Chapter 104: 104

As I got carried away with the crown prince’s love that I had never received, but later abandoned by him, I committed the same cruel thing to you like I suffered in the past.

I broke your heart too much by avoiding you, but at the same time I didn’t want to lose you.

I really don’t deserve to be loved by you.

“Don’t cry. I didn’t say that to make you cry, Tia. ”

“… ”

“I’m okay. I’m sorry to have given you a burden.”

“Allen.”

“… Let’s go, Tia. It’s time we went back, ” he said with a hoarse voice, turning his head from me a bit. Can I stand up like him? I was afraid I might hurt his feelings again by failing to speak my mind clearly. Although he wanted me to allow him to continue to call me ‘my lady,’ I couldn’t now.

Allendis looked up at me, when I shook my head, signalling my refusal. He closed his lips and stood up. He grabbed my hands and raised me up and said with a trembling voice, “Aren’t you going to look at me?”

“I… ”

“It’s already dark. I can’t let you go back home alone now. If you don’t mind, just allow me to escort you back home today.”

“… Sure.”

I could hardly hear Allendis’ reply because he spoke feebly.

When I saw the red and white flowers in my arms, I felt so sorry, sad and guilty again that I was choked up with more tears. I started walking while trying to turn away from the flowers.

I heard the sound of him trudging behind me with a heavy heart.

Was it because of the mellow autumn? The days were getting shorter.

When I arrived at the commercial district where nobles lived, I saw a street wide enough to allow several wagons to pass at once. As it was getting dark, the young ladies of the nobles and noblewomen were busy getting back home here and there. Lots of wagons with various crests of the noble families were constantly driving on the well-paved streets, with horsemen shouting ‘Giddy-up!” and whipping the horses.

With the sky beginning to turn gray and darkness falling down, I was walking blankly.

Was it because I was exhausted? I felt hazy as if I was wandering about in a dream.

My head was a mess. I mechanically walked along with Allendis next to me. I didn’t even know how long I walked or where I headed. Nothing came to my mind. I felt as if I was moving as led by somebody.

How long did I walk like that? My foot suddenly struck against something. I stopped at the moment and looked down. Something round was there at my feet. I bent over and picked up the round object.

‘What do I call this?’

Obviously, I knew its name, but my dumb brain couldn’t recall it. I thought hard about it, spinning it in my hands.

“Dang it! Can’t you strike it right? Why are you telling me to pick it up all the time?”

A small child came running to me, grumbling something. Looking for something here and there, he finally found it in my hand. After hesitating a bit, he looked at me and Allendis and opened his mouth, “Excuse me, lady.”

“… ”

“That’s my ball… ”

‘Right. It was a ball. ‘

I was very happy when I could recall the name of the round object, which I couldn’t a moment ago, no matter how hard I thought of. I stopped spinning it. Why didn’t its name occur to me?”

“Young miss?”

“… . ”

“That ball…”

I heard him saying something to me, but I could not understand properly. I still felt as if I was wandering in a dream.

“I’m sorry, noble lady.”

“… ”

“I will never do it again. So please give the ball back to me. If I don’t get it back, my brother will scold me.”

It took some time for me to understand what he said to me as I couldn’t think straight.

In the end, the child who checked my expression burst into tears. His crying hovered into my ears. Only then did I come to my senses as if I was awakened from my dream.

I looked down at the crying boy. He, who seemed to be a son of a commoner family, was neatly dressed up. I quickly smiled brightly at him and gave the ball to him.

“Oh, it’s yours. Take it. ”

“Ah… ”

“Here it is. You said your brother would scold you if you didn’t get it back.”

I smiled again at the boy looking blankly at me and gave him the ball. Rubbing his eyes, he took it with a smile.

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“Thank you, sweet gentle lady!”

“You’re welcome. Take care!”

I thought, watching him running back in a cheerful mood.

‘Gentle noble lady? Gentle? Well, I could look gentle like you said.’

‘Love and care for your people. Even if you throw your body at the last moment, try to win their hearts by rendering a service to them while maintaining your composure. Take care of your subordinates’ pitiful situation and be warm and kind to them because we are nobles reigning over them.’ I was fed up with the motto. But the boy, who didn’t know anything about my situation, might have thought I was a gentle lady by just seeing my ceremonial smile.

But why is the commoner boy hanging around here? There is no place for the commoners between the restaurant in a noble business district and my house in the nobles’ district.

As I felt strange, I looked around. Stranger roads and buildings came into my view.

‘Where am I?’

When I was moving around the capital, I wasn’t familiar with the roads because I usually used a wagon, but I was not in a noble district. Did I take the wrong way? As I was walking in a daze, I didn’t know where I was heading.

What about Allendis? Didn’t he also know that he had taken the wrong way?

“Allen?”

“… Huh?”

“I think we took the wrong way.”

“Ah!”

He almost resumed walking away when I said that. Only then did he look around as if he noticed something strange. His emerald eyes were looking at me for a while.

In the end, he spoke with an awkward smile, “… I’m sorry, Tia. ”

“Ugh?”

“I think we took the wrong way as I was absent-minded. It looks like we took the opposite road.”

“I see. That’s how I felt.”

My heart ached, but I just nodded. Given that he never forgot what he saw or read once, he must have been so distressed and absent-minded as to take the wrong way. Biting my lip as I was stricken with a sense of guilt again, I walked in the opposite direction.

Although I quicked my steps to get back home, I barely arrived at my house after it was completely dark because I took the wrong way and turned back.

“Good night, Tia.”

“Good night, Allen.”

“…Tia. ”

“Huh.”

“Whew…”

He let out a sigh after hesitating for a while, which seemed to indicate he felt dejected and frustrated. As I couldn’t see his green eyes, I just tapped my feet on the ground, looking down.

I felt helpless and frustrated, too.

“Never mind. Take care.”

“… Okay. Be careful, Allen. ”

Without seeing him walking away, I stepped into the house, escorted by the house knight at the door. I felt like looking back, so I took a few steps before looking back at him. He was still standing there right outside the gate, looking at me.

When I saw his shadow under the torch that lit the entrance to the mansion, tears sprang to my eyes. I turned quickly, covering my mouth with one hand. And I never looked back again until I entered the mansion.

Only

“My lady, you look so pale. You told me you were going to a festival. What happened?”

“Lina.”

“What’s going on, my lady? Did you quarrel with him?”

“…Sorry. I want to be alone.”

“What the heck… Whew, got it. I’m on standby outside. So, if you need help, please call me. ”

“Sure, thanks.”

As soon as she left, I threw myself on the bed. My tears began to fall in big drops quickly, which I held back because I could not cry heartily in front of Allendis. When I was left alone in my room now, I could cry freely.

I hugged my pillow and buried my face. I cried my fill, biting the pillow cover so that my crying could not be heard outside the room. With a sense of guilt, I hated and blamed myself for rejecting the confession of my closest friend, so I cried and cried for a long time.

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