Chapter 28: 28. Rain II

The bus we were taking moved slowly on the curved road. The rain outside left traces of on the window glass. And I still could remember Mika well and every word she said. I was just hoping right now I had someone I could talk with about what I had been through. I could not go to Emma or Erick. I contacted that woman only to tell her I needed a day off today. I wanted to rest.

I got off at the bus stop near the road to the forest heading to Mr. Oka's place, leaving Mickey who was sleeping soundly in the bus. Giving up with all I had gone with, I walked like a soulless body towards the portal.

I kept dragging feet to push me walk, until without me knowing, I was standing in front of the food shop belonged to Mr. Oka. Behind the window glass, I could see Zie, with his stiff movement, was arranging the disorganized books. My tears fell down seeing all this. It was really suffocating scene.

I just wanted to be with him even in a short time, but why it was so hard for me. I had nothing more to ask, not either his perfect body, his real body movement, nor his smile from his good looking face, or his gentle face expression that could always soothed me.

I would take Zie in any physical body intact he would attach with. Even in that cold wooden body with expressionless face, I really did not mind that as long as it was him.

I hid my cry before I went in. when he knew I was coming, he walked to me. I took his hands, admired his fingers that had been carved finely, "I am home," I whispered, "I am so sorry, we failed," my words were full of regret.

Mr. Oka appeared from the next room, "Ah, Kerberos was just here," he informed me.

I just brought up my bitter smile, "He must be really disappointed with me. I am not that strong,"

I looked at Zie with my swollen red eyes, I could hide my cry any longer. I lost a great deal. I spent so many years for the therapy, but it was just like a malignant disease that killed me every second. I was alive literally, I had died mentally.

I stared at those sapphire eyes in front of me, "Zie, I really wished, so badly, that I died with you that day," It was the lowest point of me.

…

Nine years ago

Nana just left, leaving me sitting alone on that white couch, in a hospital. Summer had just ended, and followed by autumn with heavy rain. After twelve o clock at noon the weather would drop. I just wanted to sit outside for some time and jumped on the puddles of the rain last night, like other children.

Staying in that hospital for several months caused me lost weight drastically. But at least the wounds all over my body got less than when I was at home.

A nurse came in the ward where I was hospitalized with a big bag which I believed it was full of my clothes. During my three month staying in that hospital, never did my mother come to see me. She just sent all my goods through a staff to my room.

Someone else came in, it was Nana, my nanny. She brought me a big black bear doll, I just glanced at it, the rain outside attracted me more than things my mother sent me.

"Nurse, can I go out for a minute?" I begged to the nurse on duty that day, "Only for a minute," that nurse nodded, she prepared a wheelchair, Nana helped me got off my couch and sat on it.

In that hospital hall, I looked around. Everything looked so interesting for me, everyting outside my ward looked so attractive.

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"Tha, what would you like to eat tonight?" Nana could not distract me from the scene around me.

I did not reply her, only gave her my smile, then I looked at my feet. Two days ago, I tried to escape from that place but I fell off the stairs. As a result, my left leg had to be casted with a plaster cast because there were fractures there. This place was not a hospitAku tidak l, a prison for me.

"I want to go the training center. Please take me there, Nana," I begged her with my best face expression. When that woman agreed, I felt I won because she finally took me the archery training center.

I love archery since I was a child, even the doctor advised me to resort my stress by doing that sport. When I shot the target, I had to really focus. This distraction was hoped to teach me to heal my trauma slowly.

My wheelchair was rolling fast to the training place. There were some people doing the same therapy like me. My trainer handed me the bow I always used. Nana helped me to arrange my bow which was pretty difficult with sitting position.

The arrow was shot through the ocean of air far in front of me taking with it all my loads bit by bit that I wanted to throw away.

Every shot landed to the target perfectly made my problems relieved, too.

"Nana, is mother coming today?," I looked at the big doll I believed it was from her, but like usual, she did not want to meet me. "Has my brother called already?" I asked her at the same time released another arrow.

"Your brother called you when you were sleeping," she spoke carefully. She was afraid to tell me about my brother. I realized that our relationship did not work well recently, but I was glad that he still called me.

"Nana, I got extra money from mother," I looked at her again, "Could you send it to my brother?" She just nodded to my request.

Finished having some time in the training place, I went to visit my friend, as usual. Her mother was hospitalized for cancer. I knew the schedules of that middle-aged woman for her chemotherapy.

When her mother was having the therapy, I would always accompany her to wait. We would spend hours waiting with snacks, while talking a lot of things.

Her name was Emma, she was a very good woman. Like my brother, she would teach me a lot of things. She was cheerful so that it was easy for me to like her. For me, she was like a new energy injected to me so that I did not see the world in a bad way, so mean. She was like Zie for my life.

I was on time. I asked Nana to push my wheelchair faster when I saw her was looking at the empty wall in front of her with her empty eyes.

"Emma!," I called her from distant.

I saw she pushed a smile on her face. I understood what was bothering her mind. I showed her a big plastic bag with a label of our favorite food.

If only her loads could be shared, I would love to ask her share half to me.. Although I often wanted to give up taking mine, but anytime I saw her smile and how she told her story cheerfully, I felt I received kilos of tons energy to help carry half of hers.

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