Chapter 151: My Theia - Part【1】

I had lost all hope at one point in time, hope that I would be able to conceive. That my womb would be healed and be blessed by the moon with time so I can bear a healthy male. Though Phobos had never ceased comforting me in my path of despair I still found the truth of my infertility to be utterly unendurable.
I quit dreaming and longing for the day I would birth a pup, for the day I would finally become a mother. I hadn't spoken to Phobos about it for I did not wish to drag him down to the pits of darkness with me. That was why it had been effortless for me to leave him that night for I thought no matter what I would not be able to give him what he needed. What he needed both as my male and as the king of beasts.
But somewhere along my bloody journey, my dream came true it had caught me off guard I shall admit for I had stopped expecting it. When Cronus had compelled me to take those pregnancy tests despite the flicker of yearning that shined through the entirety of my being still rejected the possibility of being pregnant and just like that I was. Though carrying a male has always meant to be something to celebrate I could truly not do so. How could I when the bond I treasured all my life with the totality of my heart was shattering, when I was running away from my responsibilities as Luna and when I had intentionally abandoned my moon blessed?
The first five months I had gotten used to Italy to the point that even thinking of leaving tore me apart even if it meant I would be reunited with my first and last love. Phobos's pack had never truly welcomed me as I was. I had to change to become someone else in order to be one of them but in Alpha Giovanni's pack, it had been different for there was no requirement for me to do that. The second I set foot on his lands I was embraced by his wolves and the females gave me a sense of warmth that I could not receive from my own pack. Each day I spent with them, cooked with them and danced with them, Italy felt more and more like home to me. A home I did not wish to desert.
Despite the voidness I had felt in my soul without my male beside me the females always made sure I was laughing and that there was always light in my eyes. I knew if I birthed my male in Italy there was a high chance that he would be much happier and more cherished than in my pack. I wanted to give him a good life and I did not wish for him to go through what I had and for those reasons I was faltering once more with my decision.
Seven months after I had left Phobos he unexpectedly just stopped. He had stopped slaughtering his enemies in his determined search for me and he became eerily silent to the point it made me anxious. Whenever I had contacted Cronus inquiring about my male he had no answers for me. Phobos had notified him that he no longer needed his help which had shocked my brother but also put him at unease for he would not know any more of my male's plans. We were both blinded by my mate. Yet I appreciated that stillness, I was pleased that his rage and fear had subdued. It aided in my pregnancy for I could be more relaxed and content with the circumstances. And so I stayed.

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I stayed and I birthed my little beast. I bore Tadeas, his name meant the goddess's gift. A name Phobos and I had both chosen together before.
It was laborious to birth him he did not make it manageable for me. He had come out much earlier than my due date as if he demanded I bend to his will and set him free. My vaginal opening ripped to let loose his enormous head and he tore out me as an oversized pup which astounded the healer for she claimed she had never witnessed such an enormous male before and to be honest neither had I. He was different unlike the rest, unlike the ordinary. Tadeas was Phobos in every way and I felt it down to my bones.
It was an excruciating bloodstained night and not having Phobos next to me only intensified my bodily misery. It had been what we wanted to experience together as a couple for a very long time and after I gave birth a sense of guiltiness and shame drowned me in the waters of sin. I could not look at my little beast without feeling remorseful. His father was not there to witness his birth all because his mother thought it was for the best that way. But only after that had I known the enormity of what I had done.
As the sky rumbled with a thunderous voice that shook the glass windows and a raging storm brew outside answering to the one who had ultimately arrived, every female in the room including me had guessed Tadeas had not made it out alive for when my cunt finally thrust him out and the umbilical cord was cut not a single cry was hurled out his throat. He did not show any proof that he was breathing which not only terrified me but the rest present as well. His eyes though striking ocean blue just like his father were frightening to look at there was this darkness he held in them, a certain darkness that was already instilled within him whilst he was in my womb. Everything he was, was the definition of abnormal. I watched as the healer stumbled backwards her eyes widened with dread as she scrutinised him as though he was an...abomination.
I clutched him tighter to my chest though he had been bloody and uncleaned. I bared my war teeth at every wolf who attempted to come near him or me. I did not like one bit how they looked at my male as though he was the devil incarnate himself.. An urgent compulsion to keep him safe and protect him cocooned me and for the first time in a very long time my wolf stood tall on her unsteady limbs with her chest puffed and her canines exposed just like mine to stare down at those who were attending to me in the room.

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