Chapter 12: 1.9

After washing, Se-young, who was drying her long hair thoroughly, turned off the hair dryer when she caught sight of Je-ha in the mirror. He wore a cardigan and came back with a shopping bag.

“I bought something that looked comfortable.”

“Is it for me?”

“You can’t go out wearing clothes that aren’t dry.”

The knit dress was still damp. Se-young was thinking about cooking or ordering food to eat in, so she never thought he would buy clothes. Se-young’s eyes widened when she opened the shopping bag.

“Why didn’t you say something? I would have given you my card.”

“I got it dirty, so I have to buy it.”

Se-young rolled her eyes at the brazenness of mentioning the reason why her knit dress was being washed. Jeha grinned and reached for her long hair, which was not yet dry. He curled her hair around his long finger, put it behind her shoulder and let it go. Not having been long since she got a perm, his gesture clearly revived the curls. Even though he didn’t say it, his face showed that he thought it was pretty.

“What do you like? Shall we go to the middle gate?”

General restaurants were gathered on the middle gate, and restaurants that only undergraduates knew were gathered on the back gate side. Instead, the difficulty of the food was higher at the back gate, so it was better to go on a date at the middle gate. Se-yeong smiled when she realized that she naturally thought it was a date.

She decided to go to an oven pizza restaurant near the middle gate and made preparations. The long dress Je-ha bought was spearmint-colored, which was perfect for spring. The material was thick enough to wear alone, so it looked okay without wearing outerwear.

When they came outside, it was Saturday and a warm day, so there were many people. However, before taking the first step out, Je-ha grabbed her hand. Se-yeong looked up at him with a slight frown.

She was wearing the speaker and held her cell phone in her right hand. However, if one hand was held like this, it would be difficult to operate the cell phone with only her right hand.

“Let go.”

She tried to take his hand off, but his hands were strong and firm as if he would not let go once he held it. His heat transferred to the palm of her hand. Moreover, he did not hide the joy in his face that was so gently loosened as if he was so happy to hold her hand. He did worse things, but Se-yeong couldn’t understand why he liked holding hands so much.

“There are a lot of people. I don’t want to lose you.”

Je-ha waved their hands gently with a dazzling smile. The gesture of excitement was ridiculous, and all the laughter came out. Looking at it like this, he looked 20 years old. So she knew it’s an excuse, but Se-yeong put her cell phone in her bag without questioning. A sweet smile was drawn on Je-ha’s face.

The two soon mixed into the crowd and began walking towards the middle gate.

She never in her life thought her hands were small, but compared to Baek Je-ha’s hands, they were as small and thin as children’s hands. His fingers were long and slender and looked pretty, but holding each other like this, they were heavy and firm. His fingertips strongly pressed the back of her hand, and Se-young flinched for a moment.

“Sunbae has cold hands.”

Cold hands. Her feet were freezing in the garage. Even in summer, her hands and feet were cold enough to sleep with socks on. Even though it was a familiar cold temperature, it was sometimes surprisingly icy.

But as Je-ha was holding it,  it felt like her hand was getting warm enough to melt.

The oven pizza restaurant they decided to go to was a place where Se-yeong often came with her friends. She came there the first time last winter, but the place was full due to the spread of word of mouth. Even though it was still early in the evening, there was a waiting line. It seemed to be the same if they went somewhere else, so they decided to just wait.

When they went to the waiting room, there was only one seat left. In front of her, Je-ha seated Se-yeong. Se-yeong, who quietly sat down, glanced around and looked up at Je-ha. He was looking inside the store, and he still looked unwilling to let go of his hand. Their hands, which had become lukewarm as if they were cold, were about to start sweating.

She was able to look calmly at Je-ha for the first time in a long time. When Se-yeong looked at him, Je-ha lightly brushed his bangs that covered his eyes, and smiled. Even though he had just become an adult, baby fat could not be found anywhere on his face. The contours of his jaw and cheekbones were defined and looked very sharp. Whether it was his long, straight nose or dark eyes, nothing was missing and everything was superior.

Se-young swallowed a heavy sigh, feeling as if she had a glimpse of how solid his life would be.

At that time, the waiting people went inside and the seat next to Se-yeong was empty. Since Je-ha was standing still, Se-yeong grabbed his hand and pulled him to sit down because it was difficult to look up. She didn’t even say anything, but Je-ha immediately sat next to her. He reached close enough to touch her body and put her hand on his thigh.

His slightly felt thighs were surprisingly firm. Seeing that his body got bigger and better than when she saw him three years ago, he seemed to have exercised very hard. The memory of him playing basketball on the playground was hazy. Se-yeong whispered in Je-ha’s ear so that no one could hear her.

“Ba-basketball…”

“Yes. I continued playing basketball. I played basketball, soccer, and everything because I needed to have stamina when I was a senior in high school.”

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“The… Physical education, no, uh, Athletic Association.”

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“Athletic Competition. You mean the one in April? I think I’ll sign up for basketball. Do you want to cheer for me?”

Like someone with telepathy, it was amazing that he understood and answered so well that she stared blankly. Je-ha smiled a little shyly and looked around. It was a place with a high turnover rate, so the other teams in the meantime had also entered. Je-ha leaned down slightly and whispered softly so that only Se-yeong could hear it.

“Do you know your lips are swollen? If I bite it, I think it’ll burst.”

He burst into a clear smile without replying when she urged him to let go of her hand with her fingers spread wide open. When she was washing up, she looked in the mirror and cried. He sucked so hard that her lips were red and thicker than usual.

Se-young avoided his gaze because the gaze on her lips was hot, but the staff called Je-ha’s name.

He didn’t let go of her hand until they sat face to face and finished ordering. Se-yeong placed her cell phone on the table and tapped it with her index finger. He just told her to just talk, but she couldn’t stand it anymore. She couldn’t sing here either. She put her cell phone down on the table and wrote with her left hand.

「It’s uncomfortable because I can’t talk for a long time.」

“All right.”

Only then did Je-ha let go of her hand. It was rather strange when she was released from how tightly she had been held. Se-yeong clenched her hand a few times, wondering if this was how bare hands felt, and then picked up her cell phone.

Only then did she feel a little relieved. It was uncomfortable and scary when the freedom of the hand was taken away. There was nothing more frightening than not being able to express oneself properly.

When she was alone with Baek Je-ha, she felt nothing, but when she came outside, her heart sank.

‘Did you decide to live with your mouth shut? Are you ashamed of stuttering?’

Suddenly, she remembered the words of the professor who was hostile to her. Actually, it wasn’t the first time she heard it. People who found out that Se-yeong wasn’t completely silent always asked those questions.

‘Why don’t you just say it? Why don’t you stutter a little? If I could sing, if it were me, I would sing. I think it’s better than the artificial voice.’

She even wondered how they could talk so easily. They say it because they don’t know, but if you don’t know, shouldn’t they save their words more?

「Don’t hold hands outside from now on. I don’t like not being able to use my cell phone.」

“I’m sorry. I wanted to hold your hand, but I also wanted to hear you talk.”

「Why do you want to hear me talk? It’s hard to understand… It’s frustrating.」

“Because I like it. Senior, you’re really pretty when you talk.”

‘I’ve never heard such a bad joke.’ Je-ha smirked when Se-yeong glared at him with eyes that never believed. He’s sincere, but she didn’t believe him at all.

Han Se-young was many times prettier when she spoke than when she was still. In order to speak properly, she was extremely focused and seriously uttered one note at a time. The voice was sweet, but it was chillingly pretty to try so hard.

“It’s good to talk while singing, and even if you stutter, it’s good to try to speak one letter at a time.”

Her head was dizzy and her eyes flashed brilliantly like neon signs. It was hard to look at Baek Je-ha as he shone as if he had the sun in it.

「Yeah… you were always like that.」

Baek Je-ha was the only one who did not laugh at Se-yeong, who spoke with a song. He even said it was good to stutter and stammer so much that he didn’t know the meaning, but this was also Baek Je-ha. When he showed such blind affection, Se-yeong felt pain and aches as if she had been hit in the pit of the stomach.

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The staff came with drinks and pickles. Fresh salty juice had sunk in the sparkling ade. She mixed it with a straw and took it to her mouth. It was cool, sweet and delicious. After almost half of the glass was emptied, Se-yeong relaxed her shoulder and looked out the window.

Come to think of it, it’s her first time coming here to have dinner alone with a man like this. There were many times when she went to eat with her classmates, but this was also Se-young ‘s first date.

‘I want to hold hands, go on a date, and kiss Senior. I saved all my firsts to do with Han Se-yeong.’

Se-yeong was like that, too. Baek Je-ha was her first to hold hands, date, kiss, and more.

Je-ha skillfully transferred the pizza to a plate and put it in front of Se-yeong. He was so kind that he took care of the Tabasco sauce and Parmesan cheese that Se-yeong could only lick her innocent lips. Cheese powder sprinkled like snowflakes melted in an instant due to the heat. Se-yeong’s heart was not so different from it. When they met again, it melted within an instant in front of Baek Je-ha.

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