Chapter 359: Choice Pt 2

“I’m sorry, Emilia.”

The next time I saw Emilia after that incident, I bowed my head and apologized to her.

The guilt plaguing my heart finally surfaced, and I felt like shit for not telling her of Karlia—and my experiences with her.

“Lewis, it’s alright. I just… I was just confused.” She said with a soft smile.

Clearly, she wasn’t entirely fine.

She was worried. I could tell from her slightly pale face that she wasn’t completely fine.

‘I owe it to her. I’ll explain everything…’

And so, I did just that.

I told Emilia about my relationship with Karlia. Explaining, without excluding some questionable details, I revealed how I enjoyed my time with my Succubus lover.

How we talked and enjoyed each other’s company.

How we fucked like rabbits.

How we built Magic Items and technology together.

I told Emilia everything.

“I… that’s a lot to hear. I always thought you suffered during those two years…” Apparently, she never brought it up because I was in so much pain for quite some months after my return.

Anytime my disappearance for two years was mentioned, I always gave a pained expression or a sad smile.

As a result, even Emilia thought it was something rather left unsaid.

But, hearing everything now… she was shell-shocked beyond measure.

“So, that’s how you got your body’s special constitution.”

I could only nod as her violet eyes probed me.

“I need some time to think about this…”

I knew her decision was warranted. To be honest, I had known for some time now… how oddly fit together we were.

I was growing older and older—becoming less attractive and less fun as I used to be—but Emilia never changed.

The creeping fear within my heart manifested once more, and it soon turned into more self-loathing and an immense inferiority complex.

‘I don’t deserve her! I don’t deserve this…’

As a result, even the love that I had tightly clutched, slowly began loosening from my grasp.

To distract myself from the constant pangs of my heart, I returned to the embrace of Magic—burying myself into learning more about it.

I found comfort in it, and began spending more and more time studying and writing.

Even though I was meant to draw Emilia closer during this period, I didn’t.

She had said she wanted some time to process all I told her, but, I simply used that as an opportunity to distance myself.

Eventually, the love we both enjoyed turned sour.

The home was nothing but an empty shell of forlorn lovers.

Silence filled out days.

I studied earnestly, experimenting in my special room, completely distanced from Emilia.

I hardly saw her during those days.

I couldn’t even look at her.

Then, time passed… and I turned 38 years old.

Even though I had only advanced a bit in age, the constant load of work I often had—as well as the countless sleepless nights—made me look ragged and miserable.

I was thinner than before, having a rough appearance and the very look of a destitute. Being drunk on Magic Research had morphed me into something… ugly.

I looked at myself in the mirror… and hated the man I saw.

Then, Emilia passed me just at that moment. And then, for the first time in a long time, I glanced at her.

She was still the same!

As beautiful and lovely as ever. Not a speck of flaw could be seen on her.

That was the last straw. I couldn’t contain my insecurities, fear, self-loathing, inferiority… and slight jealousy.

So, I made the worst mistake of my life.

“Emilia… let’s go our separate ways.”

As usual, she gave me her smile. It was a bit different from the previous times. It had hints of pain hidden within, but perhaps I was too absorbed in myself that I failed to notice.

“Have I… become a burden to you?”

My heart bled profusely.

I knew those words were supposed to be said by me. Emilia was still beautiful, charming in every way.

Her face was paler than usual, but it never took away her perfect form. Unlike her, I was…

“I just… don’t see this working out any longer. So, please…”

I probably thought she would argue things with me, like how Karlia had. If she had fought till the very end, I would most likely have rescinded my decision.

I didn’t have that strong a will to reject a woman I loved twice.

“Okay, then. I understand…”

She didn’t argue.

I was more surprised at that—the fact that she so easily let go. Somewhere in my heart, I thought she probably felt the same all these years.

That I was only being a shackle holding her down.

And so, with my twisted sense of love, I drove Emilia away.

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She left the very next day.

The faint smile she had on her face remains with me to this very day. After all, that was the very last time I saw Emilia.

I was able to return to my Magic Research uninterrupted.

Perhaps it was a stroke of luck. The grief I had was channeled into more productive work—and it turned out to be a very good motivation.

I started developing Spellcraft and quite a few other lovely innovations during this period.

Wasn’t this what I wanted? A deep exploration into the world of Magic!

This was the pinnacle of my existence, right?

I was finally living the dream, right?

Magic was all I needed, right?

WRONG!

Eventually, burnout soon caught up with me and everything I did seemed so meaningless—like garbage.

The higher one is, the harder they fall.

My despair and misery were terribly immense once I came to myself.

Just what had I done?!

I wept for many nights. I felt utter misery every single time.

For a great deal of time, I didn’t do anything but mope around in my home.

It would have probably been like that for a few more years—perhaps even forever.

But…

“What the heck, Lewis?!”

“Get up, man! Don’t waste away like this!”

“We decide to visit you for a reunion and you end up like this? Crazy bastard!”

“How the mighty has fallen!”

“Get over yourself, retard. We need your help!”

… My comrades saved me from that darkness.

Perhaps the idea of being needed by someone once again moved my heart. And so, my useless body stirred to their words.

“What do you want?”

As we sat at a round table, I stared at all of them. I hadn’t seen them in so long, yet… they all looked the same—at least almost the same.

Even Gawain never lost his youthful glow.

I was the only one different. Why?

“We discovered the existence of another Arcana. But, everything is still scrambled, so we need your help in piecing together the records and discovering where it is. Think you’re up to it?”

Arcanas were objects of transcendental power.

Perhaps… they could hold the answer to my constant grief.

If Arcanas could do anything—alter the very principle of the world—then…

Maybe one could restore my youth.

Maybe one could permit me to travel back to the past and fix my mistakes.

If that was possible, then… I would be able to return… to ‘her.’

“What do you take me for? Show me what you’ve found out!” I grinned with determination.

The Arcanas became my hope at that time, and my friends were my support.

I was 39 years old at that time.

Together, we later went on adventures to discover three more of those transcendental objects.

For three years, we journeyed together… until I turned 42.

That was when we built our base, hiding each of our various treasures—like a time capsule—and hoping the future generations who were worthy enough would find them.

Afterward, we went our separate ways once more.

That was the end of an adventure… and the start of a new one.

The journey where I met the two other individuals who changed my life—as well as my view on Magic—completely.

Unfortunately, I never found the Arcana I was looking for.

I never corrected any mistake; neither could I restore my youth.

And so… I wasn’t able to return to Emilia.

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[A/N]

This journey gives an exposition into Jared’s past.

I’m sure some would hate him, while others would learn to appreciate him more.

For me, I just… kinda felt bad for him.

Also, you’re in for a shocker as we return to the present. I hope you enjoyed the chapters.

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End Of The Mini Arc: Sage’s Past [Pt 1]

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