Chapter 21: 1.18.2 – The breaking point 

2.1 - Edited by: , , , - 1/13/2021

 

Over the next few months, Leona and her friends often went to premieres for superhero movies or comedies, Sarah even managed to come along most of the time. 

 

When February and the Chinese New Year arrived, everyone decided to stay out late and watch a double feature together. A number of Leona’s friends had started dating by this time and brought their dates along to screenings. After the films ended, everyone went their separate ways leaving Leona alone with Sarah. These days Quinn wasn’t as available on Friday nights because she was increasingly focused on her music, though she could still be relied on for rides. Leona, knowing Quinn was still busy that particular night, hesitated texting her for a pick-up home. Instead, when she eyed Sarah, who stood by her side, an idea occurred. 

 

“Hey, I’m a little hungry. Let’s go to that all-night diner near here. What do you think?” She smiled hopefully at Sarah. “Sis is probably still tied up.”

 

Sarah looked at Leona with slightly twisted lips. “Alright, let’s go. I think my parents will be upset, but there isn’t much choice unless we take the bus.”

 

“Yeah, well, it’s way risky taking them around this time of the night.” Leona laughed. “That’s why Quinn makes time to ferry us to and from things. Goonie would too, but she’s exhausted most days from working so hard at her cafe. I always feel guilty that I’m having fun with everyone instead of helping out. I always wanted to wear the uniform and chip in, but then I learned how tough the job can be.”

 

Sarah giggled as they headed on into the nearby diner. They seated themselves and soon enough a waitress headed in their direction. “What can I do for ya?” She smiled in a chipperly fashion as she plopped down some waters.

 

Leona pursed her lips and smiled as she and Sarah were handed their menus. “Since I’ve been here before, I know I’d like the burger with extra chili.”

 

“Ohhh… that’s the standard fare. You’ll clog your arteries though.” Sarah shook her head. “Soup for me... With a small salad,” she added, eyeing Leona who was chewing her lip.

 

“Oh fine… I’ll have the same then.” Leona pouted.

 

“No! Don’t martyr yourself on my account!” Sarah laughed.

 

After the waitress finished writing up the order, the two were left with a bit of privacy. Sarah sighed as she started a conversation, “You know… I… really like you, Leona,” she practically whispered these words. 

 

Leona smiled, glowing. “I feel the same way about you too, Sarah. Ever since we met.”

 

Sarah moved on with a bemused and confused expression, “I’m glad you feel the same way, but… there’s a problem with it.”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Um…” Sarah continued with another sigh, “Haaaah… I know how serious you are about being a… you know… transitioning and all… but… I just d-don’t like girls.”

 

Leona heaved a heavy sigh of her own and smiled calmly, having heard this before from Sarah, who was clearly still conflicted and restrained by her upbringing. It wasn’t certain if that would ever change, but she still cared deeply for Sarah.

 

Leona mulled it over and decided to say something more than she had the last time they talked, “Sarah, I know you have strong feelings about some things, but we both know some of that’s from your parents. I know you love them and you want to honor their choices for you. Parents don’t always do what’s best for their children even if they think they are, but most of them mean well. But you know…” Leona took Sarah’s hand into her own from across the table. “They’re wrong this time.”

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Sarah sighed and hesitated.

 

“You like who you like,” Leona stated, squeezing her kitten’s hand reassuringly. “And I care for you deeply. You like me, and that makes me really happy every time you say it. In the end, does it really matter what body parts I have or not? Even if I changed someday in the future, would that change how you feel?”

 

Sarah nodded slowly. “Yeah… you’re right, but… it’s still kind of unnatural,” she replied, squirming all the while. “If you want to be a girl, really, don’t you want to be with a boy? I mean, I do. That’s what I don’t get. Don’t you get that?”

 

Leona was slightly wounded by those words but kept smiling. “It’s not that simple, Sarah. I still like girls, and that’s something I can’t change. I wouldn’t want to even if I could choose. So I guess I did choose. The fact is, I’m not supposed to have been born as a boy. What’s the problem with that, exactly?” Leona started crying a little.

 

Sarah looked away and deflated as her shoulders sagged. “I’m sorry… When I found out you were a boy originally, it thrilled me. It made everything fit perfectly for the first time. I was so confused thinking I might have feelings for a girl… but I still like boys. I still like the look of them. They excite me, y’know. You’re like a weird exception to the rule. I worry!” Sarah gulped, her voice raising slightly before lowering quickly. “What if… if I start thinking that way when I look at other girls someday. I don’t get excited in the same way when I look at you, but there’s something.”

 

“Would that really be such a bad thing?” Leona wiped an eye.

 

“I have NEVER looked at girls in that way. There’s a ton of girls who are really pretty. I look up to them and model myself a little after some of them. But, I don’t look at them like that. And… I can’t help it! I can’t help feeling this way when I look at you… even before you transition. Maybe I’ll never be able to see you as a girl.” She clapped a hand to her mouth and blushed, knowing the words could hurt Leona deeply. “I’m so sorry… I don’t want to be a lesbian, even for you…” She looked away after uttering these words barely over a whisper.

 

“I’ve never looked at girls like…” Sarah whispered.

 

Leona gulped and squeezed her hand again. “I won’t force you into anything, Sarah. It can’t work that way.” She sorrowfully stroked Sarah’s hand. “But please… just don’t let your parents ideas and values control you. Who you love…” Leona essayed a shaky smile.

 

The food was served a bit later, but their conversation became sparse and weak up to and including after Quinn came to pick them up. Sadness pervaded, except for Quinn who had no idea what had happened between the two. The encounter left Leona feeling like a shard of glass had been trapped in her heart, jabbing now and again. She bled in a way. 

 

When Sarah was dropped off, Leona cried in the backseat of her sister’s convertible. “What did I DO? What went wrong?” she sobbed.

 

Quinn looked concerned through the rearview mirror and flashed a light smile after she got the full story. The expression was for Leona’s sake, to reassure her. “Nothing. Nothing at all. You stood your ground, and you gave her the terms. She’ll think about it. I think she likes you too much to give in to her parent’s wishes in the end.”

 

Leona sniffled and stared off at the buildings as they blurred past with a dull look on her face. “But what if she doesn’t?” she retorted, utterly frustrated about how lightly her sister was taking this crisis.

 

“She WILL,” Quinn reiterated. “She’s scared… hella scared. She can’t make sense of anything. I’m sure that’s the case. I’d talk with her if you wanted, but it wouldn’t really do anything good. You’ve gotta handle it yourself, don’t you?”

 

Leona hesitated and gulped. “Y-yeah… sure… Thanks, sis.”

 

This conversation seeded a storm that would profoundly affect their relationship and lives. 

 

And a crisis loomed…

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