass since. Not that she was a bad coworker, she was incredibly intelligent, in fact! She had helped me so much with learning all sorts of new techniques, it was just she…

“Hiya, Rosa,” she said as she waved back at me, grinning.

“Hi,” I responded as I deposited my six quarters into the machine, going for a can of diet cola, hoping it would dispense quickly.

“Nice hair,” she remarked.

This was the part I hated. She couldn’t leave well enough alone, she had to comment on the parts of me I was most insecure about. Sure, my hair was a vibrant shade of pink, but that had been a mistake, I’d realized, as soon as I looked in the mirror. She always fucking did this. First it was my boots, which showed off my large feet, then it was my socks, which given the pink and blue colors, I should’ve just not splurged on…

“Thanks,” I replied as I gritted my teeth.

“You’re welcome! Would you want to go get sushi on Friday?” she asked, tapping her feet nervously.

What was she doing? She’d asked me out before, always in public, the last place I wanted to go. Worst of all, she’d been spying on me or something. She knew I loved sushi. Perhaps I’d let it slip in one of our small talk conversations when she’d first arrived, her leaning over me and guiding my hands whenever I messed up a technique frustrating me. I could handle myself, after all! No need for micromanagement.

Still, maybe saying yes this time would get her to stop asking every week. I was out of excuses, anyways. I had already lied about three of my grandparents dying, I’d hoped I’d be able to use the fourth’s “death” to go on a vacation sometime this year. She giggled as she awaited my response, staring at me as if to mock me further.

“Sure,” I replied as I tried to remain cordial, “Tonight after work would be great. Do you have a place in mind?”

“You said you liked the one place downtown, right?”

“N..neko Bar?” I asked, hoping she wasn’t referring to that place. I’d gone there with my friends as a joke, and the food was really good but its real selling point was…

“Yeah! That one! I remember you talking about the catgirl waitresses,” she said, “it’ll be fun!”

There was just one problem: my lack of outfits. The job paid well, but I ended up spending my money on my computer building and gaming hobbies rather than, well, anything I really should have, including girl clothes. I still had some tuxedos and suits from when I went to things in university on occasion, but…

“Oh, is something wrong?” she asked.

“Yeah, I’m just having trouble deciding what to wear out,” I replied, “this outfit is okay for the shop but…”

“I kind of like it, it’s fun seeing you trying out being butch,” she said.

I…that was the worst, when she said that about my plaid button-ups. I know I didn’t have much in the way of girl clothes, but did she really have to make those kinds of comments about my look when I’d obviously been presenting as a guy recently?

“Don’t worry about it,” she said as she patted my shoulder lightly and walked off, “we’ll just have to do a little shopping beforehand.”

H…had she just added to the plan??? I just wanted to get dinner, pay, and get out, and now I was gonna have to shop with her, in public, downtown, on a Friday afternoon? God she was insufferable. I stamped my foot on the ground in frustration as the can of cola finally tumbled out of the machine, and I picked it up and opened it, screeching as it fizzed all over my hands. Lovely.

The rest of the day seemed to speed by, despite it being a Friday. Cruel irony, my mind gave me less mental time than usual to prepare for the utterly dreadful circumstance that would be going shopping and to a catgirl sushi bar downtown with the woman from work who I would do anything to not be associated with longer.

The minutes seemed to go faster as the clock approached four thirty, then four forty five, then four fifty. A customer came in, fortunately, to carry me across the line to five-o-three, but the whole time, I could make out Vanessa in the corner, leaning on the wall and smirking at me, as if she knew the sorts of horrors I might endure tonight.

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As the customer left, I locked the doors and walked out with her into the warm summer evening air. It would’ve been a lovely night to stay inside and play video games involving post-apocalyptic vault dwellers, but alas, here I was. I saw her fiddling with her hand closest to me, as if she were debating doing something with it. I instinctively put my hand out to stretch at the same moment, only to find her grabbing mine tightly and blushing.

Was she embarrassed? Look at me, the most visibly trans person in the whole world holding a cute girl’s hand. Disgusting. And the worst part was, she must’ve known what she was doing, how she was embarrassing me by bringing me out here. I saw it in her face.

We took a bus, and we got looks the whole time, but…no frowns. I saw a girl with a shaved head winking and giving me a thumbs up as I looked at her, but I chose to ignore the signal. All the faux encouragement and sympathy, for what? We finally arrived at the station we were going to, and hopped off together. We were fortunate that downtown was so friendly to queer people, even if our relationship would clearly appear straight to anyone looking at us.

I was so nervous, I was ready to start shaking, but this was no time to back down. That would make work far too awkward, and who knows whether she’d ask me out again after seeing how it affected me. Instead, I continued onwards with feigned confidence into the store, grasping her hand still.

“Welcome, ladies,” the attendant greeted us from in front, before returning to her station at the cash register.

At least I passed to someone. I turned to Vanessa, to see her shaking next to me. She was clearly regretting her decision to be near me, but this was her choice and she was going to go through with it, if she was putting me through it.

In fact, I supposed, with her outfit, I’d have to get one at least as good as hers, maybe help her realize what a mistake she’d made trying to embarrass me. I immediately saw what I was looking for: a gorgeous long crimson dress. Something as feminine as possible. I saw the price tag above on the rack, but I remembered that pay day was today. I’d just have to wait on ordering any extra hardware for my PC.

“I’m going to get that one,” I said as I smirked at her.

“O..oh…ah,” she replied as she blushed.

“What, don’t you like it?” I asked.

“I…I…I love it so much, I can’t wait to see it on you,” she replied.

“You can wear it out, if you want,” the clerk said from the counter.

“Oh, well, um, into the changing room I go,” I said as I quickly grabbed the dress off of the rack and entered the changing room.

I tried not to look in the mirror as I changed out of my work clothes and into the dress, avoiding my appearance as much as possible. I fixed the chest on it, adjusted the straps so they aligned better with my bra straps, and stepped out of the changing stall.

Vanessa’s eyes went straight to my chest, then back up to meet my own eyes, as…she kissed me. More passionately than I’d ever had a kiss, well, or that I’d imagined, given that I’d never had one before. It sent all the wrong feelings into my stomach, feelings of love and being cared about and…

“I’m sorry,” she said as she nervously twisted her foot and looked down, “I just, you looked so irresistibly pretty.”

“W..why’d you do that?”

“I just told you, I’m sorry, I just thought with hand holding and…”

“What? Why’d you really do it?” I said as I glared

“What do you mean?” she whispered as she began to cry, “I like you, Rosa, I like you and I was hoping that maybe we could be girlfriends.”

Oh. I had been reading her intentions all wrong.

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