Chapter 444: Chapter 2.163

Putting my foot against the scales of the dragon turned to mush, I pressed against it a little to no avail. That thing wasn’t moving an inch.

“Milady … I never thought you would be capable of taking on a dragon alone.” The representative of the adventurers, a bully guy called Odin said while bowing deeply.

“I’m full of surprises … tell me good news.” I mumbled, waving an unhurt Luna and Hannah over to me.

“The good news is that all the demons have been dealt with.” Well, that much was obvious considering we were basically standing on a field full of corpses and burnt tents.

“Where is the constable?” I asked, massaging my aching head and looking around.

“He should be coming in a minute.” Hannah answered and looked back to the castle. Having decided to wait a little longer, I strolled around the dragon once and admired its size. And then, I quietly put the damaged souls of the three dragon back into their corpses and turned them into undead. I didn’t know for sure what would happen to their bodies, so I ordered them to stay still and quiet right away, no matter what would happen to them.

And afterwards, we were finally five people and could start our conversation.

“The military is angry at us for ‘luring the dragons here’ and wants us to be gone sooner than later.” How much I hated this petty squabbling from the army. Not even once were they grateful we were there as the dragons attacked.

“Great. We are packing tomorrow morning.” I mumbled, worried about our burnt stuff, but not too much as the thousand men strong supply corpse was hot on our heels.

“We lost around forty men, which is around eight percent of us and we aren’t even behind enemy lines. Are you sure this is doable?” It had to be. No matter how much we would lose, we still had to go on. But the losses made my head ache as well. We couldn’t carry on like this forever, that was for sure.

“If I may add to this. We are already squabbling amongst ourselves. The so called heroes you selected are nothing more than teenagers, powerful, but still childish. I wouldn’t bet my life on them and the other adventurers aren’t doing so either. Even you have apparently given up on them, considering they aren’t here to discuss how we proceed.” Well, that was because I let them do as they pleased from this point onwards. If they died later on, it wouldn’t be my issue this way.

“Luna?” I asked hopeful to hear something nice for once in a while.

“I … I follow you wherever you go.” She said, smiling a little helplessly.

“Hannah?” I asked straight away.

“We … we have the strongest men in this army who are willing to do whatever it takes to defeats the demons. It’s not getting better with time, that’s for sure.” The demons knew we were coming, that much was obvious, but it was also true that this was the best army I could recruit.

“That’s exactly what I was thinking as well …” I admitted quietly and sat down on the dragon, brooding over the issues at hand.

“We never fought dragons before … and I don’t want to imagine what lays behind that river. My saint, I have to ask you to think about it once more.” Odin added swiftly, but wasn’t able to change my decision.

“My decision is final.” I would go, no matter what. And if I would have to go into this cursed forest behind that river alone, I would still go. I couldn’t afford to lose after all. “I know you adventurers are rather free spirited, so I want you to ask everyone if they still want to carry on. They won’t have a chance to turn back after tomorrow.”

“… okay.” He said, bowed a bit disgruntled and left right away. I knew for sure he would follow me, but it could happen that we would lose a few more adventurers right away.

“Have you learned anything, Luna?” I asked, slightly hopeful she could discern the strategy the demons were using against us.

“I don’t know … I can only hope my magic makes sense of what I saw.” She answered, but didn’t try it out right away as she was probably very low on mana.

“Lucinda … we are already struggling against the demons and if I think about the supply corps …” Yeah … they wouldn’t survive such a thing.

“Yeah, I know …” They would be ambushed the day they entered demon territory. I had hoped we could supply ourselves at least halfway to the demon king, but apparently that was nothing but a pipe dream.

“Constable? Tell the others we’ll rest here for a day. The military will be less than pleased, but they have no other choice anyways.” I commanded dryly.

“As you wish.” He mumbled, bowed a little and turned his back to me as well. “And ask him for two horses! We are going on a short trip tomorrow!”

As a reply, he only waved with the back of his hand turned towards me.

“Where are you going?” Luna asked a bit worried about me and blinked rapidly in confusion. I was the leader of this army and therefore, I should stick with it, but I also had personal issues I had to deal with. And maybe, I could solve one of these with this trip.

“It’s a secret …” I admitted and smiled brightly. Standing up from the dragon, I hugged her tightly and caressed her cheek before letting go of her again. “Goodnight my dear.” I said and smiled brightly while feeling how my chest felt a lot warmer than before.

“Oh … okay. Goodnight …” She definitely didn’t know if I still had something to do that night or just wanted her to go to bed because it was already late, but she did follow my wish nonetheless. Smiling a little, she also waved on her way back to the castle where she would search for a place to sleep.

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“What are you planning?” Hannah asked, eyeing me rather suspiciously.

“What do you mean?” Was I planning anything? Not really … well, I did think about how I could make Luna like murdering people, but that was just a little plan, wasn’t it?

“You looked at her as if you wanted to lock her into a room and have her all for yourself.” Hannah said, squinting her eyes dangerously close and stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the castle.

“That would be kind of nice, wouldn’t it?” I asked, drool running down from the edge of my mouth.

“Oh no … what happened?” She asked while I wiped the drool away with my arm.

“My butler was killed by his sister.” I explained nonchalantly.

“That’s odd.” She said, and went on her knees to stare into my eyes.

“After I have ordered them to murder each other. But they didn’t do so, and Sebastian chose to do everything to save his sister. I was feeding him my blood as she killed him. Can you imagine that? She didn’t want him to turn into a vampire because she loved him so much! Just because I’m a little weird did she end his life to spare him from becoming like me.” I explained, gulping down all the saliva gathering in my mouth rapidly.

“You … I’m honestly speechless. What did you even want to achieve by that?” Hannah asked straight away, holding my shoulder with one hand.

“I want a family. Someone who loves me unconditionally … and I thought … I thought I would learn more about families when I put them in an extreme situation. And it worked … I only have to make Luna like me and we can-“ The slap on my cheek was way harder than necessary and made me giggle a little while rubbing my skin. I didn’t resist it though, mostly because I actually wanted to feel the pain.

“Lucinda, that’s not how it works. You told me yourself Aska and you have the same personality. You love him because of your narcissism, but you also despise him for having the same traits you have. Do you think that would be different when you turn Luna into a second version of yourself?” Hannah asked and bought up a fair point. I hated him, despite all my love … but Luna would be different.

“But she would be my family!” I exclaimed happily and looked towards the starry night sky, at least until Hannah forced me to look down again.

“And Askatesh isn’t? You cannot change reality! He is your father! It doesn’t matter how often you two have sex, it doesn’t matter you wish he would take your hand and marry you! He is already your family and you hate it!” She exclaimed hammering her knowledge about me into my brain with a sledgehammer.

“Stop …” I mumbled, taken aback by her outburst.

“I don’t know why you seek to have a family, but I can tell you right now that whatever you try will be a sham. You had the option of seeing Albert as your son – you didn’t want to. You could have returned back to the White’s family and had Luna as your sister, but you didn’t want to either because you wanted more. You wanted them to accept every depraved part of you which will never happen.” She started angrily and grabbed my arms as I wanted to squirm away from me.

“Stop … please.” I muttered, feeling strangely weak all of a sudden and thus unable to escape her grasp.

“No. You cannot create a family out of thin air. Never. No sane human will accept all your quirks and you cannot see those who do as your family. It’s just not working. And besides, your concept of a family is fucked up as well. You cannot turn others into your family. A family consists of a man, a woman and their children. And this place here, is pretty dead, isn’t it? I don’t know how often you tried to conceive a child already, but isn’t it time to give up on that?” I had never told her that last part, but apparently she must have found out from someone.

“Why … why are you so against this. It’s my dream … to …” I muttered, holding my head as searing pain shot through it.

“I know Lucinda. But it’s hurting you. It’s tearing you apart and you don’t even realise it. And now you want to twist the person you love because she isn’t like you, because you don’t have to worry about her betrayal and because she would do everything for you. She’s your best friend and you consider ruining that for nothing?” I did not want to ruin what I had. I wanted to build upon that relationship I had with Luna and improve it until it was what I always dreamt of. Not even once did I think about Luna’s dreams and that came haunting me this very moment.

“I … I don’t know what’s wrong with me …” I cried out, hitting my head with my fist until Hannah stopped me and placed her forehead on mine. “I … I don’t want to hurt her but … I …” I wanted her as my family. Period. But doing so would strip Luna of everything I liked about her.

“I cannot look inside your head and truth to be told, I also don’t want to. But I know for sure that you crave what you cannot have. You desire life, and yet everything you turn everything in your hands to dust.” Hannah said soothingly and patted my back a little.

“Am I weird for wishing to have a real family?” I asked, my chin over her shoulder and tears escaping my eyes.

“No … no you are not. But there is no way to achieve that dream, and yet you try which hurts you. And I don’t want to see that.” She said sternly and finally let go of me.

“… thank you.” I answered, looking towards the ground ashamed and weirded out by myself. “But I won’t give up on my dream.” I answered and looked into her eyes. “I … I give up on forcing others to become part of my family … but I still want to feel life in my own arms.” I explained, my thoughts already racing again. I desired this. It was so deeply engrained into my very core that I just couldn’t forget it. From the beginning of my existence, I always wanted to feel life instinctively. I haven’t gotten closer to that goal at all, but it still added to my wish of having a family. I wanted to make life.

“That’s fine … can I be the aunt?” Hannah asked and smiled gently, not really bothering to deny my words because she didn’t believe I would be capable of doing so. Heck, even I didn’t believe in it. My whole soul consisted of death and death alone. It was flooding through my whole body constantly fighting against any life within me.

“I would be glad to have you.” I still answered and hugged her tightly.

 

 

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