Chapter 89: 89. Chapter (Shared universe 34.)

-From the perspective of Nizzal-

I was sitting in front of Hondo on the inner side of the bar, while he was thinking over the things I showed him, and the words I spoke to him afterwards. It seemed that he was shocked by this revelation, and for some reason that made me feel better. Maybe I won't regret that I told this to him... Maybe.

I looked at the man of thousands faces, who never shoved weakness or his true emotions, and for a brief moment I think that I managed to look behind the curtain. What I saw was nothing special, but something to be expected from someone with so many extreme expressions.

He was just another man searching for something, something intangible, that might manage to fill the gnawing emptiness eating away at him from the inside. 

A simple, maybe too simple reality, which was a luxury for all enthusiastic leaders. A smile of confidence carefully placed over the emotions and doubts of the simple people, the ones all of us feel but not everyone is allowed to show.

I guess, I have shown him... to the person I never intended to tell... I eventually did, life is really ful of surprises. What I showed him... was my life story, based on force visions, and things that I remember on my own.

When I shared these particular thoughts, they were brought forward, into the conscious levels of my mind. It is no wonder, that my mind slowly drifted along, slowly reliving those exact experiences.

My mother, was a dancer on Nal Hutta. She was a slave on top of that, a dire fate.

One day she was beaten and thrown out onto the streets, for not pleasing her lord well enough. A common practise that was used to break the mindset of slaves. If a slave claimed by a master was sent away on bad terms. No one would hire or try to use them, because they knew the tradition already, and the consequences that would no doubt follow if someone would dare to break it. This was a silent agreement among them, to exploit and humiliate their slaves even further, to let them understand nobody wanted them aside for their masters. That they were not needed, and that the greatest kindness they would receive was being tolerated at all.

After they spent a few days on the street without food, drink, or a roof over their head, beaten chased around...  They would crawl back to their masters pleading to be forgiven and accepted back into the house. Promising that they will work harder and never complain ever again.

It was how it worked. No one cared about slaves, nobody would let them inside their house or give them work. It would ruin the reputation of any shop or household to use an already claimed slave after all.

My mother however was lucky, and she accidentally met with a pirate, a younger version of Hondo. She was not a bad looking woman, since she was a twi'lek and he was already a man of flattery and big mostly empty words. The sort that women, especially desperate women could no refuse. Things happened... and she eventually joined the pirates group. They traveled for a while, but she had to realize that pirate life was not exactly suitable for her. Especially when she understood that it was not only her life, she was responsible for, not anymore.

She settled on Ryloth, hoping that being on a planet of her race would provide better living circumstances.  A few years passed, and we were living a poor but free life traveling around in many villages and cities searching for work. Mother had many different jobs over the years, most of them only part time since she needed to focus on me. After I grew bigger, and could be left to my own devices for a longer time we eventually settled in a backwater village. Where mother accepted a stable work offer this time. Our wondering came to a stop.

A few more years passed in this manner, then on one fateful day, everything I knew was destroyed in the matter of seconds.

Because twi'leks were considered a beautiful race by most. Slavers naturally considered female twi'leks a great catch. There were always these rumors going around in the village where we lived, that slavers attacked other cities and villages nearby. Such wild stories were going around for years, yet nothing tangible ever came to pass. So we slowly became numb to the threat that never seemed to appear.

In the first place, these were already hard times for everyone, times when people became distant and cold to each other. This seemed to be true for our village as well, strangers were never truly accepted here. My mother and I were never liked, a woman with a child, but no father, they saw the tattoo on the back of her neck as well. Her slave brand... It was a bad omen to get close to such people more then necessary. At least that was how the villagers thought. 

We were allowed to stay only because mother worked hard to earn credits and pay the rent for us. They needed workers, and credits, but we could not expect genuine kindness from them.

Then one day, a ship arrived, a slaver ship. A bunch of shady people of different races walked into the small village armed to the teeth, looking cocky, with confident ruthless smiles. Comfortable in their power, they walked to the centrum of the village and made a statement.

We either give them five young women to be sold as slaves of our choice, or they burn down the village, kill every one who opposes, and take all of us women, children, and men included. 

There was around fifty person living in this mostly rural village of which there was roughly ten children and ten elderly. The rest were women and men about the same number. There were no real warriors, fighters here... and we had but three guns used for hunting, those weapons were meant to kill animals, they worked with physical bullets, as blasting apart an animal with a plasma beam was not smart for hunting purposes. They were mostly useless against armored and armed combatants. 

There was at least thirty armed slaver there... There was no chance to defend the place or call for help. We only got a single hour to decide what to do, while the slavers waited outside of the village.

Eventually the decision was made, and when a man ruthlessly pointed at my mom, saying that she was already a slave once, so she shouldn't feel bad for becoming one again, she was the first chosen. I was the second one, since nobody was willing to take care of a child whose mother the whole village betrayed.

Then those who didn't have families or children to stand up for them, then the ones who were not that crucial for the village based on their talents and jobs. In other words, the troublemakers.

My mother was heartbroken, she suspected that this might happen, but to be the first chosen, with her daughter in tow made her go berserk. 

She attacked the bastard who first pointed at us to be offered to the slavers. She managed to brake his nose I believe. However she was quickly subdued, and tied up along with me. Learning from this mistake, they decided to tie up everyone who was eventually chosen. We were led outside of the village, while being bound by rope, we were given to the slavers waiting for us with a huge smile and wide open arms. 

They herded us into the belly of the ship and quickly left the place, staying true to their words they didn't hurt anyone. Some of the women were crying pitifully, while others turned deathly silent. I was hugging my mother desperately at the time. She had this pale expression on her face, which scared me every time I looked at her. Now as I remember, it was the expression of acceptance, she already knew what was coming for her. And that she could not avoid the fate that was evidently waiting for us, her. 

Some time later, an inspector came to check over the goods... us... with a lecherous expression. However, the moment he saw the tatoo on the back of my mother's neck, he started cursing terribly. Shouting that we dared ti fool them, that those bastards back in the village gave us one that was already claimed.

The man looked angry, and fearful at the same time. 

Walking in front of us, with large strides, thinking what to do. Then without any warning he turned towards mother, and shot her in the face with a single beam of red plasma.

I heard the other woman scream around me, while looking at mother's lifeless body fall to the ground beside me... She died, just like that. There were no heroes or great evil villains fighting for the balance of the world. There were no meaningful last second sacrifices that saved the lives of trillions. No... her death was completely meaningless, the only thing that mattered was the profit the slavers lost while killing her. I couldn't believe it then, and I still can't believe it now... The cruelty of the situation was simply surreal. 

I looked at the people taking my mother's life, at the time. I was so shocked, that I couldn't even feel anger... to be enraged, you needed to accept the injustice that happened to you first... But, I couldn't do it. As I looked at them, the only thing I could feel was, pity. 

I heard the man curse again, then he spoke in a displeased tone, he was annoyed.

-What a waste, it would be impossible to explain to the hutts why we got one of their lost slaves among our new marchendise. Damn, she was quite a looker too... how unfortunate. Should have tried her on first... I guess, it's too late for that. To hell with it, I tend to act before I think, especially under stress... 

Another of the slavers asked.

-What should we do with her whelp? She ain't good for the buyer... He specified that he has no interest in children.

-Ah... did he, for fucks sake... must have slipped my mind! Eh, whatever get rid of her, sell her to some weirdo or whatever you want, I don't care. We need to meet with the others in the city further ahead. Also, get rid of the body of that bitch. I don't want any traces of her, ain't going to give reasons for the hutts to think that I am fucking with them.

-Okay, at least send down a few more boys to help me clear your mess up. 

-Fine... 

I was numb, to everything that happened after that. It became a blurry mess, but I remember, that I was eventually sold at the next stop, which was still on Ryloth. This man who was my new master treated me reasonably well, for being a slave, but I was too shocked, too lost and numb to everything. He eventually ran out of patience, and told me that he would resell me, if I was not going to work, and help around the house. Since he was old, and that was the reason he bought me.

I was numb to most things, but I know, that I will not go back to the slave market. 

That night, I ran away. The old man didn't have money for fancy slave collars or restraining devices. So I could leave relatively easily, but living on the street was not something I was familiar with. I was beaten by other street urchins. Chased by slavers, either sent after me, or simply trying to capture a lost kid out of boredom.

It was at this moment, when I was fighting for my survival every day for weeks, that something seemed to slowly unfold inside me. At the time, I simply believed it to be my surviving instinct, today I know that it was the force, appearing under intense pressure and constant stress. 

It was too late however, I was too tired, too beaten. Others had a more powerful, desire to live. They fought more viciously, for those last scrapes. I was nihilistic, driven by a numb sense of hunger, that I wanted to fill more from a habit then from a desire for survival. I wanted to fill my stomach, as there was nothing else I could fill. Inside my soul, there was just an enormous hollow emptiness.

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And it was in this state that my Master found me. More precisely, it was this nihilistic sense of emptiness inside a child that barely awokened her force potential, that lured him to me. The darkness which did not hate, which was not directed at anyone, while still being present as a constant. An accepted part of the world. 

Not everybody can become a Gray. You needed to be born and raised to it, or accept its truths on your own. 

That emptiness, is still there even today. It is what embodies and fuels all my dark thoughts, it is what serves as a very real body to the Sith Lord called Darth Waif who is part of me. That is why I am a Gray Lord, and not a Gray Jedi. 

You see, a perfect balance between light and darkness is impossible to achieve. One side will always be stronger compared to the other. That difference is what will categorize a person to call himself or herself one or the other. Of course, in my case, as a grandmaster, the difference between dark and light is negligible, but it is still there.

For a Gray Lord, there must be an internal darkness, a wound, with a depth that would never truly heal. And for a Gray Jedi, there must be a genuine sense of justice, a wish for good to serve as base for everything else.

While both have to know and accept the need for the other. Accept it inside themselves, and in the hands of others as well. That acceptance is what makes a Gray, what it is. 

I have long since, accepted the world, as it was. I am not going to change it on fundamental levels, I have already made a heaven for my kind. The rest can do whatever they want, those who wish to join and live by the rules are welcome. If they are loyal, and willing to defend what we created. However, I do not delude myself. There is only a certain amount of people we can accept, and for that reason it is we, who chose from among the possible candidates and not the other way around. 

For those deemed worthy we give an invitation, that they can freely refuse. It was how I decided back in Unity. I think that it is the right way to protect our integrity and help a few people. 

Anyway... this was mostly what I showed to Hondo... I looked up from my thoughts, and saw the face of a smirking man in a red cloak sitting opposite of me. He seemed relived and somewhat happy, all of that in a strangely childish way.

He started to speak. 

-I just realized... I have become a father once more. Isn't that a fine occasion for a drink? Pour me a hard drink lass... no, daughter, no better yet... the next round of drinks on me for everybody! HAHA! 

There were a few people shouting cheers for him, as they heard the unexpected declaration. 

Meanwhile Hondo jumped up on the bar and started dancing like a complete nutcase, while shouting. 

-I have become a father, once again! Bahaha!

Hava, Kate and Claire were looking at him showcasing different levels of surprise, and disbelief. 

Claire was the less disturbed, she only shouted at him asking if it was a boy or a girl. When Hondo shouted back that it was a girl, she smiled. 

-Good job dad, I always wanted a little sister. I only got older ones, and they are annoying. Now I've got to annoy someone else!

-That's the spirit Claire!

Shouted Hondo while throwing a plate on the ground, and kicking a tray of glasses of the bar. 

The sounds of braking plates were the ones that eventually awoke Kate and Hava from their stupor. 

Kate shouted in shock. 

-What the hack got into this idiot!?

Hava joined in a few seconds later. 

-Hondo have you lost your mind, I mean the rest of it?!

-Baha! I might as well! Today we are partying! After all, we missed the chance to celebrate my daughter's fourteenth birthday a while ago! What kind of parent would I be, if I did not make it up for her!

Hava looked a bit less annoyed hearing the reasons for the man's sudden absurdity. She was not sure if he was only bullshitting though, so she eventually asked.

-And who is this daughter you are talking about? 

Hondo stopped dancing and braking plates for a second, and looked at Hava. Then he said proudly.

-It's Nizzal of course! 

Hava froze, and slowly turned towards me. However, when she saw me facepalming in desperation, while having this embarrassed and ashamed expression, coupled with a blushing face.

Her jaw seemed to drop to the ground. Kate and Claire were also looking at us with the same expression, as both screamed in disbelief. 

-WHAAAAAAAAAT!? 

At this moment, I was regretting everything that I said, and showed to him. This... this is a complete disaster. 

In the background the restaurant door opened, and three brown robed figures stepped inside. In the middle of the absurdities, nobody has noticed them just yet. 

These three particular fellows, were none other then Master Kenobi, Master Windu, and in the middle of them Grandmaster Yoda.

Windu, and Kenobi, looking around and sensing the jovial atmosphere, finally released the handle of their lightsabers which they were ready to ignite after, hearing the loud disturbing noises coming out of the building they were planning to visit.

After some time of silent observation, Obi'Wan decided to speak up. 

-Oh, my! What is the joyful occasion, I wonder?

In the next moment, a deep silence fell over the entire restaurant, as every person turned towards the three jedi masters standing in the door. Especially after they sensed the dead stare of Master Windu, on their own skin.

The silence was so thick, that it would have been too loud if a needle had been dropped in the hall.

 

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