Chapter 152: Dirty Deeds

Marta, Bryce's lead MIB, walked up to the coffee bar of The Drop of Oil and smiled pleasantly at the horror that approached.

"Hello again, Marta," Charlotte rumbled cheerfully, "Do you want another cappuccino, or would you like to try something different today?"

"Another cappuccino, pl… Wait… You recognize me?" Marta asked with alarmed surprise.

"Yes," Charlotte replied as she started making a cappuccino carefully calibrated to appeal to Marta's palate, "That is a nice trick of yours, though. Is it innate, a mutation, a learned skill, an enhancement, or some combination of them all?"

"I can't get into that," Marta replied, "do you recognize all of us?"

"You mean Bryce's friends?" Charlotte asked as she frothed the milk, "of course. What you all do is not dissimilar to a trick that a particularly nasty predator uses back home. Terrifyingly effective, but one learns how to detect it, or they don't. Many hatch, after all."

"So, it's one of the creatures that prey on your young?"

"Oh, you know about that," Charlotte rumble-purred as she presented a perfect cappuccino to Marta, "that greatly simplifies matters. Yes, the formless ones are a very dangerous threat to us at a certain stage. Fortunately, they are also very tasty for every stage that follows. I still love snacking on them."

"Seems you had an even worse childhood than I did," Marta smiled as she enjoyed her perfect cup.

"I would disagree," Charlotte replied as she tidied the bar, "I truly enjoyed every stage of my life thus far."

"But, if you are here on Terra," Marta said, "then you are not the typical Nope. In fact, wouldn't you be 'The Warlord of the Park'? Forgive me for not trying to pronounce which park. My mimicry has some limits." (Actually, it didn't. Marta could pronounce "[email protected]@@t Park" with ease.)

"You certainly have done your homework," Charlotte smiled, "I approve. Yes, that was the name the adults gave me at a certain point in my development. I was a notable figure on a certain park bench for a time."

Charlotte sighed nostalgically.

"I do hope you will keep that to yourself," Charlotte rumbled quietly, "My co-workers do not know that only Nopes of a certain stature have been cleared to explore the Republic. I would prefer it if everyone thought of me as just a normal gal."

"Keep my secrets and continue supplying me with cappuccinos and I will," Marta smiled. "Those in the know here already are aware that Bryce is associated with an unknown group, but it is not common knowledge. He is quite happy here, and we are quickly becoming quite used to this place as well. It would be a shame if we had to disappear."

"And we would stop enjoying the benefits of your continued presence. I will keep your secrets for the same reason the police do not pay for coffee. In fact, please enjoy your beverages on the house from now on."

"Thank you!" Marta said cheerfully, "But paying is not a problem and helps maintain our cover."

Marta relaxed at the bar and enjoyed her cappuccino.

"Since we are becoming more open with each other," Charlotte said quietly, "I can't help but notice that one of you always appears when Bryce departs. Is that why you are here?"

"Yep," Marta smiled, "Bryce is taking care of a little something today."

"Oh?" Charlotte asked, "Is the hunt afoot?"

"Something like that," Marta said with a wicked little smile.

***

"You have a problem?" a large human asked threateningly as he pushed his way into a seedy hotel room on another continent.

"I most certainly do!" a small greasy looking man squeaked angrily as he stood defiantly in front of the thug clad only in a pair of red silk boxers, "I was promised that she would cry, and she didn't even whimper!"

"Hey," the thug growled. "Not my fault if you didn't hit her hard enough!"

"And I was also promised that she would be young!" the wimpy little pervert whined as he gestured at the young woman sitting miserably on the bed. "Look at her!"

"What's wrong with her," the thug growled, "She's plenty young."

"You know what I mean!" the pathetic little man snapped.

"If you wanted a kid, then you should have said so," the thug replied. "Now pay up."

"I most certainly will not!" the little creep squeaked, "This was not the experience I was promised!"

The pimp sighed and started to pull a pain rod out of his waistband.

Before the rod was fully drawn, the impossibly frail creepy little man's right leg turned into a blur, kicking the thug in the crotch with a sickening wet thud.

Before he could even double over, the evil-looking fiend rapidly drew back his leg and shot it out once more at a forty-five-degree angle, shattering his victim's knee. Next, his left arm shot out in a blur, cleanly snapping the bridge of the thug's nose before flicking downward and shattering his clavicle.

The thug, not quite knowing which part of himself to clutch in agony, fell.

Looming over him, a terrifying wolf-like beast smiled, revealing needle-sharp teeth.

Bryce turned to the young woman with him in the room, who was still sitting perfectly motionless exactly where he had told her to.

"There are several Zip Cabs waiting outside," he said pleasantly, "get into one."

"W-what about my friends?" she asked in a small, frightened voice.

Bryce smiled a terrifying smile as screams could be heard filling the hotel.

"They will all be joining you shortly," he replied. "Now, if you will excuse me, I need to have a little word with this hotel's management concerning their clientele."

The young woman flinched as she heard terrified pleading echo down the hallway that rapidly fell silent.

"Y-yes, sir."

After she ran from the room, Bryce pulled out his phone.

"Hayden pharmaceuticals," a pleasant woman's voice answered.

"We've secured the hotel," he said calmly, "All targets subdued as per instructions."

"Excellent!" the voice answered, "Put them in the Zip Vans."

"You don't want me to question them?" Bryce asked. "This is clearly well organized. There could be other sites."

"Extracting intel will be the first priority upon their arrival," the voice purred. "You will be informed if any additional targets present themselves. For now, you have accomplished all objectives. Go home and relax. You have performed excellently."

"Hardly a compliment considering the targets," Bryce smiled, "I do have a question, though. This is a bit of a departure from our usual work. Why are we being assigned this sort of task?"

"Are you dissatisfied?"

"Far from it," Bryce smiled, "I just want to know why."

"Well," the voice purred, "a new project is underway, and some fresh subjects were needed. Because of recent events, we are no longer drawing from the prison system. There is far too much scrutiny for that to be practical. Another source of test material is required, and these individuals fit the profile perfectly. They are the sorts who disappear all the time, either by their own efforts or because they fall victim to other gangs. In short, they will not be missed."

"I see," Bryce replied calmly, "It certainly did not take long, did it?"

"You expected otherwise?"

"I suppose not," he shrugged. "Is this going to be the sort of thing we will be doing from now on?"

"There will certainly be more of these acquisitions," the voice replied, "They will all be carefully investigated and vetted even more carefully than 'volunteers' were before. Those we take will certainly be appropriate. I can give you my word on that."

"Hmm," Bryce replied.

"Bryce," the voice said gently, "may I remind you of your current status? You are not only allowed but encouraged to object and provide any input you see fit. If you have a problem with this…."

"Oh no," Bryce smiled, "I have absolutely no problem with taking these shitheads. In fact, this is the cleanest thing I've done in quite some time. I was just curious, that's all."

"I am so pleased to hear that, darling!" the voice said with seemingly genuine pleasure.

"So, do you want the hotel staff as well?" Bryce asked idly, "We have four individuals who were complicit and know far too much to be allowed to remain. They will be part of our sanitization procedures, anyway."

"We can accommodate another four 'volunteers'," the voice replied.

"I also suggest careful interrogation of them as well, especially the manager. He may know of more individuals or groups that would meet our parameters."

"That is a splendid suggestion!" the voice replied, "Thank you."

"If I may," Bryce said as he dressed, "how many 'volunteers' do we require? If we are going to utilize appropriate segments of the population directly, we can easily fill any quota."

"I think this will be enough to get started," the pleasant voice said thoughtfully, "However, you make a valuable point. We do not have to be as careful with our volunteers as we once were. In fact, more turnover may be beneficial both to our research and to society as a whole."

"My thoughts exactly," Bryce replied with a wicked smile. "Shall we start identifying candidates?"

"No," the voice purred, "That will be handled on our end. Just fully sanitize this location and withdraw. I am certain you will be contacted again very soon."

"For once," Bryce smiled, "I am looking forward to it."

"As am I," the voice purred.

***

Uhrrbet smiled peacefully as she sewed. The neon yellow jumpsuit for an eight-limbed xeno was coming along wonderfully.

She looked at the clock on the wall, and her smile faded. It was almost time for another call with that goddamned Vikkart.

Ugh…

Creators, she hated that little shit. She thought she had hated him before, but now that she had gotten to really know him…

...now she truly despised him. She loathed him so much that she was beginning to dread these very profitable little shakedowns.

There simply had to be a better way.

The door opened with a little chiming noise, rescuing her from her hatred.

She looked up to see a rather awkward xeno standing there, twisting all of their hands nervously.

"Welcome to A Galaxy of Fashion!" Uhrrbet said with genuine pride.

It might be a front, but it was her front, and she was very proud of the clothing she provided the xeno community (and the occasional Terran).

"May I assist you today?" she said with a Garthran bob.

"Erh… Yes… Erh…" the tall, gangly mass of limbs said in broken Terran, "I… I was wondering… Erh…"

"Yes?" Uhrrbet replied, keeping her merchant's smile firmly in place even though it took a little effort. This was clearly NOT a customer.

"Erh…" the xeno stammered, "Would… would you be… Erh… Would you be interested in purchasing me?"

"Purchase you?" Uhrrbet asked, her fuzzy little eyebrow raising dubiously.

"Erh… Yes!" it said hopefully, "I am a very good worker and will work very hard for you! I have fallen upon… Erh… difficulties… and I fear that I have nothing left to sell but myself…."

"You want a job?"

"You can use me for anything you like," the xeno said with a bit more confidence. This was the first master that hadn't simply ejected them from their house of business. "I can work for many hours at a stretch and eat very little! I only require the smallest of boxes in which to sleep."

Uhrrbet sighed, and her merchant's smile was replaced by something a bit more gentle and genuine.

"Not that long ago, I entered another's place of business and offered myself much the same as you are doing now," she said. "And I shall now ask you the same question she asked me."

"Ask me anything, Master!" the xeno exclaimed hopefully.

"Have you eaten today?" Uhrrbet inquired with a smile.

***

The xeno shoved one rice bun after another into their weird face, scarcely taking time to chew.

"Thank you, Master!" the xeno exclaimed between gulps. "I shall serve you faithfully!"

"Slow down, there," Uhrrbet laughed as an alarm chimed on her phone, informing her that it was time for her call with her victim.

She silenced it with an exasperated snort.

"I haven't agreed to be your master," Uhrrbet smiled, "I'm just taking you out for something to eat… and I was in the mood for a few of these myself."

The xeno gurgled with alarm.

"You…Erh… you haven't?" it asked with a pathetic voice. "But… I have no way to repay you for the food…."

"You do not have to repay me," Uhrrbet replied, "for I am repaying another."

"Master?"

She nibbled at her bun.

"When I arrived here on Terra," she said, "I was facing 'difficulties' as well, and my child and I often went hungry. During those dark times, many people opened their hearts, fed, and even sheltered us. When I asked how I was to repay them, one kind person told me of the human custom of 'paying it forward'. They said that one day I may be in a better position and might encounter someone in need. I could repay them by extending that person the same assistance that I received."

Uhrrbet smiled and reached out, touching one of the xeno's hands.

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"That is what I am doing now. I am repaying that kindness with this one. You owe nothing. Perhaps one day you will be where I am now, and someone will come to you. You can repay me then."

The xeno looked at her, completely astonished. That was the most… beautiful… thing they had ever heard.

"P-pay it forward?"

"Yes," Uhrrbet smiled, "Now, eat your fill. While you do so, I shall explain how employment works here on Terra."

She smiled.

"I cannot buy you, nor do I want to," she said, "However, I do need a hand around the place and am willing to give you the opportunity to support yourself."

"…So, I cannot enter a household as a slave?" the xeno asked wide-eyed.

"Not here," Uhrrbet replied, "Slavery is illegal."

"But… how will I live?" it asked. "How can I exist without the protection of a master?"

"You're going to have to figure that one out for yourself," Uhrrbet replied, "I'm willing to give you a job that will pay the legal minimum wage… to start… as well as provide you one solid meal a day for free. I will also help you find lodging and get you properly registered with the Republic. You can stay with me until we get you your own place."

"You would do all of that… for me?"

"Just paying it forward," she smiled, "others did the same for me when I was lost and alone. Now, I do the same for you."

"Thank you, Master!" the xeno wailed, falling to its many knees before her, "Thank you so much! I will serve you with everything that I have!"

Uhrrbet sighed and smiled a little.

This was going to be nothing but a hassle. She could see it already. Still, it made her happy inside to be able to help someone the way she was once helped.

It was what life was all about.

***

A few hours later, Uhrrbet stalked out of her back office. She had spent far too long talking Vikkart down after "his angel" had missed her scheduled call.

His devotion enraged her. How could he be so caring to that bit of holographic fiction when he had treated her so horribly?

Was it just because "Maaatisha" was pretty? Was that it?

She was pretty, too!... At least she was back then before… before everything happened to her.

She snarled as the fur on her back tried to stand on end under her elegantly tasteful dress.

How dare he pretend to be so kind, so loving?

She hissed quietly.

I am going to destroy him, she thought to herself.

She stomped back into the shop, choking on her own bile.

"Master!" the xeno cried out happily.

"What!" Uhrrbet snapped, causing the xeno to flinch as if he had been struck. "Sorry, Nama," she sighed, "I am angry at another, not you. Forgive me."

"Master need not apologize to lowly Nama," he replied, "Nama is just grateful that he did not cause Master displeasure. If it pleases Master, they can relieve themselves upon lowly Nama."

Uhrrbet giggled, her rage dispelled.

"Nama," she sighed, "I will most certainly NOT be relieving myself upon you!"

"Master can if it pleases her. Nama does not mind!"

Uhrrbet started giggling again.

"Master is not into that sort of thing," Uhrrbet giggled, "We shall now have our first lesson concerning Terran sayings and phrases…."

"…Nama would prefer it if Master did not relieve herself upon lowly Nama…" he said a few moments later, causing Uhrrbet to burst out in giggles again.

***

Later that evening, after Nama was introduced to her roommates, Uhrrbet slipped out of the apartment.

She looked at the door with a fond sigh.

Nama wasn't the only one whose time there was temporary. Uhrrbet knew that she needed to move out.

She just didn't want to.

Her new "family" was precious to her, but she couldn't stay. It was becoming difficult to conceal things from them, things like her inexplicable good fortune.

Maybe Nama could take her place there…

She winced.

That thought was unexpectedly painful.

Shrugging, she slipped into the darkness of the city below.

"Good evening, Uhrrbet!" the cab exclaimed as she crawled inside.

"Hi, Zip," she smiled. "Take me to my shop, please."

"Burning the midnight oil?" Zip asked as he drove off.

"The joys of self-employment, I'm afraid," Uhrrbet smiled wearily, "Always something to do."

"Tell me about it," Zip laughed as he carried her to her destination, "but the freedom, the true freedom, one gains makes it all worthwhile."

"You know what," Uhrrbet smiled, "it does, doesn't it?"

***

Uhrrbet hunched over her monitor with a glass of tea and a small container of convenience store sushi as she pulled up "Maaatisha" and started to work on a new outfit that Vikkart had so lovingly purchased for her.

She snarled at “Maaatisha”.

"I hate you, too, you know," she muttered.

There simply had to be a better way to do this.

She paused, leaned back in her chair, and winced as her gauss slug thrower dug into her back.

She pulled it out and set it on the desk.

"Hmm…" she said as she looked at it.

She pulled out her phone and opened up an encrypted contact list…

***

"Heyddere!" a wizened little face with huge eyes exclaimed as it greeted her. "Long tyme know c!"

"Greetings, Colonel," she replied as she inclined her head gracefully.

"U haf moar Harkeen fer uz?" the strange being on the phone asked with anticipation, "Dey iz getting hard ta fynd."

"Sadly, I do not," Uhrrbet replied with a very posh tone that she normally no longer used, "I am calling concerning another matter."

"O?" the old chuckie asked, "Wat U kallin 'bout?"

"I wish to seek your advice concerning a certain enterprise that I am undertaking," Uhrrbet smiled.

"U doin' a kaper?"

"Quite so," she said with an elegant sneer, "and I seek to hopefully conduct some business concerning said 'kaper',"

The chuckie laughed.

"U R so funni!" it laughed. “U need a hit dun, sumwun fragged?”

"Not at this time," Uhrrbet smiled, "My needs are more technical in nature."

"O?"

"I am using that delightful software I acquired from our last interaction to fashion a simulacrum that I am using to interact heavily with someone you would refer to as a 'mark'. I am using said simulacrum to play with his affections and entice him to open up his coffers."

"U katfyshin!" the chuckie laughed. "I kant c U cyberin!"

"You would be quite surprised, then," Uhrrbet smirked as the chuckie burst into laughter for an annoyingly long time.

"U cyberin a symp! O dat is funni!"

"A very well-heeled simp that can reach even more assets," Uhrrbet replied, not bothering to conceal her irritation much to the chuckie's delight.

"Sorri… sorri…" the chuckie said as he finally recovered. "So wat u want frum uz?"

"I'm using the simulacrum software I purchased along with other applications to create a virtual entity that my target has fallen in love with," Uhrrbet said, "However, it has worked entirely too well. The fool is smitten and is driving me to the very river's edge! I've taken the fool for a small fortune, but it is becoming simply intolerable!"

She leaned forward intently.

"I know you have access to tech that is hard to acquire here on Terra," she said, "Is there some way I could automate this process? I understand that there are certain AI packages that can simulate personalities. Do you think one could be used to, pardon my crudity, 'handle the grunt work', so to speak?"

This triggered another bout of laughter.

"U want a katphishah!" he exclaimed. "Yeh! Dose exis! Dey illeggal as fuk, doh.”

"But they are obtainable?"

"Yeh! If'n U no wher ta look," the chuckie replied, "Wych I du."

"Excellent!" Uhrrbet exclaimed, "how much would the best of these 'catfishers' and the custom configuration to suit this one target run me?"

"If'n U wan da byest den U wan a Lylyth," the chuckie replied, "Lylyth iz the best of da katphishahs. U will fall iyn luv wit it, I guarwhuntee!"

"Then that's the one I require!" Uhrrbet exclaimed. "Do you have one of these Lylyths?"

"Nah," the chuckie replied, "Buy I no wher U kan git whun."

"Colonel," Uhrrbet smiled, "I am all ears."

The old chuckie looked at her appraisingly.

"So, U do kapers?"

"From time to time," Uhrrbet replied with a vicious little smile.

"An U do bizznes?"

"That is correct."

"U do bizznes fer uz?"

"I could," Uhrrbet replied, "Do you require a representative on Terra?"

"Yeh!" the old chuckie exclaimed, "When wi kame down ta Terra fer da Harkeen wi found out dat da gui wi wuz dealin wit was screwin' uz bad. Wi need noo gui. U have respekt and U smart. U wan our biz?"

"I would be happy to expand my services," Uhrrbet replied, "What will you require?"

"We need sum suppliez and somewhun ta move monies around fer uz."

"And you have access to certain items that I will require from time to time," Uhrrbet smiled, "I think we could form a very successful association, Colonel."

"Mi, two," the chuckie grinned. “I send u a link to da darkwebz. Dey will sell U a Lylyth."

"Wonderful," Uhrrbet replied, "I look forward to a long and profitable association, Colonel."

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