Chapter 505: Chapter 2.226

“Lucy the pirate with her trusted aides~

Happy about her previous raids~

Hannah the swordswoman and …” Come to think of, did I ask my beggar for his name yet? I certainly couldn’t remember doing so. “… and the shovel guy, walking through the streets~” Indeed we were strolling through the streets devoid of many pedestrians.

“Shovel guy?” The beggar asked a bit bewildered. Considering his career so far, he should be happy with being promoted from random guy to shovel guy … but I wasn’t dead set on calling him this way.

“Would you prefer axe guy? But pirates use shovels …” They searched for treasure. And obviously, you search for gold with a shovel and not an axe!

“If you are making a song about us, I’d rather have my real name in it.” Eh? Since when was it acceptable for beggars to complain?

“If you insist … and bob the shovel guy, walking through the streets~” Truthfully, I had expected him to look rather angrily at me, but he didn’t do so. Instead, I was once again met with his bewildered gaze.

“You have to excuse her. Calling new people by that name is a running gag of some sorts.” Hannah told him while looking at me strangely. For sure, I was still playing to role of the saint and shouldn’t be mean to others … but I just couldn’t help myself.

“I don’t think my name is funny though.” He told us abashed. Both Hannah and I stopped at the same time, looked towards the guy in disbelief. I had found him. I had found the mystical bob! Never in my life had I seen one … except him. He was the singularity, the person who shouldn’t exist but did. A wonder.

“Ehm … Hannah, code red.” The atmosphere shifted ever so slightly. She gripped the chest in her hands tighter, looked towards the beggar and then towards the tavern in the distance.

“Code red?” She asked just to be sure.

“Code red.” I confirmed quietly and rushed towards the tavern along with her.

“What does that mean?” Bob asked loudly and honestly more confused than I could have imagined.

“Code is a synonym for cypher and red is a colour!” I shouted back a little giggly while Hannah rushed past a waiting carriage through the door into the tavern.

“Code red!” I screamed into the room where two vampires slept on tables dripping with alcohol.

“Oh my god it’s happening! Everybody stay calm.” Hannah shouted as well and rushed behind the counter to hide the chest underneath a bit of fabric.

“What’s the procedure everyone? What’s the procedure?” Clara asked groggily and rubbed her eyes. Even though the curtains were completely closed, the twins still had troubles staying awake.

“Stay fucking calm!” I shouted at her, rushed towards the stairs and sowed even more confusion in that tavern with my actions. So far, code red had gone perfect. We had gotten the beggar to forget about the chest, hurried up and woke up the twins without them being too interested in the chest itself.

“I am calm …” Clarice was so calm in fact that she didn’t even lift up her head from the table.

“Great, and now cover yourself with this.” Hannah threw rather thick blankets over to the twins which honestly told them more than they needed.

“No … nonono.” Clara mumbled nervously.

“It’s code red!” Finally, both of them gave up on their little resistance, laid down on the ground and let themselves be wrapped thick blankets.

“And what does it mean?” Bob asked once again while I grabbed Clara’s feet and stared at him.

“It means we need to carry two vampires who suspiciously look like corpses into the carriage waiting for us.”

“That’s oddly specific.” He commented while finally lifting up Clara with me.

“You haven’t heard of code green yet.” I smirked happily and together with the beggar, I got the twins into the carriage under sunshine. “Stay with them for a little while.” I told the beggar and strolled back into the tavern to find Hannah right next to the owner of the tavern who apparently had drunken a tad too much.

“How were they?” I asked him a bit hopeful. I mean, there weren’t any dead around so maybe they actually managed to behave?

“Let me put it this way …” He groaned a little before he managed to continue. “… without free beer not even all the actors I had to hire would have stayed. These twins were always talking about how badly they wanted to murder everyone.” The tavern owner told us quietly. Naturally, it was out of the question for me to let them do whatever they wanted without taking any precautions which did turn out to be the right call. Thankfully I had Hannah with enough connections into the underground to organise everything. Clicking my tongue a bit annoyed I turned around swiftly while grabbing a bottle of wine from the shelves.

“Make sure they keep their mouths shut.” And with that, I went out of the small room with Hannah who then retrieved the chest and bought it into the carriage. Afterwards, I climbed into it as well and gave the beggar a bright smile.

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“Want some?” I showed him the bottle I got and got rid of the cork with my right canine.

“No thanks.” He looked at the bottle a little longingly but still refused even though I wanted to get him a little drunk.

“Oh, come on. It’s just a bit of wine.” I told him and took the first mouthful directly from the bottle.

“… I made bad experiences with alcohol.” He explained meekly which was just such a pitiful excuse that I nearly laughed. I mean, I also made very bad decisions under the influence of alcohol, but so what?

“So did I?” I thus asked and brought the bottle closer to him.

“I think he meant alcohol is the source of his problems.” Hannah whispered into my ear while grabbing the bottle.

“Oh. Ohh.” I said as Hannah threw the alcohol out of the window. Drinking in front of someone who had serious problems with alcoholism in the past wouldn’t look good after all.

“Yeah, I lost everything … my job, my family …” The fuck? Was I his psychologist or why did he even mention that? As if I cared in any way.

“But you retained your humanity, right? I mean you are perfectly human?” Hannah asked for me, apparently having the same idea I had.

“… yes?” He was indeed a bit bewildered by the sudden change in topic, but at least we weren’t talking about his pathetic problems anymore.

“A hundred percent? Maybe you grandfather was a beastman?” I followed up swiftly.

“No? My family is human through and through.” The perfect candidate … I wanted him to stay around a little longer and I would make sure he would do so.

“Say, do you want to learn magic?” I asked with while leaning forwards.

“I’m not following.” He said which was understandable considering we went from alcoholism to being human to magic. They didn’t seem to connect on the surface, but did so when one knew what I did.

“You don’t need to. I’ll solve your problems, you just need to help me a little in return.” I told him smiling wryly.

“I do whatever I can, my saint.” That was what I wanted to hear. It was always lovely to hear someone signing their own death sentence after all. If I would go through with blowing up the whole planet or not was another question though.

“That’s the spirit.” I gave him the thumbs up rather happily.

“How can I help you?” Well, someone needed to activate the staff of creation and I needed a human for that. Strangely enough, despite living in a predominantly human part of the world, I didn’t count any human in my inner circle.

“Hmm … I’m not supposed to tell you but this right here …” I pointed towards the chest still in Hannah’s hands. “is something akin to a magical one man teleporter with a surprise. It leaves a complex magical circle behind which does explode after several seconds. It’s the ultimate way of retreating … and I want you to be able to use it.”

“It is an honour to be of service.“ Yeah, and while he was at it, he might as well dig his own grave. Well, he kind of did that already that night, didn’t he.

Smiling brightly, I took his filthy hand and shook it vehemently. “I’m looking forward to working with you.” Obviously, he would need to clean himself first and comb his hairs and so on, but before he did so, he needed to put a crown on my head. I still needed him to be like this for my publicity stunt after all. He wore ragged clothing, hadn’t brushed his teeth in a long while and stank horrendously. He was the perfect person to represent those who put their hopes in me and those who didn’t fare well under the previous administration.  

That moment, I honestly thought things were finally going great. I would be crowned empress, regained a weapon capable of destroying the whole world and …

‘Level up! Level- Level up. Yo- Lu- LEV- ERR- LEVV-‘

… and my head exploded in pain for a few seconds. The system acted up horrendously, nearly forcing me to drop the act I put on for the beggar. But my smile persisted, even though I could see myself sitting on the opposite side of the carriage again staring out of the window for several seconds until she vanished. While my hallucinations were gone for the time being, the pain definitely persisted in a way that I didn’t think possible. So far, it was my soul that hurt horrendously, but this time it was my body that seemed to be damaged.

“Your nose … is bleeding.” Bob commented quietly and I took care of it quickly.

“Nothing a quick snack can´t fix.” Blood couldn´t fix my soul, but my body was another matter in that regard. Well, because bob didn’t look that willing, my snack did have to wait a little. And with it, my coronation would be pushed further back that day … I really had to wonder if anyone would still be waiting for me at the palace. After all, we were already running a tad late.

 

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