Chapter 126: Chapter 112

Mary`s bed had considerably improved since the last time I laid on it. It was so incredibly soft that I barely managed to stay awake after I got resurrected. I was quite thirsty, but not enough to drive me insane. Sheepishly, I turned over to my side and opened my eyes slightly. Mary slept beside me, equally laying on her side and faced me with tightly shut eyes. I spent a few minutes admiring the peacefulness of her face until I threw my own blanket away and crept closer to her. I felt her breath on my face as I slipped beneath her warm blanket and placed my cheek into her palm which laid on the mattress. Mary moved a bit as I did so, but stayed asleep otherwise.

After a few minutes, I turned around, pressed myself even closer to her and placed her other hand onto my belly. Feeling the warmth she emitted, hearing her heartbeat and most importantly, feeling her skin on mine was a truly heavenly feeling. It gave me a sense of belonging and brought peace to my muddled mind. Like this, we spent several hours in the night, peacefully and comfortably.

From time to time, she moved in her sleep and hugged me tighter with her right arm. Spending the night in a comfortable bed, hugged by a person I liked, was what I always wanted. It was a blissful night, without any interruptions whatsoever, no murders, no pain, no mysteries. And I didn’t regret spending the night like this for one second. Even as the sun began to rise, I only closed my eyes and snuggled up closer to Mary, which may have been the reason for her, waking up.

“You are alive …” She said as if she couldn’t believe it. On the flip side though, this meant she thought she slept with a corpse with was quite concerning. “You are alive!” She repeated, this time with more vigour and a lot more happiness in her voice.

“Aye! I told you I´m immortal.” I answered happily until she dragged her hand out from underneath my cheek and snipped my head lightly.

“Never, never ever do that again.” She said in a sad voice.

“Uhm … why?” I asked, not understanding her problem at all.

“Do you know how concerned about you?” She was? I explicitly told her how she could revive me though…

“You were worried about me?” I was incredibly happy at this moment, although I failed to understand the reasoning behind the change in my emotions.

“… and I still am. Whatever reason you had for this, it is not enough to commit suicide.” Her words were heart-warming, more so than just snuggling up to her.

“It probably wasn’t. But-“ I tried to justify my actions, although I found the task damn hard myself. I didn’t gain much from Aska, although I saw another world.

“No ‘but’. Don’t you see how you ruin yourself?”

“Mum, it´s just my body. It is a tool I use for everything every day.” I answered without any emotions and simply shrugged.

“Is it? Without it, you wouldn’t be able to feel this.” Her hand on my belly pushed against me slightly as she robbed even closer to me. Her legs were touching mine, my back was touching her through our clothes and I squirmed happily in her embrace, at least until the first tears hit my face.

“Mum, are you alright?” I asked concerned.

“You have done it … you crept into my heart against all the odds. I forgive you for murdering everyone at the orphanage; you had no choice, just like I didn’t.” Her thoughts were drifting in a very dangerous direction in my opinion, so I swiftly turned around and looked into her teary eyes. She tried to justify going to war by simply claiming she had no choice … which would break her at some point.

“We always have a choice. Claiming otherwise would make us passive. We would watch the world burn instead of influencing it in the right direction. We would be nothing but hypocrites to do horrible things and blame it on the circumstances. You had the option to surrender and become their puppet, but you didn’t. Because you had the opinion that it would make everything worse and thus, you sent your men to die for you. And honestly? What is wrong with striving for a better world in which everyone can live peacefully?” Her tears stopped to flow after a few more seconds of sobbing in which I could do nothing but listen. I hoped I told her the right thing as I was still struggling to understand her emotions.

“And what do you strive for? How do you justify your actions?” It seems I did, but her question was quite hard to answer.

“I just want to find my own peace … a place I can call home, a family who welcomes me with open arms, a few friends … a god who doesn´t act like I do … and a world that doesn’t hate me for what I am ... and some fun while I´m at it.” A very distinct kind of fun, but fun nonetheless. I didn’t elaborate this fun further as she knew exactly what I was implying.

“This is …” She didn’t sound angry at all.

“Surprising?”

“Positively though. Did you ever murder without reason?” She asked, feeling a bit better.

“Whenever I lose control of myself, I do. This is pretty rare though, but … I would probably kill for a walnut, so don´t think I´m a saint.” I said and turned my face away from her. This was probably the part she would never like about me, not that I wanted to change that.

“A saint? You?” She asked. Weakly, I fled from her embrace and stood up, this time without tipping over the edge.

“Oh darkness, may thee beest did banish from the visage of this planet! may the lighteth pi'rce through thy mis'ry and returneth loveth, compassion and honesty to this lodging!” I opened my arms wide and laughed happily after my little act. Even Mary laughed quite a bit, so it was already perfect for me to have used my superb acting skills this way.

“Okay, that was good. What else can you do?” I placed my index finger on my lips and thought for a second before I simply smiled.

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“I´m not good at acting, this was the most I could do.” Mary clapped at my performance that basically left no room for doubt. “I`m just a noble girl, doing whatever I wish for because the peasants have to do whatever I order them to.”

“Wow, now we are getting a bit too close to reality, don’t you think?” She claimed and stood up slowly. The heavy atmosphere from a few seconds earlier vanished completely and was replaced by a playful one.

“And I want a hug, right now.” I said and happily opened my arms again. I expected her to hug me, or even pull me back onto the bed, but I didn’t foresee how she placed her hands onto my sides and started to tickle me.

“Uh?” I started to giggle and squirmed away from her. I was quite surprised how I was unable to control myself as I was never ticklish before, but nobody tested it out during the day yet. I was simply overwhelmed by the stimulation of my nerves and nearly fell down as I walked over the edge of the bed.

“You are getting nowhere.” Mary said as she grabbed me, turned me around and pushed me down on the bed again.

“Mercy! Have mercy!” I screamed a second before she held me down and continued to tickle me senseless. She didn’t let go of me, not even as I slapped the mattress three times, nor as I tried to squirm away from her.

“Only if you promise you will not commit suicide in the future.” She stopped to attack me and allowed me to catch my breath. I calmed down quite quickly and thought about it objectively.

“No~” I said and was directly attacked once more. Even worse, she turned around and started to tickle my feet which was a hundred times worse. It only took a few minutes for me to accept my defeat as she figured out where I was sensitive.

“Stop! I promise! I will not kill myself again.” I was out of breath as she let go of me, completely unusual for me. But still, I needed to breathe to laugh and I have done that quite a bit.

“Finally…” She slumped down beside me and placed her palm on my cheek shortly afterwards. “Did you have fun?”

“Hm. Hm.” I nodded happily. I really did have fun. I doubted I would ever have this fun with someone else, most importantly because it was her who tickled me. With a few exceptions, I wouldn’t present myself so vulnerable, so idiotic, but this didn’t feel like an issue with her. I crept closer to her once again and she pulled me into a tight embrace. My head rested comfortably on her chest; the up and down caused by her calm breathing were incredibly soothing. I nearly started to nap as she patted my head.

“Is this really you?” She asked in a low voice.

Was this really me? Did I really enjoy fooling around with her like a child this much? Yes, I did have fun, but my fingernails curled up as I imagined how Aska was looking at us right now. I would definitely never act like this with him around or anyone else who didn´t change my emotional state so drastically like Mary, Luna or other kids could. The seed of life was probably a lie, but the effects were still very real.

“It´s me. But only if you are around.”  I concluded.

“And you don’t mind acting like a kid then?” She asked and I started to feel my blood boil again.

“I am …” I breathed out unhappily as I couldn’t deny that I indeed acted quite childishly. She resumed my sentence before I could.

“… not a child, I know. But you still enjoyed being treated like one.” There was a truth to her words I couldn’t deny. I had fun, no, I was still having fun in her embrace, but I couldn’t find any logical reason for it. If it wasn’t the seed of life which she shouldn’t have in the first place, what made her so special?

“Maybe I´m trying to make up my missed childhood? Maybe I want to know how it is to be a normal child? Maybe … I don’t know what´s wrong with me.”

“It´s not wrong to let go sometimes. You are under way too much pressure and it is not getting less. And so far, you didn’t have a place where you can simply relax, where nobody is judging you or expecting anything from you. I hope I can be that place.” She said in a calm voice.

“Thank you … mum.” I said and felt how a smile crept onto my face.

“You are welcome … honey.”

We laid there for a few minutes, relaxed and comfortable with each other until I interrupted the silence again.

“Sorry for the carpet.” I said, remembering all the blood I spilt.

“Oh, don´t worry, I still had a bit of stain remover flying around since … you know.” That surely came in handy.

 

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