Chapter 145: 145

Chapter 145

What I know about Miyagi — 145

Translated by KaiesV
Edited by KaiesV

 

It was predictable that Miyagi would not be there on Monday morning.

I didn’t expect her to not return that day, but given Miyagi’s personality, it was no surprise that she chose not to return. But I didn’t expect her not to be back for three days.

 

「I think she’ll be back soon.」

 

After one sigh, I poured orange juice into a glass.

After a day, I feel better and come back awkwardly.

I thought so, but then I felt uneasy that Miyagi had not returned by the morning of the fourth day.

 

It’s understandable that it’s difficult to face each other as roommates the day after doing something that isn’t considered roommates would do. I didn’t know how I should look to Miyagi either. I knew she needed time, but three days was a long time.

 

I grab the glass and head back to my room.

I’m not too worried about where I’m going.

 

「Perhaps, she’s with Utsunomiya, I guess?」

 

I drank half the orange juice and put the glass on the table.

I sent,『Were you at Utsunomiya’s house?』 in a message I sent to Miyagi. I think I’m right in thinking this, because she replied,『Don’t worry about it.』If it’s not, I’m sure she’ll complain that she’s『not in Maika’s house.』

 

At times like this, I am relieved that there is a place to go for Miyagi, but I have mixed feelings about the fact that the other party is Utsunomiya.

 

It’s not that I think there is something wrong.

It’s just that I am dissatisfied, although I am sure there is nothing.

 

Still, it was much better than not knowing whose house Miyagi is staying at and worrying about her whereabouts.

However, if Miyagi doesn’t come home, Utsunomiya is likely to become Miyagi’s roommate. I don’t want that. Miyagi must come back to this house soon.

 

I fall into the bed.

I washed the covers and sheets.

And yet I feel like I can smell Miyagi. I don’t regret what happened from Sunday. But I regret that this room has become the place to be. I can’t help but be reminded of it when I’m on the bed.

 

Here was Miyagi where, I was touching her, kissing her, and above that——

 

The memories are vivid, and Miyagi’s absence makes me remember even more.

If we had dinner together as usual and spent time as roommates, it would be possible to keep the memories locked up in a dream, but without the person in question, the guilt would diminish and this fantasy would walk alone.

 

I really hate it.

While I am anxious about Miyagi not coming back, I am thinking about Miyagi back on Sunday.

 

I slap my cheek and then pick up my phone.

I had sent a message to Miyagi earlier asking when she would be back, but my phone remained silent. Still, I checked the screen at least once.

 

There was still no reply.

Thanks to this, I don’t feel like going to the university, although lectures are about to start.

 

I have thought about it several times since Miyagi disappeared, but I am not sure if I should go to her university. I don’t know where Utsunomiya lives, but I do know where she goes to college. If she’s with Utsunomiya, she must not be skipping college, so I might be able to meet Miyagi if I go there.

 

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Still, I am lost.

 

I know that it’s better to go get the person in question than to be trapped by Miyagi in my memory, and I want to see Miyagi. But I don’t know what I should look like to see her. Perhaps I find it more difficult to face her as a roommate than Miyagi would.

 

The reason was very simple, and one that I would not have wanted to admit if I could have.

I still wish I had never noticed it.

 

I’m sure I am.

For a long, long time.

I loved Miyagi.

 

I don’t know when I became emotionally deprived. I feel that it is better to say “undermined” rather than deprived. Miyagi had slowly worked her way into me, and without myself knowing it, had clung its roots and taken up residence. I have shoved the thoughts that grew up to the point that I couldn’t expel them into a dark and cramped place, and have been cautious not to look at them under the shroud of 5,000 yen.

 

If there is something that stimulates an emotion that is tucked away, but I ignore that emotion, it’s as good as nothing. Miyagi, who had never even been my friend, became my roommate, but that didn’t change. It had been quietly breathing in a corner of my mind, and I had carefully avoided looking at it even after we graduated from high school and began to assert its existence without the covering of 5,000 yen.

 

Until that Sunday came.

 

Having been touched by Miyagi like never before, the emotions I had been trying to hide and avoid seeing for so long came into and out of my sight with ease.

 

——Sendai Hazuki likes Miyagi Shiori.

 

Once I become aware of it, I can no longer ignore it.

I am still thinking only about Miyagi.

 

Miyagi will never forgive me again, but I want to touch her again, kiss her again, and hear her voice that only I know. If I meet Miyagi with these feelings, I don’t know if I can treat her as a roommate. Now that I don’t know how to deal with the feelings I am aware of, I am also relieved that she is not here. And I hate myself for using my feelings of love as a reason not to go looking for Miyagi.

 

Miyagi affects my emotions whether she is there or not.

I think she’s a real pain in the ass.

 

「I hope she doesn’t come home today.」

 

If she comes back voluntarily, I’ll have no choice but to force myself to sort out my feelings and act like a roommate. But she’s unlikely to return voluntarily.

 

I get out of bed.

I wish I had asked for Utsunomiya’s contact information before graduation. I know it’s probably useless for me to say anything, but I’m sure that Miyagi would have listened to me if I had asked her to return home from Utsunomiya. But since there is no way to contact Utsunomiya, the only way to bring Miyagi back is to go to her university.

 

「Usually, she’ll come back at random.」

 

I spin around the room and looked at my phone.

Inhale and exhale long.

I send Miyagi another message asking when she will return.

If I wait until noon and don’t hear back, I decide to go to her college.

 

I can’t skip college too many times, and if too much time goes by, the awkwardness will increase. I don’t know if I can meet Miyagi, but today is the only day I can go to her college. Even if I can’t meet Miyagi, I might be able to meet Utsunomiya.

 

I touched Miyagi on Sunday and found that she accepted me more than I thought she would. I don’t think she disliked me. If she didn’t like me, she wouldn’t have allowed that to happen. That’s all I can think right now.

 

I put my phone, which didn’t ring, on the table.

I fall back on the bed and close my eyes.

I still have Miyagi in my head, and I sigh one more time.

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