Chapter 1: Subgoal Sissy: Desperate streamer slowly becomes a girl pt.1 (intro)

 

-Everyone in this story is 18 or above-

(this chapter isn’t very sexual, but I’ll make it up to you in the next parts)

Intro

Andy was a loser and he knew it. He wasn’t a class clown, a braggish jock, an aloof enigma or even a high achiever. But truly, by every definition, he was an absolute loser. He had no attractive qualities, no funny quirks. He’d tried to become popular, countless times before, but day after day of being ignored had grinded his persona to a beige-grey pulp. He had nothing to offer to anyone he met. Dust in the air made more of an impact on people’s lives than he did. And being fully aware of the problem, Andy had grown incredibly desperate. When he wasn’t dissociating completely, all he longed for was any possible ounce of human attention, and so it came to be that he was only a few bad days away from believing that he’d probably be invisible for the rest of his life.

He really didn’t understand why he’d become such a loser, but he knew that he didn’t know how to change. So he gave up trying. Buzzes and flushes would grow inside sometimes, elevating him to pathetic levels of excitement whenever someone looked like they were about to talk to him, or whenever he thought that someone was maybe talking about him. But they never did, and they never were, and so little parts of Andy’s humanity were eroded away with each awkward embarrassment and day that went by.

Hiding from his feelings, he’d often be found staring out of windows, or staring at his desk thinking about games, videogame-streamers or how much time there was until the bell might ring, leaving his schoolwork unfinished, and teachers ignored, which massively affected his grades. And whilst losing interest in schoolwork isn’t the most uncommon thing for a teenager, his behaviour (appearing shy and brain-dead) led his teachers to agree amongst themselves that he simply didn’t want to try in class, and so they decided to use their limited time on the students who actually cared about learning.

Other people in the class noticed his pattern of staring at things in silence from an early date, and quickly agreed that he was never going to have anything to say to anyone, and that even looking at him was a waste of time. From the first few nervous days at school he’d hoped that they’d suddenly start talking to him. But the end of his final school term was soon approaching, and he knew that that was very unlikely. He was going to be starting college this year and he still didn’t know how to make friends.

Somehow the ‘dweebs’ who got bullied were even more popular than Andy. And in his lonely reflections, he’d even felt jealous of them from time to time and even sometimes dreamt of getting bullied himself in a sad longing way. These kinds of thoughts kept Andy in a negative emotional loop, where he’d break down his confidence before it could properly build up, keeping him nervous and pathetic through all hours of each day, and leaving him unable to talk to anyone without appearing, first, afraid of them.

Somehow, however, although most of his attempts to make friends had been completely ignored, and also much to his own confusion, he had managed to make and keep one loyal friend from his early years way before he started school. That friend was his girlfriend. April.

April was a youthful, self starting, beauty, who was definitely going places after college. She was one of the most attractive girls in the school, had worked her way into the good-books of nearly every social circle and always had something to smile about. Andy always struggled to get her attention though, and saw a side of her the rest of school didn’t. Sometimes when messaging each other, Andy’s suggestions of a nice date would be met with “I really don’t have the time” and “but who would pay? You don't have any money.”. Sometimes she didn't reply to his messages for a week, and she’d sound annoyed if he tried to join in conversations with her groups of friends.

Every day Andy was afraid that she’d break up with him out of nowhere, or that this would all turn out to be some sick kind of joke. He had no idea what she saw in him at all But usually he found some reassurance in the fact that she’d stayed with him for all this time. And although she kept him from talking to her friends, would only meet with him if she requested it, had only kissed him three times in several years, never laughed at his jokes, would go missing for days, and was honestly a cold and distant mystery, he loved her with all of his heart.

Next to April, on the rare occasions that they were actually seen together, Andy did not have much to be proud of. He was shorter than nearly every other guy in his year group, and less physically developed than nearly everyone else. A few times he’d tried starting an exercise routine, but always gave up within a couple of days. Because of his moodiness, he took poor care of his hair, and his tangled dark mop was now nearing his shoulders. He was pale from gaming, always wore baggy clothes and had mostly just given up trying. He really didn’t know what his girlfriend saw in him.

Living alone with his mother gave him freedom to be undisturbed, which allowed him to fall into a daily routine of ignoring everything else in the world to play video games until the sun went down, continuing to play until it was nearly time for it to come back up, and then watching streamers and youtubers in a digitalised coma until he fell asleep.

His mother, used to look out for how he was doing, and tried to keep his spirits up but had to take up more shifts at work, thanks to his father leaving, and now always had to stay at work late. With no other siblings, Andy had to look after himself, and although an empty house was sometimes fun, he would never leave his room, and felt desperately lonely the moment he stopped looking at his screens.

A solution to everything came to him one day however, that he, by himself, could become a famous and popular streamer on the internet. Everything he’d seen and learned from his years of watching personalities online had given him the knowledge and skills he’d need. He could create an image of himself so refined and different to who he was that he’d be able to make friends with anyone online. He’d never be lonely again and he knew that he’d be able to help pay his bills, letting him see more of his mother again. They’d never had much money to buy things like nice clothes or holidays, but Andy had slowly saved up enough to pay for a computer that could just barely stream games, and now becoming famous was all that he wanted.

This was without a doubt going to be a miserable last term at high school for Andy, and he hadn’t even started to think about what he would do at college. But he did feel pretty confident that any day now his streaming career was going to take off. He wouldn’t have to worry about an education ever again soon. Anxiety and desperation still riddled his mind through most days and nights though. And although he hid it somewhat at school, all the social deprivation, the distance from his mother and “girlfriend”, the failures to get his grades, the helplessness he felt and the happiness he saw in others (people who actually had friends) had turned him into one of the weakest, most embarrassing and desperate people on the entire planet.

All he had to distract himself was his plan to get through each day as quickly as he could, to get home to his room and start streaming, as he had done for nearly a year now, and that is where our sissy-story starts to set off.

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Chapter 1

 

Sliding his bag across his bedroom floor, Andy went straight to his computer desk. He couldn’t remember if he had any homework to do, but he knew he’d be able to play the new crexworld expansion for the rest of the night, uninterrupted. He’d spent the last six months arguing on reddit about how amazing this expansion would be, and now that he’d finally saved up, he couldn’t wait to prove himself right. His girlfriend was annoyed that he’d wasted so much money on this when he already had other games, but she was busy studying tonight any ways, and this seemed like a very worthwhile investment to him.

Andy really wasn’t athletic, but he’d actually tried to jog the last part of the way home today to make sure he had time for his plan. He was very enthusiastic and now that the game had been pre-installing for about eight hours on his struggling internet, he was almost ready to start his stream.

None of his broadcasts had actually ever been successful before and most people tuned out after only a few seconds, but today Andy was determined. If he was one of the first people online in the world to stream this game’s expansion, then he would absolutely guaranteed get some major traffic. The servers were going live in ten minutes, which gave him enough time to set up his gear. He couldn’t afford a webcam, but he’d written some jokes on some paper next to him to use if anyone started watching and the software he was using, although free, was very familiar to him now. Today was going to be his lucky day. And after this, he’d be on a one way highway to fame.

After he’d estimated how long it would take to get his first million followers, he was already live, waiting on the main page of the game. He only had one screen, so had to check his phone to see if anyone was waiting in his chat yet. Zero.

“Oh well” he thought. “The expansion’s not technically live just yet, so they’re probably just still on the way.”

He send out a few notifications on his social media, announcing his big stream, and something caught his eye. His girlfriend was on a night out with some of her besties and they looked like they were all having a blast. It looked like someone was having a house party, and he remembered her saying something about a birthday last week. And sure, he was a little jealous. He was never invited to any of these gatherings, and she’d often made it clear that she wished he’d stopped wasting his time on his “pathetic little streams”, but he reassured himself by imagining the feeling of pride he’d have when his future streaming success would let him pay for exotic holidays, and expensive dates. She’d be proud of him then.

-

Five hours later he had his first view.

-

Suddenly struck, he shot up in his chair. What should he say? He panicked. He fumbled for his notes on his desk and looked to see if their name was in the chat. They hadn’t typed anything so he had no idea what they were called.

“Oh no,” he thought. “What if this is just April checking in. I can’t let her see how bad I’m doing.”

He spouted something about how much he was enjoying the new dlc tonight with as much fake enthusiasm as he could muster (after five hours glued to his screen, it wasn’t a lot). To his disappointment, he wasn’t really enjoying the game that much, and it was starting to look like a big rushed mess, but no one would watch him unless he seemed happy and enthusiastic, he thought.

“#$!*#” was all that appeared in the chat, and his view count quickly returned to zero.

Andy was flattened. He didn’t even have a chance to tell one of his jokes, and he’d already gone. Not knowing what else to do, and put-off from the game, he tapped the message on his phone to reveal what had been said by the now-revealed milkman86.

“Pussy” is all he saw. “Nice,” he thought to himself. He’d never been offended by anything like this before, but he really had been planning this day for over a year, since the expansion was announced. He couldn’t afford many big games like this and wouldn’t get to try something like this again for a long time. He was so upset, tears were actually starting to form around his eyes.

“Oh god, maybe I really am just a pussy.” He whimpered, with his head in his hands. “I can’t do anything right. Why am I such a fucking pussy?” He cried, weighing everything up. And falling down into his chair for a while. “Why am I actually crying?”

-

...

About five minutes later he looked up at his phone on his desk, red around his eyes, and saw, to his utter disbelief, that his chat was filled with so many messages that it was asking him to scroll down for more.

Something had to be wrong here, he thought. He wasn’t even in the game any-more and had been kicked for idling. Had that guy come back to apologise, or make fun of him again?

“pretty girl” he saw in the chat. “why are you crying :(”

“please don’t worry you must be so funny”. He read on. “You sound like a wonderful girl”. “you’re not a #$!*#, you’re amazing”, “a strong independent woman”,

“you deserve more views”

“show cam”

These were some of the ones he noticed from the seemingly endless barrage that he’d just missed.

Overwhelmed by the flurry of emotions he was currently pushing through, Andy was excited to see that people were watching actually the stream. He rushed to see if anybody was still there, and kicked himself for not noticing sooner.

You are reading story Subgoal Sissy: Desperate streamer slowly turns into a girl at novel35.com

They were definitely still there, but Andy was surprised to see that all these messages were all from one guy. A user called ApeyA-bomb22.

Quite let down, and almost certain that this was just another jerk just here to make fun of him, Andy’s worries started to return. He felt deeply embarrassed that someone had witnessed his pathetic breakdown, albeit just through audio, and didn’t understand why they were calling him a girl. His struggle through puberty had left his voice a little higher pitched than most of his other male classmates, but he didn’t actually sound like a girl did he? He stressed. Maybe his cheap mic was just distorting his voice a little.

“Oh, hi...” Andy said. “I didn’t realise anyone was here, sorry”. Feeling embarrassed that he was apologising, he fell quiet again.

“Don’t be sad” A-bomb typed. “I'll cheer you up”.

Though still mostly confused, Andy was starting to think that this guy wasn’t just another troll at all. He wasn’t comfortable being addressed as a girl, but maybe this was someone who was just genuinely trying to be nice to him. Andy had had a really tough struggle with trying to get attention from anyone in his daily life, especially today, and this weird stranger had kind of gently struck his heart a little.

A warm feeling of hope started to form inside of him after he’d thought for a few seconds, and although he didn’t really know how to move on from here, he realised that this could be the chance that he was hoping for. If he could somehow manage to keep this guys attention for just a little bit longer, his stream might show up to more people on the main website, and he could definitely get some more fans. If he went back to zero viewers, his stream would instantly return to the bottom of the list, of everyone else streaming this game, and all his dreams would be shattered. He slowly took a deep breath in and then out, and then decided that he was going to ignore the girl part of the messages and loaded his game back up.

“T-thanks.. um.. whoever you are” Andy struggled out, wiping the remainder of the tears from his eyes. “Have you, seen much of this game yet today?”

“No. worked long today” he read. “wish I could see u though. Show webcam”.

Andy really didn’t know what to say about that, and already felt put off now from his attempt to keep going. Maybe he should just turn the stream off now and try to forget this ever happened.

“...haha” he managed awkwardly. “I don’t have a webcam though sorry”. Which was true. Andy and his mother didn’t have much money at all, and his setup was very basic.

“thats a shame. your stream is nice though.” “why have you stopped talking?”

“Sorry!” Andy spat out in a fright. He felt very embarrassed again, with how emotional and apologetic he was being, but he realised that this guy could be about to leave, as quickly as he appeared. He couldn’t mess this up.

“Just a little...” he managed. “I’m just not used to anyone watching me really. Barely anyone ever clicks on my stream and they never usually stay for long”. He felt even more pathetic now, but all of this just fell out of his mouth.

Now loaded back into the game world, Andy set his character off moving. But in a flash on his phone, he saw that he’d just gained a new follower. After not finding any for nearly two months, he was now almost at fifteen! He couldn’t believe his luck.

“Wow thank you! Thanks for following the stream!” Andy said. “You’re gonna enjoy the big boss that’s coming up in the next zone. Glad you’re having fun!” Maybe this day wasn’t so bad after all, he thought.

“wow”.”could at least say my name” He read, after a long pause in the chat.

Confused at why saying the name could be so important, Andy decided to just say “Thanks ApeyA-Bomb22” in a brief sort of way, and went to start talking about the game again. God this guy was being a bit weird, he thought. But Andy understood that whatever small compromises he had to make to keep a follower would surely be worth it in the end.

“No”. Andy saw in the chat now. “You have to say it nicely. And call me A-Bomb. Say it as friendlily as you can, and say how much my follow means to you. If youre not going to be grateful im leaving. I have other girls that want me in their streams. They appreciate how kind I am. Maybe I was wrong about you after all”.

This guy was insane, Andy thought, distraught. This guy really thought that he was a girl, and just because of his squeaky voice and his cheap microphone. Surely he didn’t sound that much like a girl, he told himself. But he was acting all emotional and pathetic tonight, he realised. But maybe he was just confused. Andy didn’t know what to think.

This was all very strange to him, and he didn’t feel comfortable. But somehow, through his strongest insecurities, he was still considering just playing along again, and thinking of the future of his stream. This guy was really weird, but how bad could it honestly get? He thought. Its just some words on a screen, and nobody else is even watching. Andy really didn’t like being thought of as a girl, and really didn’t want to play along as one either. But he wasn’t really asking for that much, and he could probably just sort of play along for a little bit, and surely he’d be distracted by the game after a few minutes.

Still nervous, he tried to clear his thoughts and prepared to sound confident. He’d show him how grateful he was. Even if this did feel horribly demeaning. He was going to be this guy’s girl for a few strange minutes.

“S-Sorry A-Bomb! I didn’t mean to sound so rude!” his voice came out, much weaker and squeakier than he’d envisioned. “You really are soo kind! And I’m really glad we can hang out together!”. Impressing himself with how he’d managed, but now feeling even more embarrassed than he had all night. He thought that surely he had to have this guy now.

“There. That wasnt so hard was it. I knew you were a nice girl. I was only joking about leaving though haha” A-bomb said.

“Haha! you’re so funny!” Andy replied, not knowing what else to say, feeling a little creeped out, but coming off very cheerful. He’d manage to please this guy and could now finally get on with the stream he’d been waiting for. He started to look for his joke notes again.

The stream continued, and to Andy’s delight, without anything else strange happening. After really getting into his stride, and telling A-bomb what he thought were some very good jokes, the stream ended, nearly two hours later, way into the early hours of very quiet morning.

Andy was so pleased with the result of the night. The A-bomb guy was a complete weirdo at the beginning of the encounter, but after a while they really seemed to connect. And although no one else joined the stream after A-bomb, he was pleased that the one fan he did get, was extremely engaged and involved, and would probably come back again. Now when people joined the stream in the future, he’d at least look a lot more legit. He did have fourteen other followers on his account, but they’d all stopped watching shortly after following him. “This was the start of something good.” Andy felt. “I’m gonna be famous in no time.”

-

School flew by the following day, and as he came closer to his home, Andy noticed a box by his doorway. How strange, he thought. He hadn’t ordered anything, and his mother certainly wasn’t in the position to buy things online. Maybe she was planning to surprise his for his birthday. Excited and still riding the buzz from the night before, he raced to get the box, but because his week had started to go so well, his run accidentally started in a small skip. He immediately stopped himself, feeling embarrassed and confused, collected himself and walked the rest of the way, only to find his own name on the package’s label.

With his mother at work again, he took the package and his bags upstairs, loaded up his computer and checked his phone.

‘2 new messages’

The first being from April, he immediately opened. He hadn’t seen her at all today at school, and was in such a good, he wanted to talk to her and share his good news.

Unfortunately for him, however, the message was only to tell him that she needed to cancel their study session for this week. Meaning that they wouldn’t get to see each other outside of school for at least a week and a half now. And to add to his disappointment, the second half read ‘btw going to netball tonight, then doctors, so don’t message me x.’

He honestly didn’t remember her ever mentioning a doctors appointment, or even a netball club for that matter. He was always forgetting things from staying up so late though he thought. Why did he feel so sad about these messages. She was only telling him that she’d be busy, and not to waste his time, but it all came across so cold. He was just being a baby again, he thought. And he really needed to grow up.

Going back to his other message, he saw that something had happened with his amazon account. He always got phishing emails, but this one was saying that something had been purchased from his amazon wish list by an anonymous account.

Taken back, he was confused. None of this made any sense to him. He looked at the package again and back to his phone, and saw that it said a ‘professional HC280L HD webcam’ had been ordered to his address.

And lo and behold. A professional HC280L HD webcam was exactly what he found inside the box that he had. He pulled it out of the box, causing some papers to fall to the ground, and held his new prize in admiration.

Ever since he’d started streaming he’d wanted a webcam like this, and now his stream would look so damn professional. He couldn’t wait to test it out, but then suddenly realised that this must have been a present from his mother. He hadn’t told her that he streamed, so this was an incredibly lucky pick of a gift for him, he thought. He then realised that he should probably put it back into the box and pretend he hadn’t opened it, but because she probably wouldn’t get back until after midnight, he thought that he’d have plenty of time to test it out before he had to put it back.

So Andy quickly rushed to log onto his new game again and start up his streaming software. This was awesome, he thought. He was finally going to be a professional streamer, and he thought about how his stream would look tonight.

But in those papers that fell on the floor was a personalized note that Andy didn’t notice.

And if he had grabbed this, and read what it said, he’d have found the special message: “hey babe, hope your on tonight. Cant wait to see your pretty little face”.

[Authors note: I’m sorry if this wasn’t arousing enough for the time you spent reading it, but a lot has been planned for our poor naive Andy here. And as the gravity of his situation, slowly starts to unfold, I’m sure you’ll be more than satisfied, and begging for more.]

<3 NOTE:

*I’ve been updating this story over at @https://www.patreon.com/ramona_loveletter

I just posted chapter 9, and there’s a saucy 18+ halloween tale on there too ;)

~mona <3

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