Chapter 1: Act One: Magician’s Mayhem

The first day of the week was nothing special, humans in the village would stir, youkai would either be waiting to see how their mischief would be reacted too or were hiding. Shrine maidens, in theory, would be up early to welcome the early morning visitors.

And of course, A certain trio of magicians would be nursing headaches for various reasons. Patchouli Knowledge, Magician of the Scarlet Devil Manor, would be nursing one due to her asthma keeping her awake. Alice Margatroid would be nursing one from staying up too late to make sure all her dolls were in the best condition.

And Marisa Kirisame, would be nursing one from being flung into a wall due to an early morning heist. With a certain maid effortlessly throwing her battered body off the premises in defeat. After all, the guard of the manor still had to deal with unpleasant morning business. So, with knives and magical bullets clashing, the ordinary magician was quickly removed from the premises, stab wounds and all to break the relative silence surrounding the Manor.

And that’s how she left, nothing borrowed, stab wounds and a killer headache from hitting her head on at least five trees. But that was something she could fix, once she made it back to her home. Which was a short flight away from the manor, after all, how could she effectively borrow things. But she had things to deal with the injuries at home.

Her house was a complete disaster, with how many things she borrowed most of her rooms were stuffed to the brim with random magical items. But there were two things she always kept tabs on where they were. A machine that brewed a live giving elixir, and her witch’s cauldron, where she would prepare something to heal her. Did she know how the machine worked? No. but she had managed to get it working, and that was the important part.

It produced a miracle liquid, something called coffee, and whatever it was, it was a hell of a drug. But even that wouldn’t fix Marisa’s concussion and bruised ribs. No, that was what magic mushrooms were for. Brewed up into a healing salve in the middle of her war zone of a house, thanks to how many items she had ‘borrowed’ over the years. Items that she would take for an unstated length of time but promise to return them ‘when she dies.’

Kicked the bucket, passed on, pining for the fjords or exiting stage left, as some may say. But that was neither here nor there. As she was very much not dead, nor an ex-magician in any sense of the phrase. But that didn’t mean she didn’t have a weakness to dozens of knives being thrown at her out of thin air, or not being allowed to ‘borrow’ peoples things.

“Why do I always forget that guard is late in the morning…” the magician grumbled as she nursed various stab wounds on her legs. “Why don’t they get that I’ll give this stuff back? It’s simple! They don’t need to be so stingy…”

She sighed and went back to patching up her wounds. It wouldn’t take long, but now her entire week was thrown off. She planned to ste-‘borrow’ some books from Patchoulli, maybe fly to a bakery in the human village and get something before going and relaxing in a hot spring for the evening. It was going to be a perfect Monday, but naturally, people don’t like things being taken without permission. Even if they’d get them back, eventually.

But for now, the Ordinary magician decided to just go on with the rest of her plans, get something sweet from a baker and go about her day. And yes, she would pay for a baked good, you can’t return food in any way that matters if you borrow it.

The money however, that was prime borrowing material. She couldn’t visit Reimu, after all, the shrine maiden was usually out of money to swipe. The manor was out, one attempt a week was already bad enough for her health. But there was someone nearby who wouldn’t miss a couple bundles of coin.

«««

Elsewhere in the Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid was waking up. Again, for the second time that morning. Headaches due to sleeping issues aren’t fun after all. Her dolls were already making some tea for her to enjoy while the cool morning air was around. So, she hummed, changed out of her crafting clothes, and readied herself.

“Shanghai,” she said, motioning to one of the dolls. “Can you bring me a list of what I need to find today, please?” There was a small pause as the doll flew around the main living area, before finding a small scroll perfect for the doll’s hands.

The doll gave a small cheer as it received a gentle pat on the head as thanks. It floated for a moment before dashing around the room, happy that it accomplished its first task of the day. There was of course, more to do, and Alice was just glad she could automate her dolls to some extent.

It made weeding much less time consuming. Especially since she had to keep people out of the forest, if only to keep them safe from Medicine and her poison dolls. But routine was setting in now, and unfortunately, that meant that Alice was counting down the minutes until her security dolls would activate.

After all, it’s much harder to be robbed when you know they’re coming. Naturally, she sipped her tea and waited, and waited, and waited.

“Marisa’s late.” She grumbled, now realizing she needed to get a move on for her day. “Dears, can you watch the house today?” she said to her dolls, all responding by grabbing various forms of impalement and pain delivery. “That’s goo-”

“Hey Alice!” Marisa shouted, clearly trying to judge what the minimum safe distance from her abode was. “Can I borrow some money?”

“…we have an imposter. Open fire.” The magician responded, letting her dolls launch to assault what she thought was Marisa through the window. The subsequent screams and sounds of counter fire did make the magician wonder if this was an imposter, but with how long she had known one of her regular guests for tea. It was unlikely.

“Thanks for the money.” Marisa said, getting tea all over Alice’s sitting room as the borrow crazy magician left. “By the way, that’s Cirno you’re blasting.”

“C-Cease fire!” Alice yelled, trying to redirect her dolls to stop blasting the fairy and try to focus on Marisa. But it was too late, Marisa had already flown out the open window and was quickly a speck on the horizon. Alice took a deep breath, and looked around, needing to ensure it was only a few measly coins than anything important. And that’s when something caught her eye.

“I’ll return it when I’m dead” was written on a note, right on one of the fancier doll display cabinets. Except the note was affixed to a rock, which was sitting on broken glass, next to another note. “Sorry!”

“KIRASAMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”

«««

She was totally going to pay at the next get together, Marisa knew that for a fact. But these coins weren’t going to spend themselves. So really, she felt she was doing Alice a favor. After all, her associate magician can make most of her materials by hand, so money shouldn’t even be a concern really.

But, as people outside of Gensokyo say, this was the straw that broke the camels back. Both other women were, frankly, very tired of having to keep track of what had been ‘borrowed’ from them. Books, clothes, even something more private in Patchouli’s case. And that really was the last straw.

“Meiling,” Alice said, looking at the guard of the Scarlet Devil manor, asleep but not really asleep. “Sakuya is walking towards you.”

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“I’m awake!” the woman said, standing upright and looking fully alert. “Oh. Miss Margatroid, what brings you to the manor?”

“I can’t believe that strategy worked,” Alice said as she shook her head. “Your mistress hasn’t penned me an invitation, but I need to speak with Lady Patchouli. It’s about our mutual pain in the neck.” Being formal with allies when trying to create a battle plan was a key part of this strategy.

“Well,” Meiling said, looking around, momentarily confused as to why Sakuya was not in fact walking towards them. “You are asking for permission, and Marisa already was thrown out by Lady Sakuya. All right, I’ll see if you can enter.”

“Thank you, I will remain here until you return.” Alice said, knowing it wouldn’t take long for an answer. But this was the critical moment. Of course, she could simply go and take back what was stolen from her. It wouldn’t even be that challenging, she could just unleash more power and leave Marisa in a hospital for a month as everything was recovered.

But where was the fun in that? Overpowering an enemy with sheer force was Marisa’s style, not hers. No, payback required a more tactical approach this time.

So, she waited, and since this was an actual proper visit, it didn’t take long for her to be led inside by the maid of the manor to the massive library.

“Margatroid” Patchouli said, drinking tea either to help with her health or to nurse a headache. Or both. “If I let logic dictate why you’re here. It’s Marisa, isn’t it.”

“Naturally,” Alice sighed, making sure to distance herself from the bookworm. Her poor health meant that her familiar would need to disinfect any proper visitors. “Lavender?”

“It’s calming.” Patchouli said as she waved Kaokuma off to go back to work. “And is refreshing when I can’t go outside.”

“Has your research into treatments been going well?” Alice knew the answer was no, but it felt important to check in on her friend.

“You know the answer,” Patchouli coughed, motioning that she was okay, and some tea had just gone down the wrong way. “Chronic issues are difficult to solve. Doctors appreciate my findings however.”

“Then I must ask, is this a ‘good’ day? Or should I come back another time?”

“It’s a ‘good’ day. I’ve been having more of them lately.”

“Good. You deserve those good days.”

“Now then, this is about Marisa?”

“Indeed, this is about Marisa.” Alice sighed, knowing that Patchoulli was really the one that had to deal with the thieving mage more than anyone. “She decided to ‘borrow’ money from me, and nearly destroyed an entire display case in the process.”

“She has crossed the line far too much,” Patchouli sighed, stretching as best she could. “She even stole my hot water bottle, the audacity.”

“Really? Isn’t that in your bedchamber?” there was a pause as the bookworm realized what she just said. “Why was she in there? Or is it none of my concern?”

“Right now, it is none of your concern, and that’s what makes it audacious.” The librarian said, her cheeks flushing just a small bit. “Stealing from a bedroom, how dare she. I mean, who even does that?”

“Then, what say we take something of hers, just for a little while?” the puppeteer said, taking out a journal with her plan inside. “Transformation magic is temporary, and maybe it will make her behave like a proper Magician.”

“It will take more than being turned into a toad for a fort night for her to get the message.” Patchoulli said, intrigued as the book was carefully placed on her reading stand. “So, how are you escalating this with her?”

“First, we need bait.” Alice sighed, knowing that would mean putting something rare or mysterious in harms way. “Then, we need to prepare and ready ourselves to be patient.”

And that was the start of the plan, as the two women discussed what they needed to do, and what they needed to accomplish it. It was mid morning when Alice arrived, and the dead of night was when she departed.

Marisa would face some comeuppance. And they only hoped that it would be enough to get her to change. Or at least stop stealing from them.

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