Chapter 3: CH 1.3

Of course, the offer Lee Sugeol gave to me wasn’t normal. He said my face was in demand for women and men, so he asked me to go to the adult establishment. He said I don’t need to sell my body and only serve food, but I wasn’t that naive to believe that.

I didn’t want to do such a thing, and I couldn’t. Humoring others was hard, and I didn’t want to go downhill on my feet. Once I walked there, there was no way to get out. I heard it from some kids in the youth shelter. Girls often got that kind of temptation, and from what they heard, it was hard for them to get out once they fell into that temptation.

Instead, I told him I would bring in money. I have never stolen other people’s money, and the attempt I ever did once ended in vain, but I exaggerated. Lee Sugeol didn’t look like he believed me, but he told me to try while smirking. He also added I could stay here since he needed someone to take care of the kids. Until that moment, Lee Sugeol seemed like he knew I would obediently follow him.

After that, I began to steal money. Helping a man who was drunk and walked alone in the adult entertainment district—pretending to be his companion—I robbed his wallet. It wasn’t that bad, and it became a justification for me to stay in the facility owned by Lee Sugeol. A justification for me to boast, even when Lee Sugeol called me out when the income lowered. However, that couldn’t last long. It wasn’t easy when I got caught by the operator who managed that area. Then I pickpocketed in the subway, but it was hard to get big money from that. It was bad to desire big money from pickpocketing. However, I didn’t dare to do bad things more than that.

And so I endured it for two years. I could endure it when fortunately Lee Sugeol was very busy when I barely could bring in money, but I couldn’t anymore now. Just like Lee Sugeol said, I have to go to the adult establishment or leave this facility. If I have to choose between the two choices…

He said I could touch a big sum by doing part-time serving food if I go to the establishment, unlike doing physical labor. If I endure it and smile a bit, he said a lot of money would easily enter my pocket. That must be why a lot of people fall that way. I didn’t properly graduate from junior high and have little knowledge, so there are not a lot of options for me to choose from.

Money. Money. Money…… I’m sick of it. It sucks that I have to think over between these two choices.

“Brother, what are you doing?”

I meet the eyes that look intently at me. Looking at the innocent eyes and chubby cheeks, I get angry for no reason. I thought these kids were the same as me, but turn out no. I am a bastard that can’t stay in this illegal yet safe confinement.

Furthermore, I have a bad temper, so I can’t make money by enduring all kinds of treatments. If I go to the establishment and stab someone’s stomach, then what will happen with my life next?

What’s more important is, if I make money that way, I won’t be able to escape from Lee Sugeol’s hands. There is no way Lee Sugeol won’t take away the money I make. And that bastard mercilessly hit me. The first is hard. Bastards, who find the first not hard, won’t get it hard for the next as well.

It may be an impulse, but as I make the decision, I don’t want to be here for a moment. There’s no baggage that I can bring from here. Clothes are something that I pick up anyway, so I just need to get out like this.

I quickly go to the entrance and am about to wear my shoes. Suddenly I feel a weak touch holding my clothes. The kid, who strangely follows me since the first time I came here, looks up at me with tearful eyes. His eyes look like he realizes I won’t come back here once I leave.

“Let go.”

The small hand holds me stronger when I tell him to let me go. Well, if that can be called strong.

I was never kind to him, nor do I ever talk or smile first to him, but it is strange that he kept following me. He must get locked here because he is such an idiot.

As I hold the kid’s wrist and forcefully take it off, he can’t hold me anymore. After looking at his feet, hesitating whether to follow me or not, I open the door and leave. The cold wind envelopes my body. I adjust the padding jacket and walk away. 

Leaving the alley, I walk uphill. As I walk past a store with the light off and numerous houses, another alley appears. I enter the narrow alley and stand in front of a red brick wall. It looks like it is interlocked nicely, but when I touch it with my hand, I can take out the brick that protrudes out. There’s another wall behind this wall. I take out a black plastic bag between them and put it in my inside pocket.

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I am speechless that the whole fortune I hardly earn only fills a handful. Feeling the rustling plastic, I walk out.

I walk endlessly. I have nowhere to go. I mean, I can stay at least a day in jjimjilbang, but if I stay in a warm place, I feel like I won’t be able to leave. It is hard to make money, but it is easy to spend it. Before I fall into despair because I hurriedly use the money, I have to make a plan.

First, I have to get a job, right? It’d be good if it offers accommodation, but even if I find one, it’s hard to get a job there because of my education level and age. Age. There will be a lot of chances if I come of age, but there’s still a month and a half left. When I look for the next job, I can’t be picky anymore, huh?

I stop when I feel my lips trembling. Both my cheeks and ears are frozen stiff, and the toes inside the worn-out sneakers are rigid. Unfortunately, the cold this year comes very early. 

As I suddenly turn my head, I see an empty road and high buildings towering that road. As though there are still people inside, some floors are lit up. There’s no corner that looks old, and the buildings are solid. I don’t know where I’ll work next, but I’m sure it’s not in a place like this. 

Even though I don’t really admire and want such a city, I feel helpless. Is it because the buildings are too high? Even though I look up, it is too distant. 

There’s one thing I’m sure of. There’s no place for me here. I feel like someone that’s not present here.

I take a step and plop down on the sidewalk. As I look at the road where cars occasionally move fast, I feel like something is stirring somewhere in my heart. There’s no end to my road, but it is also rugged. It will be hard to drive a car there. Even a bicycle will get its tire explodes. Then there’s no way except for walking. Because even if my feet get hurt, it will become nothing if I just let it be. 

How long do I have to live like this? I know that everyone couldn’t choose their road, but why should I be born on this kind of road? There must be some people who live earnestly despite being born on this kind of road, but I don’t want to do the same.

The question about the deadline of living now turns into a question, ‘why should I live?’ Why? Why should I?

As I get that kind of thinking, an impulse to jump into the road surges up. I imagine myself running into a running car, bouncing off its bumper, getting my neck broken after my head hits the asphalt, and then having my blood gushed out. If the other person gets flustered because they are someone who owns a very expensive car, then it might be funny.

If I’ll get hit, then it’s better to be an expensive car, right? Something like an expensive coupe or SUV.

It’s funny, but I’m not laughing. While having that kind of thought, the hands inside my pocket wriggle. Suddenly, a car stops and blocks my view. It’s not in front of a traffic light, and it’s not a proper place to park, so I can’t help thinking it is stopping in front of me. 

Just by looking at the side of the black sedan, I can see it is very expensive. It is so shiny that it’s believable to say that the car was just bought and driven from the store. Seems like the owner is taking good care of it. While I stare blankly at the car, the tinted window slowly opens. 

Although I stick out my neck, I can’t see the inside. The one who sits in the driver’s seat doesn’t let out their head nor walk out of the car. I have no intention to be considerate to them, but I have cold feet because of sitting for a long time. As I get up, since I can’t stay like this forever, I can see the man sitting in the driver’s seat. 

The first thing that enters my eyes is the eyes that meet mine. Perhaps because they are big in size, the eyes with slightly exposed sclera under the black pupils do not look mean or fierce, and the long eyelashes on the eyes look fragile, giving a strange impression. The hair that was put on something is a little messy, but it looks dark in contrast to the pale white skin. The corner of the closed light red lips turns up.

He is a man that looks like a devil.

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